That Blonde One: Chapter 6

Okay, I'm going to try to get this done tonight. The World Series game might just do me in in that respect. Go Sox! I miss Chicago. You just can't beat Chicago pizza author takes a moment to revel in thoughts of deep dish shrimp pizza. I've never written two chapters back to back. This should be interesting. Here we go. Let's see what my burned out mind can create.

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It was rather depressing. All the way to the club Ed kept repeating under his breath, "I promised him." This was one of those moments that reminded Roy just how young Edward Elric really was. If this wasn't a military operation, Roy would probably be arrested for pushing this on someone so young. If there was any other person remotely competent at alchemy that looked half as good in a dress as Ed did, than Roy would have spared the boy from this indignity but that was not the case. This would be the last straw for Ed. The moment he walked into that office he could never really be a child again.

"We're here Fullmetal."

"Yeah, I know."

"Fullmetal."

"Yeah?"

"You look great."

"Thanks." Ed's spirits rose slightly. Sometimes he forgot that he and Roy were supposed to be on the same side, and as much as he hated to admit it, he really looked up to Roy and valued his opinion. Why else would he get so angry when he disappointed his superior.

The Fullmetal Alchemist let out a sigh of resignation as he and Mustang walked through a door at the back of the building and down a grungy hallway. Mustang grimaced as his arm brushed the wall. He had changed into black pants and a white dress shirt so he would not look conspicuous in his uniform. Unfortunately, his shirt now had a stripe of grime on the right sleeve. As he attempted to scrape some of it off he could hear Edward sniggering.

"What is so funny, Fullmetal?" Roy shot his companion an accusing look.

"I'm sorry Colonel but I thought I was supposed to be the girly one around here." Mustang was infuriated. He instinctively raised his hand in the snapping position. Then he remembered he forgot his gloves and dropped his hand to his side with an annoyed grunt. Ed was still laughing when they walked into Mr. Gatton's office.

"Nice to see you again Colonel Mustang," greeted Charles Gatton.

"Likewise Mr. Gatton," Mustang replied. "I have brought our operative."

"I noticed." Gatton looked just a little too interested. "She's absolutely delicious." Ed wasn't laughing any more. His entire being silently pleaded, "Please, no lap dance." Thankfully, Mustang clarified, "Actually Sir, it's a 'he'." Gatton's eye's widened as everything clicked in his mind.

"He isn't the Fullmetal Alchemist, is he?" Gatton's gaze traveled to Ed's arm and leg.

"Yep, that's me," Ed chimed in.

"I'm pleased to meet you. It's only…well, I expected you to be…well…"

Ed cut him off. "Don't even say it!"

"Really, don't," Roy muttered.

"Alright then Mr. Elric, you definitely look the part but let's see you dance." To Ed's relief Mr. Gatton gestured toward a poll to Ed's right. The blonde alchemist took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He could do this just as long as he relaxed and trusted his intuition. He stopped in front of the pole and turned to face Mustang and Gatton, nodding to signal that he was ready. The music began and with the press of a button a silly little kid transformed into a sexy blonde young adult.

Ed's body began to slither down the pole, his slender hips holding captive every gaze in the room. As his body moved slower and lower the audience's collective eyes moved up the lean body until finally Ed's smoky golden stare seemed to turn the room into a vacuum. Then air seemed to rush back into the atmosphere as the gorgeous blonde wrapped his left leg around the pole and swung a 360 and when he returned to his original location he leaped up and gasped the pole between his ever so slightly voluptuous thighs and leaned over until he hung upside down.

Mustang nearly screamed at what he saw as gravity took effect on Ed's skirt. He fought the urge to clap a hand over his eyes at the sight of his young subordinate in a black, leather thong. Then he saw the smirk in the small blonde's face. Ed was getting revenge on Roy for all of the humiliation he had to go through. Roy's face hardened at this. He would not let Fullmetal get the better of him. This torture that Mustang had devised was backfiring on him.

Ed knew he was getting to the Colonel, but still, he could jazz this up a little. He put both hands behind his neck and slowly moved them up to his forehead making his hair look like a waterfall of pure gold. Flesh and metal skimmed over perfect cheeks down to pronounced collar bones to cup quite convincing breasts. Mustang swallowed hard, trying not to lose his lunch. Ed grinned at Mustang's reaction and removed his hands from his "breasts" and ran them down the outside of his thighs and back up his inner thighs to flit over…a certain spot. Mustang's eye's pleaded with Ed not to do it but that only spurred the devious alchemist on. Ed left his flesh hand resting on his thigh and slipped his automail one beneath his thong to stroke his veiled neater regions.

Mustang's eyes were now the size of saucers in his significantly paled face and his hand was now clapped over his mouth. To make things worse, Ed let out a seemingly involuntary moan. In reality Ed could hardly feel his own ministrations due to the fact that he had had to tape down his fairly sizable penis and testicles to keep from looking blatantly male. Despite this fact, Mustang was quite horrified.

Ed was starting to feel the blood rushing to his head so he took hold of the pole and flipped over backward, high-heeled feet landing firmly on the floor, butt fully exposed. The Colonel felt bile rise in his throat as he stared in utter revulsion and the leather cord between two round, satiny mounds of flesh. Thankfully then Ed straitened up and Gatton had the heart to turn off the music and end Ed's dance when he noticed that the colonel had begun to wretch.

"That was brilliant. I have to hand it to you Colonel. You certainly found the perfect operative. He can start tomorrow," Gatton commended.

"Okay," Mustang choked in response. He then grabbed Edward by the arm and the two began to walk down the grimy hallway back to the car.

"Sir?" Ed inquired. "How did that guy know who I was? It's not like I'm famous or anything."

"I met with him right after I received this mission and I mentioned you as a probable candidate."

"Oh." There were a few second's of silence. Then… "Colonel?"

"What Fullmetal!"

"Did you like the thong?"

Mustang once again tried to snap only to remember, once again, that he was not wearing his gloves. Mustang crossed his arms with a grunt of irritation as Ed cackled malevolently. He didn't know how yet, but Flame Alchemist would get his revenge. No one made Roy Mustang fall apart and got away unscathed.

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Okay, so I didn't finish his chapter in one night, but the Sox won the series 4 games to none. Oh my gosh! Game three took like 6 hours! I'm not kidding. The score was 5-5 for like 4 innings. Oh well, this isn't about baseball. A lot of you had questions so I'll try to address each of them. One review was cut in half or something so if you asked a question and I didn't answer it, try asking again.

Zelliyn- There really isn't going to be "pairings" per say, just a bunch of people trying to bug Ed, but I said, if you started reading this story looking to see some action, you won't be disappointed. I think I can safely say that this is like no other story I've ever read and I've read hundreds of fanfics, maybe thousands.

Hikari-Aoi- No official EdXRoy but seriously, be paient. Something WILL go on in that respect in two or three chapters.

Maria- No, Ed isn't going to cover his automail. Later in the series he would have to but at this point he's only 14 and hasn't made much of a name for himself yet. I'm actually considering making a series of stories about those in-between missions that push Ed to fame.

Bestofbothworlds- Good points. I thought about those same things when outlining this fic. I guess I totally didn't address those issues as well as I should have. For some reason I get under the delusion that y'all can read my mind. Okay takes deep breath the reason that Riza isn't doing this herself is because the killer is using a form of alchemy so the mission would fall under the jurisdiction of the State Alchemists. Despite the fact that she's always hanging out with the Alchemists, she's not one. The fact that only State Alchemists can handle this mission means that there would have to be a female State Alchemist. I have never seen a woman State Alchemist. Even when Ed and Al take the test I never saw a single woman. They were all very manly men. Finally, "is everyone in the military a bunch of perverts or was that just a normal occurrence?" A lot of them are kind of (or very) perverted but mostly they just love to pick on Ed and if that involves a little perversion, se be it. Plus, after seeing screen shots from episode 37, I'm inclined to think that they're a little odd.