That Blonde One: Chapter 7
A thousand apologies for the slow update. November was a month from down under and I don't mean Australia. Ya know that law that says that anything that can go wrong will go wrong? Well yeah, even things that couldn't go wrong went wrong anyway just to spite me. Well, I'm back and writing now. Yay! Hope you enjoy reading about Ed's first day on the job. There's going to be an interesting dilemma in the very near future!
P.S. This is starting to get graphic. Consider yourselves warned.
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"Brother, stop blinking!" Al exclaimed in frustration. Ed growled and grabbed the eyeliner away from his brother muttering something about big metal fingers and no dexterity. Al crossed his arms. It wasn't like he could help being big and clunky. He watched as his older brother carefully applied his make-up, the gangly young boy in drag transforming into a sultry woman.
"Does this look even?" Ed inquired turning to his sibling. Al gave a thumbs-up and Ed proceeded to put on his shoes and jewelry. Today the blonde alchemist wore a red satin corset top that matched his ballet slippers and was trimmed along the top and down the front with black lace. The lace matched Ed's miniskirt which was just sheer enough to show that there was a red satin thong underneath. To top it all off, Ed put on his pink rose earrings and his string of pearls. "So Al, how do I look?"
Al studied his older brother. Somehow something seemed off and he fought to figure out what it was. At first he thought it might be the jewelry since they didn't follow the color scheme of the clothes but the more Al pondered the accessories the more certain he became that they went with the outfit. No, something else was off. "So?" Ed was beginning to squirm under his brother's gaze.
"There's something odd. I can't figure out what it is though. Maybe you should just go over to the Colonel's office and ask him if you look alright before you leave. He doesn't see you all the time so maybe he'll see something I can't."
"Good idea, Al. Wish me luck," Ed called as he grabbed his coat and started down the hall toward the Colonel's office. As he walked Ed mulled over his entire outfit, and could find nothing wrong with it. He had even straitened his hair on his own, a feat that Edward took great pride in accomplishing. The little blonde was still contemplating as he knocked on Roy Mustang's door.
"Come in," Mustang called. Ed opened the door and walked into the room. With any luck Mustang would decide that Ed was unfit for the job and he wouldn't have to go through with all of this nonsense. "You're early, Fullmetal," Mustang remarked.
"Yeah, well Al said that there was something weird about my outfit and he thought maybe you could figure out what it is," Ed explained.
"Okay, let's see it." Ed removed his coat and jumped as the Colonel let out a cry and slapped a hand over his eyes. "How could he not notice THAT!"
"What?" Ed pouted and crossed his arms.
"Fullmetal did you remember to…uh…tape there," Mustang pointed in the general direction of Ed's crotch, still averting his eyes.
"Yes I did. This was the best I could get it!"
"Then how did you get it yeste…Noooooo. She didn't…" But Ed's deep blush spoke for him. "Aaaaah! I haven't even gotten a kiss from the Lieutenant and she already touched YOU down THERE! What's happened to you Mustang?"
Having regained his composure Ed exclaimed, "Hey, it's not like that you sick freak!"
Mustang, also having regained his composure, walked over to his desk and pulled out a roll of tape brandishing it menacingly, a sadistic grin contorting his features. The poor little blonde started to back away toward the door but to no avail. The crazed Colonel caught his wrist and dragged him farther into the office. "Alright, let's see it." Ed reluctantly raised his skirt and slipped off the thong and, with a slightly manic grin on his face, Mustang ripped the tape off in one fell swoop. Ed let out a little squeak, his hands automatically covering his pained groin.
"Hey, at least you haven't hit puberty yet or that would have really hurt." Ed simply growled in response as he, with much reluctance, moved his hands. "Wow, I guess that tape did do a little didn't it… Wha…nooo!"
Ed was starting to get annoyed with his superior's half sentences. "What now! Wait! What are you DOING!"
Mustang had forgotten all inhibitions momentarily and grabbed Ed's penis, seemingly measuring it and muttering, "Four inches soft already? You had better stay short or I'll never live down being smaller than…"
He got no further however as Edward had just realized the word of doom had been uttered.
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT HE'S NOT EVEN TO SCALE WITH HIS OWN PENIS!" Then the rampaging teen calmed as a thought occurred to him. The mischievous boy began to rub his hands together in a scheming manner. This little tidbit about the Colonel might come in handy one day. Mustang took no notice of this however. He was moving Ed's penis every which way to figure out how best to hide it. The young alchemist stood scowling for a few minutes getting progressively more nervous as whatever Roy was doing started to feel weirder and weirder. All of a sudden, Ed twitched involuntarily and he heard Mustang say, "Oops." At that, Ed looked down to his penis and screamed, "What did you do to it!"
"You mean to tell me that you've never had an erection before?" Roy smirked.
"How do I make it go away!" Ed was beginning to get frantic.
"Well, if you wait long enough it might go away on its own." Mustang glanced at his watch and grimaced. "We don't have that long. I can't BELIEVE this is happening. Okay Fullmetal," Mustang knelt in front of Ed and took the boy's hand muttering, "Damn, how can he be this big?" Then the Colonel instructed Ed how to move his hand over his penis in order to "get rid of " the erection. That taken care of, Mustang went to look for something to clean up the inevitable mess and tried not to listen to the grunts and moans coming from his diminutive colleague. "Great," Mustang thought, "this kid hasn't even started the job yet and he's already had two people touching him. Maybe I should have volunteered for this job after all." Just then, Ed inhaled sharply and let out a cry through gritted teeth. Mustang took that as his cue and chucked a cloth at Edward's head, telling him to clean up. The Fullmetal Alchemist did as he was told feeling utterly mortified that he had had his first orgasm in front of the Colonel. There was no possible way that he could ever live this down if it got out and knowing the Colonel, it would.
"All clean, Fullmetal?"
"Yeah, now hurry it up this time. If I have to do that again, I'm making you watch." Mustang felt bile rise at the very suggestion and Ed grimaced and hoped he wasn't being rendered sterile as Mustang taped him down more than a little over zealously. Roy was about half-finished when the door to the office banged open and Havoc entered, prepared to drive Ed over to the club. However, he was barely in the room before he screamed at the sight before him. From Havoc's point of view the Colonel was kneeling in front of Edward Elric, face at groin level. Not to mention that poor Havoc happened to be the recipient of a Fullmetal moon.
Said Colonel craned his neck to peer around Ed's hip at the source of some rather irritating shrieking. He gave a long sigh when he saw that it was just Havoc being a nutter as usual. "What is it Lieutenant?" Mustang bellowed over the racket.
"I…I didn't know you swung that way, Sir," Havoc stammered lamely.
"I don't know about you but I'm as straight as they come. I'm just taping some things down," Roy replied.
"What? I'm completely strait!" Havoc retorted.
"Then stop staring at my butt already! It's freakin' me out!" Ed shouted.
"Aaaah! I didn't mean to…er…I'm not… I'll wait for you to finish…uh…taping." There was a long pause. "Right." Havoc left the room. After that last setback, Roy was able to finish taping Ed down without interruption.
"Okay Fullmetal," Mustang said as Ed dressed, "I've seen enough of you to last a lifetime and then some. You're dismissed." Ed grumbled incoherently as he grabbed his coat and stomped out of the room. Unfortunately, stomping just isn't quite as threatening in ballet slippers as it is in boots. Ed slammed the door behind him making Havoc jump. "Ready to go, sir?" Havoc said.
"Yeah. Sure. As ready as I'll ever be," Ed replied. The two walked down the hallway in silence. Ed was not looking forward to his upcoming mission. He just had to keep repeating to himself that this was all for Al. Havoc was just too traumatized from everything he had seen to say anything. After what seemed like a year they reached the car and sped off to the club. Ed was practically shaking as he approached the building. Havoc had already driven off. He was alone in this. The car would not return until the workday was over. Ed kept telling himself to breathe as he opened the door to the back entrance where the strippers went in.
With one step, the boy entered a completely different world. Many other strippers were already there. A kind looking young woman strode over. "You must be the new girl. They told us you'd be coming today, and aren't you just gorgeous. I think you'll fit in just fine here. My name is Christine."
"Thanks, I'm..." Ed's mind searched frantically. He didn't have a name! The first girl's name that came to his mind popped out of his mouth. "I'm Winry." Ed blushed almost purple at this. How could he have given her Winry's name? What if by some odd and inexplicable chance one of these girls actually met the real Winry? Ed would have a whole lot of explaining to do. By this time, Christine had told the others of his arrival. Some looked welcoming but others narrowed their eyes at the new competition. Thankfully, there was little time for Ed to be assaulted by anyone because Gatton came out of his office to give the girls a pep talk. That done, it was off to the stage.
"You can come do floor routines with me," Christine offered. Ed accepted gladly. He was not eager to start lap dances his first day. Everything seemed to be going well, Ed's small, lean body was well suited to his task. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all. The men seemed to really like him and Ed hadn't felt extremely awkward yet. That is, until he felt someone grab his hair and pulled him into a toungy kiss. He pulled back in panic only to realize that it was Christine. "Come on, the guys like a little lesbian action," she explained.
Edward nodded numbly. At least he wasn't really female or this would be even more awkward than it already was. The men whooped and hollered as Christine uncovered her breasts. Ed fought the urge to run and hide. What if he had to undress too? He would be busted before the operation really even began. Fortunately, or unfortunately, Christine did not undress him. She fell back onto the stage, pulling Ed with her. She continued to kiss him, making gratuitous moans. Edward caught on and began to moan too. This went on for a little bit until, still holding Ed's lips captive, Christine turned on her side so that Ed's back faced the audience, lifted his skirt, and began to fondle his butt. The catcalls were tremendous.
The Fullmetal Alchemist grimaced now that he didn't face the audience. "You're doing great, kid. They think you're really hot," Christine said softly. Ed nodded. This was definitely not as bad as he thought it would be. It was worse, especially when some guys reached onto the stage and grabbed at his backside too. Thankfully, Christine swatted away the groping paws possessively and flipped Ed onto his back and, to Ed's horror, started to grind on just the little detail he was hoping to hide. A surprised look crossed her face for a second and then it was gone. Soon she began to fake an orgasm, Ed followed suit, his groans from pain, not pleasure. "The boys" were not happy AT ALL.
Once again, Christine was his salvation. She rolled off him and picked him up off the floor carrying him from the stage. As soon as they passed backstage another two strippers replaced them. "I won't tell anyone," Christine said as she placed Ed on the floor and straightened her clothes.
"Thanks," Ed replied sincerely. The two sat in silence for a few moments catching their breath.
"How did it happen?" Christine inquired tapping Ed's prosthetic right arm.
"Farming accident," Ed lied.
"Oh, I'm sorry."
Ed just shrugged. This was going to be a long mission, though it was nice to have someone that knew his little secret.
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Wow! That took a long time to write! I hope you all enjoyed it. Rereading this, I noticed few puns that I hadn't intended and decided to leave them in for the fun of it. Remember, reviews are always appreciated.