HOLAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I'm back and I'm caffeinated! Be afraid. Be VERY afraid. This is the moment you've all been waiting for in more ways than one.
o0o
Ed let out what could be nothing other than a war cry as he hurled his pillow at the alarm clock. Unfortunately, throwing things at your alarm clock doesn't usually shut it up, so Ed had to get out of his nice, warm bed to press the off button. It took every ounce of will power in the little blonde to begin to dress for the day. He decided to go for the metallic look and put on the gold dress he wore for Gatton as well as his silver stilettos and he made his face over in silver make-up to counteract the gold of his dress and hair. Even his lipstick was silver. He decided not to wear any jewelry. Ed was already decked out in plenty of bling bling as it was.
After saying goodbye to Al, Edward set off to report to the colonel. He made sure that he was taped down very firmly this time. If he ever had to get that up-close and personal with Mustang ever again, he thought he might hurl. He took a deep breath and knocked on his superior's door. "Come in," Mustang called.
This visit to the colonel's office was a lot less eventful than the last. Mustang just looked up from his work, nodded his approval and kept writing and Ed sat and waited for Havoc. While in the car Ed inquired as to why the Colonel seemed so adamant about getting his work done today. Havoc just mumbled something incomprehensible. The diminutive alchemist was starting to get a very ominous feeling in his sequin-covered gut.
When Ed walked into the club Christine greeted him with a "Hey cutie" and a firm pat on the crotch. Ed grimaced. That's right. She knew that he was male. This would defiantly prove to be an interesting day.
Havoc went strait to Mustang's office the moment he parked the car. "We ready?" he asked upon entering. Mustang held up a gloved finger as he scribbled furiously. Havoc waited for a good minute before the colonel triumphantly slammed the last piece of paper in his out box.
"Yes! Finished!" Roy cried victoriously, knocking over his chair in the process of jumping with joy. "Get Hughes and get changed. This is going to be fabulous!" With that, he sprinted off to change and Havoc did as he was told. When the three had changed they got into the car and drove to the club. All the way Mustang had his grinch smile plastered on and rubbed his hands together every now and then.
Maes however, looked very concerned. Eventually Roy stopped looking evil long enough to inquire as to his friend's sullen expression. "I can't help but worry what Gracia would think if she knew I skipped work to go to a strip club?" Maes answered.
"You're just going to see Ed," Havoc piped in. "It's not like you're going to find him attractive or anything." Hughes nodded his concession but mentally vowed not to tell his wife anyway.
Before long, they pulled into the parking lot of the club and the trio made their way to the club's main room and sat down around a table. Soon a scantily clad waitress came to take their order and they each ordered their respective drinks. The waitress nodded at their requests but gave Mustang a slightly odd look as the Colonel was still looking rather maniacal.
"So…ah…what do we do now?" Havoc wondered aloud and was answered by his crazed superior.
"We wait."
Ed's POV
The day hadn't been horribly bad so far. He was to be on the pole all day and seemed to be a big hit on his first try at it. The only thing that went wrong was when his automail caught the pole oddly once and caused a few sparks to fly. At the moment Ed was taking a short break before going back out onto the stage. Everyone was really nice to him. It seemed that they had all adopted him as their collective child or something. They were all so eager to give him tips and make sure he stayed hydrated and generally looked out for his well-being. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.
"Hey Winry, you're on," one of the girls alerted him. Ed nodded this thanks and started toward the stage shaking his head, still chastising himself for giving out Winry's name, but there was nothing he could do about it now. At least Christine knew that it wasn't his real name. Ed sighed at his own stupidity and walked out onto the stage, looking into the crowd to feel it out.
Suddenly he felt like vomiting right then and there. To his horror none other than Colonel Mustang was sitting there looking smugly at him and with him were what looked like Hughes and Havoc. Ed's face hardened. He was not going to let Mustang get the better of him, so he walked resolutely over to the poll and did his dance as though his boss was not in the audience watching him and, as it happened, making silly faces at him the whole time. When Ed returned to the backstage area he felt pretty smug. He had won the battle. Not even the renowned Flame Alchemist could foil the incredible, infallible Edward Elric, The FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST!" Well, um, yeah that didn't last very long.
Just then one of the waitresses handed Ed some money. "What is this for," Ed asked, completely confounded.
"That customer there has requested a lap dance," the waitress replied pointing to, yep you guessed it, Roy Mustang. "He says to tell you that he likes the short ones," she added.
"I'M NOT SHOOOOOOOOOOOOORT!" the blonde screamed.
"Shhhhh! Alright, alright! You're not short. Just get over there and give the guy his lap dance already! Ugh! Drama queen!"
It took everything Ed had not to stomp and scowl as he made his way over to Mustang, but he couldn't resist a quick glare at which Roy only grinned and said, "Come on cutie, I'm ready." The diminutive blonde reluctantly climbed onto the Colonel.
Roy's POV
Said Colonel wasn't much more comfortable with all of this than Ed was, but he forced himself to act like he wasn't at all traumatized by any of this. He filled his thoughts with revenge and revenge only. He had to pay Ed back for making him look like an idiot in front of Gatton. Mustang kept his face stony as Ed began to touch him sensually. He could here Hughes and Havoc desperately trying to hold in their laughter at Ed's slight grimace as he began to unbutton Roy's shirt and touch his nipples.
Yes, now was the time to start really freaking Fullmetal out. He had his back facing a corner for a reason. Roy slyly pulled back the fabric over Ed's fake breast and pretended to suck on the would be nipple as he stealthily licked his thumb slipped it over to Ed's real nipple an massaged it. He was rewarded with a thoroughly traumatized squeak. "You like that shorty?" Roy teased and he chuckled as he felt every muscle in Fullmetal's body tense with barely controlled rage. "This will teach you to embarrass me," Mustang continued.
"Oh, so this is about revenge, huh?" Fullmetal growled. Sure, he would get Roy back later but the Colonel would deal with that when he came to it. Now, he wanted to enjoy every awkward moment of this. Unfortunately, it was not to be. Fullmetal continued, "Well, this is revenge for getting me into this."
Mustang felt a spear of terror pierce his stomach. Edward was wearing the grinch simile. This was bad, very, very bad. In one swift motion Ed unzipped Roy's fly and whipped out the member within. A soft fleshy thumb began to massage the head while a cool metallic touch played about the Colonel's body. The expressions on Havoc's and Hughes's face turned quickly from mirth to horror as the penis in Ed's clutched grew hard and soft moans began to escape their superior's lips. Somehow Roy didn't care.
Fullmetal was good, really good. The boy knew exactly how to touch him and the feeling of flesh moving up and down his shaft and metal caressing his face and body was amazing. Roy moaned even more deeply as Ed captured his lips, forcing his tongue in haphazardly but with determination and dominance. He could tell that he was coming dangerously close to climax. When Ed finally pulled back, Mustang choked out, "I hate you."
"I hate you too, you sadistic pyromaniac," Fullmetal whispered back and then stood up and trailed his grasp along the Colonel's shaft flicking the tip in passing. That was it. Roy Mustang fought a cry of rage and pleasure, eyes locked on that little brat just standing there smugly, watching him spill his seed. "Have a nice day sir," was all Edward said before sauntering back stage.
There was, however, more than Mustang's gaze following the young blonde's progress. "Yes, she's perfect," said the owner of the second pair of eyes. "I'll have her next. I must have that beauty, that blonde one."
o0o
Hurray! I finally finished the rest of this chapter! You got some of the Ed X Roy action you were wishing for and you now know the reason for the title of this fic. It turned out that this second half was a lot more complicated to write than I thought. It ended up taking me three days total. Eek! I hope it was worth it.