Author's Note: I don't know much about the army or anything in affiliation to it and the process a person goes through when enrolled. I will try to make it as plausible as possible but I apologize in advance for any discrepancies.
"Santana… I'm being deployed in a little less than a month."
The moment the word 'deployed' left his mouth, Santana's mind went blank. Of all sounds those lips have ever let out, that specific combination of letters with the context they were put in was the worst to ever tumble forth.
She blinked slowly and began to furrow her brows. Brett continued to talk, offering explanations and reasons, rambling on and trying to sort through his own muddled thoughts but the brunette couldn't keep up. Whatever he said was lost on her, going in one ear and out the other, all she could do was blink.
"San, sweetheart, say something," he pleaded. Finally, the despair that shone through in his words and mirrored her own got through to her. The blond reached out and touched her elbow, afraid of her reaction to his touch.
Santana Marie Lopez began to sob so passionately that her entire body shook. The love of her life, the only person to know what to do in times of distress, the only one who could calm her vicious tongue, the single most important factor in her life was going off to take part in war. She shook harder.
No, no, no, no, no, nononononono… on and on the word ran through her mind with such ferocity it blended into a single thing and her world spun on its axis. What did she do to have him yanked from her grasp when everything had fallen so perfectly in place? She squeezed her eyes tighter, as if she could open them once more and find it was all some horrible nightmare.
"Santana," Brett tried once more, infinitely gentle.
No, no, no, he was her everything.
"Shh, San, please," he begged. It was then she noticed he had moved so that he was kneeling before her on the bed, looking at her with the most desperate eyes. He cupped her face in his large, slightly calloused hands, running his thumbs across her tear streaked cheeks. It pained her to see tear tracks of his own marring his devastatingly handsome face.
"I'm so sorry, Santana, I'm so sorry." He bowed his head and pulled away, unable to meet her dark eyes any longer. "My mom gave them my new number. They're going to call to give me some details then I have to go to Fort Hamilton to learn more. All I know for now is Brazil is my… first stop."
"I'm going with you!" she immediately declared. Her voice was hoarse from the crying and her pain rang out clearly with every syllable. The tears stopped with the utterance of her next words. "I'm not letting you go again." He whipped his head up in a way that left little doubt to the mind hurt from its suddenness.
His blond brows shot up to his hair line, surprise and sadness obvious in his watery cobalt gaze. Hope flashed alongside the sadness for a moment so brief in time Santana was almost certain she imagined it. He opened his mouth and closed it a few times, looking at her with uncomprehending eyes. Santana would have smiled a little at his likeliness to a fish if not for the circumstances surrounding them.
"I don't… San, our dreams, your dreams are here." He looked deeply into her eyes, imploring her to really listen. "You have to go to school, San. You have to follow your heart." There was a trembling quality to everything he said and Santana felt lost, wandering between all the thoughts and emotions swirling inside of her. "I love you," he whispered, the breath of his words brushing along her heated skin and seeping into her pores. Again, he cupped her face but his hold was feeble in comparison.
"But you are my heart," she argued, placing her hands over his, holding them to her face. "Brett, wherever you go, my heart goes because you. Are. My. Heart." She enunciated each word with a squeeze of his hand, urging him to wipe away the hurt and clear the distress from her mind. "I love you Brett, I do." Again, her vision blurred with tears that threatened to spill.
"I know you have to go, but can't I go with you?" She sounded small and unsure, like a small child asking about some forbidden, dreadful thing. "I can't tell you not to go, why can't you do the same?" Guilt immediately clung to her every breath the moment the question was voiced. Brett jerked back and looked as if he had been shot clear in the heart. "I didn't- I just- I…" She didn't know how to continue.
"A few days before one of the times my dad had to leave, I begged him to stay with us." Apparently Brett took her speechlessness as a cue to talk again. "I think I freaked out because a kid in my class told me that his dad never came back when he left. I remember him sitting me down and looking me in the eyes and asking me if I really knew what an American soldier is and I said no. That was when he told me about his job, his duty to keep not only the family safe but you and all our friends safe. He said that there were bad guys that wanted to hurt people, hurt us and it was his job to stop them.
"I told him about my classmate and he said that I had to be his little soldier for mom and Susie. He said that I had to be strong for them and keep them safe when he wasn't around." The blond's voice wavered for a moment but he cleared his throat and resumed talking. "I never realized he avoided what I said about him leaving for good. It didn't matter though because I knew my dad, Jonathan Pierce, was a hero. Do you know what he told me about being his little soldier?"
Santana was at a loss of words, shocked at the topic he was addressing. In all their years together, as friends and lovers, Brett rarely if ever spoke about his dad in relation to anything with his family and the military. Occasionally he would mention small things his dad taught him, or jokes he said to him and there were even times where he would talk about his dad's heroism. The thing he never did was talk about any of his returns or deployment, especially in terms of his family. After the revelation of Brett's news, Santana was better able to focus on the words he shared with her. The whole night he spent sharing something with Santana he was never able to totally give up until then. It didn't make sense until right then, and she felt guilty that it took so long for her to really hear him.
"What did he say?" she whispered. She couldn't bring herself to speak any louder than that for fear of snapping him out of his speech.
"He said the best weapon I had to fight the bad guys was happiness." He placed his forehead against his girlfriend's. "He said keeping everyone safe included keeping them happy because it's dangerous being sad." His warm breath washed over her face, causing her muscles to relax without conscious thought. "He said to never stop smiling and never forget what's important." He playfully bumped his nose against hers and offered up a small smile. "You and mom and Suze and your parents and all of you are important." He brushed her lips with his in a gentle and brief kiss. "It's time for me to be a big soldier, San, for all of you, everyone. It's time to be your soldier like my dad was for my mom." He pulled back only to look into her eyes and search for understanding.
Her dark eyes were nearly unreadable with the multitude of emotions swimming within their depths. She didn't know how to respond but she knew she was falling in love all over again with her boyfriend, her soldier. She also knew that there was a clawing sensation at the back of her throat that made her feel like throwing up because of all her feelings. It wasn't pleasant in the least.
"You're such an ass," she mumbled, wiping at her nose with the edge of their blanket. "You're the biggest ass in the entire world. You are bigger than J Lo and Niki Minaj's asses put together."
She wanted to laugh at the way his eyes widened so much, but hated it when she realized he looked incredibly insecure.
"You're such a huge ass but you're my ass and I love you so much," she said, wiping away most of the unease in his blue eyes. "I don't want you to go, I really don't." She ran her fingers down the side his face, then neck and chest to rest her palm over his heart. It beat frantically beneath her touch.
"I know," he whispered. In reality, he wanted to stay more than anything but knew that he couldn't. He was hers, above everything else but he wanted to do everything in his power to keep her safe, to keep everyone safe. Like his dad once said, 'not everyone has a hero and some people need one more than others.'
"I… I'm going to miss you."
"I know."
He wrapped an arm around her and twined their fingers, sitting back so he could pull her onto his lap once more. The heat of her smooth, naked skin on his didn't incite the usual, unbearable desire that always seemed to follow the sensation. There were wisps of it deep in his belly but they were staunched by the thought of being away from the woman he loved.
Santana was experiencing similar feelings, fighting back a fresh wave of tears as her blond traced circles along the small of her back. She'd miss him so desperately, knowing he was the only reason she ever reached the level of both maturity and compassion she was at. She'd miss the way he'd pull a face and act goofily just to get her to laugh when she wanted nothing more than to cry. She'd miss the way he'd brush her hair to the side when it fell in her face and let his touch linger for a moment before he'd kiss her. She'd miss the way he'd fill her heart with so much love she'd feel like there was nothing left to do but burst.
"I… I lo… ik houd van u," she hiccupped, finally opting for words that held much more intensity.
As Santana expected, Brett simply stared at her with those penetrating blue eyes, wordlessly repeating the phrase as tears spilled onto his cheeks. They remained that way, their gazes locked, digits interlinked and silent thoughts shared. Soon they fell back onto their bed and drifted off into sleep while tangled in one another's embrace.
The days following Brett's news passed in a haze for the young couple. When Santana wasn't by her boyfriend's side, she was lost in thoughts of him, trying to commit every single second she spent with him to memory. Every night and every morning they spent making sweet, slow and passionate love to one another, getting lost in their feelings and desire.
The day Sergeant Keller called shattered the falsehood of their forced reality and sent them spiraling into a despairing chasm of truth. They had two weeks left with one another before Brett was sent to a base somewhere in Brazil. That night they cried themselves to sleep, not unlike the first night of their continuous goodbye.
It was difficult telling their long standing friends of Brett's looming deployment. A few of them were missing but most were there to hear the news in person.
Santana almost couldn't bare the sight of Quinn Fabray's watery hazel eyes when they broke the news to her. The blonde woman was well known for her stoic demeanor and sharp tongue, so the sight of her teary gaze left no doubt to anyone's mind of her sadness. No one said a thing when the petite blonde clung to the soon to be soldier.
In fact, when it became obvious she wasn't going to release him, Santana moved in to join them. Soon it became a group hug consisting of all their closest friends. Quinn sidled to the side so that she could wrap an arm around the Latina and the three were in the center of the embrace. Kurt, his boyfriend Blaine Anderson, Rachel and Brett's closest bro in high school Sam Evans openly wept as they joined in. Noah Puckerman and Finn Hudson, friends and old football teammates, set their jaws but couldn't fight the mistiness that collected in their eyes.
After the group said their goodbyes that afternoon Santana and Brett set out to spend their last four days together in the company of their combined families.
Another Author's Note: I don't know when the next update will be. Possibly within the next two weeks, but I'm not sure. In all honesty, I'm still reeling from the loss of such an amazing person, Cory Monteith. While I was never such a huge fan of Finn, I loved watching Cory as just himself. That said, writing Glee related things feels weird to me right now so please be patient for updates. May he rest in peace.
Thank you to everyone who reviewed, followed, favorited and just plain old read, I appreciate the time you took on my work.