Chapter Two

It had been nearly three weeks since the Normandy crash landed; Planet Hell, they called it. Not the most creative name, but it certainly deserved it. Not only was food scarce, but it was a three mile walk to the nearest water supply and the entire crew was growing antsy with each passing day. Morale was low, and Kaiden didn't blame them. Each and every one of them regretted leaving Earth without Shepard. Sure, it had probably been the right call and Shepard would have reassured them of that, but it still didn't sit well with any of them.

Joker had probably taken the hardest hit. Not long after they had crashed and noticed that EDI was gone he hadn't been himself. His constant joking had stopped, and he didn't even attempt to help make the necessary repairs to the Normandy, his "baby", when Tali asked if he wanted to help.

"I'm just the damn pilot. What the hell do I know?" He had stormed off after that and wasn't seen until they put up EDI's name plaque on the wall of the crew deck. Kaiden knew that the others were expecting him to put up Shepard's as well, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He knew that she was back on Earth, alive and safe. In one piece though? That was a different story.

Eventually everyone had turned to Kaiden, hoping there was something he could say or do to make Joker feel better. They had all suffered loss over the past couple of years and he could only guess that Shepard being the most recent he was the only person who could relate, but what was he supposed to say? When he had lost Shepard the first time all he wanted was to be left alone. Even now Kaiden spent hours in her cabin, doing nothing but stare at the name plaque wishing things hadn't always been so damn complicated with her all of the time.

The memories from the night before everything truly went to hell had etched itself into Kaiden's mind. He didn't particularly like the way they had left things that night. He had put Shepard in a pretty awkward position after all . . .

-x-

"Marry me."

The smallest laugh escaped the Commander's lips as she pulled her pants on before she turned her head to look at Kaiden obviously expecting him to be laughing as well. Noting his serious face Shepard turned to fully face him and eyed him carefully as if making sure he wasn't yanking her chain.

"Do what now?" was all she managed to blurt out, rather stupidly.

"I said," Kaiden started grabbing her hand and pulling her back down onto the bed, kissing her hand as he did so. "Marry me." The perplexed look on Shepard's face never faltered and her eyes never left his. The reaction wasn't exactly what he was hoping for, but he knew her. All she needed was a moment to fully digest what he had just asked her and that was exactly what he gave her.

"Kaiden, I-" She stopped herself there only staring, dumbfounded as he did something particularly stupid.

It wasn't a huge diamond. There was no need to put something outrageously flashy on the hand of a woman that would only outshine it anyway. Regardless, he could tell that the small diamond ring he had spent hours picking out on the Citadel and was holding in front of her now had left her speechless.

"Holy shit . . . You're actually serious about this," she finally managed to spit out, her eyes never leaving the ring.

"Well yeah, kinda," he retorted letting out a slightly nervous chuckle. After another minute of silence Kaiden finally put the diamond ring back in the box and tossed it on the desk behind him. She probably was stressed out enough without something shiny staring her in the face.

"So? What do you-"

"I can't," Shepard interrupted. The look of guilt wasn't prominent, but Kaiden could still see it in her eyes. There was very clearly something else going on it that over complicated head of hers.

"This thing between us has just started to get back on track. I'd rather not complicate it with something like that."

"And fighting an insane army of nearly invincible machines doesn't complicate things." That had been a joke, maybe a bad joke, a little bit distasteful, but clearly Shepard hadn't taken it as one.

"I'd rather not bring the Reapers into this."

Kaiden could tell he had struck a nerve, and he only watched as Shepard made her way to the desk and ran her fingers over the small box. Her hands were shaking, something that in all his years of knowing and working with her Kaiden had never seen.

"What is this really about Addi?" he questioned, hopeful that the endearing nickname he only used when they were in private would comfort her in some way.

"The galaxy is always going to need someone to protect it. Even now when we're so close to defeating the Reapers there's always going to be some catastrophic event that's going to need stopping . . . The council didn't do anything to prevent it before. It's gotta be me."

"What does that have to do with marriage? Why can't we do both?"

"It's too dangerous. We can't start a family when we're getting shot at all the time, and I know you. You'd want kids. You'd want to settle down, and I just can't do that."

"So you're telling me that you'd never want to have a baby some day?"

"The galaxy is my baby Kaiden," Shepard retorted, an ill fated attempt of light humor.

It was clear to Kaiden that Shepard was uncomfortable talking about marriage. Although he had to admit; the stroking of the ring box and the opening it to stare at it was giving off mixed signals. As if she could tell that Kaiden was watching her fondle the ring Shepard tossed it back to him with a grin.

"Keep it. Maybe you'll find a nice colony girl to give it too," she joked as she made her way out of the room.

"Colony girls aren't really my type Shepard," he retorted.

It wasn't until he knew that Shepard was gone that Kaiden let out a sigh as he rubbed his temples with his fingers. He would be lying if he said that he wasn't disappointed with Shepard's decision not to marry him. Then again it would be stupid of him to pretend as if he didn't know that she would say no.

Regardless, a lot like the woman he loved, it wasn't in Kaiden's nature to give up after getting shot down. It would take some convincing, but he knew eventually she would say yes. So quickly changing back into his clothes Kaiden set the box down next her terminal before leaving himself. If they made it out of this, he would ask her again.

-x-

"Kaiden, Tali thinks we got the Normandy flight ready again - Oh, sorry . . . Is this a bad time?"

Kaiden's eyes lifted to find Liara standing in the doorway of Shepard's cabin, playing with her fingers, something he noticed she seemed to have a habit of doing when in an uncomfortable situation. He motioned for her to come in, stashing the ring box in his pocket for safe keeping.

"Shepard told me about the um . . ." Liara pointed to his pocket with a sympathetic smile. "She felt bad about turning you down . . . Just thought you would like to know."

"Thanks Liara." Wanting to get past the marriage topic he followed her to elevator, immediately changing the subject. "So Tali thinks we can get off this planet?"

"Yes, but the fixes are only temporary and it's rather dangerous. We don't even know if we will be able to back to Earth. Garrus seems to believe the Mass Relays are too badly damaged from the blast to even get back to the Sol System."

"And what do you think?"

"I think we have to try."

Nodding in agreement the two walked into an already crowded cockpit, with an obviously crabby Joker making preparations to leave the planet.

"You got this Joker?" Kaiden question cautiously. The last thing he wanted to do was piss off the person who was his only hope of getting back to Earth.

"Yeah yeah. I'm depressed, not inept Kaiden," he replied, fingers dancing effortlessly across the Normandy's controls. "Could use some space though guys. Kind of hard to fly the ship with everyone and their grandmother packed in here."

"Right. We'll give you some space," Kaiden reassured with a light pat on the shoulder before filing out with the rest of the crew.

"He'll be okay right?" Tali questioned. Kaiden only gave her a nod. Joker was right. Despite what had happened to EDI, he was a hell of a pilot and if he couldn't get them home, nobody could. Hope was really the only thing keeping Kaiden going at the moment. Hope that they would be able to get back to the Sol System, and hope that somewhere on Earth Shepard was safe and waiting for him.

I only just now realized how choppy my writing really is . . . Just something to improve on with the next chapter I suppose. I hope what little people read this enjoyed it. / *flys off into the distance*