Chapter Six-Failure

Koji slashed at the air with his zanpakuto, staring at Hikari no Inu's Shikai with a mixture of apprehension and pride. It felt like he had never before held the sword in his hand, yet it was welcome, readily accepted. Even still, he held the sword very fearfully, making very slow and precise movements, so as to not cut himself. For a brief moment, he regretted going back on his deal with Hikari no Inu, but the thought of becoming stronger forced the feeling back. He needed to learn.

He needed to prove to himself that he was strong enough to be a third seat. He may not be worthy to be a lieutenant right now, but he would be worthy of a third seat rank.

He would not fail anyone else again.

Komamura sat in his office silently, looking over a paper from the Fourth Division; apparently, Captain Unohana was ready to perform the usual check-up on the Seventh's officers. Yet Komamura found himself gazing over the same phrases over and over again. Somehow, it was too quiet to him. He looked over at the small stack of papers on his desk before realizing that the papers were taller than they would normally be. Normally by now, it would be at least down by a third...

Then he realized that his usual assistance-which came from Tetsuzaemon-was not present. For a moment, he wondered why, then remembered that his lieutenant had been dispatched already by Captain Yamamoto. So then, where was the third seat? Third Seat Shimizu should have been here by now.

"Sir?"

Komamura looked up, surprised that he had not even noticed when Fourth Seat Chiba had entered.

"Yes? Is something wrong?"

"It seems that no one can find Third Seat Shimizu," Chiba explained. "He left the barracks early in the morning apparently and no one has seen him return."

"Really?"

"Should we send someone to search the Seireitei?"

Komamura thought for a moment. "No, I'll find him. Thank you for telling me."

He had disappeared? That was certainly strange, if not worrisome. Why had Koji just left? He did not seem like the type to just leave. That explained why he was not here... but...

Komamura stood and walked around the desk. He already knew where to find him.

"Do you want to stop?" Hikari no Inu asked when Koji had once more fallen to his knee. He was panting heavily and looked to be on the verge of unconsciousness.

"N-no," Koji replied as he stumbled back upright. As the training had drawn on, he could felt himself grow weaker. His breathing became more and more labored and he found himself weakening continuously. He held his sword in front of him, yet it felt heavier, as if it would simply drop from his hands. "Let's keep working. I want to be as strong as you are, Inu."

"You won't be if you kill yourself."

Koji shook his head. "Just teach me."

Hikari no Inu's voice sighed and finally, the zanpakuto said, "Focus your spirit energy in front of you. Make it as dense and heavy as you can so that it will draw in the light around you."

Koji pointed his sword's tip in front of him and focused his energy. He closed his eyes and attempted once more the technique. A sphere of light appeared before his sword... and exploded in a flash of bright, blinding light. Koji fell back from the force of the explosion and hit the ground. He coughed when his slapped against the dirt. His vision blurred very quickly, and Koji found himself starting to black out. He fought to keep himself awake as his consciousness steadily started slipping away.

"We need to stop," Hikari no Inu ordered.

"NO!" Koji said, his voice raspy. "We can keep going!"

"You'll kill yourself!"

"I won't," Koji snapped weakly. "I can... take... it..." And he fell once more... The last thing he thought he saw was a pair of bright, golden eyes.

"He'll be fine, Captain Komamura," Captain Unohana explained. "He's just overexerted himself. He'll wake up in an hour or so."

"Thank you, Captain Unohana," Komamura replied.

She nodded and hummed to herself as she wrapped Koji's hands. Komamura sat at his third seat's side, watching him carefully. What had he been doing that he had been overexerting himself? And his sword... There was blood on his sword's grip and Komamura watched as Unohana bandaged his bloodied hands. Why was he holding his sword so hard that his palms were bleeding? What was wrong with this kid?

"Captain?"

It was a weak voice, but Komamura had seen Koji's lips move. He spoke very slowly and raspy-like, but he was speaking. Was he dreaming?

"I'm... sorry..."

"For what?" Komamura asked, though he found himself unsurprised when he did not receive an answer.

"He'll awaken soon," Unohana assured Komamura. "Although I have to ask, what was he doing?"

"I don't know," Komamura answered. "I had only just found him when he had collapsed."

Unohana nodded and placed her hand on Koji's forehead. Her hand glowed with a dim green light that soon faded and she smiled at Komamura. She moved her hand back and Koji's eyes fluttered open slowly. His eyes surveyed the room and he sat up slowly, groaning as he rubbed his head. He smiled weakly at Unohana before his breath snagged; his gaze turned on Komamura. His face turned bright red and he looked away, biting his lip so as to not speak. It was bad enough that he had somehow ended up in the Fourth's medical ward. It was worse knowing that his captain was looking over him like this.

"How are you feeling?" Unohana inquired.

"Just fine," Koji said. "A bit of a headache."

"That will go away soon," Unohana assured him. She turned back to Komamura. "I must go now. I'll leave him to you."

"Thank you."

She walked out, leaving them alone.

"What were you doing?" Komamura asked.

The edge in his voice made Koji wince. "N-nothing, sir. Just-"

"Nothing?" Komamura growled and Koji gave a small whimper-like noise that he instantly regretted. "Nothing would not have made you pass out. Nothing wouldn't have made your hands bleed."

"I'm... sorry," Koji said, in such a small voice that only Komamura's sensitive hearing could have heard. "I just... I wanted to get stronger."

"Getting stronger doesn't mean pushing yourself to this point," Komamura said. He looked annoyed, exasperated, tired. "Maybe you really weren't ready to be a third seat. You are just a recruit, fresh from the Academy." Komamura crossed his arms and waited for a reply. However, Koji did not speak; he simply looked at the floor. "Did you hear me?"

"I did," Koji replied. "And... maybe you're right. I guess I'm just used to failing."

"What do you mean?"

Koji still avoided Komamura's gaze as he took a deep breath. "I was always making mistakes, no matter what I did. I could never do anything right. I guess this shouldn't be surprising. I'm just a failure at heart..."

"You decide if you are a failure or not," Komamura said. "Not anyone else."

Koji looked up for the first time, but Komamura had turned away. "Sir, am I still getting demoted?"

"Maybe. It depends on how I feel upon Tetsuzaemon's return," Komamura explained. "I will give you another chance, Koji Shimizu. If you can convince me in the next few days that you are worthy of your rank, then you may keep it. However, if not, you will be demoted."

"Thank you, sir... I won't let you down again."