Author's Note: I'm sorry I haven't update in a while. I've been busy with school and to be honest I've been racking my brain on the ending. So I decided to re-work the last chapter. It's slightly different but it allows me to end this installment and work on the next one. Thanks. Don't forget to review.
January 23rd 2002
This is my 50th attempt at keeping a regularly updated journal but I figure a new day equals to a new me...one that includes a journal. It's 6 am and I'm baking cupcakes. Yes! I know me up at 6 am! I'm really anxious and nervous...I could barely sleep a wink last night after I came home from the desert. I just can't stop smiling and singing which is why it's really great that my mom's out of town again. There's nothing to report, just me…babbling. God it's great to be back.
After I finished my 2nd batch, I showered and got ready for my first visit of the day.
I figured it would be best to start small, which is why I chose Alex. He's the best guy I know and for that he deserves cupcakes. Okay so I'm starting kinda small here but he'll love it just the same.
I knocked on his door hoping that 7 am on a Saturday wasn't too early. I received my answer when Alex answered with his cell phone in hand. It must have been an important conversation because he barely glanced at me as he continued speaking. "No I have no idea where Maria is, I checked her house and drove around town all last night".
"Uh Alex?"
"Tess go to her house and I'll meet you there just in case she comes home today"
"Alex"
"Geez can you give me a second, Maria! I'm trying to talk to Tess here about you being missi..."
Wide-eyed, Alex simply managed "She's here", then hung up the phone and grabbed me in the biggest hug he's ever given me.
We stood there for what felt like hours simply holding onto each other. I was really glad that I had decided to see Alex. His strength would help me continue my visits for the day.
He pulled me into his house and onto his couch where he continued to stare at me.
"Alex, I'm okay". At his disbelieving glance I continued, "Really I went into the desert last night and thought for hours about...everything. And I've finally found some kind of peace and want to move on"
"Maria last night you found out the person who was like a sister to you knowingly got your boyfriend drunk so she could lose her virginity to him to get back at her boyfriend who she caught sleeping with his ex-wife, who also happens to be secretly dating your mother's boyfriend." By this time Alex was pacing the carpet which translates to Alex in deep thought. "I don't think there's enough peace in the world to be able to move on from that"
"Alex I'm not gonna be all's well that ends well and smile like nothing happened. My God! I Have to speak to Liz later on tonight and I still feel like ripping her hair out and calling her out as the whore she is to the whole town. I'm working on it though"
Alex's frown is transformed into his classic Whitman grin and he says the words that I'd hope to hear before I left, "Hurricane Deluca's back. Watch out world".
Satisfied, I told him to meet me at my house later for pizza and a movie, then surprised him with the cupcakes I'd baked. After his happy dance we laughed and hugged some more. Then I left.
1 down, many more left to go.
Alex was the best choice to begin with. Him simply being Alex was enough for me to have faith and believe in what I was doing. it's not everyday that you have to decide what's the poison that's preventing you from being happy and living a fulfilling life. Then there's the deciding and the action that follows. I know I'm strong, but it's the times like these that really test that strength...
On my way to Kyle's, I stopped at Comet's Gas to fill up the tank. That's where I ran into Kyle which was great because it saved me the trouble of searching him down.
He walked out of the station and slowed when he saw me. "Deluca"
Fine I could play too. "Valenti"
"So..."
I simply stared back waiting for him to finish his sentence. I honestly didn't want to give Kyle a hard time, even though he acted like a jerk yesterday. Because then I remember it's Kyle and once you get to know him you realize that he's a good person. And he was hurting like I was hurting. We simply deal with our pain differently. I avoid people and suppress all my emotions while Kyle gets shit-faced drunk.
"Look I'm sorry for yesterday, I was a complete asshole and I understand if you're mad." Unsure of what to say next he decided to add, "Did I mention I was sorry?"
I couldn't help but smile as Kyle looked at me making puppy dog eyes.
I sighed knowing that I couldn't stay mad at Kyle for long. Damn that Valenti charm. "Kyle I know you're sorry for being an ass. Just don't get drunk the next time you're upset because you're a mean drunk".
The good humour left Kyle as he remembered his behaviour from the previous day. "Yea, I was pretty bad"
Trying to lighten the mood I asked, "Did you walk here or do you need a ride home?"
"Thanks" Kyle said flashing me a grateful smile.
I went inside to pay for the gas, and was back on the road in no time. I wasn't really sure what to say. I mean I really wanted me and Kyle to be cool but I knew that he still had his Tess issues. I wasn't sure if we were in a position to talk about it, or if he even wanted to talk about it at all. I f I was a guy I'm sure I would know what to do. Guys are a lot better at reading other guys than girls are.
"I don't know what to do", Kyle said breaking the silence.
I glanced over at him quickly before moving my eyes back to the road. "It depends on what you want. When you know what you want you'll realize what you have to do in order to get that."
At the red light I turned to look at Kyle. He was leaning back into his seat with his eyes closed looking completely hopeless.
"Kyle?"
"I want Tess" He laughed "I only want Tess. Does that make me stupid?"
I had to smile at that and continued driving "No that makes you a guy who loves a girl".
"Good" he sighed with relief.
We continued driving in silence. I had just reached the Valenti driveway and was about to say good-bye when Kyle interrupted me.
"What do you want Deluca?" he was facing me and looked as if he had a burning desire to know.
"Michael, I've only wanted Michael" I said honestly.
Kyle didn't respond right away. He sat there thinking and I was afraid he was going to call me stupid for wanting someone who has hurt me more than once. But he surprised me with "I hope you get what you want" instead then exited the car.
I smiled because I was really hoping to get the same thing. I backed out of his driveway and was about to go to my last destination when I leaned over to the passenger side and rolled down the window. "Kyle!"
He turned around before entering his house.
Grinning I said, "Tell Tess to call me tonight. Oh and tell her I want details".
Kyle wasn't as amused as I was, but he shrugged and waved before heading inside. I was happy for them because I knew they would make it and they both deserved to be happy.
I really hoped for the best for Kyle and Tess. We saved the freaking world; the least we could hope for was some happiness.
As I stand outside of my next destination I wonder where we'd all be if I hadn't gone straight to Liz's or if Liz didn't go looking for Max. Heck what if Tess had simply said "fuck destiny" and never went to Max to find out about her past. Would things have changed? Would we all stand around in another boring meeting smiling and pretending to be friends? Would it be better to live life ignorant of our problems then to go through a horrible event to get to the truth?
The thing is if Max hadn't saved Liz's life I don't know if I would have ever been friends with the Pod Squad and I definitely wouldn't have gotten to know Michael the way I had. Would have never loved him...
"Why hello Maria, are you here to see Isabelle?"
Startled I looked up into Mrs. Evans face, remembering that I was standing like an idiot in the Evan's front door.
"Uh, sorry Mrs. Evans," I managed to say before clearing my voice," Yes, is she here?"
"She's right upstairs"
I quickly thanked her and started up the stairs to Isabelle's room. She was sitting on her dresser brushing her hair when I walked and besides raising her eyebrow (without looking ridiculous of course) she never lost her cool. Where did you think she got the nickname 'Ice Princess' from?
"Hey"
"Hey"
Silence.
"Well I guess you must be wondering what I'm doing here..."
"I am"
"Well, uh, yesterday was a very weird day. We all found out something's that we were keeping a secret from each other and there was the yelling and the fighting..."
"A lot"
"Well I just wanted to talk, you know, see if there was anything you needed clarifying or maybe repeating?", at her confused look I decided to get straight to business, " Look Isabelle, we may not like each other but you're very important to my best friend and I thought it would be best for us to talk and get to know each other. For us to be an effective group we need to be friends and it's obvious that we're not…I just thought that I would make the first step." I finished with a shrug.
"I believe I got the gist of what's been going on. Tess and Kyle have been sneaking around, Max is keeping secrets, and Liz is a whore and a bitch who raped my brother."
"Oh" I sat down on her bed waiting for her to continue.
"I'm sorry". Heartfelt words from Isabelle was something I didn't expect.
"I'll live but thanks" I replied.
"Have you heard from Michael? I keep calling him and he's not picking up. Max just went to see if he's home."
"Uh, no…I was going to go and see him later". I frowned a bit wondering where he was off to. "When's the last time you saw him?"
"After you left last night, he walked out. I thought he went to see where you went but Alex called and told me he saw you and we still haven't found him…" Isabelle trailed off, distress written all over her face. "I'm really worried. He had this look on his face, worse then when we found out about Hank."
Poor Michael My thought trailing towards Michael and what he must going through. I hoped Max would be able to find him.
"It's all Parker's fault. First she has Max walking around like her little bitch lying to me and Michael and acting like her life is more important than ours. Then she gets Michael drunk so she can have sex with him against his will. The things I want to do to that tramp would make the history books. I hate her!"
Now if her words weren't enough to send me sprawling to the other side of the room it would've definitely been the way her eyes changed to jet black and the wind that appeared out of nowhere sending objects flying. It was the first time I had ever seen Isabelle totally out of control. If you thought I was scared when I first found out that was nothing compared to what I was feeling right now. I was truly scared for first time of the aliens that we knew. The startling thing was that Isabelle seemed to just sit there, eyes black and objects flying everywhere, not a care in the world.
"Isabelle"
No response.
"Isabelle!"
I was deciding whether to get closer or run for my life when Max stormed into the room and roared "Isabelle!"
She blinked then suddenly she stopped looking scary and anything airborne fell back to the ground. She simply sat there holding her heart breathing heavily.
"What the fuck Isabelle! Our parents are home. You know we have to limit the use of our powers, we don't know who might be watching".
No, Iz you're scaring Maria or hey what's with the black eyes and tornado in your room. Max had a weird sense of prioritization.
Shooting Max a glare I moved to sit next Isabelle, "You okay?"
Looking confused and embarrassed (while still staying gorgeous, damn!) she shook her head. "I don't what happened. I was really mad and suddenly I couldn't control it. It was all I could see and feel." Isabelle looked back into my eyes, this time seeking forgiveness, 'I'm so sorry"
I smiled before saying, "It's okay, it wasn't that bad" It was freaking worse "We're all allowed to have our moments when our emotions get the best of us. Yesterday I punched my best friend in the nose and today you lost control and almost beamed me with your bottle of hair gel ".
This was followed by awkward silence.
"Did you find Michael?" I asked Max hoping he had.
"No, he wasn't home or at the CrashDown. It's just like him to run off and not let me know where he is", he replied angrily.
"Max, he's been through a lot so for once just be there for him". Isabelle said clearly disgusted by Max.
"Isabelle if he doesn't want to be found then just let him be. He'll turn up eventually"
"Max, what's wrong with you? Michael is our brother. He needs us"
"Look, I have to go and talk to Liz. I know you think that she's this bad person right now but that's not her". Max looked towards the both of us begging with his eyes for us to understand. "I did that to her when she saw me and Tess. I have to make things right between us".
I have to make things right between us? He turned to leave the room and I got up. "Max, sit down" I ordered.
"No Maria, I've got to find Liz". A stubborn expression on his face.
"Max, you really need to hear this, so I suggest you SHUT THE FUCK UP and SIT DOWN!" Max Evans needed to have some sense knocked into him and I guess I was the one to do it.
"What Liz may or may not be going through is her own fault. She saw something that hurt her and instead of confronting you, crying alone or calling one of her best friends she decided to liquor up your best friend and loose her virginity to him as revenge".
"But…"Max tried to explain'
"Shut up Max" came quietly from Isabelle.
"So now instead of offering some comfort to the person you've spent TWO lifetimes with you want to spend time looking for the tramp who set out to intentionally hurt you. Am I wrong here?
"That's may be true. I-"
"SHUT UP Max" came a bit more forcefully from an angry Isabelle.
"Liz caused this and she's going to have to deal with it. But Michael is innocent, just like you and Tess were. He wasn't in the right state of mind. Imagine how he must be feeling. Life hasn't been great to Michael and now this? My God Max, you know that he's probably out there blaming himself right now".
By now Max simply looked defeated.
"Look", I said softly, "I know you love Liz but made her decisions and now she has to live with them. It's not about choosing sides, it's simply about what's right and what's wrong. That night Liz was wrong".
Hoping Max would come to his senses I decided to leave.
"Isabelle I'll see you" She directed a quick smile in response but turned back to Max.
"Max, I just hope you do the right thing. Loving Liz isn't wrong it's just not the right thing to focus on right now." Then I left.
"Bye Mrs. Evans, have a great day" I called out as I walked out the door.
I know you're wondering, Isabelle and Max? Isabelle is important to Alex so I wanted to try being friends with her. Plus she's an okay person when she's not being the Ice Princess I always thought it was a front anyways. What was there to say about Max? His life is so consumed by Liz that he can't even see her for what she has become. I'd be mad at him if I didn't also relate to that feeling. I still want to call her and tell her about my day, about what I'm feeling about life in general. Then I remember what she did and it's hard to think that my Liz did that. I love her but it's the old Liz that I love. This new Liz is someone I hate. My mind knows this but my heart is still in denial…
I drove over to the CrashDown hoping Michael might return from wherever he was for work. I walked in through the back room and almost crashed into Mr. Parker.
"Hey Maria, hope you're feeling better. We could sure use you on the schedule"
"Oh, yea. I'm sorry I haven't called you yet. I'm all good so next week would be great." Note to self: Find new job ASAP.
"Maria?" Liz asked walking halfway down the stairs.
Ignoring her I pasted a smile onto my face and back to Mr. Parker. "I'm actually looking for Michael. Is he here?
Mr. P looked a bit puzzled, "No, he doesn't work until tomorrow".
"Okay…I'll be going now". I had no intention of staying any longer than I had.
"Maria" Liz said again louder.
I continued to ignore her hoping she'd go back inside and leave me alone.
"Maria, please turn around and face me. Please…"
No such luck
Giving up I turned around. "What do you want Liz?"
Relief flooded her eyes as she said, "I knew you wouldn't abandon me".
"What do you want" I repeated losing my patience.
"Maria, I need my best friend. My life is completely falling apart on me and no one's speaking to me. I called Alex and in the middle of the phone call he started yelling at me". Tears started falling down her cheek as she continued her sob story, "I'm so alone Maria. I need you..."
"Well you should have thought about that when you fucked my boyfriend Liz" I snapped.
She stepped back and drew the hand she was going to touch my arm with back to touch her face. She placed her hand over the bruise I had left on her face yesterday. Good I want her to know that situations have changed
"No, not you too Maria?" she whispered.
I sighed and ran my hand threw my hair, "Liz you need to go home. We have nothing to speak about, we are NOT friends anymore. I couldn't be friends with a person like you."
Liz stopped crying, looking me in my eyes seeing the honesty in my words for the first time. ". I could say I'm sorry but would it make things better? I am so sorry Maria. I thought about it all night and I-I don't know who I am anymore. I'm this bad person who hurts people that I love and I don't want to be that person anymore…"
My heart began to warm as it seemed that maybe Liz, the old Liz could come back. In the back of my mind it's what I wanted more than anything- for things to go back to the way they were.
"…I'm in really big trouble right now and I really need my best friend right now". She finished looking pathetic and sad.
She's still only thinking about herself and I almost fell for it because I'm an idiot. "No Liz. I am not going to forgive and forget. Are you out of your fucking mind? You betrayed me! And yet in the end you're still only thinking about yourself. My God…what is wrong with you? I've got to go"
As I turned around to run to my jetta I heard Liz yell out "But Maria I'm-" the rest of her sentence was cut off by the slamming of my car door. I really didn't even care, especially if it was another sorry.
As I sat there, I couldn't stop my body's trembles. I couldn't stop the falling of my tears. I couldn't even stop the gasps. So I sat there crying for Liz. My Lizzie…the sister, best friend, confident, biggest fan…every memory I have includes her. She's a part of me in ways that even Michael isn't. So I sat there and cried for myself. For Liz. For everything that we could no longer be.
Tbc…