Return

October 2, 2232 hours

Back in Adelanto. As expected, received a summons from headquarters the moment Cecil was found. Eva was not pleased when I told her about the radio broadcast and even less so when the official summons from headquarters arrived. She pouted and hid the car keys until I promised that I would visit her every fortnight. Caramel also not thrilled, screeched through the whole car ride back and tried to escape whenever we stopped for gas. Personally have mixed feelings about summons. Reluctant to leave Eva and my comfortable bed for a rickety motel in Adelanto after so short a time, but am glad that Cecil has been found alive. He is really the most interesting case I have met so far and I would be very disappointed to lose him with so little research on my hands as of now.

Speaking of Cecil, he has been reinstated back to his old cell at Elmwood. Apparently, during his absence he had found an abandoned house nearby and lived there. Radio broadcast was done with equipment cobbled together from garage of abandoned house. Caretakers were very impressed, but I have seen the same with other patients before. Intriguing how patients retain random skills that one would assume would be lost together with their sanity. Cursory check by medical staff reveal nothing amiss, save a touch of frostbite and a few lost pounds. The man does not seem to exhibit any symptoms of lasting psychological trauma either, though...who can tell with his mind in the state that it is in.

But, it is good for me, because it means that I am allowed to conduct my research on him proper at last! No Caramel - Caramel was tired from the drive so I let her stay at home, but finally my tape recorder gets some action. Caretakers helped me hide it inside the pizza box so that he wouldn't spoil it by accident. (That box smells. Foresee a lot of my money being spent on clingfilm.) My first recording! Research will go so much faster now that I have full recordings of his "broadcasts" instead of just snippets of conversation to extrapolate from. Have actually listened to today's recordings and finished taking down required notes, but there are a couple of things that are too unscientific to appear in my journals and so shall appear here instead.

Feelings towards Cecil have changed much since the airing of this "broadcast". He is still infatuated with me, it seems, raging on about my haircut (oh for God's sake, you haven't seen me much because you were hiding out in an abandoned house, not because I was afraid to appear in public with my current haircut!) and I am still apprehensive about his infatuations with me, but being able to listen to the whole broadcast reveals sides of him that I never thought to question before. He has a perfect appreciation of dry humour (must admit I laughed out loud at the part about the Green Market) and his treatment of the supposed death of the (I hope) fictional Leland demonstrates a surprisingly mature compassion lacking even in the majority of sane individuals that I have had the (dis)pleasure of interacting with. Of course, it is, as I am frequently reminded, my job to collect information and not to question, but sometimes I do wonder if we really have the correct people behind bars. Most affecting of all was his sudden contemplation of, in his words, "whether he is literally the only person in the world, speaking to himself in a fit of madness caused by his inability to admit the tragedy of his own existence". (Did not put this into my journal. Do not want headquarters releasing him on an off comment before he is well.) Was shocked at first, thinking that he might possibly have had a breakthrough into sanity. He concluded otherwise, but that did not reassure me at all.

He was the one talking, genially enough, but I felt so terribly, terribly alone. All these years, all the patients that I helped take care of - I thought I was helping them, but really all that I was doing was taking wild shots into the dark. Their cavalry will never arrive. Cecil's cavalry will never arrive. He is in the dragon's cave alone, and I cannot pass. I have two PhDs in medicine and psychology; I can rattle off the prescription drugs and symptoms of any conceivable mental disorder, yet, even though I can be standing right next to Cecil, only he can see the dragon. I can only shoot into the dark and hope that it will hit the dragon and not him.

Am listening to the recording again. Cannot write anymore. Talking about this makes me think about Marcia. Cannot help wondering if this is what she felt. At that time I was so angry at her for leaving me, so angry at her for not telling me how to make things better - It is too late for mi hermanita now, but if anyone is outside waiting for Cecil, I promise - I will bring him out alive.

The tape is ending. Good. Cecil's little introspective discourse might have made me feel terribly isolated, but I always find that his ending remarks oddly enough, make you feel less alone in the vast dark night.

Good night, Night Vale. Good night.

Note: Hello guys! Thanks for all the reviews. I will do my best to improve accordingly. (Oh but re: writing style I did want to make it sound that way, without the subjects. Although yes after reading it again myself I find it a bit confusing too. Will try to add in the subject whenever Carlos isn't referring to himself. I hope that makes the reading smoother?) Please send more if you please XD

Also to my tiny little group of followers: I AM SO SORRY FOR THE LATE POST and also I AM SO SORRY THAT THE NEXT ONE WILL BE EVEN LATER because I am going overseas for 2 weeks. XP I shall rush out many chapters once I get back. Many apologies for the inconvenience.

Oh yes also does anyone know where to get the full transcripts of night vale eps cos as you may have noticed I try to align this fic with what happens in nv eps but I really don't want to listen to them all over again reading is much faster. If you know anywhere where we can read nv transcripts please pm me THANK YOU *KISS*