So I just want to give a HUGE thank you to ErisandDysnomia for all of her help with this story… she is AWESOME! And thank you for all the follows, I truly appreciate it… I'd also appreciate reviews… hint hint. ;)
She raced down the steps, a quick and steady rhythm, one-two one-two one-two until she hit the pavement at the bottom, took a look around and stopped. There was literally nowhere to go. Down the road? Why bother. She sank down on the bottom step and just sat there, staring at the trees across the street. Her apartment was outside of town, almost out into the country side. She liked it, it was peaceful and private. When she was alone anyway. Another set of footsteps sounded behind her, these ones slower, almost cautious. She didn't even turn her head when Paul took up the space next to her, letting his arms hang off his knees. Quinn was silent.
"You always were good at making friends," he gave her his classic sideways smirk. Once again, she was too tired to even bristle at the sarcastic remark. Or maybe it was because it was Paul who said it.
"You should talk." She sighed back. He dug for a pack of cigarettes in his shirt pocket and pulled one out.
"Somethin' you want to talk about?" He asked around the smoke he held between his lips. She knew he didn't really want to talk about it. But he was being the big brother, offering to listen.
"Did you ever think of what would happen to me?" He took a speculative drag.
"What do you mean?" He knew what she meant. He just wanted time, time to think of how to say it.
"When you… left. What did you tell yourself about how I would feel?" He let the smoke escape his lips with a loud sigh and turned to look at her, then fixed his gaze to the clouds in the sky.
"Look. I know saying it will never make up for it, but I'm sorry Quinn. It may not make you feel any better, but I thought of you every day. I left you everything I had… I know it wasn't enough, that all my money and belongings couldn't make it any better. I know I hurt you, and that what I did for Connor and Murphy was not fair to you. But I know you Quinn. And I knew that you were strong enough to handle it. And you did." She turned her head to meet his gaze. She didn't know what to say. It wasn't enough, and yet it was more than enough. It still hurt, but she could almost understand. He ran a hand through his disheveled hair.
"I know this isn't the best situation. I'm sorry I put you up to this. But they really are good men Quinn, just give them a chance. And they need to stay with you. I don't want anything to happen. You've been through enough." Quinn tried to smile.
"So. I guess it's my turn for an apology." Her brother laughed.
"That'll be a first. People aren't horses Quinnie."
"Trust me I know. They're much more frustrating…" her mind instantly went to Murphy. She could still see his look when she had flipped on him, that dark blue stare, daring her to keep going, alight with what seemed like amusement, as if her ranting was exactly what he wanted her to do… a thrill shot through her at the thought of him looking at her that way. What the hell is wrong with you, she chided herself. One glance sideways at Paul and she could tell he knew. His smirk widened.
"Letting Murphy get under your skin a little too much?" She nodded, waving her hand as if it wasn't a big deal.
"I could tell. I understand though..." he took another drag. "Murphy has the kind of face you either want to sit on or smack." Quinn's face reached an all new level of crimson, and even the elbow she jabbed into Paul's side couldn't take away his evil grin.
"Shut up," she groaned.
"Well while you're thinking about that… I'll go tell them you want to talk." And with that he raised himself up off the bottom step and turned to make the climb back up to the apartment. Quinn wrapped her arms around her knees and rested her chin on them, closing her eyes as she tried to take in everything. People aren't horses. Yeah, no kidding. If they were, she would probably know exactly what to do and say. She barely heard yet another set of footsteps coming down the stairs until they stopped a step or two above her, and she caught the distinct flicking of a lighter. She steeled herself and then turned, fully prepared to face those aggressively beautiful blue eyes…
The eyes that met her were blue, but soft and questioning. Connor. He tucked away the lighter and gave a pull on the cigarette, moving to take a seat next to her as he did so.
"I'm probably going to die of second hand smoke." He looked at her, surprised that she was the first to speak, and laughed. Even Quinn cracked a smile.
"Aye, 'm sure tha'll be 'r fault as well." The way he said it with a smile still didn't hide the truth to it. Quinn looked down at her socks. Good thing I never left the driveway.
"I'm sorry… I didn't mean it like that…" Connor silenced her with a vague wave of his hand.
"S'alright lass. I understan' why ya said what ya did. I shouldn't 'ave let Murph go off on ya the way he did, though he did 'ave a point. 'M not lookin' for pity, an' I know you lost yer brother because of us. But we've lost people we loved an' cared about too. An' it was 'r fault they're gone, because of the life we chose. It hangs heavy on both of us, but especially Murph."
Quinn nodded, picking at a frayed patch on her jeans.
"I wanted to apologize to him. He probably hates me." She caught Connor's sideways glance, and his small smirk, as if he knew a secret.
"Nah, he doesn' hate you. Tha's jus' Murphy. Acts firs', thinks later. He'll come around." As if on cue Murphy's voice sounded from up the stairs.
"'Ey you two, hurry up! Pizza's done an' I'm fuckin' starvin'!" Connor flicked an ash onto the pavement, took one more drag, and dropped the cigarette, grinding it into the tar with the toe of his boot. Quinn looked at him questioningly.
"But when will he come around… I mean, what should I do…?" Connor offered her his hand for the second time that day as he stood up, and this time she accepted it. He gave her a grin.
"Whadda I look like, a younger twin cheat sheet?" He let go of her hand, and mussed her hair teasingly. She swatted at him, letting out a laugh as he sprinted up the stairs out of her reach. Maybe they wouldn't be so bad.
.xxx.
"But where will you stay?" He had given her his typical smart ass grin, leaning on the door frame.
"I've been doin' this for years Quinn. I have a few places. I'll be back sometime, don't worry about me."
And again, he was gone. Shortly after the four of them had devoured the pizza and the boys had crashed on the couch with a beer Paul had left, with just the vague explanation of where to, leaving the two duffel bags filled with the boy's things. And now hours later, she was still worrying about him, lying in bed unable to sleep. Connor had taken the spare bedroom, and Murphy had decided on the couch, after both brothers had teased and bickered about owing the other for this reason or that reason. Quinn rolled over for the umpteenth time and looked at the clock. Twelve a.m. Six hours before she had to get up. She groaned and rolled over, climbing out of bed. The second night in a row she couldn't sleep.
She felt her way out of the room and to the kitchen, thankful that Murphy hadn't bothered to shut the light over the kitchen sink off. The cat appeared from God only knew where, silently jumping to the counter top and rolling onto its back. She rubbed his head on the way by, reaching up to open one of the cupboards slowly, trying to sneak out a glass to get herself a drink as quietly as possible. The creak of the floor behind her made her jump and spin around, heart hammering in her chest. When she saw it was Murphy, amused smirk on his face, hands held up in mock surrender, in just a black tee shirt and boxers, its rapid beating slowed. A little. He rubbed his face tiredly, stepping forward to rest against the counter top between them.
"Sorry, didn' mean ta scare ye." Quinn set the glass down.
"It's fine… Sorry I woke you up." Murphy shook his head.
"Nah ya didn'. Couldn' sleep. Looks like yer havin' the same problem." Even in the half light she could see the intensity of his gaze, both hands grasping the edge of the kitchen island, his upper body leaned over the counter top, head tipped down, looking up at her with those burning blue eyes. Taking in every inch of her face and body unabashedly, the way her tee shirt hung off her small frame, how her shorts just skimmed an appropriate length for her tanned legs, how her eyes looked black in the shadow of the light, how they met his own and flickered away, only to slowly return. A small smirk crept across his face. She stumbled over words, trying to break the silence.
"Yeah… No I couldn't sleep… I just uh. I wanted to say I'm sorry for today…" Idiot. She mentally rolled her eyes. Why do you bother talking to people. Stick to horses.
"Ya did aye?" He looked at her questioningly, waiting for her to continue.
"Yes. I'm sorry I freaked out at you like that. I know you've been through a lot… I was selfish to think I was the only one who was upset and well… I'm sorry…" The cat provided a welcome distraction as she ran her hand down his back, starting up a deep rumbling purr. Murphy dropped his gaze to the floor.
"Aye. S'alright lass. I'm sorry as well." His voice was soft. "I understan' ya lost yer brother. And me an' Conn don't enjoy bein' passed aroun' like foster kids… I know it's askin' a lot ta stay in yer home, but me an' Connor don't even have one."
Quinn looked up as he stepped toward her, the cat taking its cue to leap off the counter and stalk away, no longer providing an excuse to not make eye contact. His face was soft and apologetic, and she stood completely frozen as he closed the distance between them, reaching out to rest his hand on the side of her face, the tips of his fingers fitting perfectly in the curve of her jaw. Electricity and warmth flowed from his fingertips down through every nerve and fiber of her body, and her pulse roared so loudly in her ears that she swore it echoed through the silent kitchen as she raised her eyes to look at his, questioning and wanting and not sure what or why, as he smiled and stroked his thumb along her cheekbone.
"Better get some sleep, Quinn." And as quickly as it happened it was over, his hand fell back to his side and he gave her a small smile, turning to head back to the other room and his spot on the couch. Quinn let out a breath she didn't know she was holding and tried to calm the heady rush of emotion and lack of oxygen, heading back to her bedroom barely aware of what she was doing, and climbing back into bed before noticing she had gone without even bothering to get that drink of water she had wanted.