Disclaimer: I own as much as u own, as long as u don't own Naruto!
Author's Notes: Hehehe…if u havnt figured it out yet, last chapter was kinda…sorta…a filler chapter…SUE ME! So…I apologize to u guys, cuz this is the actual date! Don't forget to review on ur way out!
Warnings: Inappropriate scenes…cuz that's the only way anything will make sense! Read at ur own discretion!
Chapter 3: Food Is For The Weak!
There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness.
She had never thought she would think this, but Neji wasn't half bad looking.
In fact, he could give Sasuke a run for his money…
No that she would ever say it out loud! For god's sake, she had dedicated 10 something years to the guy! The Uchihas happened to be a very good looking and…sexy clan.
The Hyuugas…although she only knew of this one male named Neji, were also extremely good looking. Hell, if it hadn't been for her deep-rooted obsession, she probably would've fawned over Neji instead.
Strange thing was, she was now on a date with the guy…
Sure he was a condescending not to mention blind bastard – according to Tenten – but he was just so…ugh, there wasn't any explaining it!
"Neji!" Sakura said with a sweet smile on her face, "You look good!"
He didn't even move for a while and then acknowledged her presence with a nod.
It was either her presence or existence…she preferred the former to the latter.
"Let's go!" She exclaimed happily although her insides were twisting into a complicated knot. How the hell was she supposed to have a good time when the guy wouldn't even say anything?
The I'm-always-right-and-you-know-it voice inside her ranting and screaming and railing against its cage told her the whole thing was a bad idea. It was obvious Tenten had the hots for him, and she personally didn't care much for anybody except Sasuke, so going on a date with the guy was the complete anti-friend, anti-smart, anti-sensible thing to do.
But she really, really, really, really, really, really, really, wanted to go out!
Crying like a little girl on the inside, Sakura disguised her heaving sigh as an excited squeal.
She only hoped they could carry on a proper conversation without resorting to suicide…
Neji had gotten damn close to snapping when Sakura had squealed dangerously close to his ear. It was the combination of the fact it was so shriek-like and the fact that he kind of…sort of…found her attractive!
It wasn't anything in the I-think-I-can-marry-her-now kind of thing, it was more physical, and as a ninja, you had to completely ignore your hormones in your early teens! There wasn't any time for dating or other nonsense like that, you were too busy training your ass off and trying not to get embarrassed in front of all your peers or teachers or…stuff!
Hormones liked to retaliate! So, after the "hard" part of life, also known as puberty, finally subsided, the hormones kicked back in fiercer than ever, causing a…well…"second puberty" kind of thing.
It was complicated and annoying.
So, without having said much more than hello to the girl, Neji found himself physically attracted to those slightly visible curves and whatnots from what Sakura was wearing.
Oh of course she was nothing compared to Tenten! Because, damn, Tenten had-
Ok, this is what he meant. Without even realizing it, his thoughts would travel to his friend for over half his (forsaken…pathetic…dull…etc…) life who had basically helped him through thick and thin. Not to mention, she was his teammate! So if they were ever sent on a mission together, which they often were, he would obviously have a biased opinion on her skills as a ninja as well as the possibility of compromising the whole damn assignment based on his feelings alone!
It was maddening! Maddening! MADDENING!
All that aside, along with rationale and reason, Tenten was, to him anyway, THE most attractive woman he had ever known.
Ever! This would be a good time for echoes.
He was actually beginning to work up a half-sweat trying to think what to talk to Sakura about when they arrived at Ichiraku until he remembered he had promised Lee not to do anything to make Sakura like him.
He personally thought Lee was asking for too much since whoever wasn't attracted to his god-like looks had to be mentally unstable, but he also didn't want Sakura to be attracted to him because…because…
…It would ruin his chances with Tenten…
Question mark? Was that a question or statement?
He really didn't know. But he did know he had to do something to make Sakura really dislike him. Or at least be disgusted to the point of no return.
Ah! An idea. Why not just tell her what the Hyuugas were really famous for?
Selling goods of course!
A lot more than "many" people had stared incredulously at them as they walked down the street.
It wasn't that, it was that they were walking down the said street together.
Sure, Sakura was seen shopping and walking around with friends all the time, but nobody EVER saw a frightening Hyuuga attached to her arm before! Not only that, but it seemed both of them were more or less "enjoying", using the word flexibly, the whole thing!
A guy on a bike actually rode himself into a poor lady carrying a shopping bag who dropped some oranges that a few kids slipped on causing them to throw their ice cream cones into the faces of a few jounin who thought it was some sort of unexpected attack and did a few jutsus involving fire and pain.
They had caused a series of unfortunate events.
They could write a book!
Naturally, neither Sakura nor Neji noticed it because they were both too chained to their own insane thoughts to notice a purple cow with 4 heads jump over a rainbow.
So of course, people made the likely assumption that they were both so in love with each other that they didn't even communicate! They could just be within each other's presence and live contently because they know their loved one was near.
It was a whole bunch of crap, but when you see something like Hyuuga Neji and Haruno Sakura walk down the street with linked arms, a whole world of possibilities opened.
Like flying. Or bathing in fire. Stuff like that.
But not leprechauns…they're not real.
The girl working at Ichiraku choked on her tea when Sakura and Neji…Hyuuga Neji…made their way to the comfortable seats in front of her shop.
She had never seen a stranger combination in her life. Happy, perky, strangely obsessive Sakura was apparently on a DATE with depressed, repressed, just plain strange Neji.
It was much too much. Although, they did look kind of cute together…if you ignored the twisted complications it would make in life…
But it did make sense in a lot of ways! Since Sasuke was basically the same with his the-whole-world-is-out-to-get-me theories, and my-life-isn't-worth-living attitude, and I-hate-all-of-you-with-a-passion ways, maybe Sakura finally gave up on him and moved on to the closest thing, which really wasn't any better at all!
In her humble opinion, Sakura should just give that Lee boy a chance. He was quite taken with her!
"Hello!" She greeted them in a cheery voice, "How can I help you two today?"
She also made a mental note not to cringe whenever the Hyuuga looked at her.
Sakura, sensing the immediate and intense tension, laughed nervously and pulled Neji down with her into a seat.
"We'll have two bowls of your most popular ramen, please!"
She silently thanked whatever gods there were when Neji didn't say anything. Sakura hadn't been this nervous since she ran out and confessed her love to Sasuke on the street when he was leaving nearly 10 years ago.
"So…"She said clicking her nails on the table, "How are you, Neji-kun?"
Neji really wanted a glass of water. Because then, he could take a sip and spit it out in a fierce spray and possibly alienate her. Since when did anybody call him Neji-kun?
"Fine." He muttered in monotonously.
Then, realizing she wanted him to say something back to her, he added, "And how are you…Sakura…er…chan?"
It killed him to say it. It really did.
He could see delight show plainly on the girl's face. Oh dear…he really should stop leading her on like this.
"I'm fine!" Sakura said quite happily, "Thanks for asking!"
A pause followed.
"Um…so…Neji-kun, what do you do now?"
Neji almost smiled in relief. Almost. Sakura was making this way too easy for him. He had actually been wondering how to make their conversation steer towards the whole business related thing.
"Well," He said, sounding way too merry in Sakura's opinion, "I just joined ANBU last year. But that's not really interesting you see, because my family has a much more interesting business they've left behind for me."
Sakura nodded slowly. Something was off…
Problem 1: He sounded happy. That was just wrong.
Problem 2: She wasn't the one talking. He was…and that was also just wrong.
Problem 3: Since when did Neji refer to anybody in the Hyuuga house as family?
Ignoring these plain facts, the pink haired girl turned her attention back to Neji.
"You see," He said pointedly at Sakura, "Statistics show that lately, there has been a rise in us ninjas being a little bit more interested in the opposite sex."
The smile froze on her face.
"So, being the geniuses we Hyuuga are, we decided to come out with a whole line of birth control methods!"
She willed herself to not let her eyes glaze over and scream to herself inside.
"Of course, the best selling type of birth control is still the condom wh-"
They both turned sharply at a loud crash and saw the ramen girl staring at the two of them with a big smile on her face and two bowls of what used to be ramen on the ground.
"Er…sorry…" She muttered, "I'll go make you two some more…"
She turned around quickly and resisted the urge to tear her hair off and run away.
She had been happily making delicious ramen for the unlikely couple. Her thoughts had wandered to how pretty the night was, and how the gentle breeze could blow the fragrance of summer in their direction. Along the way, she thought of how she was one of the few who had actually seen Hatake Kakashi's face. He sure was a hottie…
Anyway, when she had actually finished making the ramen, she had taken both bowls in her hands and headed towards the couple that seemed to be in a heated conversation.
But as soon as she got within hearing range, all she caught was the word "condom"!
Condom!
Divine righteousness! Poop on toast! She sure hoped that Neji wasn't trying to get into Sakura's pants on the very first date!
"Anyway," Neji continued after that rude interruption, "The condom is our number one best seller because…well, I suppose that people still like the old fashioned way."
He was watching Sakura's reaction very closely. At first, she seemed kind of surprised, but now she seemed quite calm and fine with it. Not a good sign.
"And…" He added hastily, "We cleverly decided to name our line 'Hyuuga Helpers!' I think that's quite smart of my uncle!"
Still not much of a reaction happening…
"We're thinking about putting my face on the wrappers to attract more female customers! Our business is actually what makes us so wealthy! So, what do you think?"
Sakura was this close from falling off her stool. She vaguely remembered Tenten telling her that he would say many strange things, but this was just insane.
But…she supposed that it was all for the best. She hoped he didn't expect her to actually to keep dating him after this. In fact, she would probably avoid him after this…
Unless…
He was just testing her! He was telling her the bare truth to see how she would react! Maybe it was to see how worthy she was!
Fine, two could play at that game…
"Neji-kun!" She said and giggled, "I think that's…great!"
If he was going to try and test her how squirmish she was, then she would have to direct it back at him.
Whoever said to fight fire with fire was a goddamned fool…
That wasn't what he was expecting. Great? How was it great? He half expected her to slap him in the face and run away.
Maybe even report him to Tsunade for sexual harassment.
But instead, she had said it was great! She had to be the strangest girl he had ever met.
"Great…" He said to her.
"Yeah!" She said with a nod, "I think that's fantastic! But I've got a question for you! Do you…make diaphragms?"
He flirted with the idea of stabbing her with a kunai and committing murder-suicide.
It was quickly trashed…too many witnesses.
"Because," She said, trying not to turn red, "I really prefer diaphragms to condoms. So, do you make them?"
Sakura had no intention of telling him that she was still a virgin.
"Um…" He said uncomfortably, "I'm not really sure if we make those…"
No! He was not to be outdone by her!
"But, we do have many more options for you if you do intend to have sex!"
Rock Lee was winded by the time he found Neji and Sakura. He had run all the way from his evil and secluded house in the high mountains to Ichiraku and it was NOT a happy run. Because along the way, he just kept thinking how Neji was going to take his precious Sakura-chan away and do god knows what to her!
He had run around Konoha looking for the two of them and finally spotted them talking to each other at Ichiraku. So he hid behind a tree and stared at them.
The first time, he had thought Neji had said "condom" to Sakura and almost performed the Lotus right there, until he realized he must have been hearing wrong.
But the second time, when the fateful wind blew in his direction and he really did catch the word "sex", he had uttered a battle cry and really did start the Lotus.
That damned untrustworthy teammate of his! Only thinking about getting in Sakura's pants!
Neji was doing "fine" on his date when he suddenly heard a cry from his right.
If it hadn't been for the years and years of harsh training, he probably would've been impaled on one of Ichiraku's many comfortable stools.
It was good that he had seen Lee coming at him 300 miles per hour, because that was all it took for him to grab Sakura and swerve to the left.
Sakura, who hadn't seen anything, shut her eyes and gave a tiny "meep" as Neji pulled her away from the store.
Then they both turned in time to see Lee crash headfirst into the little defenseless shop.
It toppled.
"Lee!" Neji yelled, "What the fu-"
He didn't get to finish when Lee came charging at him, eyes wild with fury.
Oh, bad day, bad day, bad day, bad day, bad day!
He realized he couldn't attack the guy with so many people around. At the rate they were going, Lee was going to end up hurting somebody!
"Calm down!" Neji tried shouting to him but Lee just yelled again and attempted to stick his foot through Neji's midsection.
Sakura, watching helplessly at the side (since she always did), couldn't decide what to do. Should she interfere? Eh…bad idea…she would definitely get hurt. Besides, her shirt was Ino's and her friend would definitely kill her if she got it ruined.
Sigh…so she was going to have to resort to yelling at them again.
Sucking in a deep breath, Sakura exercised her vocal chords.
"STOP IT LEE!"
More than a few people in the growing crowd put their hands up to block that tremendous voice from their ears.
Lee stopped quite abruptly and looked at Sakura in confusion.
Then he gave one last dirty glare to Neji and quickly bounded to her side.
"Sakura-san!" He cried with emotion in his voice, "Did Neji do anything wrongful to damage your beautiful soul? I hope he didn't say anything to offend you!"
Sakura stared at him. Well, more than usual.
"How…what?"
Lee sighed. "I know it was wrong of me, Sakura-san! But I couldn't help it! I was so worried about you! And when I realized that Neji was trying desperately to get you into bed with him, I had to interfere!"
A stunned silence fell around the whole area.
Nobody said anything, but Neji could feel all their eyes land on him. Why believe the truth when you have a perfectly good lie being told to you by a stupid bushy-eye browed dumbass?
He had no doubt in his mind that everybody was going to say something different about him tomorrow…
It was mortifying.
In fact, nobody even paid attention when a devastated scream came from Naruto when he saw his precious Ichiraku in a pile of ruins.
Huhn…pillage then burn…
((( TBC )))
Next Chapter: Lock Away The Ladies
Oh my, I'm SOOO sorry this took so long to get up, but I tried writing it, then re-wrote it, then read it and changed it again, until I realized I will NEVER be happy with this chapter. It just doesn't flow well!
But that aside, I hope those of you who do read this review! And I promise to update sooner next time:D
Review and tell me what you think!
Yuxi