March 1st, 2013

Huzzah. Am in a relationship at long last. Only took ten years. My poor neglected diary, I've been so busy with Michael I've been forgetting to write quite as often. Such a lovely month and a half together. Now, it means putting up with women trying to flirt with him anytime we're out together. But he always shakes his head slightly when we're alone again and apologizes. He's around to my flat on a semi-regular basis. For some reason we don't seem to go to his anymore, not since that first night. I suspect he noticed my discomfort there.

"You are of strange tastes, lady Edith." He mused that night in my bed.

"You aren't that strange." I laughed, trying to catch my breath and pulling the blankets up around me. I still wasn't comfortable being naked in front of him.

"I'm pretty sure I'm the best sign of hope you've had in ages. Everything around here is so old, time for a bit of modern." He mused, looking around my bedroom.

"Antiques." I shrugged as he pulled me on top of him.

"Away with this." He grinned, moving the sheet away and leaving me bare. Noticing my discomfort he took me by surprise and began to tickle my sides. I fell forward, lying against him and laughing. Our sphere of happiness quickly shattered by the phone ringing.

With a groan, I glanced at the clock. 9.30 pm on a Friday night? A crying Ethel was waiting on the other end of the line.

"Hiya, Ethel. Very naughty man between my legs at the moment, so if we could make this quick."

"Really, Edith! You were not raised to answer the phone like that!"

"Mum!" I managed, I could feel Michael laughing beneath me.

"And whom is this man? Have you and Anthony Strallan…?"

"No, mother. His interests lie with Mary. And my gentleman caller is of no concern to you."

"So dramatic." She sighed. "Listen, I need you to go out to the house and visit your father."

"What for?"

"I'll explain it all tomorrow at lunch."

Very cryptic message. And, after Michael left to go home I called Sybil in search of information.

It was far worse than I could've imagined. Mother and father were separated.

And it would seem that Sybil had taken mother's side, while Mary was far too busy with work to take either side. Which left father sitting alone at Downton while mother took to city life.

Mother could barely spare half an hour for lunch. She half-heartedly explained:

"Your father had a fling back in '96 and for some reason decided to clear his conscious. So I figure it's my turn to have a bit of fun."

"Hardly a mature reaction."

"Perhaps I'm tired of being mature, Edith. Perhaps I'm tired of being a mother and a wife and nothing else. Maybe I'm tired of hosting dinner parties and kowtowing to your grandmother."

She had run into an old friend from America and was spending a great deal of time running around London with him. Tall, almost orange-ish thanks to his fake tan.

"Someone needs to check on your father."

"And that someone is me?"

"Sybil's busy with school, Mary with this trial she's working on."

"I work too. I have a job."

"You can spare a weekend. Go up next week, then you can meet the rest of us over at Aunt Rosie's party. I'm bringing Geoffrey." She beamed. "I must be off now, dear."

Bringing a date to a party being thrown by father's sister. Not at all cruel.

March 9th, 2013

Michael and I drove up to the country two days ago. Almost like a mini-holiday. And he had agreed to come along to the party and act as my shield. A position he had to take on quickly as we arrived to find Mary and Anthony seated in the lounge with father, who seemed rather despondent.

"Eeds, what are you doing here?" Mary questioned.

"Up early for the party, thought we'd make a weekend out of it. And you two?"

"Lot's of work to do, needed somewhere quiet." She gave me that smile. That same smile she has always given me when she believed she had one-upped me.

Father didn't move to greet me, so I went to him. Aware that Anthony and Michael were glaring at each other.

"Father, this is Michael Gregson."

"Hmm? Oh, hello. Robert Crawley." The two shook hands.

"Pleasure to meet you, sir. You've got a lovely home here."

"Thank you."

"Dad, have you eaten anything today?" I asked, noticing that he looked a bit thinner and was letting a beard grow in.

"No… no, not hungry."

"You need to have something."

Mary quickly made her exit, not caring to look after father if someone else was willing to do it. I asked Michael to take our things up to my room, giving him directions up the stairs. Which left me alone with Anthony, whom I was doing my very best to ignore.

"Come on, dad. I'll take you down to the kitchen and make something."

"All right… where… where did Mary go? I thought she was coming to see me."

I sighed, a flush of embarrassment that Anthony was there to witness that even my father would prefer his other daughters to my company.

"She just went to the library. She and Anthony are here to work. I came to see you."

"So you did." He nodded.

I got him to the doorway when he stopped and turned back to Anthony.

"Tell Mary she should come down to the kitchen when she has a break." He continued out of the room, leaving me in the doorway.

"I'm sorry, Edith." Anthony managed, quietly moving to stand next to me.

"Hurry along, don't want to keep her waiting." I replied, continuing on to look after dad.

I don't know why I thought that anything would be different. That if I wasn't a spinster they would some how com around on their opinions of me. Even with a boyfriend at my side my parents still saw right through me. I still wasn't worthy of their love or even their company.

It was one of those lovely spring days today and Michael convinced me to go for a walk. Then we somehow decided that it would be a good idea to take one of the small rowboats out on the lake, surprised to find that Mary and Anthony had had the same idea. Mary was reading from a file while Anthony would occasionally nod or correct something.

We meanwhile were behaving like teenagers on a school trip. Everything was hilarious, Michael was trying to woo me with salty poetry. I honestly can't remember the last time I laughed quite so hard. I could feel Mary's glare on me as she muttered loudly about childish behavior.

I didn't care. I was far too preoccupied with Michael deciding to abandon his rowboat and board mine.

"That's it, Crawley! I'm coming aboard! Just stay right there!" He stood up in his vessel, clearly unsteady and suddenly found himself in the lake. I laughed so hard that there were tears running down my cheeks as he resurfaced, completely soaked through. The motion of him falling in the water sent waves that turned my boat. In that moment I caught sight of Anthony staring quite openly at me. The faintest hit of a smile on his face.

"All right, you're coming in too." Michael shouted, drawing my attention again.

"What? No I'm not!" I laughed, struggling to get hold of my ores.

Dinner was a quiet affair. Father was in no mood to make conversation and the four of us hardly had anything to say to each other.

"I could never stand for cheating." I whispered later when Michael and I were curled up in my childhood bed together. Seeing my father in this state is difficult. His manner towards me is always cold, but I prefer him upbeat and cold over depressed and cold.

"I would hardly think you capable of being dishonest."

"I meant you… I love you, Michael." He fell silent and pulled me closer. I didn't know what that meant. Part of me thought that I would never know what he meant. But when I woke the next morning he was already up, dressed, and packing to leave early. I could certainly read that sign.