Disclaimer: Naruto…so obsessed…but sadly do not own…

Author's Notes: Omg im so x1000000000000000 that I havnt updated for 3 months now but ive FINALLY finished my exams (YES!) so I can update all I want now!

Warnings: Er…perverseness…? I'm seriously running out of ideas…

Chapter 5: Blonds Have More Fun

If it weren't for electricity, we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

Sakura was going through all the ways she could perhaps knock Ino out without actually hurting her when the doorbell rang. She breathed a sigh of relief and thanked the gods for their favor.

She was just fine, she really was. Neji hadn't done anything to her except kind of creep her out with all the contraception methods he made. If anything, he had saved her life when Lee freaked out on them and attacked poor Ichiraku.

Naruto was probably home crying and grieving right that second.

Anyway, Ino was so persistent that she was now scarred for life that she was starting to believe it.

Sakura knew she was going to go mad soon.

So, when Ino suddenly fell silent after 4 hours of cursing Neji, Sakura knew something was wrong. She silently tip toed down the hallway and hid behind the wall. Peeking around, she almost gasped out loud to see Neji standing at the door.

Maybe he had somehow picked up their conversation from his mansion!

Maybe he had started sneezing uncontrollably for the past 4 hours and decided to go around and see who was talking about him!

Maybe-

"Come to dinner with me tonight."

Sakura gracefully choked on her oxygen.

Maybe he just decided to ask Ino out…

Breathing out slowly, Sakura prepared to hear Ino punch him and slam the door.

She gracefully choked on her carbon dioxide when Ino said yes.

Taking this opportunity to run back to Ino's room and jump out the window, Sakura sprinted past other homes and stores only stopping for a moment to gaze longingly at Sasuke's bored form sitting on a bench.

Ino was going on a date with Neji today! After all the talk of how he was a bastard who didn't deserve to breathe, Ino had said yes to a date with him!

That hypocrite!

Damn, now she had to go around telling everybody. It was her job to be part of the gossip ring after all.

"Leave me alone, Lee."

"Tenten, I can not do that. I fear for your precious youth and purity."

Tenten's left hand held down her right so neither one could somehow end up in Lee's face. Then she put her right foot over her left so neither could miraculously end up making sure Lee would never have children.

"I'm not much of a youth anymore." She said through clenched teeth, "And purity is really stretching it, seeing as how we kill people for a living, Lee."

"Oh dear!" Lee exclaimed to her, "I don't mean that kind of purity! I mean…the other kind!"

Tenten knew exactly what kind he was talking about, but was really just ignoring all the implications that held.

"I'm just fine…nothing happened in Neji's room. I mean, seriously, what do you expect Neji to do to me?"

She knew immediately that was the wrong question to ask when Lee sucked in a deep breath of air and prepared to launch into over-protective I'm-your-close-friend-and-I-worry-so-much-about-you-and-I-fear-for-your-safety mode.

"Not listening!" She yelled at him before he could even start and walked out the door.

Then she realized it was her house so she walked back in and kicked Lee out.

"Tsunade, I know I said I owed you a favor but this is a little too far…"

Tsunade gave the girl a look.

Not a mean one, just a…look.

"Never mind…" She muttered dejectedly and sighed when Tsunade grinned in triumph.

This was dumb. Sure Tsunade had done some stuff for her in the past, but getting set up for marriage was way overdoing it in "favor" terms. Didn't this Neji person have a life of his own? Didn't he have his own girlfriend?

"Look on the bright side!" Miss Fifth Hokage who had invisible daggers going into her sides from contemptuous looks, "At least you'll get to see Sasuke again."

She chuckled (though slightly nervously) when the invisible daggers suddenly threatened to become real.

But that didn't change the fact that there was the lightest hint of a blush on the girl's cheeks.

Tenten woke up in the middle of the night…day…well, 3 o'clock in the morning with a horrible feeling in the bottom of her stomach.

She went to the bathroom and returned.

As she was drifting back into slumber land, she bolted straight up with another bad feeling in her stomach. This one was the ominous kind.

"This does not bode well…" She muttered before she realized she was saying it and sighed.

It was probably from watching too much Inu Yasha.

Shrugging it off as nothing, kunai and shuriken once again started jumping over the fence in Tenten's mind.

One kunai….

Two shuriken…

She bolted upright for the third time that night…day…3 o'clock (!) when the phone rang unexpectedly.

What kind of idiot phoned at 3 o'clock in the morning?

"What!" She barked into the phone making it sound a lot more vicious than it was intended. Well, actually, it was intended to be pretty vicious.

"It's me, Sakura!"

Tenten groaned.

"Sakura, it's 3 in the morning."

"Actually," Sakura's perky voice corrected, "It's now 3:05 in the morning."

"And that's not the point!" She quickly added when she sensed Tenten on the verge of hanging up, "I have important news!"

"I don't care!" Tenten almost wailed into the receiver. She fell back onto her soft, cushiony pillow and wished for someone to come stab her. It would be relief on her part to get away from a crazy fangirl named Sakura, even if it meant death.

Oh for Goddesses' sake! The sun wasn't even awake yet!

"You will care…" She heard Sakura whisper quietly, "Because it's about Neji."

Ok, so sue her for being a little intrigued at the sound of Neji's name.

"You have like 30 seconds before I fall asleep, Sakura."

Sakura sighed to herself in her own room. Tenten and her beauty sleep. Sheesh.

"Well, I'm sure you'll be glad to know that I overheard some interesting stuff that happened last night involving Neji and the only female blond in Konoha!"

She heard Tenten drop the phone on the other end with a loud bang.

"Hello?" Sakura said into the receiver, "Hello? Hello? Hello?"

"Yea, yea!" Tenten said in a rush, "Sorry about that, but I thought I heard you say something disturbing."

"I did." Sakura said flatly. "Neji and our only female blond."

Silence.

"But…but…but…"

"I know!" Sakura exclaimed. "That's exactly what I thought!"

"But…she…him…uh…"

"I know exactly how you feel!" Sakura nodded to herself.

"But…" Tenten managed through numb lips, "…Tsunade's SO OLD!"

Silence resonated in both the girls' rooms.

"Wha-what are you smoking?" Sakura yelled again, "I mean a blond OUR age!"

The weapon master's heart settled peacefully. Phew…if Neji had decided to go on a date with Tsunade, then she would probably go on a date with Jiraiya.

Notice how both examples are wrong and barf inducing?

"That's ok then!" Tenten said calmly, "If Neji wants a date with Temari then it's his choice!"

Sakura sighed in frustration. Amazing how stupid Tenten could be.

"I'm talking about Ino, stupid, INO!" Geez, Tenten didn't need beauty sleep, she needed intelligence sleep…

"Oh…………..." Tenten trailed off. "Ah I don't really give a flying fu-"

"But Tenten!" Sakura cut her off before that thought could ever get a chance to finish, "After all the terrible things you've heard, don't you have a problem with this? I mean, it's Ino and Neji for god's sake! They don't even look good together!"

Tenten sighed for umpteenth time. "Look, Sakura. They don't look good together. But if he really wants her on her back, then so be it!"

Sakura gaped at the phone in shock. What the hell?

"You obviously need sleep." She declared, "Because you, Tenten, do not speak like that. How vulgar and disgusting…"

"So STOP CALLING at three in the morning!" Tenten yelled weakly into her receiver and slammed it back into its cradle.

Her bed was so soft…and her eyes were already halfway closed. Soft satin sheets were crumpled around her legs, feeding her this fuzzy kind of warmth that made her even sleepier. Panic was knocking from somewhere in her head but she was just way too tired to deal with it. Sighing, Tenten fell back onto her soft pillow and fell asleep.

"Ung…"

Bright sunlight was prying at his eyes to open and welcome the day.

Screw the day.

"Neji-sama, lunch!"

He muttered something unintelligibly at the door and put a tired arm over his eyes in hopes of blocking out the sun. Well, this was the last time he was going to leave the shades open at night to see the moon.

Then, conscious thought having returned to him, Neji bolted straight up in his bed. Lunch? What the hell was that supposed to mean?

Throwing a look to his right, he found that it was half past noon. What the hell.

Then he realized he was looking at the tiny Hello Kitty clock that Tenten had given him for his birthday some 15 odd years ago. What the hell. That was supposed to be in his desk drawer, not on top of his bedside table.

His eyes narrowed suspiciously and two pupils darted back and forth across his room. Clothes were thrown haphazardly across most of his furniture. A sock was crying injustice as it covered a picture of him and Tenten on his desk.

He almost smiled at the memory of him cutting it out of a picture that he took together with his team. Lee didn't look right in any kind of picture anyway.

He sat on his bed for a while.

Silence.

Then it finally hit him that the picture was for his eyes only and he bolted out of bed so fast his boxers almost flew off. It was a welcome sight for a few fangirls crowded outside his window.

What the hell! That picture he KNEW for a fact he kept taped to the inside cover of a diary he had written when he was a lot younger.

…Not that anybody needed to know he had kept a diary…

Just what had he done last night anyway?

Shrugging it off as (hopefully) nothing, Neji got dressed and went outside into the hall. Halfway to the kitchen, he smiled because the Hyuuga mansion was so impeccably neat that it made him feel all comfortably clean, not that it made any real sense. Strangely though, every person he passed looked at him all weird like he was some 50 year old man wearing a pink sundress and singing the Hallelujah chorus.

…

Anyway, it really started to unnerve him and by the time he got to the kitchen, the soft and silky hairs on the back of his neck were standing on end.

"Hinata-sama." He greeted to his cousin and sat down across the oak table from her.

Three seconds later, she still hadn't said anything so he looked up to observe this odd behavior. Instead of the normal pale-faced Hyuuga he expected to see and greet him softly, Hinata was sitting there with a face that matched Haruno Sakura's dress.

When she finally looked up at him and saw that he was staring at her, Hinata uttered a little yelp, got even redder, attempted to get away as fast she could but ended up banging the table on her way up, and caused Neji's cereal bowl to fly up and decorate his face with pretty little O's along with a milk facial.

He was so surprised he didn't even react. Hinata covered her mouth with her hands half in terror and half because she didn't want him to see her trying to suppress a laugh.

Just as she was about to apologize quite automatically, Hinata shook her head as if scolding herself and left without a word.

Neji was so confused he didn't even notice when two O's got stuck on either eyebrow and the rest formed a nice little line across his chin. Cheerio Neji was a good look…especially when it looked like his chin and eyebrows were smiling when his actually mouth was turned in a confused frown.

It was so unlike Hinata to every ignore anybody, let alone him. Shaking his head in a stunned kind of denial, Neji forced his butt out of his favorite chair and walked slowly to the bathroom.

Along the way, he swore he heard somebody mutter, "He deserved every bit of that."

Neji found that enjoying scenery around Konoha was a bit hard when every person you passed stared at you like you were some freak.

He was so grateful when he got to practice he almost kissed a nearby tree. The only thing that held him back was the beautiful memory of Kiba and Akamaru doing target practice with Akamaru peeing every which way in the air.

He hadn't set more one foot into their normal training ground when Lee tackled him so hard the air went flying out of him.

He was so surprised he again didn't even react.

It was a world record, seriously…Neji surprised twice in one day.

"Wha-" He sputtered out before Lee grabbed him by the shoulders and proceeded to try and punch him in the face.

Neji managed to dodge it and twisted Lee's arm behind his back to immobilize him.

"What the hell is wrong with everybody today?" Neji yelled incredulously.

First everyone stares at him. Then Hinata decides to ignore him. Then Lee tries to kill him without a word! There's usually a reason!

Tenten was just staring at the both of them. Ok, now he was extremely confused. She would usually try to break them apart…

"Oh my god…" Tenten muttered at him.

"What?" He looked around to make sure she was talking to him.

"Were you really that drunk?"

Neji stopped struggling with Lee immediately.

"…What?"

"You don't even remember?" Tenten shook her head at him.

Now he felt like a little boy's who just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Except this little boy had no idea what was going on and had no memory of the past 12 hours.

Seeing the confused look on Neji's face, Lee also stopped struggling and turned to him not even bothering to hide the sigh.

"Neji, rumor has it that you got so drunk you took Ino back to your place and showed her things you wouldn't show just anybody…and then you proceeded to do very embarrassing things to Hinata."

If Neji's jaw hadn't been attached to his skull, it would've flown right off his face.

((( TBC )))

Strange ending huhn? Well, I need everything else to be for next chapter, so review! Oh, and I PROMISE I wont take forever with the next chapter…so review!