April 17th, 2013

As of this day Crawley Publishing is officially in business.

We have literally no business yet. But I've never seen papa happier before in my life. Even his depression over mother seems to have dissipated, if only during work hours. We've set up shop in small but significantly better-decorated offices. No modern art or glass walls. We each have our own office, with another sitting vacant for when I find another editor. At the desk out front sits receptionist and shared secretary Daisy. As there isn't much business yet there isn't much need for a plethora of secretaries.

A few loyal clients from the past have agreed to come with me, but they've got to finish the new books first.

"Don't you have a manuscript sitting in a drawer somewhere?" Papa asked over lunch, which was take out sandwiches at his desk.

"Don't you?" I countered nervously.

"Of course I do. Though it isn't very good."

"According to whom?"

"Your mother is the only one I let read it." He shrugged.

"I haven't let anyone read mine… perhaps we should trade." I have no idea what possessed me. Part of me thought it would be a good idea, a gesture to put us on even ground in terms of the business. On the other hand the topic of my novel is a middle child, least loved by her family, striking out on her own. A bit self-indulgent? Possibly. But I had started it in university when I was on my own for the first time. This would be the real test of how much my father could truly acknowledge their treatment. While I wrote it as a fiction… well, one needn't look too hard to find where the inspiration came from.

"Mine is a it autobiographical." He warned.

"Mine too."

Apparently papa and I will be getting to know each other.

x-X-x

April 20th, 2013

I've been reading my father's book nonstop for three days. Just finished, couldn't stop crying. I had no idea his parents were so… so… oppressive. Can scarcely gather my thoughts right now.

x-X-x

April 27th, 2013

Papa has my book, he went back to Downton for the week so the wait for his feedback is in fact killing me right now.

Tonight was another horrid event on its own: A Bates Dinner Party.

A gathering of blissful, happily married and reproducing couples, plus a few spares.

Anna and John, of course, the perfect couple and the only one I usually like at these gatherings.

Alfred and Thomas, the couple to show how progressive everyone is to have a homosexual set in their friendship collection.

Calvin and Robyn, a couple I've never seen before in my life, despite Anna insisting that I've met them numerous times before.

To my utter delight (please note the sarcasm), my mother and Rick, her Californian beau who can barely be older than Sybil. As well as Mary and Anthony. And seated next to me, the other spare of the evening, the beloved Matthew.

"What fresh hell is this?" I whispered to Matthew as he stood to pull my chair out for me.

"One that will be lasting far longer than my sanity." He whispered back.

"As long as we're suffering together, dearest." There must have been something in our laughter or the smiles we exchanged because before Matthew could fill my wine glass Mary lunged with a dig.

"No Gregson with you tonight, Eeds?" Anthony's head shot up at the question, trying look as though he was only casually interested.

"Oh, didn't you hear they split up?" Thomas asked. "Quite publicly according to Sarah O'Brien. Must've really lid into him to win her praise."

"Yes. I was rather surprised to have her support. And I would've though you'd have heard, Mary. You're so well informed about Michael otherwise."

"You mean about him being married? Completely slipped my mind."

"That forgetfulness must be greatly appreciated by your clients." I observed casually, sipping at my wine and earning a wink from Matthew.

"Now girls." Mother laughed nervously, glancing at her male friend. "Edith, you can't expect Mary to keep tabs on your life, she's very busy."

"Edith!" John suddenly cut in, attempting to keep a fight from breaking out. "How's the business with Robert coming along?"

"Wonderful, thank you."

"Business?" Mother suddenly lost interest in everything else going on at the table.

"Yes. Papa and I have gone into publishing together."

"That's… that's marvelous. Your father always wanted to."

"I've never seen him so excited about something before. And he seems to be enjoying all that London has to offer." Mother looked affronted as John carried on asking questions. Eventually she excused herself, her young man following behind.

"Really, Edith!" Mary exclaimed quietly so that only the men sitting on either side of us could hear. "That was so cruel to mother."

"Cruel?" Never in my life did I imagine taking one parents' side over the other. But in that moment all I could think about was papa mooning over mother while she swanned around town with a man half her age. "He has been miserable for months while she's been doing God knows what with that teenager. All with no consideration for her husband or his feelings."

"Don't bother, Eeds." Matthew interrupted me. "We both know whose side your sister is on when it comes to an affair." I could've kissed Matthew.

"This is neither the time nor the place, Matthew." Mary warned.

"Worried about decorum? Certainly never stopped you before."

"I have marvelous decorum." She fired back, it was a stretch and apparently Matthew has been spending some time having this argument in his head.

"Oh yes, you're the picture of proper etiquette. Tell me where does sneaking around with my best mate land on the spectrum of propriety? Or letting your sister date a man you know to be a married cad? Of course it never occurred to you to say something, that would've required giving thought to someone other than yourself."

With that Matthew left the table, followed by Mary who was determined not to let him have the final word. With four people gone Anthony and I were the only two left at our end of the table and I was suddenly aware of all eyes on me.

"That's what you get when you've got more than one Crawley at the table." I shrugged. John and Anna laughed, letting everyone else know that it was okay to go back to their meal. The whole time I was vaguely aware of Anthony watching me.

"I'm sorry, Edie." Anna apologized as she saw me to the door after dinner." I should've known better than to seat you all together."

"Always the optimist, Anna."

"MAMA!" We both turned to see one of the Bates daughters out of bed and standing at the top of the stairs in her pajamas.

"Duty calls. I'm sorry it wasn't a better night."

"That's all right. I've had worse."

"We both have." She laughed before heading upstairs.

I stood at the front door waiting for m taxi to arrive when I felt someone watching me.

"I can always tell when you're near." I muttered, pulling my jacket on.

"Is that so?"

"Yes, I usually end up with the feeling that I'm being watched."

"I find myself incapable of looking away when you're in the room."

"Why do you say things like that when you're with my sister."

"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"I don't date men when they're with other women. Or did you not pick that up during dinner?"

"You and Michael Gregson are completely finished then?"

"Yes. I got to make a fool of myself twice in the bunny costume. So you needn't go out of your way to make me feel like some sort of pathetic idiot, I manage quite well on my own most of the time."

"I don't think your pathetic and you're clearly quite bright, though you have alarming taste in men and your public speaking skills leave something to be desired… that aside, I like you quite a lot, just as you are."

"Apart from the verbal diarrhea and being dressed by my mother and being the spinster of the trio?"

"Perhaps I was a bit forward in my judgment, you certainly aren't the only one to put their foot in their mouth… Perhaps we could… I could… I would like to get to know you…"

"Edith, dearest, would you like a ride home?" Matthew asked loudly appearing from one of the back rooms.

"Yes please, my taxi seems to have gotten lost." I nodded, pulling Matthew's jacket from the hook and handing it to him. "Anthony… good to see you."

It was all I could think to say to him.

"Why so quiet?" Matthew asked as he drove me back to my flat.

"Anthony said he liked me."

"You're quite likable."

"He's dating Mary."

"He's being used by Mary, I don't think his heart is in it."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because your sister and I weren't fighting in the other room."

"Good lord, you two have the most dysfunctional…"

"I know." He pulled to a stop at my curb and turned to face me. "Edith, you are a marvelous woman, were I not in a very bizarre dance with your sister I would be trying to snatch you up for myself."

"Liar."

"Yes, I like snarky brunettes. But I'm telling you the truth here; I know that you feel over looked a lot and you shouldn't be. You are worthy of someone's attention and I think that if you like Anthony then the two of you should pursue it."

"I wish she treated you better."

"It's a mutual mistreatment." He shrugged.

"Should really figure that out, you could make another woman ridiculously happy."

"I'd rather be miserable with Mary then happy with another woman."

"Strange man."

"I know it. Good night, Eeds."

"Night, dearest."

It's 2 am now. I can't stop thinking about Anthony Strallan.