Disclaimer: I still own nothing, otherwise people would be doing a lot more than far-off staring in the anime…

Author's Notes: Hehe, took forever this time to update, but still only a couple of months or so right? Anyway, the only way to cure writer's block is to write, but honestly, I've seen like 30 new animes since I last updated this thing, so naruto's not exactly on the favorites list anymore with those neverending fillers…

Warnings: I guarantee that you'll be stupider after reading this chapter --;;

Chapter 8: Cruel to Be Kind

Artificial intelligence will never be a match for natural stupidity.

Recap since it's been forever...

Neji has been asked out by our favorite Uchiha and is in stunned silence. He is now anxiously waiting the pretty Hyuuga's reply. Remember, they must do this 'cuz Tsunade is forcing them…not 'cuz they really really want each other…lol

"I have no intention of replying to that."

Crickets chirped outside. The sun was still out and it warmed the heads if not hearts of people walking outside. Golden sunshine poured into a lonely, non-descript window in the Konoha hospital and spilled onto the hair of one Hyuuga Neji.

Of course, inside, everyone was pretty sure the sunshine would rather have shone somewhere else.

Paint peeled off walls. Air remained stale and tinged with medicinal smells. Tumbleweed rolled across newly polished floors. Hyuuga Neji and Uchiha Sasuke stared at each other like a blemish, god forbid, had appeared on both their beautiful and perfectly smooth faces.

Sakura and Ino smiled nervously at each other. Well, this hadn't turned out the way they were expecting.

"What?" Sasuke asked quietly at last, not expecting such a cold response.

"I said: I have no intention of replying to that." Neji lapsed back into the tense silence.

He stared at Sasuke. Sasuke stared at him. Sakura stared at Sasuke. Ino stared at Neji. Lee danced around outside in the hallway and greeted passing nurses.

Sasuke turned his head a little ways to the side and squinted at Neji. Maybe Neji just didn't know what was going on…

"Look," He said pretty blankly, "I'm not doing this by choice. The fact of the matter is-"

"I know." Neji cut him off. "Tsunade sent me the letter."

"You too?"

"Of course."

"Then it said?"

"Clear as day."

"Was it pretentious?"

"That she was far more-"

"Superior." Sasuke finished for him with a smirk.

Sakura and Ino practically swooned on their feet. The two hottest ninjas in Konoha were finishing each other's thoughts! Not only that, but it made sense to them!

"Then I guess I'll pick you up tonight." Sasuke said at last and turned on his heels to leave.

When his almighty presence finally left the room, Ino rushed towards Neji and bent down to whisper in his ear.

"You're so totally welcome!"

Neji almost burst a blood vessel.

Before he could open a can of whoop-ass on either of them, Sakura grabbed her best friend by the hand and dragged her outside.

There was no doubt in Neji's mind that they were going to tell every single living soul what they knew about his exciting plans that night.

Now if only he were gay…

Sakura and Ino were gossiping to each other so fast as they walked that it pretty much surpassed the speed of sound and sounded like nonsensical gibberish to anyone else that heard them.

But hey, it made sense to them, and that's all that mattered.

"We need to dress him up pretty!" Sakura plotted with a huge grin on her face.

"We do indeed! Do you know what kind of color Neji likes?" Ino asked excitedly.

"Hm…no…" Sakura replied with a frown and both girls stopped a minute to think.

"Who cares?" Ino shrugged, "We can just get Sasuke-kun up in pink and Neji-kun in purple and it'll all be good!"

"Oh, Ino!" Her best friend giggled, "You're so good at this kind of thing!"

"I know!" The blond laughed and they skipped hand in hand into the sunset.

Or that's what everyone would like to say except it was noon and they were creeping people out with their stereotypical thoughts of what colors Neji and Sasuke should dress in.

When Sasuke finally managed to sit down on his comfy bed, he really thought that he could get in a few hours of peace and quiet before the hellish night began. Maybe he deserved to be disturbed for being so naïve.

After no more than a minute and 23 seconds, he heard the doorbell ring. Then whoever it was rang it a few hundred times consecutively and almost blew out his eardrums.

"What!" He half-snarled in pain while trying to cover his years when he opened the door.

He stared at Sakura and Ino's faces for a while.

Oh, the temptation of slamming the door…

"We came to make you over!" They chorused at once, and the pretty Uchiha's hand really almost slammed the door shut.

However, before he was even to the doorknob, Ino dragged Sakura into his house and cooed over his pretty stuff.

Before he could get in a word, they grabbed him and dragged him protesting all the way to his room.

"We said we were going to make you over, and we are!" Sakura smiled.

Sasuke looked at her sideways. He had seen some pretty scary people in his life…but that smile on her face…that smile…

He swallowed a huge ball of fear in his throat when Ino whipped out a make-up case and Sakura whipped out a few million brushes.

"Ow…ow…" Sasuke ground out through his clenched teeth and prayed for instant death.

Sakura was practically yanking his hair out trying to get it into another position. Why didn't the woman understand that he was just born like that? Of COURSE he had tried to get it in another position before, but the hundreds of dollars he blew on gel might as well have been flushed down the toilet because it did absolutely nothing for him.

"Hey! Don't go in there!"

The pretty Uchiha called out in annoyance to Ino who had previously been rummaging through his closet.

"You're not allowed to go into the bathroom!"

Ino just looked at him like he must have been joking.

"Too bad!" She grinned and waltzed in.

"Oh great…" Sasuke muttered and shook his head.

"Stop moving around!" Sakura yelled at him impatiently, "You want me to pull your hair out?"

Sasuke came so close to just cutting all his hair off and running.

"Kill me…"

Ino giggled evilly as she heard Sakura pampering a pretty little doll by the name of Sasuke. They sounded so much like a couple it was frightening…but OH so juicy…

Taking her focus off of them for a while, she turned around in Sasuke's bathroom and felt her jaw hit the floor.

It was huge.

A big bathtub, carpeting through the whole thing, 4 pairs of fuzzy slippers, and what seemed to be closet.

"This is freaking bigger than my house…" She muttered unbelievably and began the journey.

Her mom has always told her that to see what a man was really like, you have to go through his medicine and hygiene cabinet. It was a weird thing to teach your daughter, but Ino began to understand why after opening Sasuke's bathroom mirror.

Facial scrub?

How girly…

Pore cleansers?

Girly.

Scented bubble bath crystals?

Childish AND girly.

Age-defying wrinkle cream?

Gir-

What?

Ino inspected the container very closely in disbelief. Her mom used this stuff…

Shuddering at the obscurity of it all, she quickly let herself out, but finally understood the connections.

This bathroom is why he had such beautiful and glowing skin.

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?" Desperate this time.

"No." Starting to get pissed.

"For me…?"

"Oh well if it's for you then of course I will."

"Really?" Sakura squealed excitedly.

"For the love of my sanity NO!" Sasuke growled at her and felt his eyes starting to twitch.

"But it's only for one night!" Sakura wailed and pouted unhappily.

She thought about it for a while.

"What if I make a deal with you to not say anything to you for a month?"

"No-" Sasuke cut off abruptly. "…Really?"

"Sure!" She said.

"Well…" He sighed in defeat. "Fine…"

Sakura smirked. She knew her man well…

"What are you smirking about?" Sasuke demanded and Sakura shook her head quickly.

"Nothing! Just go put it on!"

He sighed again and walked towards his bathroom. He couldn't even bring himself to look at Ino as he passed by. The only thought going through his brain was how he was going to live down being seen in a flaming neon pink shirt.

"He's gone to go change." Ino whispered to Sakura.

"I know!" Sakura whispered back. "You want to leave him and go bother–er–help Neji now?"

"Yes!" The blond hissed at her best friend and both of them chuckled ominously as they jumped out Sasuke's window into the unsuspecting world.

Does anybody use the door anymore?

Neji had been feeling itchy as if impending doom was going to smack him in the faceany timeduring this day. He didn't know why, but as soon as he had left (also known as run away) from the hospital, he had started to get a funny feeling like something bad was going to happen.

He had NO idea it was going to come in the form of two crazy women.

"Neji!" Someone squealed when he opened the door.

"We're here to make you over-"

"-So you can look presentable on your date-"

"-With the one and only-"

"Sasuke-kun!"Two voices screeched in unison in his ear.

He didn't even have time to react after opening the door. It was a blur of pink and yellow and then he ended up on his living room floor with one on his back yanking his shirt off and the other practically breaking his neck trying to powder his face.

Neji could logically assume it was Sakura and Ino. He was a genius after all.

Deep breath.

"Get OFF me!" He gracefully yelled although it wasn't yelling because graceful people didn't yell, "Or I will seriously kill the both of you here and now!"

"Aw…" Ino cooed, "He's so full of hot air. He's so much more fun and cuter when he's drunk!"

Neji felt his face go ten shades redder.

"Get off…" He growled, voice dipping dangerously low.

"Fine, fine…" Ino sighed, "I need to go in your bathroom anyway."

She got off and Neji dusted himself off.

And then she yanked his shirt clear off his body and over his head before running into his bathroom.

"Oh goddam-" Neji tried to start on his list of explicit words but was cut off as Sakura grabbed his cheeks and made a smooching face at him.

"Now put your lips like this so I can put some lip gloss on you."

Neji also almost came so close to just cutting off his lips and running.

Ino gasped again as she quietly closed Neji's bathroom door behind her.

Did everyone have such gigantic bathrooms?

Shaking her head, the blond started going through Neji's medicine cabinet.

Facial scrub AGAIN?

How girly…

Pore cleansers?

Girly.

Scented bubble bath crystals?

Still just as childish and girly as Sasuke.

Age-defying wrinkle cream?

…What the HELL was going on?

Her father AND mother both used this stuff! Why were both Neji AND Sasuke using it?

Feeling completely out of place, Ino left the twilight zone known as Neji's bathroom and entered back into the living room.

Not only was Neji's face glowing like a prom queen, he was also wearing the neon purple shirt they had picked out for him. She was surprised as hell that Sakura had managed to get it on him without using force, but shrugged her surprise off.

"Well, all you have to do now is wait for Sasuke to pick you up!" Sakura said cheerfully and grabbed Ino's hand without another word. Both of them left quickly, but Ino didn't question anything.

Once outside again, the blond grabbed Sakura and grinned wickedly.

"What did you do to get him to agree that fast?"

Sakura smiled. "I told him neither one of us would talk or bother him for two months."

Both girls stared at each other a while before bursting out in laughter.

Best friends really were hard to find…but they had both found each other.

Now if only it wouldn't cause chaos in the world…

Sasuke cleared his throat uncomfortably as he walked down the street. Oh, the strange looks he was getting was crazy…it would even be funny if he weren't so completely mortified.

"Look…" He heard someone whisper, "The last Uchiha's finally lost his marbles…"

It took all his willpower not to Chidori the guy's ass.

Smiling painfully, he rounded the corner to the Hyuuga mansion. Sasuke stared at their finely polished wood door for about five minutes.

"Well…" He muttered to himself, "Here goes nothing…"

The door swung open a few seconds after he knocked.

He stared for a while.

And today, this day, went down in history as the day that both Hyuuga Neji AND Uchiha Sasuke fainted dead away.

((( TBC )))

WOW. Lol I FINALLY finished something! I apologize endlessly that it took me half a year to update this…but there's so many reasons as to why that I just won't get into it here. Please review if there's anyone still reading this! I promise to see you guys soon!