Disclaimer: I don't freaking own it if you hadn't noticed already! (Hehehe…everyone would be freaking like bunnies if I did, so be grateful ;P)

Author's Notes: I'M ALIVE!!12. Yea, I know I said I would update faster this time, but I am now literally forcing myself to write this thing. No longer interested in naruto. Well…that's a lie, but I'll just stick with it since I haven't updated in so long.

Warnings: VERY VERY tasteless humor is about to follow. I'm not kidding. It's so tasteless I'm even a little ashamed of it. Please take it with a grain of salt.

Chapter 9: Guy Got Game

Two men look out through the same bars:
One sees the mud, and one the stars.

Recap (since it has once again, been forever!)

Sasuke is at Neji's door, prepared to take him out on a (hot) date! Unfortunately, when he sees Neji dressed the way that Sakura and Ino got him in, he faints! Fanservice anyone?

Neji's entire upper body was achy.

He already had a headache from all the interference and pure annoyance Sakura and Ino had caused him not too long ago.

Then his doorbell had rung, so he opened it to be half blinded. What the hell was Sasuke thinking, wearing something so damned…neon pink?

And THEN, as if that weren't enough, that stupid Uchiha had the nerve to faint dead away on his doorstep. So of course, conveniently being the only one in the near vicinity, Neji had to drag Sasuke's lifeless body through his long, long, LONG front hallway lined with plush carpet, half carry it a million miles to the other side of the Hyuuga mansion towards the section reserved for guests, then heave him onto a soft, velvet couch to figure out a course of action.

At least his house, though most sane people called it mansion, was decorated well.

Neji sighed. Who knew Sasuke was so heavy? His arms and back hurt from all the manual labor. After fainting, Neji had had no time to take Sasuke's shoes off. His form was now lying on one of Neji's favorite velvet couches…and tracking dirt.

"Oh, will you just get over it and wake up?" Neji muttered, clearly a little pissed from the day's events. If only Sakura and Ino hadn't been so damned conniving!

He leaned a little closer to Sasuke to glare at the poor unconscious boy.

"Hurry up and wake up before I beat you awake!" Neji muttered again.

How uncharacteristic of him to talk to himself!

He once again leaned closer still, hoping the death glares he was sending may somehow reach Sasuke's subconscious, prompting him to wake up.

"Get up you poophead!"

Sakura and Ino sat idly on a bench, neither saying a word.

Well, we can all see the problem with that.

"We shouldn't." Ino stated.

"I know…" Sakura trailed off.

More silence ensued.

Passer-bys looked at them and then looked at the sky to see if the apocalypse had come. Sakura and Ino being idle? Sacrilege!

"We'll get in trouble."

Sakura nodded. "I know."

Tumbleweed rolled across the empty street in front of the two girls.

"Ah, hell, let's just go spy on them anyway."

So they left.

"Shh…" Ino shushed her best friend as they drew closer still to Neji's mansion.

"I know!" Sakura hissed for the nth time, then looked at the blonde suddenly. "How do we know where they are in this mansion?"

Ino smiled in a way nobody normal would care for. "I planned this out in my head. If my calculations were correct, Sasuke-kun would be so floored when he sees Neji that they're going to lose all self-control and tackle each other right in the front hallway! Since they know they must reserve at least some dignity, Neji would most likely drag Sasuke-kun to an inconspicuous part of the mansion. That being said…they're probably in the guest section of the mansion right now doing the dirty."

Sakura just gaped.

"…You calculated all of this in your head??" She screamed in a whisper. Was her friend really this evil and twisted?

And dear lord, what a sight that would make, having two hottie lone wolves go at each other like bunnies!

Gah! She was turning into a pervert!

Sakura quickly shook her head to attempt to get the dirty thoughts out of her head, but honestly, would anyone WANT to get that image out of their heads?

"That would be so hot…" She murmured unconsciously.

Ino grinned. "I know…"

All attempts to be normal failed. Any attempt to attempt another attempt aborted. Before long, they were just crawling around the first floor windows and chatting like mad what they each wanted to happen in that little room the date was taking place.

"Do you hear whispering?" Hinata asked quietly.

"Actually…" Tenten tilted her head to the side; "I hear a lot of hushed squeals and bursts of giggling."

She looked over at her pale-eyed friend and they both turned to look at the Hyuuga mansion.

"Don't you think that's weird?" The brunette asked, "You guys can see through walls. How can there possibly be people on crazy pills crawling outside your walls without someone like Neji noticing?"

Hinata looked startled. She hadn't even thought about that.

"You're right…" She finally said after a while, "I think we should investigate."

So, putting their elaborate plan into action, the two girls quietly walked up the exposed front walkway to find their crazy lunatics and lock them away.

When they actually found the source of the whispering and hushing, both of them deadpanned.

"It's Sakura and Ino." Hinata said.

"I know." Tenten replied, "But I think they more than qualify for crazy lunatics if they're willing to sneak around outside the Hyuuga mansion and talk that loudly."

A moment of silence ensued.

"What are they talking about?" Hinata questioned incredulously, seeing as how she could understand about one word out of twenty that spewed from the two girls' mouths.

"Oh ignore them…" Tenten muttered while rolling her eyes, "They're just speaking fangirl."

More silence.

"Hey!" The weapons specialist barked, "What do you two think you're doing?"

Sakura and Ino jumped about three feet into the air, and Tenten only then realized they hadn't noticed her and Hinata standing behind them the whole time.

She was just about to start lecturing them when Sakura abruptly cut her off.

"They're in there doing the nasty!!!!" She cried excitedly, and Hinata felt her whole body go cold.

Tenten quirked an eyebrow at them. "Who are we talking about and why, pray tell, are you going to WATCH them while they're doing it?"

Ino and Sakura shared an excited squeal that got dogs in a two block radius to start barking at.

"It's Neji and Sasuke-kun!!!!"

Now Tenten felt her body go cold.

"…What…" Both her and Hinata questioned flatly, unable to believe such absurdity.

"We're not kidding!" Ino exclaimed, "They're seriously in there, so all we need to do now is find where their room is and…observe!"

Tenten only took one moment to look over at Neji's poor, distraught, innocent cousin before turning back, fully prepared to do some yelling and smacking.

Neji was silently smoldering in his crouched position, unaware that his face was about 3 uncomfortable inches away from Sasuke's. All he wanted was the dumb Uchiha to wake up so they could all get on with their lives and he could get over this dating fiasco as fast as possible.

Gay. Pshaw. He loved Tenten too much to think about anything else.

Just as he got distracted and lost in thought, Sasuke picked this particular moment to wake up and open his eyes.

It had been a nice, dark dream. Tsunade had fallen into a ditch somewhere and couldn't climb out, so he had stood next to the edge and laughed while pointing childishly. It was lovely.

However, when he opened his (sexy) onyx eyes, he was met with no more than extremely pale skin, a tight mouth, and two seemingly gaping nostrils of someone hovering over him.

"Eh…!" He grunted, more out of surprise than fear, though he wasn't lacking in the latter, and reflexively brought his arms up to push the giant face away.

Neji was surprised to say the least when he felt Sasuke smoke him in the face.

He let out a startled yelp as he lost all balance and fell backwards, landing with a thud.

"Sasuke!" He proclaimed loudly, even more pissed now than he was before, having had dragged dead weight for a mile, waited around for almost half an hour for said dead weight to wake his ass up, and then getting smoked in the face with Sasuke's elbow to top it off! How much worse could the day get?

He had to ask.

The four kunoichi were fighting a verbal battle of epic proportions over the ethical and moral issues of spying on Neji and Sasuke doing the dirty when they all heard something that stopped them cold.

A grunt from Sasuke.

Followed by a thud.

"Sasuke!" They all heard Neji proclaim in a defining finish.

Deathly silence fell over the girls.

Sakura managed to collect her wits long enough to give Tenten a pointed "I-told-you-so" look.

Tenten was just about to open her mouth and try and defend herself when Neji's voice floated out of the window.

"What did you do that for?" The Hyuuga's voice yelled.

"It's your fault for being that close!" Sasuke's reply came. "What kind of normal person just hovers like that?"

"Well I didn't know how long you were just going to lie there, did I?" The retort came.

The four kunoichi standing outside stared at each other. This conversation was so…so…

Well. What else COULD they be talking about?

"You know what?" Sasuke's voice asked, "Let's just move on."

A moment of silence.

"Fine." Came Neji's blank reply.

The two boys stared at each other for a moment longer before Neji finally gave in. What was the point in acting all cool and mysterious in front of another guy who basically did the same thing he did? And besides, they had to be here for the whole day anyway, so they might as well do something that wasn't completely and utterly useless like staring at each other.

Neji stood up and motioned for Sasuke to follow him.

Once in the hallway, he worked up the nerve to ask what was on his mind.

"You like videogames?"

Silence.

That's all there was.

"Where did they go?" Sakura whispered, clearly confused by the turn of events.

Ino glanced back at Tenten, who was trying and failing not to look interested in what was going on.

"I think they may have relocated to another destination in search of an atmosphere that can obtain optimal results for male bonding."

Tenten and Sakura looked at the blonde, not sure who was talking. Since when was Ino that articulate?

"Right…" Sakura trailed off. "Anyway, we've got to follow them! Where do you think they'll be?"

"Why are we following them?" Hinata asked, voice small and person clearly more than a little uncomfortable with the situation. It wasn't everyday that people were trying to persuade her into following her anti-social cousin so the lot of them could spy on him doing impure things that should never be mentioned.

"Because!" Ino answered in exasperation, "Just because! Hinata-chan, you're too young to understand. You'll learn about it someday, when the time comes."

"But we're the same age!" Hinata exclaimed.

"Yeah, well…bah! Whatever! Let's just go to the living room!" Sakura replied.

"Why the living room?"

"Because that's where you do stuff."

"Like what?" Tenten dared to venture.

"Like television, of course!" Sakura said.

"And why are we going to stare at them watching television?"

"Because they might kiss while they're doing it! Look, stop asking so many questions!"

And with that, the four girls, two willing and two grudgingly willing to follow, made their way along the walls to where the living room would be.

Sasuke was surprised. If anything, he never pegged Neji to be a video game person, much less a hardcore gamer geek. But here he was, sitting on a stool in front of Neji's television with the Wii Remote in hand, trying desperately to get Link through the Forest Temple.

"I love this thing." He said, cool demeanor all but gone. The atmosphere certainly had lightened ever since Sasuke had laid eyes on a Wii, sitting idly in Neji's living room. He wanted one himself, since it was by far the best video game console ever created, but was too afraid someone would find out and deem him uncool for being a gamer.

"I know." Neji replied. "And it wasn't expensive either. I love my Wii."

Sasuke snickered.

"Oh, shut up and tell me when you graduate from being 4 years old!" The Hyuuga rolled his eyes at Sasuke.

"You love your Wii." The Uchiha continued.

All right, so he was immature beyond belief. But, Neji realized, there wouldn't be another opportunity like this to bond with someone so similar to himself. Oh well. He could stand to be immature for a day.

"All right, why don't we get it all out of our systems?" He asked.

"Ok, we're here!" Ino whispered. "I hear their voices."

The four of them stayed silent, and heard Neji saying something.

"I love my wee. I play with my wee all the time. I look forward to playing with my wee everyday before I get home. I can play with my wee for hours on end. There. Are you happy now?"

They heard Sasuke laugh.

Woah…Sasuke was laughing?

And for that matter, WOAH, what the HELL was Neji talking about?

They obviously misunderstood that what they were actually hearing was Wii. But, to their ears, Wii equals wee. Oh well, same difference.

Hinata looked like she was about to have a brain aneurysm. Sakura and Ino looked very excited, for some odd reason. Tenten was thinking about her immense arsenal of weapons. Which one would be best to stick between Neji's ribs the next time she saw him? Hard decision indeed…

A glorious moment of silence echoed through the Hyuuga compound.

"Oi, you're doing it all wrong!" They heard Neji almost yell.

That got all their attentions.

"I know that, but do you know how hard it is?" Sasuke demanded.

Sakura and Ino each smothered their screams into their arms and cursed Neji for not pulling the drapes up so they could actually see what was going on.

Hinata covered her ears with her hands and turned impossibly red. Tenten had on a mask of blankness and indifference, but only because if she were forced to emote, she would probably scream and rip her ears off.

"I know it's hard, but I've done this tons of times already!" Neji replied.

"That's you! You've done this so much more than I have!"

"It doesn't matter. Hey, watch it! That doesn't go there! No, no, no! You have to put-yeah, ok! That's right. Put it there. Now you can see the entrance, see?"

"Oh…!" Sasuke sounded delighted. "I get it now! So…should I go in?"

"Of course, you idiot! Stop wasting my time and get on with it already!"

Two fangirls giggled unhealthily outside. The other two just stood in horrified silence.

An hour later…

"You're almost there! Come on! Go! Faster!" Neji demanded.

"I'm going, I'm going! Sheesh! You're such a slave driver!" Sasuke retorted.

By now, the entire audience of four outside was sitting around in a circle. It had taken almost a full half hour, but Tenten and Hinata finally got desensitized by what was going on inside to care anymore. So, they had opted to sit next to Sakura and Ino and wait patiently for the two boys inside to…finish.

"You know, they sure have stamina…" Sakura whispered, eyes a little too wide to be normal.

"Yeah!" Ino replied, "They've been going at it for over an hour!"

"There! You're practically done! Now just stick it in all the way and you'll FINALLY be done!!!!!" They heard Neji exclaim in excitement.

Which was so wrong, Neji being excited, but they were too preoccupied with his words anyway.

"Augh!" Sasuke groaned.

A moment of silence.

"FINALLY!!!" The four girls heard both boys exclaim, and then heard Sasuke utter a sigh of immense relief.

"My arm's really tired now." The Uchiha stated.

"All right, we'll take a break, I guess. But I still can't believe how long it took for you to finish! I think I only took 40 minutes!"

"Yeah, well, that's you!"

"Fine, fine. It was your first time. I don't blame you. Come on, let's take a break."

Silence followed.

"They've…left." Hinata whispered.

"Yup." Tenten said.

"It was…Sasuke-kun's first time…" Sakura sighed.

"Yup." Tenten said.

"I'm…I'm…" Ino stuttered.

"Yup." Tenten said.

"Well." Sakura declared finally, "Let's go knock and see if we can get any information about how the relationship will progress from here."

Wordlessly, the four of them got up and trudged to the front door.

Tenten's mind was in turmoil. What did this mean? Well, it was obvious. But what did this mean for her? For her and Neji as a whole? Did this completely put an end to any hope that she may have? Was this all there was?

"I still think Ocarina of Time was better." Sasuke mused.

"Yeah, I guess so." Neji shrugged. "But you have to admit, the graphics in this Zelda game are phenomenal."

"Right, right." The Uchiha responded.

The two carried on the conversation.

"Sasuke, your face is all red." Neji said.

"I can't help it." Sasuke replied in a huff, "This is what happens when I play video games. Too much excitement and visual stimulation, I tell you! That's why I was hesitant in buying a Wii at all!"

"Mm…I guess that makes sense." Neji replied as the two of them walked up to the front door. "In that case, I guess we should get some fresh air."

And with that, he opened the door.

Sakura was just about to knock when the massive front door to the Hyuuga mansion swung open.

Four girls stared up at two boys for a long moment of silence.

They absorbed Sasuke's flushed face.

"Uh…what are you girls doing here…?" Neji started to ask.

Sakura and Ino were just about to open their mouths and demand details or deal with the consequence of blackmail when Tenten pushed them aside and stomped right up to Neji.

"Neji." She stated flatly.

Neji gulped. He had never seen this type of determined look on Tenten's face before.

She, on the other hand, was feeling more nervous than she had ever felt before in a lifetime. There was that small, burning hope deep down inside of her that this whole thing was a misunderstanding. Maybe…maybe they were talking about something else, and it just sounded wrong to the unknowing ear.

"What were you guys doing in there?" She demanded, as straight forward as possible.

Neji and Sasuke glanced around at the four girls, understanding nothing of what was going on.

"What?" Neji asked innocently. "I was just letting Sasuke play with my wee."

((( TBC )))

Right then. That was stupid humor, wasn't it? Anywho, next chapter's the last chapter. Yeah, I'm not kidding. Lol. The end is in sight! And…I apologize for not updating for 11 months. Ehehe. Review!