Chapter thirteen
We stayed only one more day with the eagles –dwarves healed incredibly fast and Gandalf promised that our next few days of travel were unlikely to be harming to Thorin's wounds. The eagles were happy enough to take us down from the Eyrie very early in the morning when it was still mostly dark. As they flew down towards a river flowing from the mountains, the sun rose slowly in the east and began to burn the mist away.
"Look!" It was Kili. He was shouting wildly, "Look! The Lonely Mountain!"
There was a clamour as all the dwarves began to shout and cheer as a shadow of a single, lonely peak appeared in the east. Something swelled in me. I laughed aloud. I had not seen that place for years. I wondered what Esgaroth and Laketown were like now. Though the vast, dark expanse of Mirkwood still lay between us and our goal, it was fairly uplifting to now be able to see exactly where we needed to go. Soon, the eagles began to descend in great spirals towards a towering rock in the middle of the river. It was flat at the top and as we got nearer, I saw that stairs had been carved into the rock and led down to the waters' edge. My eagle landed lightly and I thanked him and tumbled off as he took off with a powerful leap that nearly knocked me over.
"Farewell!" the eagle cried, "wherever you fare, till your eyries receive you at journey's end!"
"May the wind under your wings bear you where the sun sails and the moon walks!" I called back.
Thorin had already landed and he stood at the edge of the cliff looking off into the distance at Erebor. I strode up to him and stood next to him.
"Erebor, the last of the mightiest dwarven kingdoms of Middle Earth,"
He glanced at me, his face filled with a sweet happiness and something so sad. "Our home," he whispered.
"Look, a raven!" Oin pointed at a little bird flapping past us. "The birds are returning to the mountain!"
"That, is a thrush," I corrected.
"Then we'll take it as a sign –a good omen," Thorin's voice was gravelly with emotion.
Bilbo smiled up at us. "You're right, I do believe the worst is behind us," he sighed happily.
We turned and made our way down the steps to begin the second part of our journey that lay underneath the eastern shadows of the Misty Mountains.
.
.
The stairs led down to the water where a ford of huge flat stones led to a grassy meadow with a copse of trees nearby. It was a wholesome place, with insects dabbing in the flowers and the sun glinting off of the surface of the river. We sat down on the long grass and discussed how we were to proceed. Gandalf all surprised us with a nasty shock when he mentioned that he was to leave us.
"I always meant to see you safely over the mountains," he reminded. "and now by good management and luck, I have done it. We are now a good deal further east than I intended to come with you and after all, this is not my adventure. I have other pressing matters to attend to."
The dwarves broke out in groans and were all most distressed. Bilbo nearly cried.
"I am not going to disappear on you right this moment," Gandalf was exasperated; "I can give you a day or two more. I will probably be able to help you find food, baggage and maybe even ponies if all goes well. You do not know where you are –I can remedy that –we are still some miles north of the path which we should have been following originally. There are very few people who live in these parts, though I do know of a certain somebody who lives not far away. In fact, he was the one who carved the steps you just came down and calls that great rock the Carrock. He does not come here often and not during daylight and if we waited for him at dark, it would be very dangerous. We must go and find him and if all goes well at the meeting, I shall soon be bidding you farewell!"
We begged and the dwarves offered him dragon-gold and jewels and silver, but he would not change his mind. "I should think I have already earned some of that dragon-gold!" he huffed.
There was nothing we could do and the day was still young so, we decided to bathe in the river where it was shallow and clear near the ford. The dwarves stripped down right away, with Bilbo looking awfully embarrassed. I picked up my bag and went further downstream.
"Oi!" Fili called to me, "Where are you going?"
"I really am not quite in the mood today to see thirteen dwarves and their axes swinging about,"
He gave me a cheeky grin. I shook my head at him and headed towards where the copse of trees drew close to the river. I peeled off my clothes slowly and realized that I had not cleaned my own wounds. Cursing, I slipped slowly into the water, wincing. It was cold and my cuts hurt like an orc blade up the ass, but I bit my lip and washed off all the blood and dirt I could and rose dripping and shivering. I darted into the trees, my feet cushioned by the soft grasses. It was warmer in the air and sunlight streamed down from between the leaves of oaks and elms. I had nothing to put on as my clothes dried from their washing, but no one was in the wood, so I lay down, feeling very exposed, but very clean on the gentle flowers and looked up into the bits of sky. Perhaps we would take back Erebor. A believing faith spread through me slowly. The sun warmed me and dried me.
"Tallis?"
"Thorin!"
"I am sorry!" He turned away –but his eyes had already taken my naked form in with a familiar heated glance.
I leapt towards my clothes, picked up my jerkin and held it up in front of my body, the clothes still too wet to put on.
"What do you want? Is something wrong?" I swallowed.
He only had his britches on and his hair was dripping and little rivets of water ran down his chest and droplets clung to his chest hair. His bandages were gone and I could see my stitching.
"Oh Iluvatar! Is it my stitching? Are your wounds alright? Let me see," I shuffled over towards him.
He laughed at my awkward movements. "No, no," he drew nearer, "Your healing is flawless –I wanted to ask if you still wanted the bandages."
"Oh. Yes –we will need them later."
He nodded. He frowned, "You have a –," he reached up to brush back my hair.
"No –," I flinched away. "It's nothing,"
"You didn't have Oin look at you when we were in the Eyrie did you?"
I gave him a sullen look.
His callused hands brushed past the sword wound on my neck. I shivered. I could feel the heat of his fingertips against my cool skin. He was close. I could see that the cut across the bridge of his nose had bled a little because of the contact with the water. His eyes were blue like the reflection of the sky on the flashing river. He smelled of dust and dirt and river and grass and a metallic and leather tang and smoke and something vaguely like pine. Suddenly aware that all that was between him and I was my leather jerkin that was only held to the front side of my body. I stepped away, trying not to breathe too heavily.
"I'll get dressed first," I laughed weakly.
He blinked and nodded haltingly. It took him a moment to break our eye contact and to turn and leave.
.
.
We set off after our clothes had dried. Oin had patched me up. Gandalf led us on a march through the tall green grass and between the oaks and elms.
"Why is it called the Carrock?" Bilbo asked Gandalf.
"It is called Carrock, because that is his word for it."
"Who calls it?"
"The Somebody I spoke of –a very great person. You all must be exceedingly polite when I introduce you. He gets annoyed very easily and he is appalling when angry, though when happy, he is a good enough fellow. Still I warn you he gets angry easily."
Dori huffed, "Couldn't you find someone more easy-tempered?"
Thorin wanted more explaining.
"No I could not!" Gandalf replied crossly. "I was in the middle of explaining. If you must know more, his name is Beorn and he is a skin-changer."
"As in a furrier who calls rabbits conies when he doesn't turn their skins into squirrels?" Bilbo was confused.
"Good gracious heavens, no, no, no, NO!" said Gandalf. "Don't be a fool Mr. Baggins if you can help it and don't mention the word furrier again as long you are within a hundred miles of his house! He can change his own skin. Sometimes he is a great strong black-haired man with huge arms and a great beard and sometimes he is a huge black bear. He has a wooden home and keeps cattle and horses that work for him and talk to him. He does not eat them; neither does he hunt or eat wild animals. He keeps hives and hives of great fierce bees and lives mostly on cream and honey. Now, I am hungry and tired and we must move on!" With that, he shut his mouth and would not say anymore.
It was a pleasant hike despite everyone's stomachs grumbling loudly and bodies sore and stinging still. Thorin looked finally a little more at ease, though always diligently aware of our surroundings.
"How is Dis?" I asked him.
"She misses you –you made her laugh and feel young again." His face softened as he talked about his darling sister.
"She's hardly old."
"Not as young as she'd like," his eyes flashed with merriment.
"What about mum?" Fili sidled in between us.
A bit of exasperated annoyance flashed across Thorin's face, but it was a ruse to hide his deep affection for his nephews. Kili squeezed himself between Thorin and his brother, smiling impishly.
Thorin's voice was serious, but a timbre of almost playfulness ran under his words. "You both –we are all barreling through this quest and getting in all sorts of danger as adventures require."
Fili and Kili nodded happily. Thorin smiled at them fondly.
"Do not mention a word of the trolls or wargs or orcs to your mother when and if we return."
All three of their faces took on a sudden pallor.
I laughed. "Your mother is most certainly a force to be reckoned with –how did you both manage to get past her?"
Fili shrugged. "She agreed to let me come because, well, I am the next of Durin's line. If anything should happen, I need to be here." He looked over at Kili. "She had no intention of letting him come. He followed me all the way until Hobbiton before he revealed himself."
Kili looked a little abashed. "Sorry," he made a face.
Thorin gave them both stern looks but he had known long ago that there was no stopping the two from following him. He had helped raise the two dwarves and the two tumbled after him everywhere and often into trouble. There was no separating them. Thorin sent them off to scout ahead. As they sprinted off, Thorin sighed heavily.
"I can't imagine you were too thrilled at finding them in Bilbo's house when you arrived,"
"They would have followed us anyway. The quest has been good for them so far. They have seen so little of the world and they must know more if they are to become warriors. But I cannot let them come with us into Mirkwood."
I was surprised. "You are going to send them back –alone?"
"Making their way back on their own is hardly more dangerous than going through Mirkwood."
"When are you going to tell them? They will not listen."
"I will have to find a way to make them understand. They cannot be lost. They are the last of Durin's line,"
"You should have married and had children to carry your bloodline," I reasoned, however cruelly it rang in my ears.
"Marriage," he scoffed at my usage of the word. "Dwarves marry for love or are married to their craft, there is no other way,"
That was why the dwarvish population grew so slowly. Women were the same. But royalty was different. Royalty came with obligations and responsibilities. Royalty was always different. "You can hardly say that all royal marriages were for love."
He didn't say anything.
"Hasn't Dis spoken to you about children?"
"There was a time when I perhaps would have wanted to raise my own, but that time has passed."
I had seen him with dwarvish children. They all loved him. They loved the quiet stability that came with him and his unending patience he reserved only for them. They loved the sound of his deep rumbling laugh and they loved his long, black hair and his stories. I could understand that he once did want his own children. But I didn't understand why he would not now.
.
We kept climbing up slowly as the day went on. I found myself in the back with Bilbo again.
"How are you feeling?" I asked him.
"Alright. But I would love to have a nice meal and a warm bed right now," he shrugged.
I laughed. We walked in a comfortable and exhausted silence for a while. "Thank you," I suddenly burst out.
"For –for what?" He glanced at me, a little confused.
"For... for saving Thorin."
"Oh! Oh, I hardly did. I just ran and threw myself about really." He blushed.
"You were brave."
"I was scared."
"Being scared is the when one can show that they are brave."
He smiled weakly. I took a breath and exhaled.
"Are you in –," Bilbo stuttered. I turned to him. "Do you – are you and Thorin –do you lo –?"
"Hobbit do not miss much do they," I laughed ruefully.
He nodded happily.
"I always have been." I replied finally.
"Been what? Oh, yes, right." Bilbo mumbled.
"I have not always known. And when I realized at some point, I lied to myself to keep myself safe."
"I don't think I've been in love," Bilbo said.
"Perhaps you will someday."