Okay, so im not too sure about this chapter, but i want to get this over with, so im posting it anyway.

the first part is in first person, just so you know ^^

and now, the exciting (or ot so) conclusion ~

Blood.

So much blood.

I heard a voice cry out, and a scream somewhere near me. I couldn't tell if it had come out of my own mouth, or somebody else watching what was happening.

I wondered if anybody else could see this, or knew that it was happening.

Was fate staring down, or looking over from wherever it was, and laughing at the outcome of extended planning?

The knife went right through me; I almost didn't have time to see it. I felt his hand dig into the wound in my stomach, with the force of the blow, it was deep, the knife had embedded up to its hilt with strength that had come with chance. He'd been angry, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I decided it was understandable. I felt his nails dig into me. It was so slow and it hurt so bad.

Bang!

I heard a… gun? A gun. I heard a gun being fired. Whether at me or at him I couldn't tell, as my sight was already beginning to fade. But then the knife slid out, the nails retracted. I heard his body fall and for just a moment I was glad. Until I felt my own life begin to drain from my body. My hands clutched at my stomach, where blood was pouring out like lava.

I felt my body fail, my legs give way and I hit the ground on my knees, coughing and spluttering and choking on my last breaths of air.

So this is what it felt like. This is what it felt like to die.

I figured my entire life would flash before my eyes, like I'd always expected, but then it had never really been much in the first place.

I heard them calling my name.

Them.

Who was calling me? Telling me things. Telling me, whispering "it's going to be okay," and "I'm sorry I was too late."

Where was I? who was I?

I had a horrible suspicion that none of this would have happened if…

*Flashback*

Deidara knew he wasn't supposed to be walking through the backstreets. He could almost hear Konan yelling at him for it when he was fourteen, after his first encounter with a few of Pein's enemies in Ame.

She had called him an idiot, said he wasn't fit to take care of himself, and that the only person more stupid than he was, was the moron who had decided to grant him life in the first place.

"Really un, what is the point of allowing you outside if you're only going to do thoughtless things?" he repeated to himself, from memory.

It was weird that, in a time like this, with fate leading him into the unknown, he could only think of trivial things.

He'd probably get in trouble once he sought out whatever life changing beating, fate had in store for him this time – for some weird reason, whenever he got that feeling in his stomach, it always led him to a beating – and showed up at the camp in a bloody mess. Sasori would probably be mad at him for skipping out, and Konan would likely be murderous, because it wasn't everyday she went to such extreme lengths to try and keep him from doing as was planned for him.

It was getting late. He remembered Hidan used to tell him when he was younger, not to stay out after sunset or vampires would get was stupid but he still believed that lie, deep down, and was uneasy about being lost in the backstreets, as he was.

He really wanted to be out of here before sunset, so he moved faster along the path set out for him.

It wasn't long until he reached an opening back onto the main streets. He'd already passed many other openings which, in this unfamiliar town, all looked the same, so he was surprised when that was the way he was led.

It had been dark for a while and so he embraced the light that enveloped him near the entrance of the alley. There weren't many people out right now, which supported his – and Hidan's – theory that vampires existed, at least in Konaha.

There was a man leaning against the wall near the entrance. His face was hidden in shadows, he had one hands behind his back and he listened closely to Deidara's footsteps. Waiting.

He remembered Itachi and Tobi warning him once not to go out in Konaha alone, especially when it was getting darker, because there were a lot of bad people out there, and they weren't just like the ones in Ame who only picked on you if they had a grudge against you.

"If you ever find yourself in a tricky situation, the important thing is, not to panic," Itachi had said. "Don't take any crap from those idiots," Tobi had said immediately after.

He had logged that information into the back of his mind just in case it ever happened to be, that his cloak didn't scare everyone off. But it all seemed to fade away when he was stopped.

"Look kid I don't want any trouble, just give me all of your money," the man said.

It took everything Deidara had, not to laugh. Because he didn't have any money. Everything he made as a member of the Akatsuki, was locked tightly away in Kakuzu's wallet. But he knew laughing would just make a bad situation worse so he thought back to Tobi's advice. That was why he'd remembered it in the first place, wasn't it?

"Piss off un," he said. He attempted to brush past the man and into the light, but again he was stopped.

Deidara's eyes widened as a knife was drawn.

Great, I just got over my bullet wound and now I'm about to get stabbed, Konan is going to kill me! he thought.

"I'm not going to ask again," he growled.

And here came the panic. Because Deidara had no money.

But he had to calm down, or he'd end up doing something rash. He was frozen in place, he couldn't move.

"I'm not in the mood for this un, go bother someone else with your problems," Deidara said carelessly, and with a lot more confidence than he felt.

He could feel that feeling in the pit of his stomach, growing stronger than ever before. It felt like he was going to be sick. His heart was racing; it felt like he was going to have a heart attack.

The rest happened in slow motion. He'd made his potential mugger angry, and the man acted accordingly. Everything moved in slow motion as the knife cut through the air between them, and Deidara was able to recognize the amount of desperation in the man's eyes, which somehow made it okay that he was about to be stabbed.

Hey, maybe this would be the blow that killed him?

Wouldn't that be interesting?

He heard somebody call out, "Deidara, watch out!" though he was sure everybody he knew was back at the camp.

It was probably just an illusion, a trick of the mind.

He shut his eyes tightly and waited for pain to come, because escape artist or not, there was no way he was getting out of this.

*present time*

When he opened his eyes, it seemed like there was blood everywhere.

He opened his eyes just in time to watch Konan fall to her knees, hands trying to keep in what was left of her own blood.

It was like watching Hidan do his act for the first time, and thinking there was no way he'd survive it. The only difference was that if he didn't do something now then Konan really would die.

As for the man, he'd been shot dead. There was no possible way to save him. A bullet had gone right through his head and he was lying on the ground as blood pooled out around him.

Deidara was still frozen. That feeling was now gone. He couldn't feel anything anymore.

He didn't react until,

"Konan!" seemingly out of nowhere, Sasori ran over to where Konan was now lying unconscious, her chest barely moving at all. He was holding a gun and looking completely horrified with himself and this turn of events.

A million questions flooded Deidara's mind; Danna what are you doing here? What is Konan doing here? What's going on? Why did you shoot that man? Why are you holding a gun?

"I'm sorry I didn't react on time Konan, but everything's going to be fine," Sasori said in a panic. He looked up, having almost forgotten about Deidara and the reason he was here in the first place. Under different circumstances, he'd be happy that Deidara was alive, but right now he couldn't help but worry for his friend. "Brat I need you to hurry. Find somebody, anybody to help us. We need to get her to the hospital."

Deidara nodded so fast it made his head hurt. He ran off to do as he was told before the remainder of Konan's life slipped between their fingers.

Pein rose from his desk, having been previously prepared to watch either Sasori or Deidara die at the hands of a Konaha mugger, he was shocked to see that Konan had taken their place.

He felt as though the world was crashing down on him, and like everything he had ever done with his life had been a waste.

It had never been easy controlling the destinies of every living person in the world, but he had done it, because it meant he could pull all of the strings necessary to have a happy life, including but not limited to, meeting and falling in love with Konan. He couldn't control the way people felt, but he knew from the start they'd be perfect for each other.

The entire Akatsuki had always questioned why bad things had happened to them before, why they were born freaks, or slowly transformed into freaks over time. Well the truth was, and always would be, that the only one to blame was Pein. He controlled everything, he made people say the things they said – more or less – and do the things they did, he was the cause of every good or bad thing that had ever happened in the world, and it had always been a terrible burden to bear.

Until he meet Konan.

And now this was happening.

He couldn't stop the image from playing over and over again in his mind. The image of Konan being stabbed.

It was his fault, in a twisted way. Everything that had ever happened to her…

He didn't deserve her. And now, after finally realizing that, it seemed he was about to lose her.

Tobi watched the indecision that seemed to have taken control of Pein. It was just another amusing part of this game, though he knew something terrible and unexpected must have happened, to garner such a response.

"We have to go into town," Pein said, "get the nurse and the rest of the Akatsuki. There are some things we need to do in town."

It kept playing over and over in his head. It had been so quick, so quick that he couldn't have stopped it even if he wanted to. Konan had made a snap decision and jumped in front of Deidara to protect him from the nasty fate she'd seen coming since the beginning. She had gone against everything she'd ever claimed to believe, just to save his life.

And now they were here. The camp had been abandoned; the Konaha children had gone home with their families to stay for a few nights, and those who didn't have homes to return to were given money for a safe place to stay. The Akatsuki were all in the hospital, waiting.

Tobi had dragged Sasuke – and subsequently, Zetsu – with him to deliver the news to Itachi, only to find him being prepped for immediate surgery.

He was getting a new heart.

Neither Sasuke nor Tobi knew quite what that meant, but from what Kisame said, Itachi was going to get better.

"Are you fucking serious?" Tobi had asked, outraged by this turn of events, "why the hell didn't they do this sooner!"

Itachi sighed, "Language Tobi," he said. There was a child in their presence, after all.

They'd be given five minutes before the surgery, to talk. All news about Konan had completely slipped their minds once it was announced that Itachi would live. It seemed like news they'd all been waiting for their entire lives.

"You're not just screwing with us, are you?" Sasuke asked

Again, Itachi sighed. There was no point in protecting a corrupted child.

"As far as I know, this is the real deal," Itachi said, "Things are starting to look up."

"What did you come here to tell us, anyway?" Kisame asked. He was just as happy over the news, as the other three were, after having spent countless nights over the years, in hospital rooms, not knowing if this time was the last time.

But what was said next brought both Kisame and Itachi right back down.

"Konan got stabbed. It's not looking good."

"Wait, what?" Sasuke, who was a child and so hadn't been informed, asked. "What the hell happened?"

Itachi and Kisame both had pretty much the same response.

"We don't know exactly," Tobi said, although he happened to know a little more about it than most of the Akatsuki.

He saw the look on his cousin's face; it was one that said; why should good things happen to me while people I care about are suffering? I did nothing to deserve this.

"You shouldn't let it stop you," Sasuke said. He was frowning, still attempting to wrap his head around everything that had happened so far.

"Yeah, go and get your surgery. We'll be waiting for you when you wake up… hopefully with good news," Tobi agreed.

"But –"

"Time's up," Zetsu said, reminding everybody that he was there, just as the nurses reentered the room.

On the other side of the hospital, Pein had managed to worm his way into the emergency room and had tricked his way into talking with some of the doctors working on Konan. She was also being rushed into surgery and Pein was finally beginning to understand how it felt to have no control over anything.

The remaining four Akatsuki members were restricted to the waiting room and anywhere else where they wouldn't be bugging the doctors or patients. Hidan and Kakuzu sat on opposite sides of the room at Pein's request and neither said a word, either too caught up in their thoughts or too numb to form words.

Deidara had tried sitting on one of the seats but found himself far too restless and ended up on the floor, resting on the small coffee table with his head buried in his arms, half-asleep but wide awake with guilt. He felt like he was going to explode.

He didn't ask for her help! She wasn't his mother, it wasn't her job!

Was it sad that Konan had been the closest thing he'd ever had to a mother? He thought it sounded pretty sad.

She had never done any of those things he'd read about, after he had properly learned to read.

When he got hurt – or when any of them had gotten hurt – she yelled at him and called him stupid. It never even occurred to her to five any kind of comfort. She used to lock them in their rooms every night at nine, instead of tucking them in and any stories he was ever told were ones of a naughty little boy who had mouthed off and gotten his tongue cut out – a feat that had often been demonstrated on Hidan when he refused to stop swearing. She was never interested in anything they had to say, never played with them or comforted them after bad dreams. She was always saying things like, "toughen up," or "get over it," and occasionally, "walk it off, you damn baby."

But even though she never listened, she always knew what they wanted. She was willing to compromise, and never complained about taking them into town with her – as long as there was never any chance of danger. She always had interesting things to say wherever they went, and she'd taught him to read and write like a proper, functioning member of society. Every time she had yelled and insulted them, or trivialized their pain, it had made them strong, which was something they needed in order to do the things they did on a daily basis. She taught them discipline, control and gave them the power to believe in themselves when it felt like nobody else ever would.

And now, she may have just given her life to save his.

That might just have been the worst fact in the world.

Deidara heard, more than felt, Sasori sit down next to him. He could smell coffee and for a moment he was grateful for the little things in life that he had almost lost.

"I figured you'd be pretty exhausted, after everything that happened," Sasori said.

Deidara sat up, squinting in the dull hospital light. They were the only ones there for the time being, but the night was still young.

"Thanks un," he said quietly, lifting the cup to his lips and downing the scalding liquid, not even feeling it.

Sasori frowned, it was worse than he'd thought. He reached out slowly and pushed back a clump of messy blonde hair to reveal blue eyes reddened from crying.

"You shouldn't be sad," he said quietly, brushing away a stray tear before it could fall, "and you shouldn't be crying."

Deidara sniffed, "why not, un?" he asked, not expecting a legitimate answer.

"Because; you're alive!"

Deidara sank back down, resting his head on his arms. "Yeah un, I know. That could've been me in there un, I know. It should've been me in the emergency room right now. That doesn't mean anything to me."

"No brat, that's not true," Sasori said, unsettled by what had just been said, "If Konan hadn't interfered, you'd be dead in an alley right now. Nobody else was around; there would've been nobody to bring you here. Konan saved your life."

"Yeah un, well maybe I didn't want her to!" Deidara shouted, "Maybe I'd rather be dead than be alive, at this cost."

"Don't you ever think about anybody else?" Sasori practically yelled back, "how do you think we would've felt when they found your body? You think we would've been happy? There are a lot of people out there who care about you, brat. And you know what? I'm happy. I'm happy that you didn't die. Of course I hate the price as well but in the end I know this is the best outcome we could've hoped for."

Deidara sniffed, looking confused for a moment, looking a few years younger in his apparent ignorance.

"y-you're happy, un?" he asked. He was confused because he didn't know such an emotion existed in Sasori's heart, and because just five minutes ago, he had believed nobody would ever say that word again. "Why?"

"Because I love you," Sasori said earnestly, trying not to laugh at the way Deidara's eyes widened in shock and he seemed to freeze up completely, "and I thought for a moment, that I was going to lose you."

Deidara looked away. "Shut up Danna un," he muttered, angry that he was beginning to feel better. He wanted to carry that heavy sadness with him forever, as payment for Konan's sacrifice.

This time, Sasori did laugh. Deidara was so stubborn, and he made such an adorable face when he was mad. To him, it didn't feel like he was in a hospital. It was as though he was oblivious to the heaviness of the air around him.

This was working as a great distraction for both of them.

"You're so cute," Sasori said, smirking at the blush that rapidly spread over Deidara's face.

"Idiot, un," Deidara muttered, smiling despite himself. "You shouldn't say such things in a time like this."

"Worrying isn't going to do anything but mess us up," Sasori responded. Besides, Konan saved your life because she wanted you to be happy.

Deidara paused to yawn. Despite his recent coffee fix, he was exhausted.

"Yeah un, I guess. I just…" he trailed off as his thoughts began to turn to mush and his eyelids grew too heavy to keep open.

It wasn't long before Tobi came back, with Zetsu, Sasuke and Kisame in tow. They took up the remaining seats in the waiting room and Kisame explained that the man Sasori shot – having been filled in on the story from Tobi – had been a perfect match for Itachi, and Pein had already made a deal with the man's family – a deal which involved a large sum of silence money – in order for an immediate transplant to be arranged.

Itachi was going to live.

Deidara somehow managed to lose himself in that fact and completely forget all the negative feelings he'd held in his heard before. He fell asleep not long after, to the soothing sound of Sasori's heartbeat.

It was good to be alive.

It had been about a week since that night and nobody had been back to the camp grounds. They were all under the understanding that the circus had been put on hold until things got better.

As far as any of them knew, Konan was still alive. The doctors had worked for seventeen hours straight, to correct the damage done to her internal organs, and none of them had been able to see her since then – except Pein of course.

Most of them had been put up in town, with money that was begrudgingly given by Kakuzu. Kisame had slept at the hospital practically every night, except when Tobi had gotten annoyed with him and made him sleep in a proper bed. Because somebody had to take care of that idiot while Itachi was recovering.

The transplant had been successful and Itachi had woken up late the next day. Of course, it was an extra two days before anyone was able to see them, and even then, they all had to take extreme caution not to bring any germs into the room. Deidara had had to wear masks over all three of his mouths when he'd been to see Itachi, but he didn't mind, he was just happy that they would never have to watch Itachi suffer like that again.

He and Sasori had spent the majority of the week roaming around Konaha without a care in the world, of course they took extra care to look out for muggers and other dangerous looking people, but beside that, it was just like a vacation.

That was until they were summoned back to the hospital by Pein, who probably hadn't left the entire time. They met in the cardiology ward, where Itachi had been placed after having spent a lot of time in the ICU.

Pein looked awful; like he hadn't slept at all. But nobody said a thing.

"Alright, are you all here?" he asked, his voice dragged, his eyes scanned over the small crowd that had gathered in the room. The nurses probably wouldn't be happy.

"Yes leader," Tobi confirmed, "we're all here."

Pein took a moment longer to count each member individually before he continued.

"Alright, I have some bad news, and maybe some good news," he said. Everybody looked at him expectantly for a moment and he simply stared back. "Well, which do you want first?" he asked, as though it was obvious that was what he'd wanted from the start.

"Good, un!" Deidara said, before anybody else could think to answer.

"Don't be an idiot, brat," Sasori said, "We want the bad news first."

His statement was met with general agreement, so it was settled.

"Konan is in a coma. Trauma induced, apparently, whatever I think they're all a bunch of idiots anyway," Pein trailed off into quiet ramblings for a moment about idiot doctors until he remembered that he wasn't alone. "It's not looking too good. They're not sure when she'll wake up… or even, if she will at all. Her body is properly functioning and everything, the surgery went perfectly… she just won't wake up."

Everybody nodded, thinking for a moment, taking in all of this new information. Deidara particularly, was hit by a fresh wave of guilt.

"So then tell us the fucking good news!" Hidan demanded, shattering a wall of silence hat had begun to build around them all.

Pein frowned, staring intently off into space as though calling forth a distant memory, before it finally came back to him.

"Ah, right, the good news," he said quietly. He didn't notice the growing concern for his well-being amongst the Akatsuki. "I'm going to be staying in Konaha to be with Konan, no matter how long it takes."

"How the hell is that good news?" Hidan asked.

"That hardly affects us," Tobi agreed.

"it does," Pein confirmed, "because as of now, the Akatsuki is officially disbanded."

What do you think? should i leave it there, or make an epilogue?