She was feeling abnormally pensive that day. Terrible thoughts had been nagging her since the morning; it first began when she looked at the tapestry in her room and thought of her father. She missed him very much: his wisdom in ruling, strict but kind ways when teaching her valuable lessons, honest character in dealing with foreign countries, care for his people, and unfailing courage up till the moment of his death.
A very terrible loneliness took hold of her soul, as she thought about the people that she had lived to see die. There was her mother, the villagers that fought against the Tolmekians, the infants who were too weak to survive the harsh environment, her siblings that never made it to adulthood, delicate Lastelle, innocent others in Pejite, the Tolmekian soldiers that were simply following orders. People she knew, people she didn't know... these were terrible times that made the mere act of breathing air cruelly difficult.
She wasn't sure where to go with these depressing thoughts of hers, so she retreated to the cemetery, unsurprisingly. Negativity could spread like a poison, travel through a town at the speed of floating spores - so she dare not encounter fellow villagers while she was in such a state. She knew she'd overcome the feeling eventually, but sometimes it was beneficial to take a moment to grieve for those that had passed on. As a result, she allowed herself to remain momentarily under the somber spell, within her own little bout of melancholy, as part of her healing process.
She found herself at peace in the graveyard, reunited with old friends she dearly missed. These were people she remembered working with, villagers she had cared for, individuals she had comforted when they were on their death beds. She smiled softly at the tombstones, bidding each person a silent greeting as she passed their name. Then she came across those that had died during the war - people whose lives had ended abruptly, when they were nowhere near old age. Those cases were the memories that brought the most pain into her heart. They were normal villagers, happy people living on average subsistence, with beautiful homes and hearty laughs, warm personalities, spouses and children. So many wonderful people - and none of them deserved to die.
"Why are we still alive?" She thought out loud.
Why am I still alive? Was the real question she dared not speak. She knew the answer to that: she was a fighter. A firm believer in life, survival, prosperity. Yet how did she manage to still be lingering on this earth? She had willingly died once, after which the ohms had resurrected her... and she couldn't help wondering: why she was given a second chance? Why did fate bequeath her with a new life force, when it could have been used to spare another person from their first, and only death?
"Because your people need you." Said a voice behind her. She whipped around quickly, though she already knew who it was. Only Asbel could predict her eclectic ways, understand her mood, pinpoint her exact location. His voice was solemn yet reassuring, present but not oppressive, as he noticed her current introverted state. She had recognized his warm presence from the first moment he uttered a sound. She remained silent, absorbing the tranquil atmosphere, standing on the cemetery hill and overlooking the valley. The sun cast a gentle afternoon glow over the valley, while the breeze played soothingly with her hair.
"Because you have an incredible strength, compassion for all living things." He hovered near her but did not intrude. These were facts she needed reminders of.
"And because I need you." He finally stated softly, coming to stand behind her. At this time she felt him carefully place a hand on her arm, respecting her privacy and personal space, but still standing close by to support her both physically and emotionally.
A faint ghost of a smile appeared on her lips and she contentedly placed her hand over his... he had a remarkable sensitivity to her emotional state; and she honestly would never tolerate the presence of any other person when she harbored complex sentiments and thoughts.
"We need to make this life good, for their sakes." She pronounced. "Live out what they couldn't. Do the things they never had a chance to." Asbel smiled affectionately at her action items, tenderly closed his arms around her from behind, and leaned in to leave a light kiss on her cheek.
"And we will." He murmured. In silence they watched the sun depart beyond the valley, then hand-in-hand walked back to the castle for a calm, undisturbed evening together. That night a comfortable, relieving sense of peace settled deeply in her, grounding her to life. From her core radiated a newfound urgency to live each day to the fullest.
AN: Hmm this one was a little depressing... I finished reading the synopsis for the manga and realized how terrible her life was... I would expect someone who's lived through as many things as she did to be hardened by the difficulties of life, as people often come out different after enduring wars and hardships. Just musings of mine that I wrote while putting myself in her shoes, and feeling a little down. Hope you liked it! Happier ones are coming soon.