Here We Remain
by: FrankieLouWho
Disclaimer: I own nothing, I swear.
Notes: Hey guys! Thank you for checking out the second installment of 'Here We Remain.' I'm not super pleased with this chapter, but it's the best that I can get it so here we are. I hope you forgive any spelling mistakes, I don't have a Beta and though I've read through a few times, they always seem to slip through regardless. I hope you'll take the time to read my new story, Blue Velvet, which I'm thoroughly excited about. I haven't been so excited about a story since I started writing WOAA, and I seem to have captured that lightning in a bottle again (I wrote four chapters in like six hours so yeah). Anyway, enough with my rambling and shameless self-promotion. On with the story!
2
Daryl was stiff as the girl's arms wrapped around his middle. It felt like a rubber-band was wrapped around his chest, like he couldn't draw in enough breath. He knew that he should react better, but it was hard. Forcing a hand between her shoulder blades, he counted in his head and forced himself to take deep, slow breaths. The rare instances where he allowed people to touch him were always difficult, but he knew that she needed this. It was like that time he came to her cell, to tell her about Zach and what happened at the Big Spot... It was the first time in a long time that anyone had hugged him. And she was doing it again, a week and a half later.
After she calmed down a bit, Daryl pushed her away as gently as he could - which wasn't saying much. But Beth was distracted, wiping at the tears and smudging the dirt on her face. They had a bit of water - he decided they could spare some - and Daryl found yanked his clean-ish red handkerchief out of his back pocket and opened a half-full bottle of water, getting it damp and handing it to her.
"Thanks," Beth said. Her voice was raspy with emotion, and she carefully wiped down her face. Daryl watched with wary eyes, unsure if she was going to burst into tears again. Emotions made him uncomfortable - his own feelings, and those of others. Especially when they were so out in the open. He couldn't fault her, though - they'd all been through so much in the past two weeks, it was amazing they were still sane enough to get by.
Hershel's death had been the first in a very long time that cut Daryl to his core. The violence of it, the ceremony the Governor had set up - it was twisted. Having his daughters witness his murder, their whole fucking group. Daryl's gut clenched at the memory, of Maggie and Beth's heartbroken screams of terror and fear. Hershel was like the glue that held their group together. He was their moral compass, he was their Christian strength. The man was a goddamn saint, a tough son of a bitch. Daryl had so much respect for him - Hershel would never completely fill the gap that his own father had left in his heart, but the man did a good job of showing him what a father was supposed to be. How his life could have been, if his father had quit drinking and taken care of the family...
"I'm sorry," Beth said, again. Daryl simply shrugged, unsure of what words to use to reassure her. It was all so foreign to him - even when he was her age, Daryl hadn't been big with the ladies. Relationships, sex, women - it was all unknown. He was a fucking forty-year-old virgin. The idea of having someone touch him was so terrifying that he avoided the entire ordeal his whole life, and now it was the end of the world. No woman was going to want him now...
Immediately, Daryl thought of Carol and the time she jokingly suggested they screw around. He'd snorted, and they both got a laugh. Maybe he wanted to, he didn't fucking know. But it was easier to say no than to embarass himself and complicate their relationship further. Didn't know how to make love, didn't know how to please a woman like that. Wasn't no point in trying.
"They're out there," Daryl said. Beth nodded, though the look on her face was not entirely convinced.
Later that evening, after Beth crawled into bed, Daryl sat up by the fire. He had put together a few more bolts for his crossbow, and was poking at the fire to keep it going. It wasn't entirely necessary, as the nights were still quite warm, but it felt better with the firelight dancing on the walls than without. If Beth woke up in the night, it made Daryl feel better to think that she wouldn't awaken to complete darkness. He wasn't sure why.
Crawling onto the couch, he laid back and folded his arms behind his head. It had been a long day - emotions always managed to make him feel drained. Much more than trekking through the woods for hours, or fighting off walkers. He closed his eyes, listening to the pop and crackle of the fire, and felt himself drifting into sleep.
It was only a short time later when he woke to the sound of screams.
Jolting upright, fighting the groggy 'where am I' thoughts, Daryl whipped his head around wildly. Beth was screaming in her sleep, limbs flailing and tangled in the sheets. Jumping to his feet, thinking of the walkers that were surely within hearing distace, he rushed to her bedside. For a moment, he hesitated - hands frozen over her sleeping form, unsure of how to proceed. Was he supposed to wake her? How was he going to do that? Taking a deep breath, irritation beginning to heat his blood, Daryl pinned her wild limbs to the bed.
"Beth," he hissed, barely above a whisper.
Instantly, her eyes flew open. Scared, big blue eyes peered up at him through wet eyelashes, and her breath hitched in surprise. He let go of her, the warmth of her body making his palms tingle - not unpleasantly, but in a way that still made him uncomfortable. She sat up, the blanket pooling at her small waist. The tank-top she wore to sleep in was thin, white, and Daryl could make out the puckered points of her nipples through the barely-there material. He dragged in a ragged breath before tearing his eyes away, feeling blush on his cheeks. Hopefully, she was bewildered enough not to notice.
"I had a nightmare -" Beth started, before the tears came again. Daryl resisted the urge to roll his eyes, but couldn't control the groan that rumbled from his throat. He didn't want to do this again - why couldn't they go back to her pretending not to cry in the middle of the night, and him pretending not to hear it? "I had a dream that you left me."
That wasn't what he was expecting. Furrowing his brow in confusion, he sank to the mattress and Beth pulled her knees up to her chest, blocking the obscene state of her chest. "D'you really think I'd leave you here?"
"No," Beth said, too quickly. Daryl glared at her for a moment, watching as her cheeks turned pink with embarassment. "I mean, I know you wouldn't just leave me... No matter how annoying I am."
Daryl huffed in response. Where'd she get that idea? It wasn't really even that she was annoying - it was his complete lack of knowledge in how to deal with her. She was a young girl, she was sensitive. She needed comfort and affection, and Daryl had never recieved these things in his entire life. He had no clue on how to go about giving her that. Honestly, he'd never felt so ill-equipped in his whole life. When it came to killing the walking dead, hunting down game in the woods, working on cars, taking care of babies... There were a lot of things that Daryl Dixon did know how to do, and he could do them well. But caring for an emotionally fragile eighteen year old girl? Might as well ask him to embroider a sweater or perform brain surgery. He had no idea.
"It just - it was the first dream I've had, since..." She trailed off, and he sighed. "I guess I'm just scared, is all."
Daryl scrubbed his hands over his face. He was hungry, thirsty, and exhausted. He was in dire need of fresh clothing, a shower, and a nice cold beer. He'd never been much of a drinker, only occasionally when Merle would drag him to some smokey, dank, dark bar when the inspiration struck him. It was rare because Merle thought of Daryl as a "downer," as the man didn't chase skirts or pick fights. Positively boring. But this night, Daryl thought a little alcohol would make things easier.
"I know yer scared," Daryl said, after a few long moments of silence. He gave Beth a side-long glance, but she was staring at her knees and picking at stray strings on the blanket. "But I ain't leavin' ya, and I ain't gon' let nothin' happen to you."
Glancing up, Daryl was struck for the millionth time just how pretty she was. There was an air of innocence to her, no matter what horrors she had been through. The round cheeks and big eyes gave her that young appearance, and the surprising amount of trust in that vulnerable gaze made his breath catch in his throat. She had only been sixteen when the Atlanta group took up on their farm. She'd lost two boyfriends, she told him she didn't cry anymore. But here they were, in the middle of the night. Under any other circumstances, Daryl would have found it inappropriate. Young girl like her, old piece of shit redneck like him? They were an odd couple, undoubtedly.
"Thank you," Beth said, sincerely. She chewed her lip thoughtfully, before turning even redder.
"What?" Daryl asked, his suspicion piqued.
"Wouldyousleepwithme." It was all one rushed word, and Daryl wasn't sure what she said. He quirked an eyebrow at her, and she groaned before covering her face with her small hands. "It's just - whenever I have nightmares, I have Judith to cuddle with me. And before that, I used to sneak into bed with Maggie - Glenn used to get real mad... I just hate sleeping alone."
"No," Daryl said, shaking his head firmly. "Ain't a good idea." His heart was thudding in his chest with panic. He would never be able to sleep beside her. Anything could happen, and the worst being her touching him in her sleep. Goosebumps rushed over his skin, and he shivered anxiously. Wasn't anything worse than someone touching him.
"Please," Beth breathed. "At least until I fall asleep? Please, Daryl." She crawled onto her knees, putting her hands together like she was praying. The fear, the insecurity, the pleading on her face - Daryl knew that he couldn't resist. Poor girl had been through so much - he could at least sit up in bed with her until she finally fell asleep. Then he'd go back to the couch and pretend it never happened. Never speak or think of it again.
"Fine," he sighed. "But just 'til you fall asleep." A little smile graced her face, and Daryl knew that putting aside his uneasiness was the right choice. Such a small smile, but it was a big step in the right direction. It made the uncomfortable weight that settled in his stomach - also known as dread - sufferable. He pulled himself to the edge of the opposite side of the bed, awkward as hell. Beth settled herself under the blankets, rolling onto her side to face him.
"Daryl," she said, after perhaps a full minute of silence. Sighing loudly, Daryl cast her a tired look and she took that as a sign to go on. "Do you believe in heaven?"
His initial response was hell no. Because if there was a heaven, there had to be a God. And if there was a God, Daryl had a few choice words for him. Putting all these people - these innocent children, people like Hershel and the rest of the group that were nothing but good to their core - deserved so much more than the death and decay and the monsters they turned into.
"Hershel would be there, if it does exist," Daryl said, instead of giving his opinion.
"With my momma," Beth agreed. "And everyone else." He didn't need to see her to hear the tears in her voice. He wasn't going to touch her, not when they were both lying in this bed that was suddenly far too small. There was a full foot between them, but Daryl felt suffocated. Trapped. "When I was a little girl, Daddy told me that the stars were holes in heaven that the angels poked so they could watch us all down here. So they could keep tabs on us, watch over us."
Daryl smirked. Sounded like something the old farmer would say. Instead of commenting, he settled more comfortably into the bed and stared up at the log cieling. "Try'n get some sleep now," he told her. Glancing to his right, he found Beth's eyes drooping shut, a small smile on her lips. Daryl would wait a while until her breathing evened out, until he was sure she was asleep. Then, he would leave the comfortable warmth of the bed and return to the old, rock-hard couch. Sighing quietly, Daryl let his eyes shut. They were so heavy... Wouldn't hurt to rest them until he was sure Beth was asleep.
A handful of minutes later, they were both soundly asleep. Daryl didn't flinch as Beth's small hand inched over the blankets and wrapped around his wrist, unconciously anchoring them.