Fifteen

After Dylan took the phone from me I sat back down next to Joshua's body, I could hear Dylan talking to the voice on the other end, Dean came over and tried to get me to leave but I wouldn't be moved. He sat down next to me and put his arm around my shoulders, I knew Dylan and Sam would see but I didn't care, I buried my head in his chest and let him hug me tightly while I wept. Joshua had apologised to me for not being there when for the longest time he was the only one other than Dylan who was. He saved me so many times, from monsters, from Dad, from myself. Six weeks before I ran out on Dad I felt so drained and sad, I had had enough. I didn't want to hunt any more but there was no way out. I knew the only way to stop hunting, was to die. I could just make a 'mistake' on a hunt and go out that way but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to do that, maybe it was the risk that I might turn into whatever had killed me. I decided to kill myself when I knew Dad would be gone for a few days, hopefully by then I would be one hundred percent gone and all he would have to do was salt and burn my bones. A few hours after Dad had left me alone in the dingy motel room I ran a hot bath and took out my butterfly knife. I sat in the bath for half an hour before I built up the courage to do what I had set out to, finally I sliced my right wrist all the way up to my elbow, knowing that was the only way. I watched my blood mix with the warm water and felt relief, it was all over, I would never see another monster, never disappoint anyone again and I would never have to look at myself in the mirror. I passed out soon after, I woke up with Joshua leaning over me, pushing on my chest. I looked over at my arm, it was stitched up and a cream was rubbed into the wound. Joshua saw me open my eyes and helped me sit up. He began to yell at me, asking what the hell I was doing, did I know how much it would kill him if I was gone, how much it would kill Bobby and Dylan? He shook me a little and started to cry, it was one of the strangest things I had ever seen, here was this rough and tumble hunter, a guy who could get shot in the arm and not even flinch and he was in front of me bawling like a child. I kept apologising over and over until he held up his hand. He told me he knew that it was hard, not just being a hunter but having a father like mine, he knew I wanted out but he begged me to just leave Dad, not to hurt myself, I was too important to so many people. He looked me in the eyes with an expression so intense I shivered, he told me that I was special and that I had bigger things coming to me. When I asked what he shook his head and said he didn't know exactly but from the moment he had laid eyes on me he knew I had a big role to play. From then on no matter how hard things got, I just remembered those words. Knowing someone out there believed I was important was enough to keep me going. Remembering what Joshua had done for me I was wracked with sobs again, I felt like I would never stop crying. Dean rubbed my back and held me as I rocked back and forth in pure grief. Sam just stood a few feet away, staring at me and Dean. After about fifteen minutes I heard Dylan hang up the phone and approach us.

"That was Thomas, turns out Joshua had a son that he had only recently found out about and strangely enough he is a hunter too, he was coming down to meet with Joshua but got sidetracked by a job. He asked us to wait for him before we send Joshua off." I looked up at Dylan, her wings seemed slightly duller than usual and her face looked strained. I realised she had known Joshua too, not as well as I had, but she must have been hurting too. I pulled away from Dean and kissed his cheek.

"Thank you." I whispered and he stroked my face tenderly, causing Sam to scowl. I got to my feet and rushed to Dylan. I put my arms over her and squeezed as tight as I could, something we had done since we were kids, causing her to snort with laughter.

"I'm sorry I've been a egocentric bitchface Dyl." I hugged her again, more gently this time.

"Rayne he was like your dad, you two were so close, I don't know how I would act if I lost someone that close to me." she hugged me back. I sniffled but no more tears came, I think I was cried out. Sam cleared his throat pointedly and Dylan rolled her eyes.

"Speaking of bitchfaces." she muttered as she looked over at him, Sam's expression didn't changed but I saw Dean trying to cover up his grin.

"Are we just going to ignore it?" he snapped.

"Ignore what Sam?" Dylan asked.

"The fact that your little friend there swallowed demon blood and then suddenly had magical abilities!" he growled looking straight at me, "then she says she has no idea how she did it, well that knife looked pretty well aimed for someone who didn't know!"

"Sam," Dean warned him getting to his feet.

"No Dean, this is exactly what happened to me, how the addiction started!' he fumed at his brother. Dean sighed heavily and looked over at me.

"Well maybe it's just like you Sammy, you didn't know until Ruby told you. Rayne says she doesn't know how she did it and I believe her." he put his hand on Sam's shoulder but Sam shrugged it off forcibly and glared at Dean.

"Yeah it's pretty easy to see why you believe her Dean." he sneered and Dean stiffened up.

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?" he bristled angrily.

"Oh come on, you've been trying to get in her pants from day one!" he mocked. I looked over at Dean and saw his fists clench.

"You don't know anything Sam!" he snarled, his face going a shade of red.

"Oh please, you're my brother, I know you well enough to know that all you want is a one night stand and once you're done with her, you'll just toss her aside like all the other wham bam thank you mams you've been with. All I can say is get it over with and stop dragging the poor girl along, so we can go back to doing our jobs and they can go back to theirs. And we can stop pretending that there's nothing wrong with her!" Sam ranted. The second he finished Dean raised his fist and punched him square in the mouth.

"Don't talk about her that way!" he thundered punching him again, he went to lash out a third time but Sam dodged him and landed a punch on Deans shoulder.

"Stop it guys!" Dylan shrieked, unsure of what to do, she was an angel but anything she did would expose that.

"Stop!" I said more calmly than I actually felt. The boys didn't listen and continued to hit one another. I felt something boil up inside me, an incredibly strong sense of anger.

"STOP!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. As I did so every window in the barn that was not already broken shattered. The boys stopped and stared, at first at the windows and the broken glass, and then at me. Sam's lip curled in disgust and he motioned to me.

"See what I mean, this isn't normal!" His words stung and I flinched. Dean said nothing but he walked over and stood with Dylan and I, at this Sam turned and stormed out of the barn.

"Well, that was interesting," a voice from the other barn doors called out. The three of us turned around and standing there was a male in his late twenties, he had short blonde hair and hazel eyes. He was the spitting image of Joshua. None of us said a word as he approached.

"So do y'all always fight like that or just on special occasions?" he joked, his southern accent clear and pronounced in a way it hadn't been over the phone. He walked straight up to me and gave me a hug. I saw Deans face tense up again and he looked almost jealous. The man pulled away and held me at arms length.

"Well you must be Rayne, Daddy told me a lot about you, you were like the daughter he always wanted," he paused glancing over at Dylan, "you must be Dylan, the gal I spoke to on the phone, heard a fair bit about you too," he now looked in Deans direction, "you I don't know." he shrugged. "Now how's about Rayne here takes me to my daddy and you two start collectin' wood for the pyre." he motioned outside with his head. Dylan nodded and took Deans arm, but dean didn't budge, he was still looking at me.

"It's ok Dean," I gave a small smile "I'll be fine, you go find Sam."

Dean seemed irritated but exhaled and let Dylan lead him outside. The man who I guessed was Thomas let go of me.

"Now, Rayne, please direct me to my dear daddy and explain to me what happened."