Author's note: This chapter is long because of the amount of background information I incorporated into it. Pay attention to the seemingly unimportant details, because it will have something to do with the plot on the Citadel that will unfold in later chapters.

„You know me… and I'm here."

"Lights on," Jane said as she stepped into the apartment.
As a result, the whole living room and kitchen lightened up. At first, only in a soft, dim way, then a few seconds later everything was shining in the bright white lights.
Through the gaps of the metal shutter on the huge window, the streets of Zakera Ward could be observed from the fourth floor. The vibrant lights of the area were outnumbered by the inner lamps at that moment and everything was perfectly quiet.

Jane immediately ran to the bathroom next to the kitchen, so John was the one who closed the door and turned the doorbell off as well. They weren't expecting anyone and he really didn't fancy someone suddenly visiting them that night. He had enough of people for that day.
He walked to the black leather couch in front of the wall that separated the hall area from the TV and the mini-bar and put Jane's bag down onto the coffee table. After observing the contents of it, he sat down and looked out the window.
He could see groups of people walking and standing around on the opposite side of the street, which mostly consisted of multi-storage shops.

They are setting foot on Zakera Ward for the first time in their lives. A mixture of awe and fear settles his mind. So beautiful, yet so foreign. The place is great, but the people…
Jane is having the time of her life, her head turning left and right as she's trying to look at everything at once.
He holds her hand tight and continues to walk in silence.
"Mom!" Jane turns to her right where mother is walking together with father. "Can I make friends with aliens here?"
Mother looks down at her and smiles.
"Of course you can. We just have to settle in."
Settle in… it's all about settling in.
Is it?
"John?"
He looks down and his eyes meet with Jane's. She seems somewhat worried.
"Yes?"
"You don't like it here?"
"Oh… I do," he assures her and forces a faint smile on his face. "I just… it's different. And we don't know anyone here yet."
She looks puzzled. Maybe he shouldn't have said anything, now he might ruin her mood.
"You know me," she smiles up at him. "And I'm here."
His smile changes for a moment. It's more honest.
"You're right…"
She grabs his arm with her other hand as well, sticking close to him.
A warm feeling replaces some of the fear in him. It might not be that bad after all.

The Citadel. The place that has been his home for many years already, though for six years it had been just a place that he'd visited every few months.
An ironic smile came to his face as he remembered his nineteen years old self.

At that time, he had thought it would be best for him to get away from everyone and lead an entirely different lifestyle at different places. He had every reason to think that.
After all, he had finished tech school and military training, and his father was – and still is – the commanding officer of the Alliance cruiser Warsaw. Who was to be a good role model for him that time if not his father?
Jane's mother – the woman he respected and loved as his own mother as well – was in a good position at C-Sec. He could have had a job there as well if he had really wanted, but the Alliance seemed to be the better choice. He just wanted to leave the Citadel behind for a while.
The only thing he didn't want to leave was Jane.
She was only twelve back then, yet she provided the motivation for everything in his life. She took her education very seriously.
Unlike him, she had some real friends as well. He just hanged around with people from time to time, but he could hardly call them more than pals. But Jane had a few close friends, mostly aliens. She had no hardship getting along with other species. It might have had something to do with her being a biotic. She hadn't have her implants yet, but it was only a matter of time. Back on Earth, she would have been treated as a weird mutant – humanity did not get accustomed to biotics yet – but on the Citadel, she was accepted by her environment. Her education was better there than what it could have been on Earth, because here they had the suitable professionals available.
But for him, the most important thing was the fact that she was happy. She had inspired him to work just as hard as she did, so he could live up to his father one day. She wasn't just his step-sister; she was his best friend as well.

He could tell her anything and she would listen to him, comfort him. As he recollected, he realized she was so mature for her age even back then.
Sure, their parents always had treated them as grown-ups from an early age – what else can you expect from a military officer and a C-Sec investigator? – but she could have had developed into the exact opposite direction… as he almost had.

During their first year on the Citadel, he didn't really care about anything. He was bad at everything, didn't study properly and got into trouble almost every week.
And then, that changed, thanks to Jane.
One day, she confronted him. Asked him what was wrong with him and why he was behaving that way.

He was shocked, as he did not expect her to stand up like that.
He promised her that he would change.

She was so worried when he enlisted. Kept saying how dangerous it is to be a soldier and how far away he'll be all the time. She made him promise to send a vid-message at least once a week. In the beginning, he'd sent even three sometimes.

He got used to military life rather quickly and he'd become a good soldier.
As an infiltrator, he wasn't thrown into the front lines, but that had never meant that he would not see and do brutal things.
He was there at the Skyllian Blitz and in the operations of Torfan. Got his first gun-shot wound there; a bullet in his left hand. What had happened there… he'd fought until the last batarian had fallen. He felt as if he made a difference in the galaxy, for good. He knew he didn't just kill a lot, but he saved people as well; people who would have been attacked by those criminals if he and the other Alliance soldiers had not killed them.
Still, it took him weeks to forget about the piles of corpses.

As he had moved up in rank, things got more rough.
He had no problem with fighting and risking his life, but what he had faced from time to time was demoralizing. It seemed as if there were more forces keeping him from doing his job than what actually helped him. And that wasn't the only thing that had bothered him.
He respected his fellow marines and he was respected as well, but he didn't really get what he expected. He never felt as a real part of the team.
Not that he cared that much about fitting in anywhere, but he had thought, that among humans, he'd feel more… content.
Yet he didn't.
He have had a few affairs with some women on shore leaves, nothing serious, just a few hours of fun... He never met anyone in the Alliance that he could have taken seriously.

He felt depressed sometimes, but he never told that to anyone. Not even Jane. She had her own problems those years anyway, and he didn't want to worry her with his own bullshit. Instead, he had tried to visit her more often and answered her vid-mails as soon as he could.
She was so eager throughout those years, yet never hasty. She had got her implants and started her biotic training at last. She was very skilled and he was very proud of her.
She had never complained about anything, though he was sure that her life is not even close to easy. He could see the dark shadows under her eyes from time to time. She was working her ass off all along. He had felt terrible sometimes for not being there with her.

And then one day, he got fed-up with the Alliance.
During one of their patrols near the Terminus Systems, they had found a frigate that appeared intact, but derelict.
It could not be identified, so they decided to investigate the vessel. He and two other soldiers boarded the ship. There was nothing unusual about the ship itself, but what was on board had given him a headache. On their way to the bridge, they found some heavily-sealed metal crates and five armored corpses; one salarian and four batarian. In spite of his hacking expertise, they were unable to identify basically anything on the frigate. He'd observed one of the huge metal crates; he would have sworn that he heard it emit some kind of strange, deep, buzzing noise.
But he never got to see what was inside it.
He called for reinforcements and asked for permission to take control of the frigate, so they might dock somewhere and perform a full investigation. He deemed it too dangerous to do that on the edge of the Terminus and something felt wrong about the whole ship anyway.
Instead of reinforcements, thirty minutes later a small black ops team arrived and took over the whole operation.
They thanked them for their cautious conduct, asked them not to worry, then they got sent back to their ship. There, they signed a classified report about basically nothing, and that was it. He never even found a trace of the whole thing since then.

That mission, coupled with the fact that nothing he cared for tied him to the Alliance had led him to the decision he made two years ago.
He quietly resigned from his post and caught a ship back to the Citadel. It was an easy leave; the Captain probably realized what was going on with him, yet he told John that he'll be back one day. He'd replied nothing to that statement.
Also, he knew that Jane had been under a lot of pressure that time; their mother got promoted again and she had started to work even more than before. Their father only visited once in every two months. Life suddenly had fallen on Jane when she was in the hardest part of her training, and she had no one there to look after her. That had made him even more eager to return to the Citadel. He didn't want to see the dearest person in his life cripple under the responsibilities placed on her.

Jane was so damn happy when he stepped out of the shuttle.
She'd hugged him for minutes… then she started asking questions. She wouldn't let him alone until he told her the reason for his resignation, so he made up a story about a cruel Commander who hated and harassed him. He had a hunch that she never actually believed anything of it, but she stopped asking about it afterwards. That was one of the many things he loved about Jane: she knew when to leave him alone.
She didn't have to do that often.

He had got a job on Zakera Ward within two weeks. He joined the Network Division of C-Sec, and quickly proved himself to be very useful in front of a monitor and on the streets as well. Within a year, he became the head of a relatively small but professional team, which, aside from taking care of regular tasks, was responsible for finding and terminating every illegal robot, VI and AI that managed to get on the Ward.

Jane had passed her first biotic exams. She got excellent evaluations; she proved to be an exceptionally talented biotic among humans. She got her entry into C-Sec Academy and became part of a specialized training program from there on.
She was happy about her achievement, yet something had bothered her.
"Mother told me that if I do this right," she said, "I won't just become a member of the Special Response Division at the end, but I'll help to create a… better image of humans in C-Sec and in the whole Galactic Community. Though, I think she was over-exaggerating the last part."
John saw how puzzled she was, so he tried to ease her up.
"Well, I have to be careful then," he said. "You might just surpass me in every way while I'm busy blowing up terrorist robots… wait. You already did."
"Oh come on, I still have a lot of training and field work ahead of me. I might just fail or give up during the first month."
"You won't." He rubbed her head. "I know you'll pull it off and make everyone jealous."
"Oookay, stop praising me." She giggled as she hugged him. "I couldn't have achieved any of this without you being there for me all the time."
"I don't agree," he murmured and placed his palms on her shoulder. "but that means a lot."

"Bah, too much juice."

Jane's voice tore John out of his garden of memories and shoved him right back on the couch in the middle of the living room. He didn't notice when she came out of the bathroom and sat down next to him.

"Excuse me?" He looked at her a bit bemused.

She noticed his disorientation and slowly blinked, awaiting his reaction.
John looked back at the window and straightened up a bit.

"Sorry, I was just thinking."

"What about?"

"About… your birthday present."

"Oh!" she lightened up. "But that's still two weeks ahead. You can't be that bad at picking presents."

He glanced at her as if he was offended.

"Thanks! It didn't cross your mind, that maybe, I just want to figure out something really special?" he asked her sarcastically. "After all, how old will you be? Forty?"

Instead of huffily fulminating against that age assumption, she casually leaned back on the couch and smiled at John.

"I hope I'll look this good when I'm forty."

"Of course you will. You know, gene therapy."

"Well, you'll be an old geezer by that time anyway," she said, then giggled. "At least one of us will have to look good."

"I feel like and old geezer already, thanks," John said, staring at the floor.

"Says the guy who's twenty-seven." Jane rolled her eyes.

"My father already had me and a career when he was this old…"

It was strange for him to think about it. He'd never even considered the idea of starting his own family yet. His future plans did not incorporate such things either. He didn't even really have future plans…
Most of the time, he'd felt as if he doesn't even want to have his own family at all.
Not that he could have it anyway.

He is sitting in front of an Alliance doctor. Her name tage says „Chakwas."
Interesting name.
"So, John Shepard, right?"
He nods.
"Great. Your physical evaluations are excellent and your final tests did not turn up anything that could possibly stand between you and military life. You are ready for the Alliance."
He nods again.
"There is one thing though… " she looks at him.
His body freezes for a second.
"What?"
"One of the tissue-sample tests produced a side result that you might be interested in."
"I'm listening."
"You are sterile."
He's not sure he heard it right.
"… Sterile?"
"Yes." She looks at him commiseratingly. "Infertile."
"Oh… oh," he sighs, "I thought it was something… worse."
She stares at him as if she misunderstood him.
"Well, this… medical condition is one of the very rare, yet possible side-effects of the gene-therapy that every Alliance recruit receives. Less than one in a thousand, really, but the risk is there. Sadly, you are that one in a thousand."
He's silent. Doesn't really know what to say about it.
"It might be reversible. There is one kind of treatment that can help, if-"
"I'll think about it, thank you."
Chakwas nods. She gets the message.
"Okay. Then if you have no further questions, you can go."
He stands up, nods, then leaves.

"Eh, uh… John, you have more than enough time for that." Jane leaned forward.

Sometimes he forgot that he had told Jane about his „medical condition". For what reason, he still didn't know. She was the only one who knew about it. Guess he just needed to tell someone, so he could stop lamenting on whether he should try that treatment or not.
Well, he did not so far. And he probably won't.
Ever.

"Yeah, I know. Thanks, Mom." John smiled at her.

"Mom, huh?" she stood up, then sat on the coffee table instead, in front of him. "Well, my dear son, you better not be hiding your girlfriend from me. I am entitled to evaluate whether she is right for you or not." She waved her index finger in his face and laughed.

John snorted.
"I'm sorry, but she's a vorcha, and she's a bit nervous around humans, so I play it slow."

Jane gazed at him dumbfounded. Then she laughed out even louder.
"My guess would have been a salarian, but I have to admit, you beat me."

"Please, I'm always better at bullshitting."

Jane shook her head and crossed her legs.

"But seriously," she said, "I can't believe you haven't had a decent girlfriend since you came back."

"I keep them in the wardrobe." John muttered.

"Obviously," Jane rolled her eyes again.

"How'd you know I don't?"

"You never give a serious answer when it comes to this topic."

"Then maybe we should talk about you," John proposed. "How many turians have already asked you to marry them?"

"Turians?!" Jane hollered. Then, she closed her mouth and gazed at the ceiling for a few seconds. "Maybe a turian would be a better choice than a human… but ah, no."

"And you realized this after you already had like twenty human boyfriends?" asked John ironically and looked out the window.

"That twenty was two," Jane reckoned, "and yes, it would seem that I realize certain things… too late."

John frowned and he felt a strange pull in his guts as he glanced at Jane. She blushed and it was her turn to look at the window.
Then, suddenly, John's stomach emitted a loud noise.

"I'm starving!" Jane exclaimed and she jumped off the coffee table. "Thanks for reminding me." She grabbed her bag. "I need to prepare dinner while these are still fresh."

"You can buy fresh groceries on the Citadel?" asked John, quickly using the opportunity to forget the previous topic.

"Agricultural development, John," Jane said as she turned towards the kitchen.

"Need me to help?" John stood up.

"Oh please, I wish to produce something edible," she teased him, imitating the accent of a French master chef. "You can just sit there and think about your present for me."

And so she walked into the kitchen.

"I am terribly sorry, madam," he shouted after her, "in that case, I'll go take a shower until the feast is ready."

A banana flew out of the kitchen and landed at his feet as an answer.

"You need more target practice!" he said and grabbed the banana. Shortly, an orange encompassed by a biotic field followed it. That one hit him in the chest.

"Okay, okay! I yield!" He laughed and rubbed the spot where the orange hit.

He carried both fruits to the counter. Jane was washing something at the sink as if nothing had happened.

"And she's turning twenty-one soon! Who would guess?" he said and quickly approached the staircase before some vegetables could have started targeting him as well.

Upstairs, John went right into his room which was located next to the stairs.
His room was comfortably large. Roughly in front of the door, next to the main wall laid a double bed. In the middle of the other, longer wall was the huge window, which he kept covered most of the time. To the left there were two wooden wardrobes. His desk, together with his private terminal stood next to the window, in the corner. The only decoration he had was a large green plant standing next to his desk.

He stepped to his bed and looked at the green bedding.
He didn't really like that linen, but he had bought it in a hurry after all.
The deep-blue set he had thrown out two years ago had fitted his taste more.
He had this idea that he might enjoy the company of an asari more than the company of his own species. So, one night, he'd ended up with a nearly two hundred years old asari in his bed. There were no problems with the physical part, though his nerves had felt messed up after that merging thing that the asari do. The other side of the story…
It just didn't work out.
He'd felt so wrong after it that he couldn't even sit back on the same sheets on the following day. So, he'd just pulled off the bedclothes and threw the whole thing out.
He might have been overreacting, but at the time, he felt terrible about the whole affair.

He took his uniform and underwear off, then he grabbed his towel and walked straight into the bathroom that was located right next to his room. Luckily, he and Jane had their own bathrooms; he probably wouldn't be able to find his own shampoo among the numerous bottles of scented liquor Jane had. Not to mention her collection of exotic-smelling soaps.
He took a long, refreshing shower, then he laid on his bed for a few minutes, wrapped in his towel.
When the smell of steak entered his room, he dressed up in his favourite black slacks and a grey tank top.

"What is this heavenly smell?" he asked loudly, standing on the top of the staircase. Since no answer came from the kitchen, he slowly walked down.
As he arrived downstairs, Jane appeared at the dining table. She started to carefully position the plates and the cutlery. John walked into the kitchen barefoot and stood beside her.
The steak was frying in a pan, soaked in some kind of delicious-looking sauce. A plate of freshly cooked potatoes and a bowl of salad was already placed in the middle of the table.
He almost started drooling.

"The dinner is almost ready, Sir," Jane said as she turned to him, using the French chef voice again. "In the remaining five minutes, please refrain from touching anything."

"I do not wish to ruin your work, I assure you," John replied and leaned on the counter.

He watched her step to the stove and observed how she turned the steak on its other side.

"So, how was your day?" Jane asked in her own voice, then she stepped to the fridge and started to search for something in it.

"Dull, mostly, " John said, "we received a call about some trouble around a storage building on the edge of Sector Five. At first, we thought it was that guy again who had sold illegal mechs in the same area a few months ago, but it turned out that the parade was caused by some goddamn merchant's VI that malfunctioned while it was cataloguing a shipment of used ship-parts. It was flashing in different colors, chanting error messages. The poor idiot didn't know what to do with it."

"I hope you helped him or her at least," Jane said as she looked at John with a bottle of orange juice in her hand. "Was it a volus?"

"Nope." John grinned. "It was a hanar."

"You're kidding me," Jane said and chuckled.

"I'm utterly serious. He kept rambling something about the Enkindlers until we finally shut the VI down. I think it was hacked, so I'll have to check it out later. Anyway, without that hanar, I would have probably fallen asleep today. Routine checks aaaall day… Your day must have been way more exciting."

"Yeah," Jane said and she placed the juice bottle on the table, then she stepped back to the stove. "Throwing stuff at each other and running around is much better."

"Why do I detect sarcasm in your voice?"

"No, I actually kind of enjoy it. But field practice is way more… occupying."

She took every piece of meat out of the pan and placed them on a round plate.

"Turn off the stove, not like last time," John warned her.

Jane glanced at him with greed.

"Oookay, that was an accident and I was tired."

"Of course, I was just cautious," John said, "And the living room looks better without a cloud of smoke."

Jane sighed and turned the damn stove off.