I hope you all enjoyed your Holiday! Mine was tiresome, as always. There should only be two or three more chapters left in this story. I'm really sorry about the Chihuahua reference in this. For some reason there always has to be lots of cute animals in my fanfics, especially femslashy ones. Forgive me.
DISCLAIMER: I wish I owned Once because Lana Parrilla is so ridiculously hot but sadly I don't.
Mary Margaret had regretted the words the second they'd left her mouth. Perhaps she was too used to Regina to be offended by her attempts to pulverize her, but after the progress the two of them had made over the years she knew this one was on her.
It only got worse after Emma teleported them to her apartment. "Have you lost your mind, Ma?" she said loudly, rounding on her dark-haired mother.
Snow raised her hands. "Hear me out, Emma. I… this isn't easy for me and your dad."
"Since when is this about you?" Emma exploded. "This is my life! What I choose to do with Regina in barns and secluded, wooded clearings is my business. I try doing something for myself this one time, and you all go ape shit! I don't always want to be the Savior, Ma! Sometimes I want to be a human being! Sometimes I want to be selfish!"
The notion that Regina could relate to this desire that Emma had crossed Snow's mind and it made her that much more uncomfortable. "Regina is not in the business of making other people happy, Emma," Snow sniffed.
"Except for when she saved us all that one time!" Emma fired back. "Oh, and raised my son and gave me my happy ending with him after stopping us all from being cursed. Remember that? I wanted him to have his best chance and…" her blonde daughter deflated a little. Her eyes looked haunted as though she had discovered some sudden revelation about herself. "…his best chance was with her."
"I won't deny that she brought Henry up well," Snow argued. "I get the camaraderie over sharing a son. But sleeping with her? Did I miss something?"
Proving that situations could always get worse, Henry appeared at that very moment. As Mary Margaret's words reached his ears, his face changed to the color of sour milk. "What?" He said incredulously. He turned to Emma. "Is that true? Are you bumping uglies with my mom?"
Horrified, Emma shot Snow a withering look. "Henry, listen—
"I knew it!" He yelled, throwing his arms up in the air. "I knew you two did something weird to get me out of the Fae Forest! I can't handle this! I can't handle this family!" He stormed up the small staircase to his lair, Emma hot on his heels. Mary Margaret stayed glued to where she was, unsure of what to do.
"Henry, this doesn't change anything!" she heard Emma tell her son, their loud voices drifting down to her old apartment's landing.
"I'm going to live with Dad!"
There was a loud thump as Emma apparently punched a door or wall. "You are not going to live with your dad, and that's final! You can see him over spring break like we planned!"
"What difference does it make where I live?" Henry roared back. "It's not like I can go back to moms! She can barely hold it together because you and grandma and grandpa screwed her up! And now you're gonna make it worse! You'll drive her away just like you drove away dad."
There was dead silence as Mary Margaret felt her mouth fall open. Up until now she'd only had a vague idea of how much Emma's relationship with her grandson had deteriorated. She recalled earlier years when Regina was on the receiving end of his emotional trauma and wondered if this wasn't another thing that was driving Emma into her arms. Regina and Henry were still very close, and she wondered if Emma felt more endearment towards her former step-mother now that the shoe was on the other foot.
"You know what, kid?" Emma could be heard saying. "Consider yourself grounded for another week."
"Fine." Henry snapped back. "I'll just get one of my friends to summon me."
Emma's dark chuckle sent chills down Snow's spine.
"Go ahead and try. We'll find them in pieces after your mother hears about it. The people in this town know better than to summon the Evil Queen's son. Still liking those fairy tales, kid? And for the record, don't bother trying to sneak out either. I've got all kinds of wards and barriers up. Consider this you magical maximum security prison."
With that, the blonde reemerged as she stormed down the stairs, purposely knocking over pictures on the wall as she went, her face a cloud of misery.
"Emma… there was a time when you would have lost your marbles over anyone trapping Henry with magic. Even Regina regretted doing it. What's gotten into you?"
"I'm in over my head, that's what's gotten into me." Her scowl deepened as she faced Mary Margaret, and her voice dropped to a dangerous octave. "You will not take Regina away from me, Ma. I need her."
Mary Margaret felt her eyes fill with tears. "I get it. You're in love with her."
Emma's eyes widened. She stared at Snow for a moment before grabbing a jacket—her old red leather bomber that she hadn't worn in years—and storming out of the apartment.
Mary Margaret went upstairs to check on Henry. The door to his room was locked. "Henry," she called, knocking on the door. "Will you talk to me? I know you're upset, but…"
There was no answer, so she tried to continue. "There's no point in rehashing the past, Henry. Both of your mothers deserve to be happy just as much as we do."
The door opened and Henry's scowling face mirrored his mother's expression from just moments ago. "Mom's her true love, isn't she?"
Mary Margaret patted his cheek affectionately. "And who are we to get in the way of that? I think we both owe Emma an apology."
The kid shifted on his feet awkwardly. He'd gotten so tall and handsome and he was still growing into himself, but he still managed to look somewhat poised most of the time—a skill he had probably learned from Regina. His adoptive mother made sure he was always dressed impeccably and elegantly well-mannered. "If I play Call of Duty, will you tell on me?" he asked finally.
"We'll keep it between us," Snow replied fondly. She wasn't going to let him out of her sight this time.
Blue shook with apprehension as David knocked on Regina's door. He wasn't yet aware of why Pixies seemed to terrify Fairies so much, but since Mab was their leader, there had to be a good reason. Tinkerbell opened the door and frowned at the sight of them. "I think that's enough for today, Charming. Regina is detoxing."
"From dark magic?" the Prince inquired. "Emma just texted me and said she relapsed."
The green fairy nodded sourly. "No thanks to you and Snow."
David sighed. Admittedly he had probably over-reacted, but he wasn't accustomed to being blamed for getting a whooping from the Evil Queen. "Mother Superior is here to talk to the Mab," he announced. "We'll let Regina be, if that's what you want."
"The Mab has chosen to guard her, so I'm afraid that's—
The sound of someone imitating a police siren interrupted them, and a moment later the Pixie Queen appeared on Regina's porch. David eyed the creature with disbelief. All this trouble over a little imp with butterfly wings?
"Oh look!" she said, sneering at the Blue Fairy. "It's the friggin' 5-0!"
The fairy squared her shoulders bravely. "This is our one and only request that you leave Storybrooke, your majesty," she announced. "With the recently opened portal in the Pixie Grove, you're continued presence increases the chances of your kin getting through and wreaking havoc in this town."
Mab sighed and floated back towards Tinker Bell. "No can do, I'm afraid."
David narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean, Pixie Queen?"
"It's not up to me to reseal the portal," she sighed. "Only Emma or Regina can do it."
At the mention of his daughter, Charming bristled. "What do they have to do?"
"I'll tell you, but it's a secret," the Pixie answered, her mischievous face contorting into a serious expression. "You'll have to come closer."
David sighed again and stepped towards Mab. She shook her head. "Closer…"
David took another step towards her, brushing against Tink's shoulder. His face was only a foot away from Mab, who hovered level to his eyes. "Just a tad closer," she purred.
Charming leaned forward and Mab flew up to his ear and farted in it. He yelled and jumped back as a glittery, golden substance seeped into his ear. "What the—
He began to shout in protest, but felt himself getting shorter. The muscles in his arms rearranged themselves and he yelled out in pain. His spine adjusted, limbs twisted, and a moment later he tried to yell out again but only found that he could bark shrilly up at the fairies that towered above him.
Mab shrieked with laughter, clutching her stomach dramatically. "I crack myself up sometimes! Look at him, Green! Isn't he cute?"
"What… is that a Chihuahua?" Tinkerbell asked in disbelief as she looked down at the small brown dog that had been David Nolan just moments ago. "You turned Prince Charming into a Chihuahua?"
Charming yipped and ran around their legs in agitation.
Mother Superior looked horrified if not on the verge of tears. "I don't know how to change him back. Mab, please!"
"Oh, don't worry, Officer. He'll change back once the portal is sealed."
"Tell us what we have to do!" Tinkerbell cried, staring down at Charming. Mary Margaret was going to lose it.
Mab rolled her eyes. "Again, it's not what you do that matters. It's up to our lovely ladies, Sheriff Swan and Regina Mills."
"Tell us what they have to do, then!"
"Oh, come on, Tink. You know how magic works. They started a chemical reaction when they opened the portal. To reverse it, they have to do the opposite."
"The… opposite?"
Mab nodded patiently. "Yes. Now think, Green. What's the opposite of making love?"
"Um," Tinkerbell's face reddened.
"Don't be dim, Green."
"Um… the opposite of making love is… making war, I suppose?"
"Bingo," Mab replied, reclining lazily in mid air.
"Well, theirs has always been a tempestuous relationship, true love or not. I suppose that won't be too hard. Will either one of them be injured?" Tinkerbell asked, wringing her hands anxiously.
"That's entirely up to them," Mab replied. "It's not something that can be forced, either. They may fight and argue, but it's been some time since they waged all-out war on each other. You might have to get creative if you don't want my subjects causing hilarious strife in Storybrooke over the next several weeks."
Tinkerbell looked pained. "I don't want to hurt Regina. She's my best friend."
"Tough titty, Twinkle Toes," Mab replied. She yawned. "Anyway, I'm bored. I'm gonna go back to annoying Regina and Emma." She looked down at Charming, who was barking and jumping up and down, trying to reach her. "And take the Prince with you. Regina doesn't strike me as a dog person."
The pixie disappeared, leaving Blue and Tinkerbell with Charming in his new form. "There was something else," Mother Superior said quietly. "Charming," she gestured to the Chihuahua. "He brought two people back from California. I believe they're from another realm and they came through a portal out there."
"Are they from the Enchanted Forest?" Tinkerbell asked.
"I'm not sure, but he left them at the Nursing Home. If you see Emma, can you tell her to pay them a visit so we can figure out what to do with them? I have to go home. I'm afraid I've soiled myself. It's been centuries since I've seen the Mab and I've forgotten the effect she has on me."
Tinkerbell sighed and picked up Charming, who wriggled in her arms. She had a feeling that the Savior wasn't going to want to deal with this in addition to the other mess they were in. She left a note for her Queen on the dining room table and set off to find Mary Margaret.
The door to 108 Mifflin street opened shortly after Emma knocked on it. Regina had changed from the snooty riding pants she'd been wearing in the barn to a wine red sweater and a pair if leggings that made her butt look good enough to cook breakfast on. She eyed the younger woman with smoldering dark eyes that were still somewhat moist and entirely disdainful.
"What do you want, Sheriff? Do you remember that I hate you?" Regina stepped out onto the porch and tore Emma's headband out of her hair. "Remind me to burn that monstrosity later," she said, tossing it to the ground.
For no particular reason Emma's heart swelled with fondness for her. The space between them parted easily as she strode forward and wrapped her arms around her neck. Regina stood still, probably out of shock. "I'm really happy to see you," Emma gibbled sloppily. She buried her face in glossy raven hair and breathed in Regina's scent—apples and sawdust mixed with some obscenely expensive perfume. "Sometimes, I swear, you're the only one that—
"Emma, stop this," Regina said, sounding alarmed. Emma wasn't surprised or offended. She knew this sort of touchy-freely crap was the sort of thing she and the former Queen mutually found to be unnecessary on most occasions. "Have you hit your head? Or are you high again? I remember you being overly friendly the time I caught you in the bug. You rolled down the window and said in your best Mae West impression that I was so low I could walk under a door in a hat. Then you asked if you could see my—
"I remember, your majesty," Emma smirked into her neck. "You're never gonna let me live that down are you?"
"To be fair it may or may not have been entertaining. Will you let go of me now?"
"Not yet," Emma said quietly. "Let me finish this moment." She listened to the somewhat rapid beating of Regina's clouded heart, finding the first silence she could remember in its patches of darkness. It was too blissful for her to care that people could see them like this on the front porch-the Savior embracing a rather docile Evil Queen.
"I'm sorry I tried to kill your mother again." The apology was barely audible. Regina had doled out her share of them over the years, still occasionally acknowledging when she was being rude or insensitive. Emma knew it was hard for her, especially when it came to Snow.
"That's all right. You wouldn't have killed her. I know you could have done a lot worse and my shields still need a lot of work, as you're often so quick to remind me." She smirked again and finally released the brunette, taking a step back to resume their tit-for-tat. "If you ask me, you're going soft."
"Says the brave White Knight that was just cuddling with me. Did I miss the part where we became Teletubbies?" The corners of Regina's mouth turned up slightly, the emotion in her eyes unmistakable.
Emma felt her regard overwhelm her again and she grabbed the older woman's arm and dragged her inside. She shut the front door and threw Regina against it. Emma pressed her body up against hers and captured her lips in a heated kiss. "Don't act like you don't like it," she growled, nibbling on a full, painted bottom lip.
Regina moaned and cupped her face. "Emma," she protested weakly. "This is a bad idea."
"Shut up." Tongues clashed heatedly and Regina seemed to forget her concerns when Emma trapped hers between her teeth and sucked aggressively. The brunette hissed in pleasure and pain. Before she could retaliate Emma began to stroke the back of her neck again, replacing fingers with lips with her Dark Queen's strangled groan of approval. Her wet, open mouthed kisses had reached Regina's collarbone before she barely heard her voice a strangled, throaty plea.
"Emma... This isn't-oh, god-this isn't right. Oh, you dirty—yes, right there. I mean, no! Emma!" She pushed her off and the Savior pouted.
"Why? Because you're the Evil Queen? I don't care at all." She tried to calm herself. Her heart was still racing and she longed to resume what they were doing against the front door. "It doesn't make any difference. You're Henry's mother."
Regina frowned slightly. "So are you, dear. What does that have to do with anything?"
"No, I'm not. You're his mother. He'd tell you the same thing if anyone asked him."
"What on earth are you talking about?"
Emma bit her lip and willed the tears not to fall. Her eyes felt heavy with the effort of it. "You two are like the Jackie-O and JFK Jr of dark magic. He even dresses like you. Knows all about us, by the way, and is horrified by it because he's convinced I'm gonna screw everything up. Granted, I probably will. I'm at the end of my rope because being a single mom to a teenage kid is Hell. Teenagers are from Hell, Regina. With his dad gone, I'm drowning and I..."
Regina's eyes were wide with disbelief.
"And I need you around because you're the only anchor between the three of us right now. It's crazy but it's true. And that moment between us in the Pixie Grove was the first time I haven't felt entirely alone in…
She couldn't finish. She couldn't admit to how long.
"You really have taken complete leave of your senses if you believe you'll be the one to ruin anything in this family, Princess," Regina said with a dark scowl. "It's the Evil Queen that destroys happy endings, not the Savior. And for what it's worth you are a more than acceptable parent for Henry."
"You gave me and him our happy ending," Emma whispered.
They couldn't seem to share any real moments without Mab interrupting. Loud, emotional flute music that was meant to be ironically touching halted their conversation as the Pixie Queen slowly floated down from the hallway chandelier. "Could you maybe give us some privacy?" Emma asked grouchily.
The Pixie pouted. "What can I say? I'm a voyeur. We Pixies—
A cloud of purple smoke enveloped them and a moment later the two of them were in Regina's bedroom. A click popped through the air as the door locked magically. "—are idiots," Regina finished for Mab, who was nowhere to be found. "Hopefully that lock will keep her out for a while. It's warded against all manner of spirits and creatures but who knows how long it will keep that insufferable pest at bay."
Emma pulled Regina onto the bed's down comforter and laid her head in the older woman's lap. "We don't have to talk," she said, snuggling into Regina's thigh. "We can just lay here. If this is the only time we'll have without Mab I don't want to waste it."
Regina was motionless for a few moments before gently stroking Emma's hair. "The prophecy is true, Savior. You'll be my undoing in the end."
"In a good way, I hope," Emma said cheekily as she peered up at Regina with one eye.
For a moment the brunette lost her cool and her lower lip trembled. Emma stroked the inside of the thigh her head wasn't resting on absentmindedly.
"What do you want from me, Emma?" Regina whispered.
"Nothing. Well, I wouldn't say no to a rim job."
"You're gross."
"Just being honest. What do you say? Ever driven on highway 69 before?"
"I suppose I could take a detour."
Emma smiled and began to methodologically remove those sexy leggings.