Regina liked her solitude. At one point loneliness had nearly engulfed her but now she was used to it. Besides, she was a misanthrope at heart—probably a result of her isolated childhood but she had little use for such inane pop psychobabble. She was who she was and that was that as far as she was concerned, but riding out in the woods on Cloud was her special time to clear her head.
She would sometimes let her mind wander aimlessly and it often drifted through the details of her unnaturally long and complicated life. She would think of her parents, Daniel, Robin Hood. It was melancholic but superior to the rage, hatred and terror she'd felt during her time as the Evil Queen.
What was a little bit of melancholy anyway?
Today she found her musings drifting elsewhere and she guided Cloud's hooves to their destination: the Pixie Grove. She sat on her horse and stared at it, a flurry of emotions engulfing her and causing the air around her to cackle with strange, ancient magic.
"Careful, Queenie. Need I remind you that this is a sacred site?" Mab had been blissfully silent until now and sounded unusually serious.
"Was it your vile brethren that made me have that dream?" Regina asked, looking up at her, brown eyes narrowed.
The impish creature shrugged. "Chaos exists for a reason, Queenie. It is often the only path to truth." Regina rolled her eyes as Mab droned on. "Your problem is that you have to be in control all the time."
"I all ready have a therapist, Pixie Queen. One is enough."
Mab's lip curled. "That cricket is an amateur." Her butterfly wings shimmered against the night sky as she flew directly in front of Regina's face. The dark witch's eyes widened, too surprised to seize the opportunity and cause Mab bodily harm as she normally would have. "Did you ever notice how much Henry looks like Snow White?"
"WHAT?"
Mab puffed on the cigar in her mouth, which was suddenly lit. "No wonder you felt such an attachment to the boy right away. It probably was an instinctual thing. Ironic that it was the dreaded Snow White's grandson who captured your black heart, and her daughter who has your love now."
"Shut up…" Regina whispered murderously. The creature's words were causing a ringing sound to buzz in her ears that was slowly building into a deafening roar.
"Now, now. You musn't be too hard on yourself, Queenie. You were what… eighteen or nineteen when you became Queen? Much to young to be a mother, if you ask me. Teen Mom 4: Fairy Tale Edition! You were no more ready for motherhood than Emma was when she had Henry."
"SHUT UP!" The trees shook with Regina's fury. Her head felt like it was going to explode.
Mab laughed so hard her cigar almost fell out of her mouth. "It was nice of you to give Emma her happy ending when you cast that counter curse to stop Pan. Too bad it wasn't real, like she said. Why, if she had kept the boy in her true reality, she'd have raised him in the backseat of that bug—turning tricks and shaking her ass on a stripper pole to get diapers and formula. "
The pixie began to wiggle her hips and sing an old hip-hop one hit wonder from the 90s. "What would you do if your little Prince was at home? Crying all alone on the bedroom floor, cuz he's hungry! And the only way to feed him is to sleep with some ogres for a little bit of money and his daddy's gone! Somewhere with Pinocchio now, in and out of—
"I'LL KILL YOU!" Regina screeched and grabbed Mab, squeezing the little creature in a fit of rage.
Mab laughed maniacally in Regina's hand and barely flinched. "Go ahead and kill me if I'm wrong, Queenie. Deep down you know it's true: you're Emma and Henry's savior and it drives your evil ass crazy because it means you've always loved Snow White!"
Regina breathed heavily for a few moments before angrily flinging the pixie at a nearby tree. Mab righted herself in midair casually before colliding and dusted off her leather bodice. "Speaking of the Forest Queen," she continued as though nothing had happened. "She's been trying to call you."
Grumbling, Regina fished her phone out of her pocket and stroked Cloud's mane to calm herself. If she didn't get a grip she was going to end up destroying the entire forest.
Seven missed calls from Snow White and a video message from Emma with the subject line: "call me." The brunette opened it and became still as she watched Mary Margaret dance provocatively on the bar of the White Rabbit in a go-go outfit, dollar bills from various Storybrooke residents floating around her feet. "My god," the former Queen muttered. "I've seen some terrifying things in my days, but this is the stuff of nightmares."
"I'll say," Mab agreed with a snicker, flying behind Regina's shoulder to watch with her. Her guts boiling with unidentifiable emotion, Regina accessed her call log and dialed Emma.
"Where the Hell are you?' the blonde growled as soon as she picked up the phone.
"Never mind that," Regina retorted curtly. "What was the meaning of that horror movie clip you just sent me?"
"Pixies! What else?" Emma snapped. "I need a day off from all this shit. You, me and Henry are going riding and having a fucking picnic tomorrow afternoon. No arguments!"
"Very well, Princess," Regina sighed. Lately she was more inclined to let Emma call the shots on these mundane matters since the older woman was usually in control in the bedroom. "What would you like to eat for this picnic?"
"Surprise me," the voice on the other end of the phone replied before lowering to a purr. "What are you wearing?"
"You're like a switch. And you call me crazy?" Regina rolled her eyes. "I'm not wearing anything special."
"Then talk to me in another language again, Senorita. Remember on Tuesday when I ate your box under the counter at the Pawn Shop and you got so turned on you made me take you to the sleaziest room in Granny's B&B? I made you squirt like a sprinkler and you started speaking in Spanish or something."
"Caribbean Spanish," Regina replied, her body flushing and her breath catching in her throat as she too recalled the sordid incident. It was the first time that had ever happened. "I'm… in this land my heritage is primarily Puerto Rican. I had no idea I was able to speak another language. I suppose the curse probably gave me the ability to access my native tongue subconsciously."
"Yeah, well it was really hot," Emma said thickly. "You're so sexy. How about some phone sex, mami? That would be, uh… muy caliente, no?"
"I'm hanging up now," Regina said quickly and ended their call. She squirmed in Cloud's saddle, resisting the urge to masturbate right then and there. The Pixie Grove's flowers and plant life hummed and wiggled with her arousal and she had to take another few moments to calm down again.
"This is a disaster! Why is this happening to me?" She whined to no one in particular. "Everyone I love falls into misfortune. My father, Daniel, Robin Hood… my own son will suffer an eternity as the Lord of Darkness." She felt her eyes fill with tears. It was all too much. "Oh, Mab. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. Why her? Not Emma, please not her! I need her, Mab! Who will stop me from being an evil lunatic if she isn't around?"
The waterworks were flowing freely now. Cloud whinnied quietly in sympathy and she lowered herself against his back for support, weeping quietly. Above her, Mab cocked her head curiously. "So you admit that you love her?'
"I admit that you are endlessly annoying."
The Pixie Queen drifted down by Cloud's ear. "Time to take mom home, Sea Biscuit." The horse shook his mane and turned back towards the mansion with his mournful mistress still laying across his back.
Henry couldn't remember the last time he'd had such a pleasant Saturday. It was Regina's scheduled visitation time, but his other mother had shown up early in the morning, announcing that she could not bear spending the day at Mary Margaret's because she was currently paying Gepetto to paint a nude portrait of her.
Despite his grounding, he and Emma got along well and played guitar hero in the living room together like old times. Neither of them noticed Regina watch them fondly from the foyer for a few minutes, as they were both so into it that Emma was strumming with her tongue.
They went out for a ride later that day and Henry watched his mothers interact carefully. There was no real difference from how they always behaved around each other, save for the fact that their glances lingered even longer than usual. There was the same amount of snark, sass, eye rolling, teasing, bickering and one-upmanship between them.
"Well, thank you, Regina, for the most unsatisfying meal I have ever had in all of my days," Emma remarked as they completed their boringly healthy picnic of tea sandwiches, watermelon, hummus, celery and unsweetened iced tea in the back of his mother's backyard near the edge of the woods.
"And thank you, Emma, for wearing the most ridiculously horrible outfit I have ever had the misfortune of laying my eyes on," Regina shot back, eyeing Emma's torn grey jeans, timberlands, bright pink tank top and black and white checkered scarf with disdain.
"Hey Henry, did you hear that?" Emma asked their son.
"Hear what, Ma?"
"The sound of someone giving me sass."
Regina rolled her eyes and Henry snickered. "That is a pretty terrible outfit, though, Ma. Mom's right, you really should consult with someone before you leave the house in these get-ups."
"Sheesh," Emma muttered. "My own flesh and blood, turning on me."
"Yeah, yeah… uh, say moms… mind of I go exploring for a bit?"
Two sets of eyes, one moss green and the other liquid brown, turned to look at him uncertainly. "I won't go far," he promised. "And if any pixies show up I'll come right back. I'm not gonna let those idiots trick me again." Truthfully, he wanted to observe his mothers when they thought he wasn't around, so he could perhaps see for himself what was really going on between them.
Emma and Regina looked at each other in silent communication before turning back to their son. "All right," Regina said finally. "But be careful, and gods help you if you get into any more trouble, young man."
Henry nodded and trotted off into the woods. He scoped the area until he found a suitable tree. He was ashamed to admit that he had to use magic to climb it and find a suitable spot to spy on his mothers from, but sacrifices had to be made. Finding purchase on a branch that was high off the ground, he fished his binoculars out of his hoody and was pleased to find that he didn't have to strain much to hear them.
Through branches of trees and his telephoto lens, he saw that Emma had curled up into Regina's side and was resting her head on her shoulder. Regina's hand appeared to be resting on Emma's thigh. It was all very picturesque, he noted silently, the way the sun blazed gold and chestnut halos off of their respective heads.
"Thank God Mab decided to leave us alone today," Emma remarked. "Wonder what she's up to?"
"Nothing good, I'm sure." Regina replied in a low voice. The look on her face was one he barely ever saw on her. Everything was gentler and sweeter, and she settled her most dewy, puppy-eyed gaze on her Sherriff. Mary Margaret had once told him how Regina used to be when she saved her life, and he wondered if this was it.
"Say, Regina… are you happy?" Emma asked, a note of hope in her voice.
"I'm… well, I'm quite content, all things considered, Emma. I have my son's love, my fairy's friendship. Often I have had nothing, so that is enough. If there was one thing I learned from… Cora, it was to know when it was enough."
"Anything else you think you might have that you didn't before?" Emma suggested casually as she fiddled with the grass that poked out of the edge of their blanket.
"Well, you are slightly less annoying than you used to be, so there's that."
Emma seemed to consider her next words carefully, her mouth twitching with deep thought. "Well, I'd say you have my heart, Regina, but knowing you, you'd probably take it literally."
Henry barely heard Regina as she asked very quietly, "But doesn't Baelfire have your heart?"
There were several moments of silence between them. "What makes you think so?" Emma asked finally.
"I'm not sure, but I remember you giving Belle his watch before we went looking for the Fae Forest and it made me wonder."
"Look, Regina," Emma said slowly. "I'll always love Neal, but not because I want to be with him. He's my baby daddy, you know? You always have a connection with your baby daddy, be it romantic or not. Kind of like how you'll always care about me because I'm your baby mama."
"I suppose I know what you mean. There's something about first love. I still love Daniel to this day, even though he is long passed. He was the only friend I'd ever had before I met your mother."
"We're friends," Emma volunteered. "You and me, I mean. I've never said it before, but I've considered you a friend for a while. Except that recently…"
Henry rolled his eyes in frustration. Obviously Mary Margaret was right and they were each other's true love. If ever there were two women who were more guarded than these ones he didn't know them. And they called him an idiot.
"Recently… I mean, in the past few years," Regina sounded as though her tongue was swollen and preventing her from speaking properly. "You haven't been… an entirely unpleasant part of my life. What I'm trying to say is… is that… well, you are very attractive, of course. In the old land they would have said you were all milk and honey. And… you have exceeded my expectations as a co-parent… and what I'm trying to say is that I… I…"
"Just say it, mom," Henry whispered. "Tell her how you feel."
"…That I absolutely despise bangs on you," Regina finished at last. Henry face palmed and almost lost his balance on the tree branch. "I don't know why you insist on changing your hair all the time when it was fine to begin with. You look particularly ridiculous when you put it up in that peppy high ponytail. It looks as though you plan on attending a drive-in movie in a poodle skirt with Danny Zuco and the thundercats."
Henry scurried out of his tree, exasperated. He had to interrupt this entire exchange before it got any more tragic. He arrived back at the picnic blanket just in time to see Emma on her hands and knees, smirking into Regina's face. "Well, you know what, Regina? I may be a lost girl but I think I just got lost in your eyes."
"Could you be any lamer, Ma?' Henry remarked as he plopped next to them on the blanket. His heart clenched as they sprang apart from each other, Emma's face turning crimson with embarrassment.
"Uh," she muttered. "Your mom and I were just about to…"
"Make out?" Henry suggested. He sighed. "It's fine. I want you guys to be happy. And for the record, I'm sorry I've been acting like such a creep lately." He looked away at the back of the barn so they wouldn't see the shame on his face.
"What do you mean, Henry?" Regina asked, feigning ignorance. She seemed to know that Emma wanted to avoid the subject of her and Henry's fights for the most part and never pushed the issue, but she wasn't stupid and had of course noticed the tension between them.
"It's just that I've been feeling really down lately," Henry murmured. "I wasn't lying when I said that tequila bottle wasn't mine. It was Hansel's, but I was hiding it for him and we were going to share it later."
"Yeah well, Mary Margaret can be a buzz kill like that," Emma retorted gruffly. She knew she should be angry about this almost infraction but she was frankly too relieved that the kid had some of her rebelliousness in him after all.
"I just feel so angry all the time, and I'm afraid I'll end up doing terrible things because I'm the Dark One. I keep remembering how I killed my own flesh and blood. Some hero I am, huh? That's probably the real reason Dad left. He saw me becoming Rumpel and it disgusted him." Henry's shoulders sagged and he stared at the ground, miserable. "Fairy Tales suck."
Regina and Emma both gaped at him in horror. "Henry, how could you ever say that?" Regina asked, stunned. "You are a hero. You saved us all from the wicked witch."
"And I don't ever want to hear you say that your dad left because of you ever again, kid. Do you understand me?" Emma added almost angrily. "He left because shit happens, and it's no one's fault, all right?"
Henry nodded silently. He wanted to cry but refused to let his tears fall. He was tougher than that.
"I think I know what will make my Little Prince feel better," Regina said with a broad grin.
"Yeah, I think I know too," Emma agreed mischievously.
"Oh no," Henry said, holding up his hands. "Hell no. Mom, Mama please! Ahhhh!"
He yelled as Emma shouted, "Let's get him!" and she and Regina both lunged for him. He made a show of resisting but allowed them to give him hugs and kisses—what the hell. They were good moms and if anyone saw him he could simply threaten them with some terrible curse in his Dark One voice.
They were interrupted by the sound of Emma's cell phone ringing. She grunted with annoyance and hoisted herself off of her son and his mother before taking the call. The glow of happiness on her face quickly changed to one of horror after listening to the hysterical sobs on the other end.
Mary Margaret was wailing so violently that Regina and Henry could both hear her. "Leo! Leo's dying!"
I know that some Swanqueeners don't like M&M, so sorry if the Snowqueen in this chapter bothered you. I felt that it was necessary for the progression of the story. Also, um, I have a step-mother and she's nothing like Regina but, yeah-she partly raised me but we don't get along. I don't know what it is about Once that really gets to me. Must be all the family shit. Anywho, I hope you liked the swanmills family fun at the end.