A.N. My dear readers, I am so sorry for the long wait but as you may know, school work undeniably takes precedence over Fan fictions. (In most cases anyway) I do have to warn you though that this year is a huge one for me and I may not be able to post new chapters as often as I was able to last year, but I promise to try for those avid readers whom I love dearly for loving my writing. I promise to also try to add more to my other story, IVF Backfire (Backfire for short) soon.
Well enough of me, enjoy and please review, I thrive on these because they let me know I'm love and that I'm doing a good job.
Warning: This chapter contains material that may be offensive or upsetting to some readers. It contains self harm.
Previously in Comfort Kiss...
As the car skidded to a stop by the curb, I shoved it into park, switching off the siren and the ignition.
I threw my door open only to come face to face with the boys, standing in front of me, waiting for an order, nerves evident in their faces behind their stoic expressions.
My heart was beating a mile a minute in my chest painfully against my scar and the next thing I knew my legs gave out from under me and two pairs of hands caught my arms as I passed out.
When my eyes slowly opened back up, the first thing I saw was two faces looking down at me uneasily, waiting for me to tell them I was ok.
I blinked a few times and sat up slowly, feeling them shuffle back to give me some space as I dragged my hand down my face.
"You ok, boss?" Ryan asked nervously.
"Yeah…" I replied slowly. "I'm fine. Let's go." I ordered with a new resolve. I watched them stand back up to their full height and I felt both boys' hands wrap firmly around my forearm and pull me up off the ground.
The ride up the elevator was painfully slow and not to mention awkward with both boys looking around the boring elevator as we road up the levels one by one with our guns cocked in our hands. When the elevator finally dinged to signal their arrival, they all let out an audible sigh of relief and the boys followed closely on my tail.
When we reached his door, I knocked on it carefully and then called out his name. When no answer reached my ears, I knocked harder and called out his name louder but there was still no answer. I looked at both the boys and saw them nod at me. I tried the door and was surprised to find it unlocked. We pressed forward into his apartment and I noticed a strange shadow being cast in his office. I signaled the boys and walked quietly up to the door and waited a few moments before shoving it open.
Now, I had prepared myself for many different outcomes as to what I might see but nothing could have ever prepared me for what I saw in front of me.
Swinging from side to side in the breeze was Castle with a noose around his neck and closed eyes.
"Oh god!" I whispered. I dropped my gun and ran over to him, Esposito behind me. He stepped between Castle's legs and stood back up, taking the weight off his neck enough for me to loosen the noose and take it off from around his neck. Ryan was beside his partner by now and was helping him ease Castle off his shoulders and into his desk chair behind them. I then proceeded to straddle him and slap his face to try and get him to regain consciousness. I had no idea how long he had been like that but I was afraid that it might have been too long. I slapped his face harder, emotions beginning to rage within me. I could feel tears starting to swim in my eyes and I blinked them back furiously. I then, panicking because he had no breath, pinched his nose and blew into his mouth. I then pulled back and slapped his cheek lightly again, trying to encourage him to come to.
"Come on, Castle. Wake up!" I all but yelled at him. "Why were you so stupid to think that this was the solution? You have your family to think about. The boys, Lanie." I paused and lowered my voice so that only he could hear it. "Me." I could feel my tears now escape their hold and run freely down my face. "Please, Rick." I whispered, my voice wavering from the tears in my words. "Please come back to me." I sobbed. "I care about you so much. I'm sorry I was such a coward and never told you. I'm so sorry!" My hand was now still on his cheek, caressing my thumb next to his ear, back and forth. "I was scared. I was scared to recognize my feeling for you because I was scared of what that would mean for us." I told him, my hand slipping down to his chest and over his heart. "But the truth is…" I lent in close to his ear, taking a deep breath to ensure that my voice would hold conviction as I spoke. "I love you." I whispered. I let my face fall into the still warm recess of his neck and sobbed quietly. I placed a gentle kiss against the column of his throat and put rested my face back where it was.
My hand, that was still on his chest, felt a faint beat being tapped against it. My head immediately snapped up and looked at him with a glimmer of hope in my eyes.
Gathering my courage, I placed my palm back onto his cheek and slowly lent in to gently press my lips against his. I moved them slowly, in the hoped of rousing some kind of response out of him.
I could feel the boys eyes on me as they looked on with a mixture of confusion and awe on their faces as they watched the events unfold in front of them between their beloved boss and her writer.
Tears cascaded down my face as I sobbed harder into the kiss. I tried so hard to encourage him to kiss me back, but I could still fell nothing on the other end of the kiss.
I was still reassured by the face that I could still feel, however wavering, his heartbeat against my fingertips, but the lack of movement and reciprocation that accompanied this was enough to cancel out the feeling of comfort for one of trepidation. I could feel the cogs turning in my mind as my vivid imagination ran rapid worst case scenario situations with no reprieve.
What if he was brain dead?
What if we couldn't save him?
What if he's paralyzed?
As these thoughts plagued my mind, I began kissing him with a new sense of urgency, forcing his mouth open under mine, brushing my tongue over his, my nails digging into the back of his head as I fisted his hair.
'What was that?' I could almost feel the neurons firing as I quickly jumped from possibility to possibility.
Heart leapt at the prospect of him actually coming back to me.
'Come on, Castle' I forced my lips harder against his. 'Come back to me!'
I felt his mouth subtly clamp around mine with slowly increasing amounts of pressure.
And then my prayers were answered.
I felt Castle's hand reach up and cup my cheek, kissing me back harder than before, slowly reaching he same intensity as me.
I almost laughed out loud at the thought of needing to give him air when now I was trying to steal it.
Releasing tears of relief, I slowly detached my mouth from his and beamed down at him.
"Kate." His voice horse and faint. "You came back for me." He continued with a slight waver in his voice.
"Of course I did." I replied, like it was the most obvious thing in the world, feeling more tears make their tracks down my cheeks. "I meant what I said. I love you, Castle." My smile watery. "And don't you ever leave me like that again!" Finished resolutely, an annoying waver mocking my stern words.
Despite his current condition, he managed to reach up and wipe the tears from my cheeks, slowly urging me back in for another kiss, one of celebration rather than of fear or despair. He kissed me gently, his thumb lightly brushing the stray escapee tears from my cheeks as I kissed him back, small hiccups punctuating the movement of our lips.
I pulled back suddenly, seeing a flash of fear emerge over Castle's features.
"Don't you dare. Ever. Do. That. Again." I punctuated each word, a hint of venom in my words, poking a finger into his chest as I said each word. Seeing the fear in his eyes, I slowly softened my features and continued. "I can't loose you." I whispered. "Not again."
"I promise I will never leave you again. At least not willingly." He smiled, his trademark humor ever present in his demeanor, even in the worst of times. I let a sad chuckle escape my lips as I smiled back at him.
"You better not. Promise?"
"Always." He smiled gently, gathering me tightly in his arms; slowly guiding me down to rest on his chest, the comforting pound of his fast passed heartbeat greeting me.