Lonely. Desperate. Homeless
These were words Rusty Beck used to describe himself from a child to the confusing age of fifteen. For as long as he could remember, he had been on his own and pretty self-sufficient. He knew how to cook for himself and his mother. He knew how to clean, although he hated it and once they started living in their car and sleeping under bridges it became completely unnecessary.
When he was young, about the age of six, before his mother became a full-blown drug addict, he had hoped for a brother or sister. He wanted someone to talk to, to take away the loneliness of being at home while his mother worked. He had wished for it so badly he made up an imaginary sibling who he talked to regularly. His mother thought it was cute and made sure to include his friend wherever they went. When her addiction to drugs became severe, he quickly became grateful he didn't have a little someone to take care of. That gratefulness became even stronger on the days she kicked him out because she was so strung out she couldn't recognize him. He was further relieved he didn't have a sibling after she abandoned him at the zoo and he was forced to hustle in order to survive.
Even though it had been two years since his mother had abandoned him, it still hurt. He knew it was her problem. She had major issues of her own since her parents kicked her out, but sometimes he wondered if there was something he could have done to stop her.
Today, standing in the court room in front of a judge dressed in his best charcoal suit with a dark blue shirt and a yellow tie, which he had tied himself, his past was the furthest from his mind. Sharon was standing next to him in a red dress, black sweater and high heels. She kept glancing over at him a proud and excited grin on her face. Her son Ricky, who was the spitting image of a younger and buffer Jack, was sitting in the benches behind him as well as the entire major crime squad and Dr. Joe. They all smiled as the judge declared him Russell Thomas Raydor.
He was a Raydor. He was Sharon's son. She was officially his mother and he had gained two older siblings and a semi father, although he knew Jack wasn't much of a dad. Sharon's son Ricky had been supportive and awesome and everything he had imagined and hoped a sibling to be like when he was a child. Rusty had been shy and unsure of Ricky when he had arrived a few days ago to meet him. He had half expected Sharon's son to take one look at him and deem him unworthy of becoming a part of their family. Instead he had given his mother a long hug, looked over at him, winked, and pulled out a Wii player challenging him to a game of tennis. From then on the apartment had become full of competitive game challenges and laughter. Sharon had even played a few games herself and it had been fun watching her turn competitive.
Sharon's daughter had been unable to leave the American Ballet Academy, but from the daily phone conversations with her the past few weeks, he was looking forward to meeting her at Christmas. She sounded a lot like Sharon and, although he could sense how stressed she was, after all the stories Ricky shared about their childhood, he had a feeling once she was home she was going to be just as competitive and mischievous as her brother.
Looking at Sharon after the judge declared him a Raydor, he saw tears shimmer in her emerald eyes. Throwing his arms around her, he couldn't stop the smile as she returned the hug squeezing tightly. He had a home and was finally a part of a family who wanted him and loved him despite his past.
Walking into the hallway after the judge dismissed them, he was instantly surrounded by everyone, receiving hugs, pats on the back and so many congratulations he felt overwhelmed.
"Is everyone able to attend our get together?" Sharon asked the group once the congratulations waned.
Everyone nodded and eventually made their way towards the parking lot.
Abandoned. Difficult. Emotionally closed off. Damaged.
Those were words Sharon had used to describe Rusty when he had first started living with her. He had been exceedingly difficult, challenging her on everything and pushing her boundaries to the point of exasperation. He had been surly and emotionally closed off one moment, then hurtful directing his anger towards her the next. She was constantly having to reinforce the boundaries reminding herself that he was trying to see how far he could push before she left him like his mom. It would have been easy to give up on him. He wasn't one of her children and she had no reason to stick with him. But, there was something about Rusty that kept her from dumping him at a group home or finding him another foster family. She'd find herself at the point where she wondered if their living arrangement was worth it and he'd do something sweet like cook for her, or share something that let her know he was starting to trust her. She couldn't pin point the exact moment when she started seeing him as family, but she knew it couldn't have been more than a few months.
Glancing over at him as she set another tray of food on the table, she couldn't help but feel proud of him. He had come so far from that boy who had refused to move his stuff into the guest bedroom and insisted on living on the couch. He still had his surly moments, and occasionally he did lash out, but he was apologetic and honestly it was normal teenage behavior to push boundaries and talk back.
Next month he was graduating from high school and had been accepted at UCLA. She had been surprised and completely touched when he told her he was planning on studying pre-law then attending the police academy. He told her after everything she and the team had done for him he knew it was his destiny. He wanted to protect and help others who were in similar predicaments. Sharon had no doubt he would make one hell of an amazing officer.
"Rusty, could you set the plates and silverware on the table please?" she asked flipping back a piece of auburn hair as she rushed around the apartment in casual blue jeans, black flats and a button down purple shirt.
"Sure," he replied standing up. She grinned as she realized he was wearing his new outfit; boot cut blue jeans, and a yellow and blue plaid shirt with black converse shoes.
Setting the plastic plates and silverware down he looked around semi embarrassed.
"You know, you really didn't have to throw a party,"
"Nonsense. You becoming my son has to be celebrated," she said before feeling self-conscious. She had never asked him if he wanted a party. She just assumed it was the thing to do.
"Rusty, I never asked you if a party was ok. Did I do the wrong thing?"
"No," he quickly replied seeing the worried look in her eyes.
"I've just never had a party before," he explained.
"You've NEVER had a party before?" Ricky asked walking into the kitchen a glass of iced tea in his right hand.
"Well, no. I mean I never really had a house and any money my ex-mom made typically went towards drugs so yeah,"
Exchanging a sad look with his mother when Rusty wasn't looking, Ricky quickly cleared his throat saying,
"Well then cheers to your first party!"
He raised his glass of tea in the air. A grin spread across Rusty's face as Sharon quickly poured two more cups and handed one to him. Clinking them together they drank to his first party and Sharon gently squeezed Ricky's shoulder as she walked by. She could always count on him to change an uncomfortable situation.
The party was energy charged and exactly what everyone needed. The team took turns challenging each other to games on the Wii, gave Rusty advise on surviving college and shared personal on-the-job-stories when Sharon informed them he planned on attending the police academy after college. Provinsa and Flynn talked about their days as traffic officers, sharing advice and some of the mistakes they had made and Amy talked about the multiple undercover stints she'd been in. Rusty enjoyed himself as he listened to everyone.
Walking into the condo after making a quick trip to the corner store to pick up more soft drinks, Ricky smiled in Rusty's direction as he walked into the kitchen and set the bags down on the counter.
"Hey squirt, a letter arrived for you," he said leaning against the kitchen counter and responding to a work email.
"I got a letter?" Rusty asked fear from the months he had received threatening letters causing him to stand rigid. Sharon's head snapped up and she and Provinsa shot each other worried looks.
"Who is it from? Where is it?" Sharon asked in a clipped tone.
His attention on his IPhone, Ricky was unaware of the tension that quickly filled the room.
"Its on the counter. The manager stopped me in the lobby and gave it to me. He said that a man dropped it off for 'a Rusty who lives with Sharon Raydor.' He said it was from a woman named Sharon B,"
The entire room stilled as all eyes shifted between Rusty and Sharon unsure of how the teenager, who had already been through so much, was going to handle this.
"Are you kidding me?!" Rusty yelled slamming his hand against the couch cushion and stomping off towards his room.
Looking up at Rusty's sudden outburst Ricky saw the angry, worried faces of their guests.
"Am I missing something? What's going on?" he asked directing his question towards his mother who shot out,
"I'll explain later," before quickly rounding the table and rushing after Rusty.
Setting the phone on the counter he looked at his mom's squad.
"Could someone please explain to me what's going on? Why is he so upset about a letter? Who is Sharon B?" he asked.
Staring at his drink, Provinsa finally glanced up at him. His brown eyes were serious as he said,
"Sharon B. is Rusty's biological mother,"
Ricky's eyes widened.
"Are you joking?" he asked after a beat. Frustrated, he ran his left hand through his straight auburn hair several times. It was his brother's first party and he was inadvertently responsible for ruining it.
"Should I check on him?" he asked as everyone exchanged glances unsure if they should stay.
"I'd give them a few minutes," Dr. Joe replied to Ricky's question walking towards the hallway ready to intervene and offer Rusty support if he was needed.
"We'll stay until Sharon says otherwise," Provinsa addressed the crew who complied.
"What do you think she wants? I mean, she isn't his legal mother anymore. A judge decided that today. And, even if she tries to take him back, he's almost eighteen. He's legally an adult," Ricky said looking at the group.
"I don't know the content of that letter, but I doubt she wants custody of him. We tracked her down and she seemed more than willing to sign the necessary forms to give up custody. She knew he was in the process of being adopted. My guess would be she is either writing to say goodbye or apologizing. Either way it's confusing for him. He loves you and Sharon but there will always be a part of him that loves his biological mother and feels guilty for allowing himself to be adopted by a family who loves him," Leut Flynn said taking a sip of his seltzer water.
"Seriously though. It's almost as though she sent it today to mess with him,"
"She could very well have known he was being adopted today. Drug addicts are manipulators. She could be making him feel guilty for what she views as him leaving her, or she truly could have a good motive and wants to wish him well. The other issue is that she is clean or in the process of becoming clean for her to be able to write a letter. Rusty would recognize that which could cause some confusion for him," Dr. Joe replied from his position by the hallway.
Sharon sat on the edge of the bed feeling slightly dizzy as she watched Rusty pace in front of her. He had barely acknowledged her when she followed him in so she remained quiet while he worked through his emotions. He alternated between clutching his fists in anger and then relaxing them as tears filled his eyes and spilled over.
"Rusty," Sharon finally said gently reaching a hand out to touch his arm after ten minutes past.
"How about sitting down and talking to me. What about this letter is bothering you? The timing? The fact it was written by your biological mother?"
"All of it plus the fact that unless she had someone else write this letter, or it's incoherent, she's no longer high. If she is clean why did it take her losing me to get help? Did she hate me so much she couldn't get the help she needed till I was out of her life for good?"
"Oh honey," Sharon said wrapping an arm around her son's shoulder.
"I'm sure that's not the case,"
"It's just not fair mom. She has a letter dropped off the day I'm finally a part of your family. Why? What could she possibly have to say to me that she didn't already insinuate by leaving me at the zoo and then not showing up at the bus stop? She never wanted me,"
Anger towards her son's biological mother flared inside of Sharon. How dare she hurt her son, this young boy who had done nothing to deserve the abusive life he had lived. Struggling to keep her voice even she said,
"It isn't fair Rusty. What she did was selfish. But, you have a choice. You can chose to ignore her actions and enjoy the rest of your evening or you can choose to be angry. In my opinion, if you let this ruin your evening she's won,"
Sighing Rusty sagged in defeat against Sharon's side.
"You're right. What should I do about that letter she wrote?"
"That is a decision you need to make, but ill support whatever you decide,"
Leaning his head against her shoulder he softly asked,
"Would you mind reading it for me? I want to know what it says but I can't handle her making me feel guilty for choosing you,"
"I can do that," she replied slipping into her tough Captain role.
When Rusty was emotionally stable they both exited the room. Dr. Joe quickly turned to look at them as they walked down the hallway towards the living room.
"Is everything ok?" he asked looking directly at Rusty.
Rusty simply nodded and followed Sharon into the living room where he leaned against the wall a blank look on his face.
"Ricky where is the letter?" Sharon demanded anger flaring once again at the situation this woman was putting Rusty, herself and her friends in.
Sensing his mother's anger, Ricky silently walked over to the forgotten bags on the counter and reached for it. Handing it to his mother she shook her head in frustration as she ripped open the flap of the envelope and read the contents. After a few minutes she looked up at Rusty who dejectedly said,
"What did it say? Did she lay into me for choosing you?"
"No. It's an apology. One of those that drug and alcohol therapists make you write as a way to make amends," Sharon said bringing the letter to her side while she tried to decipher his emotions.
Nodding his head, tears filling his eyes he whispered, "Could you read it out loud?"
Aching to wrap him tightly in her arms and take away the hurt that was clearly written on his face, Sharon began to read in her soothing alto voice:
Dear Rusty,
It is completely selfish of me to send this letter to you on the day you become a member of a new family. I have been selfish towards you your entire life so please forgive this one final act. I've been sitting here in my room at one of the rehab centers in California thinking about you and our short time together. I know giving up custody was the best thing I've ever done for you, but it saddens me to know you will no longer be legally mine. I have made so many mistakes. Mistakes that this rehab center has helped me realize hurt you. For that I am sorry. You deserved so much more than you received in your young life and the abuse I put you through makes me cringe. I wish I could take it all back, but my only hope is that one day you will forgive me.
I wish you the best life has to offer.
Sharon B.
Folding the letter in half, Sharon glanced down at her son, then over at Dr. Joe who wore an empathetic look on his face.
"Rusty, I am sorry your biological mother chose today to send this to you. Would you like to talk to me privately?" Dr. Joe asked.
Scrubbing at his red watery eyes Rusty shook his head then suddenly blurted out,
"I'm angry. Angry with her for writing that letter and having it purposely sent on the day of my adoption. I'm angry with her for putting me through hell and back as a child. I'm angry with her for becoming a drug addict and bringing abusive boyfriends into our lives. I'm angry that she left me at the zoo and then decided not to show up at the bus stop while Leut Flynn and I were waiting,"
Dr. Joe nodded encouragingly glancing quickly over at the rest of the guests who nodded in understanding and encouragement when Rusty looked over at them.
"She never once stood up for me, or saved me like my mom did," he said looking up at Sharon who smiled at him, ruffling the back of his hair.
"She never helped me with homework, listened to me complain, protected me, gave me life advice, helped me learn to tie my own tie, or treated me with as much respect and patience as you all have," he said looking the crew in front of him.
Then looking over at Ricky who smiled warmly at him he said,
"She also never made me feel as welcome as you did in the entire fifteen years I lived with her,"
"I guess what I'm saying is good for her for going into rehab and getting herself clean. But, I can't forget the past, and right now I don't feel like forgiving her. Maybe with time, I'll be able to,"
"That is a very reasonable and mature response," Dr. Joe said and everyone murmured their agreement.
"What should I do with this letter Rusty?" Sharon asked
"Throw it," Rusty replied reaching for the letter and crinkling it into a ball. He didn't need to see it again to know the contents.
"Well, I don't know about you, but I truly could use a huge piece of cake," Ricky joked trying to liven up the mood.
"So Rusty, I know its not your birthday for another few weeks but I figured since I wouldn't be here to embarrass you and make sure mom put all the candles on your cake, I took the liberty of doing it tonight "
Rounding the corner, Ricky grinned as he carried a large birthday cake glowing with eighteen candles into the living room.
"Happy birthday and welcome to the family little bro,"
Rusty's eyes widened and Sharon's narrowed at her son.
'Richard William Raydor I swear, if any of that wax gets on my furniture or floor…" she trailed off
"Better hurry up and blow the candles out," Det Sanchez said with a smirk.
Looking around the room Rusty thought about how blessed he was.
"Hurry, make a wish," Amy said.
A wish…
He wished he would be able to spend many more nights in the company of those he loved. With that thought in mind, he took a deep breath and blew out every candle.
That evening snuggled up on the couch with her favorite brown afghan wrapped around her, Sharon watched her sons play a game of chess together. The concentration on Rusty's face and the way Ricky tried to copy Rusty's every move made her smile. She loved that within a matter of days they had become best friends and she couldn't wait till her daughter met Rusty during the holidays. Her young son was no longer a lonely, emotionally closed off orphan. The way he opened up and shared the feelings he felt towards his biological mother and expressed gratitude towards everyone who had helped him, showed how far he had come. She couldn't have been prouder. Rusty finally had the stable family life he deserved and it was with her.
Thanks again to everyone who reviewed, favorited, and followed this story. Your reviews made my day! I decided to go ahead and end it since this semester has taken up most of my free time and I didn't want to leave it uncompleted.