Thanks for the reviews on the previous chapter. Let's see where Deeks was off too.

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS: Los Angeles

CHAPTER 15

Deeks drove in silence. He felt bad for leaving Kensi, but he knew that if he told her where he was going, she would try and stop him. He needed something to take the pain away though and his pain meds just weren't cutting it. He pulled into the parking lot of a laundry mat and put his car in park. He sat for a few minutes as he contemplated whether or not he would actually go inside. If he went inside, there would be no turning back.

He took in a deep breath and slowly let it out. He exited the car and walked to the entrance of the laundry mat. He stepped inside and had to hold back his anger when he saw a woman slouched in a chair, clearly stoned out of her mind, as a young toddler struggled at her feet to get her attention. The cop in him, told him to do something, but the broken soul inside of him told him to ignore it and focus on getting rid of the pain that was tormenting him.

There was a man actually doing laundry there, but it was the man in the back of the laundry mat that Deeks was headed for. He stood, watching guard over a doorway that led to some back rooms of the building. The man moved in front of the doorway to block Deeks path. He was a big man with a bald head. "You were told not to come here again." He said sternly. "You got nothing on us and..." He pulled a gun out, aiming it at the detective.

Deeks quickly interrupted, throwing his hands up in defense. "This isn't police business. It's personal." He pulled some cash out of his wallet and held it out nervously. "I know what you specialize in and I, I need it." As he spoke, shame came over him. This was an all time low for him and he knew that this was something he would later regret.

The man lowered his gun, taking Deeks' money. "You've never done this before have you?" He asked.

Deeks swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat. "Is it that obvious?"

"This is a lot of cash. Step back and I'll have one of our ladies take you to a private room." He stepped aside to let Deeks into the back hall of the laundry mat. "I swear, if you're trying to pull one over on us, I'll put a bullet in your fucking head."

Deeks shuddered at the threat, but continued slowly into the hall as the man called out to one of the ladies that worked there. "Lin!"

A small chinese woman approached him with a smile on her Asian face. She was as short as Hetty was, but younger, with longer hair. "Come with me." She motioned for Deeks and he followed.

"What do you mean he's gone?" Sam asked Callen as he followed him out of ops to the car.

"Kensi called and said that Deeks took off." He explained, climbing into his Mercedes. "I've already got Eric checking traffic cams for his car."

Sam took to the passenger side and sighed. "I'm guessing Deeks hasn't been doing so well. I've been through some bad shit, but I can't imagine what he's been through."

"Kensi's really worried about him, Sam." Callen replied. "You should have heard her, I don't think I've ever seen her so worried before."

Sam shook his head. "She's clearly got feelings for him."

"Feelings? Wait, you don't think..." He trailed off.

"Yeah, I do and I think Deeks feels the same way." Sam said. "I've seen him look at Kensi a few times the same way I look at Michelle."

"That could certainly make things very interesting." Callen said as he took to the streets of Los Angeles and headed towards Deeks' apartment.

When they arrived, they found Kensi already outside waiting for them. She climbed into the car before Callen could even get it in park. "Did Eric find anything?" She asked, not even bothering to greet them.

Callen's phone buzzed right on cue. Eric was calling from Ops. "That's him now." He said, sliding his finger across the phone to answer it. He put it on speaker phone instantly. "Eric, what do you got?"

"I checked traffic cams and spotted Deeks' car outside of a laundry mat in an East L.A. Neighborhood." Eric answered through the phone.

"Wait, he's doing laundry?" Sam asked curiously.

"No, he has a laundry room at his apartment complex." Kensi said. She knew that only because Deeks was complaining a few months back about his neighbors constantly forgetting to take their laundry out of the machines.

"Kensi's right, I don't think he's there for laundry." Eric informed them. "Did a little research and LAPD suspects that it's part of a drug trafficking ring. They sell everything from meth to heroine. Deeks was undercover trying to get close to a woman who worked there so he could get some solid evidence and shut the place down. She was killed and his cover was blown. LAPD gave up on it."

"So why would he go there?" Callen wondered.

Kensi's heart sank as she thought about Deeks and why he might be there. "He wants to take the pain away." She said slowly.

"What?" Sam asked.

"He's been abusing his pain meds." Kensi admitted. "I noticed it last week and..."

"And you left him?" Callen shot back, giving Kensi a glare. "You saw him abusing his pain meds and you left him?"

Kensi blinked away a few tears. "He pushed me away. He wouldn't let me help him." She tried to defend herself, but the guilt was killing her.

"Guys..." Eric interrupted. "I sent the address to Callen's phone."

Callen focused on Eric. "Ok, thanks." He hung up the phone and started driving at lightening speeds. If Deeks was there for drugs, than they had to get there as fast as they could so they could keep him from doing something he would later regret.

Lin lead Deeks down the hallway to a dark room. Inside there was a large bed with a warn red comforter. There was a single table in the room next to the bed. "Make yourself comfortable." She said to him, her Asian accent very faint. "It will be a few minutes for me to prepare what you've paid for."

Deeks sat on the edge of the bed and watched her walk out. He sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. This was it. This was the moment where his life would change forever. All of his life he fought to make something of himself, to prove that he wasn't some worthless little piece of shit and here he was, throwing that all a way. The pain was just too much for him though. The memories were too much. He didn't know how to cope. He didn't know how to fight anymore. He was drowning and the only thing he knew of that could help was sweet salvation, better known as heroine.

After what seemed like an eternity, Lin came back into the room with a tray in her hands. Deeks took in several deep breaths as she approached him and set the tray on the bedside table. He adjusted his arm and she tied a rubber band on his upper arm. She reached for the needle and slowly brought it to him.

Deeks looked away. He couldn't bare to see her inject him. He hated what he was doing and felt so ashamed of himself.

Before Lin could inject him, the door burst open. "Deeks." Sam, Callen, and Kensi each yelled in unison. There guns were each drawn.

Lin froze with the needle only inches from his arm. Deeks turned to face everyone, not really all that surprised to see that they had found him. He knew that Kensi would come after him when she realized he had left.

"You don't have to do this Deeks." Kensi said.

"You don't understand." Deeks argued.

"So help us understand. Let us in, Deeks." She shot back. She was desperate to get him to open up, to get him to let them help.

Lin looked back and forth between Deeks and the three agents. She wasn't sure if she should continue or leave them alone. Deeks looked at Lin, his eyes begging her to conitue, so she moved the syringe closer and eyed the perfect vein.

"Stop or we'll shoot." Sam yelled. Lin froze, so Deeks took the syringe into his own hand. He had never injected himself before, but how hard could it be?

"Get outta here." Callen ordered Lin. She bolted as fast as she could.

Deeks held the syringe in shaky hands, contemplating what to do.

"Just put it down Deeks. Please!" Kensi begged.

Tears welled in his eyes as he looked at Kensi. She was so beautiful, though in that moment she looked sad and he was the reason for that. He couldn't stand that he was hurting her, but she wasn't the only one hurting. She wasn't the one who was tortured and nearly raped. That last part was something his team didn't know about. He had gone over some details of the torture with them, but he never told them about the woman who was going to 'be his first.'

"Come on Deeks. you don't want to do this." Sam added in.

His hands were shaking even more as he eyed a vein in his arm. "I can't do it. I can't take it anymore." Deeks replied. "The abuse, the torture, it's all just too much. I can't get it to stop replaying in my mind. I can't get the pain to stop. I just want it all to stop." It wasn't just the recent torture that kept replaying in his mind, but also the abuse he suffered as a kid.

"Those drugs aren't going to make it all stop, Deeks." Kensi moved closer as she spoke. "They'll only take away the pain for a little while."

"Deeks, this isn't you. You're better than this." Callen said. "Besides, you hate needles."

It was true, he did hate needles.

"We've all been through some tough crap and I know it's hard, but you have to let someone in, you have to let someone help." Sam added in. "You can't let this consume you."

Deeks shook his head and gritted his teeth in anger. "What do you care, Sam? You're always making jokes at my expense. You never take me serious. I know I'm not a perfect little soldier like you, but I was a damn good cop and you never once acknowledged that."

"Deeks..." Sam tried to argue.

"You know, Hetty thought I was good enough, she even asked me to be an agent." Deeks continued. "But now I see that I've always just been a little piece of shit. My father was right about me..." His eyes filled with tears that he fought to keep in.

"Just stop it Deeks." Kensi ordered, raising her voice at him.

"I'm not gonna pretend to know about your father, Deeks, but I know I've made some mistakes where you've been concerned." Sam said. This was hard for him to admit, but he had to be honest and finally admit his true feelings for Deeks."You're a great cop, I was just too pig headed to admit it and you're gonna make one hell of an agent. When you disappeared, I felt like I had lost a brother. We're a family Deeks, we're not gonna let you do this to yourself."

Kensi was next to Deeks now. "Please, just give me the syringe." She reached for it, but he had a firm grip on it, not willing to let it go just yet. "You're not a piece of shit. You may joke a little too much, but you're a great cop and a great man. Think about all of the people you've helped over the years and how many people you can still help if you just get some help for yourself. You don't have to give it all up. You're stronger than you think you are."

Tears rolled slowly down Deeks' cheeks. Maybe Kensi was right. Maybe he didn't have to give it all up. Maybe he could fight. After all, fighting was what he was used to. He had been doing it his whole life. He loosened his grip on the syringe, finally letting Kensi take it. "I've never had anyone help me before." He said softly.

"Well, you better get used to it." Callen replied. "Let's get you outta here."

Kensi smiled at Deeks, glad that he had surrendered the needle, and helped Deeks off the bed. They walked with Callen and Sam out to their cars. Deeks couldn't help but notice that the big man at the door to the back rooms was on the floor unconscious. He looked like he had been pistol whipped. He probably didn't take kindly to having agents invading his laundry mat and pulled his own gun, causing Kensi, Callen, or Sam to retaliate. If he remembered later, he'd make sure to get the full story from Kensi.

Callen stopped at Deeks' car and watched as Kensi got Deeks settled into the passenger seat. "Hey, I need you to follow Sam and I. Hetty's got a place arranged for Deeks to help with his recovery."

"Right, ok." She walked around the car and climbed into the driver's seat, taking the keys from Deeks and starting it.

She followed closely behind Callen's car, but was eyeing her partner every few minutes, waiting for him to say something, anything. Deeks just sat quietly, which was so unusual for him. The silence was killing her.

Finally breaking the silence, Deeks spoke. "Where are we going?"

"I'm not really sure, but I know it's a place that can help you." She replied. They had just entered Malibu, that she knew for sure.

"What, like a rehab center?" He asked almost angrily. He wasn't an addict, he didn't need a rehab center. Oh who was he kidding? Clearly drugs had a hold on him or he wouldn't have been at the laundry mat about to inject himself with heroine.

"Maybe, I don't know." Kensi pulled into a parking lot and parked next to Callen.

The sign in front of the lavish looking estate read Malibu Springs Center for Rejuvenation. Slowly, Deeks and Kensi got out of the car. Deeks really didn't know what to think or how to even react for that matter. Was it a rehab center? He had never heard of it and had only been to a rehab center a few times, which were only to see people he had helped over the years.

The two of them approached the building and found Hetty waiting for them near the grand front entrance. She had a bag in her hands and Deeks realized instantly that it was a duffle bag from hisapartment. Apparently, Hetty had been to his place. Hell, she must have gone through his things. He almost felt a little violated.

"Mr. Deeks." Hetty addressed him.

"Wh, what's going on?" He asked hesitantly.

"This is one of the finest rehabilitation centers in Los Angeles. I want only the best for those on my team. You are a great asset, Mr. Deeks, and I have no intention of letting you give up on your life." She explained. "There is a doctor here who I think could be very helpful in your recovery."

"I'm not gonna talk to some shrink...I, I can't..." Deeks looked away from Hetty. He didn't always have problems opening up to someone, so long as he trusted them really well or so long as it helped move a case along. When it came to shrinks and doctors though, Deeks tended to avoid them. Even in his early days with the team, Hetty had tried getting Deeks to talk to Nate and he found it very difficult.

"Deeks, you need to talk to someone." Kensi argued.

"There is a Doctor here who I think you might be familiar with." Hetty added in. "A Dr. Pierce."

Deeks face lost all of it's color and he had almost a panicked look to him. "How did you, I mean, he..." He was nearly speechless.

"I know you have a hard time opening up sometimes Mr. Deeks and I know he was someone you confided in as a child. I not only picked this facility because it was one of the best, but I also picked it because of him." Hetty said.

Kensi, Sam, and Callen were all wondering who this Dr. Pierce was and how he was tied to Deeks childhood. Kensi probably knew more about Deeks' childhood than the others, but even she didn't' know all that much.

"I haven't talked to him in years." Deeks replied.

"Not since your mother took off." A deep voice said, as he walked out to greet them. Dr. Pierce was a shorter man, though taller than Hetty, with salt and pepper hair. He wore jeans and a button up shirt with a pair of flip flops, nothing fancy. He was too laid back for any other attire.

"Hey." Deeks greeted him.

"It's good to see you, Marty." He replied back with a smile that quickly faded. It was strange to the rest of the team to hear him referred to as anything other then Deeks or Mr. Deeks, as Hetty often called him. He addressed the rest of them. "For those that don't know me, I'm Dr. Pierce. I've worked with Marty before. I've been informed that you're his family and I want you all to be involved in his recovery. I don't want to push anyone away."

"Don't worry, Dr. Pierce, I know our detective is in good hands." Hetty said to him. She glanced at the rest of her team. "I can assure you all of that."

So sad news...I think there will only be one more chapter left to finish this story, maybe two. Deeks is in rough shape and clearly needs help. You'll see in the next chapter how he knows Dr. Pierce and how is recovery goes. Let me know your thoughts, thanks!

Oh and very sorry if there are any typos. I proofread, but had a one year old climbing on me as I was doing so and might have missed a few things.