Dark Element
Spark

A dark world leads to the discovery of an Ancient long imprisoned by his own people. Atlantis is placed in grave danger when Beckett sets him free.

A weight on the other end of the bed told Carson Beckett that he was not alone. Not that he planned on being such any time soon, given that it seemed for all intents and purposes his new place of residence was the infirmary. He and John were becoming the favorite patients around here, what with his weakness and the Colonel's extended leave to recover from the gun shot wound he had suffered. But Beckett wasn't entirely certain he was up for company just yet. His head still spun and nauseated him. And so he remained still, lying on his side, faced away and pretending to sleep as he listened.

"Oh, come on Rodney," said the voice from the next bed. Sheppard sounded much stronger today. He had slept nearly the whole first day and night back on Atlantis, and had sounded pleasantly fuzzy for a few days afterward, which was in part due to the pain medications as well as the weakness.

There was a movement on the other end of Carson's bed, suggesting it was McKay that was sitting there beside his feet. "I'm not talking to you. You tried to shoot Carson." The doctor rolled his eyes, but did not say anything.

"Yeah? Well if it makes you feel any better, I had to imagine he was you to even lift the gun," Sheppard growled irritably. "You really know instinctively what not to say and how to just go ahead and say it, don't you?"

"Alright, alright, alright!" Beckett could feel his scientist friend kicking his feet back and forth, jarring the bed. "I'm sorry. It's just this whole situation. I just…"

There was a sigh from across the way. It seemed to carry with it all the feelings Carson felt within. "I know. It feels weird to be home, doesn't it? I keep expecting something, but I don't know what."

"Not to mention the friggen nightmares." McKay grunted, then knocked the back of his hand against Carson's foot. "You can stop pretending you're asleep, Carson."

With pursed lips and an annoyed expression, Beckett turned to lie on his back. He frowned at Rodney. "An' jus' how did ya know I was pretendin'?"

The scientist grinned slyly. "You just told me." He smirked as Carson kicked him in the leg, trying to knock him off the bed. "Look, Sheppard tells me you've been quiet these past few days. Well, there's only so long I'm gonna let that go on before I feel obligated to come and bother you."

"Job done," Beckett said through a yawn, leaning his head back on his pillow. "If ya were a true friend ya'd have brought me some ice cream. How's yer arm?"

"My arm hurts like hell, but it's healing up fine." Rodney waved his finger. "As for the ice cream, see that's the trade off. First you talk to me and then I'll bring you ice cream. Deal?"

Carson rolled his eyes, turned towards Sheppard. "Ya put him up ta this?"

"What, and actively try to get Rodney here? I have to share this little space with you, you know." The colonel laughed as McKay awarded him a dirty look. He folded his hands behind his head. "Gonna tell him, Rodney?"

A sudden look of discomfort crossed McKay's features. He rubbed the back of his neck in that way he did when he didn't want to tell you something. Carson suspected what it was, anyway. He had heard Lorne talk to Sheppard about sending a team through a gate neighboring the planet they had been stranded on, to see if anything of the planet remained. Somehow Carson thought he had an idea of what they would find.

Rodney shrugged, deciding to just get it out in the open. "Lorne went back through a gate near the planet we were on. Oh, ah it had a name, incidentally. Cullen says the Ancient's called it 'Saeculora'. Creepy, huh?" He let out a breath. "Well, there's nothing left of it. So I figure that means there's no chance in Hell anyone's going to find Aerien's work, now. And the universe heaved a collective sigh of relief, huh?"

The news was good in that respect, and so Carson nodded his agreement, which seemed to brighten his friend's face. The doctor closed his eyes, letting himself rest a moment in the secure knowledge that all Aerien's files and journals had been destroyed, forever out of the reach of any other that might try to take up where he had left off.

But the relief did not wash all Carson's ills away. "Where is Cullen now?" he asked softly, without opening his eyes.

He could almost see Rodney shrug. "With the Athosians. I think John's gun happy show freaked him out and he wanted to be with a people more like his own."

Sheppard tossed a wadded paper at McKay, hissing, "Would you shut up about that? Don't make me bring up the kiss."

Carson winced, and at the same time he and Rodney groaned in disgust. McKay rolled his eyes. "Anyway, I guess despite his interest in science he wasn't prepared for all the choices being scientifically advanced brings a society. Kinda makes you feel warm inside, don't it?"

"No," Beckett replied moodily, drawing his sheet over his shoulders and snuggling down as if it would hide him.

"Aw, come on, don't turn away." Rodney tossed the paper wad at Carson's head and it bounced off his hair, then hit the floor. The doctor opened his eyes to glare at him, but his friend's serious expression stayed his irritation. "Come on. Please?"

"I happen ya be tired and in need of rest," he informed the two of them. They both wore familiar expressions of friendly camaraderie, but he could see concern written in both sets of eyes. "A'right, I'm up."

"How ya feeling?" Sheppard asked him tentatively. He had tried a few times in the past few days, met with evasion each time. Perhaps with McKay here he figured Carson had no escape this time.

Carson shrugged with his typical answer. "Fine."

"Fine my ass," Rodney countered. He crossed his arms after nudging the doctor's calf. "You can't keep this all in."

"Why not?"

McKay gaped a minute. "Duh. Psychological damage ring a bell? He hurt you the worst, and believe me, as much as I'd rather not have you telling me even a tenth about your…your feeling, I won't let you sit around with it eating you inside, either."

Carson's eyes narrowed. "Dr. Heightmeyer put ya up ta this, then, didn't she?" The slightly guilty look in his friend's eyes told much. This was ridiculous. He was a doctor, trained through years of medical school. He didn't need to be told how to take care of himself. Yes, maybe he hadn't exactly said much when she asked he and John to talk about their experiences, but this went too far.

"Come on, Doc," Sheppard prodded. "You won't talk to her, then talk to us."

The doctor rolled onto his side, once again facing away from them and their worried stares. "I'm no' ready ta talk about any o'it, an' I'll thank ya ta let me be," he said a little too harshly.

The injured silence caused Carson to close his suddenly wet eyes. So they wanted to hear, did they? They wanted to hear about how damaged he felt, like a part of him was lost and left behind an empty void? They wanted to hear about how every time he fell asleep he saw images of pain and torment, felt the suffering of an entire universe weighing on his shoulders, wanted to listen as he told them about how close Aerien had come to the mark when he had spoken of how afraid Carson was of the darkness he was letting in, causing him to do things like create the retrovirus? He knew the responsibility of healing the universe was not his and he knew that these mistakes he had made were not intentional, so what more could Heightmeyer say? What more could either McKay or Sheppard say?

Nothing was going to heal his wounds except time.

"Chocolate or Vanilla?"

McKay's voice called Carson out of his tragic reveries. He opened his eyes and gazed across the shadowy infirmary at the wall, saying, "W-what?" He hadn't expected that.

Rodney leaned back, trying to look at him. "You said you wanted ice cream. Chocolate or Vanilla?"

For a long moment the doctor lay there, blinking as the salt within his eyes stung him, trying to make sense of the emotions swirling around inside. Whatever Heightmeyer wanted him to say, his friends were still only trying to help, still worried and trying to do whatever it took to heal what he himself couldn't seem to. He let out a breath he hadn't even realized he was holding. "I'm afraid."

"Of what?" Sheppard asked him gently.

Carson didn't turn around. "That Aerien's still out there in some form. That even if he's not, there's a hundred more just like him waiting to do these things ta others, ta me. And most of all I'm afraid he was right about me." It felt like poison being drawn out of him, harsh and venomous against soft flesh. Beckett tightened his fists, trying to stay the pain.

He felt Rodney's weight shift off the bed. "So we prove him wrong. You prove him wrong by being who you are, overcoming it. Then you'll know what I know. He was wrong about everything, including you."

"Yeah," John agreed, sounding for the entire world as if he were confident. Carson wondered how they could sound so sure of things he constantly second-guessed about himself, again and again, like a torturous circle. Sheppard's voice took on a firm tone. "Remember I ordered you not to let him convince you of those lies. I told you I'd enforce that."

"I'm no' military," Carson reminded him again, a pale smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

"You don't have to be." And that was that according to John Sheppard, who stretched expansively and said, "I'll take chocolate, Rodney. A double."

"Whatever."

As the footsteps began to retreat, Carson looked back up, calling, "Rodney?"

His friend stopped his trek and turned. "Yeah?"

Carson gave him a grateful look, then said, "Vanilla."

McKay waved his arm dismissively, heading back out of the infirmary. "Next time I get to be the one beaten half out of my mind so that you two can be my waiters."

He disappeared and Beckett leaned his head back, gazing at the ceiling, trying to concentrate on the idea of soft, sweet vanilla making its way to him. Try and he might he just couldn't rid himself of the nagging feelings hovering at the back of his thoughts. But Sheppard was sure going to try and help him, he discovered, when after a moment he said, "Okay, I've got a game for us to play while we're waiting. It's called 'Let's Annoy McKay'. The rules are simple, see, all we gotta do is think up awesome ways to get on Rodney's nerves. Sounds like fun, right?"

Carson turned with a half-smile. "Aye, lad. You go first. And John…"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

The Colonel nodded once. ""No problem, Doc. Okay, let's see. I got one, okay, when he's in bed we sneak into his office…"

The End! Thanks for reading+gives out huggles and cookies in the shape of the Stargate crew+ Hope you enjoyed reading as much as I did writing. :-)