Chapter Three:

Zach fought to focus his bleary gaze on the machine in front of him. It had been almost twelve hours since Aidan Devane had brought him to the hospital, and he'd spent most of the last eight of those hours sitting by Kendall's bed. No one wanted him there - with Kendall. Kendall herself probably wouldn't have picked him to sit by her side. However, he'd been adamant in exercising this right as her husband; once he'd finally taken his place by her side he'd refused to relinquish it. That is until Bianca arrived. She was the one person he had been unable to deny. The moment he left Kendall's room he'd been nearly overwhelmed by fatigue. He'd slept very little, but while he watched he hadn't felt tired. Now all he wanted was coffee, but he couldn't figure out how to make the damn machine give it to him.

Suddenly a hand came into his line of sight. It reached over his shoulder and pushed a button, a moment later he was holding a cup of coffee. Zach didn't turn around. He knew who was standing behind him and he knew that at this moment he wouldn't be able to bear the condemnation in his son's eyes - his son who loved Kendall.

"We fought yesterday," Zach admitted quietly. "She was trying to protect me and I accused of her betrayal, told her to mind her own business and stay out of mine. And now here she is, and it's my fault. This is what she was trying to protect me from, but she's the one who got hurt." Zach shook his head in defeat and started to walk away without ever facing his son.

Despite his anger at the other man, Ethan was unable to let his father continue to torture himself. He reached out, catching Zach's shoulder before he was able to get away. "You couldn't have known this would happen. It's not your fault," he said.

"I should have known," Zach protested swinging around to look at Ethan at last. "I should have protected her. She's my wife; I should have been more careful." He broke away striding back to the waiting room and taking a position near the windows.

He was unsurprised to see from his son's approaching reflection in the glass that Ethan had followed him - the boy was nothing if not tenacious.

"Why don't you go home, get some rest," Ethan suggested gently. "Bianca's going to be with her for awhile anyway - she won't be alone. And you've been here all night."

"I'm not going anywhere. I can't leave her. I owe her that much at least."

He turned to face his son and was unable to hide the bitter self-loathing he was currently feeling. "Can you see it, now?" he asked. Seeing Ethan's uncomprehending look he continued. "This is what I was trying to protect you from. I destroy everything that I touch." He trailed off and then whispered the words that had defined so much of his life. "The Cambias curse. We destroy everything . . . "

"Everything that we love," Ethan filled in for him. "That's what you told me - we destroy that which we love." He studied his father for a moment, "You - you can't be saying that you love Kendall?" Shocked by the mere thought of it, he stuttered out the question.

"Love wasn't part of the deal," Zach said. "I wasn't supposed to love her, but somehow, I don't know, somehow she just crept in and I do - I do care about her and I - I did this."

"You're not the one who hurt Kendall," Ethan protested. "She was shot," despite the situation, Ethan couldn't stifle his instinctive urge to taunt his father, "and for once no one believes that you were holding the gun."

"I might as well have been," Zach replied. "I might as well have pulled the trigger myself," he said. "I insisted on trying to help Julia even though I knew it would be dangerous. I didn't consider Kendall, and I should have. My life is one thing, but I had no right to risk hers. All this," Zach spread his hands out, his gestures encompassing the crowd of family and friends that still lingered in the waiting room, "for my guilty conscience," Zach shook his head at the irony. "Helping Julia was supposed to be a way to atone for the way I hurt Maria. How can I possibly atone for what I've done to Kendall?"

"You can't," Ethan answered quietly. "All you can do is pray. Pray that she lives. Pray that she recovers. Pray that she can forgive you." He smiled mirthlessly, "Though, speaking from experience, I have to say that that last might be the most difficult. Kendall - Kendall doesn't forgive easily."

Zach shrugged his acknowledgement of that truth, but didn't speak. He turned back towards the window and gazed out into the parking lot. He noticed with some surprise that it was a beautiful day outside. The sun was bright, the sky blue with just a few fluffy white clouds. He shook his head at the wrongness of it - how could the sun be shining when his world had just collapsed around him? How could the birds be singing and the flowers blooming when Kendall lay unconscious just a few rooms away?

He stifled the urge to protest that it wasn't fair - he wasn't a child to expect fairness from the world. He'd learned along time ago that life wasn't fair, it was one of his father's favorite catch phrases - "Life isn't fair, Alexander. Don't expect it to be. When you're the one who's powerful, you'll understand - 'fair' is for the weak. 'Fair' is for the man who isn't strong enough to make his own luck." Well Zach had become strong and powerful, but he couldn't bend this to his will. "What now, old man?" he muttered, "What do you do when there's no one to cheat?"

Zach was startled from his solitary reverie a few moments later by a commotion at the entrance to the waiting room - Bianca had returned. He watched as Bianca let herself be pulled into her mother's arms. He knew that under the guise of accepting her mother's comfort and support Bianca was really offering Erica support in the only what that she would accept it. He sidled closer so that he could overhear their conversation, but made no move to join it knowing that Erica wouldn't welcome his intrusion.

Erica was reassuring Bianca, or perhaps herself, that Kendall would be alright, that she would wake up and be okay. Joe had told all of them that they would keep Kendall was doing well, but they planned to keep under sedation for at least another day, maybe more - it all depended on her progress. After a time, Bianca managed to free herself from her mother's grasp. She excused herself, explaining that she had left Miranda and Maggie back at the hotel, "No, Mom. You know that a hospital waiting room is no place for a cranky toddler and Miranda didn't get a wink of sleep on the plane." She promised to return to the hospital soon, but she wouldn't bring Miranda with her until Kendall was awake - there was no point in frightening the little girl when Kendall was going to be just fine. Enduring Erica's tearful hug good-bye, Bianca sent Zach a tired smile over her mother's shoulder and left the hospital.

Seeing the crowd at the door discussing whose turn it was to see Kendall, Zach resigned himself to a long wait. It seemed he had monopolized enough of the patient's time that Erica Kane had had an opportunity to marshal her troops. She had arranged a schedule that covered the next several hours and listening as she gave her family their marching orders he couldn't help but notice that she'd left him out of the scheduling. As Greenlee exited the room for her turn to see Kendall, Zach caught the triumphant glance Erica sent his way and correctly interpreted to mean that her omission of him was not accidental.

He sighed and settled down in a chair in the corner. He knew that it would be hours before he got to see Kendall and that the sensible course would be to go home and get some rest. If he returned in a few hours he would have no trouble seeing Kendall. He never doubted that her loving family would quickly grow bored with watching her sleep - their devotion knew definite bounds. Once they left he would be able to resume his position by her side. Zach shook his head and settled further back in his seat, a cold cup of coffee still clutched in his hand. He leaned his head back against the chair and closed his eyes, but was unsurprised when sleep didn't claim him. He knew that he wouldn't get any rest today. Maybe once he was back in Kendall's room . . . If he could see that she was resting peacefully, and not in peace, maybe he'd finally be able to get some sleep himself.

Making himself as comfortable as possible in the hard plastic chair, Zach resigned himself to spending the day there.