So here goes Hidans attack on the 'evil Akatsuki member hiding outside the village'
Enjoy

Kakuzu rested his head on his hand as he sat bored under a tree.
He had checked his watched continuously since Hidan left and was growing increasingly anxious about the priests disappearance behind enemy lines.
It had been nearly four hours after all.
Every bodies favourite miser had decided to ease his anxiety by amusing himself for a while listening to the sounds of chaos his partner was causing.
Discreetly, Kakuzu had 'borrowed' Deidaras scope when they left the base that morning and he had been following Hidans movements from atop the Hokage monument since his partner had entered the village.
Although annoying, it had been funny to watch Hidan cope and adapt to the village life.
After all, last time Hidan belonged to a village (The Village Hidden in the Steam) he ended up slaughtering every single one of its inhabitants…

Kakuzus lips had twitched when he observed the writer of Icha Icha Paradise latch onto Hidans arm and the priests look of horror upon witnessing the pictures in the infamous little orange book.
Served him right too, Kakuzu thought.
Itachi, Sasori and himself always told their curious little partners not to worry about the strange little book they read, no matter how much they protested.
It was all an effort to keep their innocent little minds as least dirty as possible by not allowing them to accidentally delve into the underworld of badly written porn.
And now, Hidan probably never would.

An amused smile had hidden under the misers mask when Hidan was forced to hand over coins to a little girl whose ice cream he had knocked over.
Although he had been surprised at Hidans obvious distaste at handing over money, Kakuzu had no doubt he would demand compensation once the mission was over.
Which should be soon, Kakuzu noted with a glance at his watch.
Who knew when the real Copy Nin would return?

Despite their need to one day capture the Kyuubi and Kakuzus dislike for the boy which was its container, he had burst into hysterical laughter when Deidaras scope showed him the horrified look on Hidans face when hundreds of shadow clones stood before him, eager for battle.
Hidan was cocky but he wasn't stupid, and he would have had no illusions about his capability of defeating a few thousand ramen-inhaling potential Hokages.
He would have to thank Naruto at some point.

Kakuzu had no idea what had happened when the pineapple headed teacher had dragged him into the school, but he was willing to bet it would have been hilarious.
The shinobi academy was almost directly below where Kakuzu was sitting and he didn't even need the scope to witness Hidans discreet escape through the window and hear the children screaming at whatever the priest had done.
Whatever it was, it probably involved scarring them for life.
Kakuzu was amused to note that Hidan had beaten his time record when it came to making children scream.
And it had been a whole class so he probably got extra points with Jashin.
He had later watched as one of the small students was escorted out of the building by police ninja, covered in blood.
Despite his burning curiousity to know what she had done, he knew that if he asked Hidan, the priest would go crazy with the knowledge that Kakuzu could see him the entire time.

Hidan had wandered out of his sight for a while after that and Kakuzus anxiety had returned.
The undercover Akatsuki still had yet to get anywhere near the morgue and Kakuzu realized with regret that it was because he had never told Hidan where it was.
No doubt the mission had failed before it began.
It was okay though, he would still find a way to make it Hidans fault…

His partner had come back into view after a while with a cup of tea somewhere near the front of the Hokage building.
Hidan (and Kakuzu)'s attention had been drawn to a smashing noise and had both watched in amused interest as the orange clad ninja, Naruto, came tumbling out of the hole in the wall caused by the writing desk that preceded him.
Kakuzu had soon after zoomed in on the window of the top floor and watched an angry Tsunade stalking around the room she resided in.
The boy probably did something to piss her off and Kakuzu vaguely wondered if he had something in common with the Hokage when it came to getting hassled by annoying little brats.

It was after this that Kakuzus attention was captured once again as Hidan dashed off towards the entrance gates accompanied by Naruto and the pink haired girl whose name had slipped Kakuzus mind…
Ino or something.
And that brought him to the present.

Kakuzu groaned in annoyance as the three man team left the village and followed the fence around its outskirts.
It would be just like Hidan to get given a mission by the enemy during his mission infiltrating the enemy.
Funny no?

He followed their movements with dispirited interest, not really bothering to pay attention to their whereabouts.
Kakuzu vaguely mused over the thought of Hidan getting a mission to capture the Akatsuki member lurking outside the village.
He chuckled and shook his head, now THAT would be ironic.
The sound of bushes rustling from behind him alerted the miser to his mission.
He shook his head, it wouldn't do for him to let down his guard.
Lifting the scope back to his eye, Kakuzu glanced around the fence line of the village, the last place he saw his partner and his new 'team'.
He hesitated when he couldn't find their whereabouts.
They had been following the fence line, he was sure of it.
So where WERE they?

The rustling sound repeated itself and Kakuzu jumped to his feet and whirled around.
Nothing out of the ordinary caught his eye but it was better to be safe than sorry.
Something that sounded suspiciously like a cough or giggle emitted from the bush that Kakuzu was rapidly coming to believe was either possessed or just plain evil.
Hesitantly and cautiously, he edged closer, dispelling tentacle threads from his hands as he did.
Definitely better to be safe than sorry…

In one swift movement, he thrust all of his tentacles into the bush, expecting to have accidentally mutilated a squirrel or something in his paranoia.
Instead, he was devastated to find three ninja jump out and surround him.
He face palmed in his irritation.
No doubt they would scream as he killed them, resulting in a village wide panic and renewed effort to capture the Akatsuki.
He really couldn't be bothered about this shit.
Without even glancing at the ninja, he sent threads at the one on his left, hoping that in killing one of them the others would be freaked out and leave him alone.
Unlikely, but always worth a shot…

Whatever the case, he felt the satisfying crunch as his attack made contact with its target.
That's one down anyway…
Glancing up, Kakuzu avoided looking at the ninja he had just killed – in battle it gave the impression of him having no regard for human life and made him all the more terrifying to his opponents.
He gazed into the shocked eyes of the Kyuubi boy, Naruto and his pink haired partner.
Something about their being in the same place at the same time struck as something odd to Kakuzu and it took him a few seconds to realize what it was.

"KAKUZU YOU WORTHLESS FUC-"

Oh that's why it seemed familiar…
Because obviously, Hidans mission HAD been to find the Akatsuki member lurking outside the village…
VERY ironic.
The pink haired girl and Naruto dashed over to their beloved 'Kakashi-sensei', both of them glaring and baring their teeth at Kakuzu whilst desperately trying to stem the bleeding.
In their defense, Hidan really was a mess; blood covered him head to toe and gashes and holes of various sizes and shapes covered his body and spurted out bodily fluid.
Kakuzu noted that he had hit several vital spots and while congratulating himself on his aim he also cursed the fact that he went for Hidan and not one of the others…
If he wasn't immortal there was no doubt he would be dead.

"-OW WHAT THE FUCK YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM IS BUT WHEN I FUCKING SEE YOU NEXT IM GOING TO FUCKING SHOVE YOUR OWN FUCKING TENTACLES UP YOUR FUCKING ARSE-"

There was no doubt that Hidan would attempt to go through with his threats but given the fact that all Kakuzu had to do was cut off his head, he found it hard to take him seriously.
He was amused to no end to watch the looks of disbelief that Hidans two 'students' shot their teacher.
Obviously they didn't realize how fluent he was in the ways of swearing.

"-ND WHEN YOU ARE LEAST FUCKING EXPECTING IT I'LL FUCKING JUMP YOU AND CUT YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF-"

Kakuzu watched his swearing partner thoughtfully, his head tilted in a way that could almost be cute…
Once you got over the murdering, miserly, thieving, psychotic, greedy and general nastiness that is the Akatsukis self proclaimed treasurer anyway.
Kakuzu furrowed his brows slightly at Hidan.
If you will excuse the pun, he swore sometimes his partner had Tourettes Syndrome.

"-WISH I WAS A FUCKING OCTOPUS SO I COULD FUCKING SHOVE ALL EIGHT FUCKING LEGS UP YOUR-"

Despite his desperate attempts to storm up to Kakuzu and bash his brains in, Naruto and the pink haired girl were now successfully dragging Hidan back towards the village for what he assumed was medical help and a few sessions with a psychiatrist.
Once he was satisfied that Hidan was properly restrained and unable to chase him, Kakuzu lifted his hand and gave his partner a cheery wave before turning on his heel and walking back into the forest to find a better hiding place.