Just What The Doctor Ordered…STD's wait what?

Finals are over and I'm back in Gov/Econ again so…..

Slughorn's class was relatively silent, and most everyone was diligently working with the exception of a few select students who just didn't know how to stop running their mouth….cough ….Lavender…..Anyway where was I, Oh yes so it was downright boring, Draco was out sick, I mean come on since when has the Slytherin Prince let sniffles get the best of him, ugh besides he was my only entertainment. Or so I thought…Minutes flew by and I was still staring at the same page in the textbook and my worksheet was blank, I am never so inefficient, what was with this class today it was so, slow! By the time I actually pressed my quill into the parchment no ink came out, it had dried out. Greeeaaaatttt….I gave up finishing the worksheet during class time, I'd rather be in the right mindset and put the correct answers down than risk getting them wrong out of pure laziness. I shut my book and stuffed my quill back into my bag. I sighed and dropped lethargically into my seat. For the first time in well…ever I felt like a complete slacker.

"Boys and Girls, I cannot believe I neglected to show you my new stress relief treatment! It is quite revolutionary and I've seen plenty of videos to have proof it works. Its muggle actually and before you shut it down give it a try!" Slughorn announced.

Well that came out of nowhere, what the heck was he talking about, the best muggle stress treatment was therapy and then Disney movies. I followed the sausage of a finger he had to the piece of parchment on the wall that was the 'fabulous and revolutionary stress relief treatment' When my eyes finally focused on the black print I nearly burst out laughing. Oh it was hysterical.

-Sign-

Stress Treatment Diagnosis (STD)

BANG HEAD HERE

-end-

No one in the magical world knew about STD's because our contraception charms block everything. Oh if my friends back in England could see this! I bet Draco would have found it hilarious! I should bring it to him, then maybe he'll feel better, after all it is true you can think yourself sick. So you must be able to think yourself better, attitude changes everything.

"Professor!" I stood and raised my hand. After I stood I painfully regretted it, every pair of eyes was on me, great just what I needed. At least I wasn't asking to go to the loo. That would be beyond embarrassing.

"Miss Granger?" He raised his eyes to look over his reading glasses.

"May I bring the STD…(I had to pause to contain myself for a second)…to the hospital wing to help them relief stress?" I hiccupped in an awkward voice crack to hold my laughter down. Why did I say STD instead of Stress Poster, I have such a sick mind.

"Why Miss Granger what a wonderful idea, why don't you go right now, I trust you've finished your work already. 20 points to Gryffindor." He signaled me to the door with his hand and then went back to grading papers.

(Yup I totally finished my work…..now I felt sick, I hate lying)

I grabbed my books and took the Poster off the wall and nearly ran out the door I couldn't wait to see Draco's reaction to this.

I rammed the hospital wing doors down and bust into the room. Loud did not cover it. I woke everyone up but I honestly didn't give a cr$% about anyone but Draco right now.

His platinum blonde hair was unmistakable, the last cot at the far end of the room. I broke into a sprint, my shoes clacking against the stone floor sounded like guns firing off.

Apparently I didn't turn on my breaks fast enough because I tripped over Draco's bedside table and barely caught myself from falling directly on him. I was gasping for breath and forgot I was standing directly over him.

"Wha…no I don't want my mediciNNEEEWHHHHHHAAAAA THE F$%&! " Who knew such a manly guy could sound like such a little girl. He scrambled up into his pillows effectively tangling his legs in the blankets and nearly tipping the entire cot over.

"Draco its me, Hermione!" I grabbed his knee and shook it slightly.

"Oh good, but still WHAT THE ACTUAL F$%&! MAN COME ON DON'T PULL THAT CREEPY EXOCIST C#%& ON ME, NOT COOL!" He barked at me.

"What in Merlins name is going on in here, who is responsible for all this racket!" Madame Pomfrey stomped her way down the center aisle towels and pill containers in her hands, her wand haphazardly tucked behind her ear and her hair sticking out in all directions.

"I am so sorry, I came to visit Draco and he was having a nightmare and I wanted to wake him but when I did he sort of freaked out, I'm sorry." Sweet Merlin my second lie of the day, first a slacker and then a perverted mind and now a liar! Ugh!

"Some Nightmare that was!" She huffed and awkwardly stuck her hands on her hips still holding the towels and pill containers. Her nostrils flared a bit and she spun on her heel and walked back to the medicine cabinet.

"Nice, real smooth, first you attack me in my bed, then you frame me for causing chaos in the hospital wing, that's really…awesome." He drawled out as he relaxed back into his cot properly.

"I'm sorry.."

"No your not." He turned to me eyebrows raised.

"Ok fine I'm not, but it was so worth it, look at what Professor Slughorn's revolutionary stress relief treatment is, he announced it and everything it was hysterical, well I was the only one who understood what it actually was but still."

"Granger, you're rambling." He interrupted me.

"Just, here" I shoved the poster in his face and waited expectantly.

He read it out loud.

"Stress Treatment Diagnosis (STD)'s…..pffffft ahahahaha is this for real!" He couldn't finish, I knew he would get it. I felt so proud for some reason.

"BANG HEAD HERE, well I'll bang my head into it if there are no STD's" We both burst out laughing, oh this was great, just what the doctor ordered, some good old fashioned STD jokes…in a hospital wing…corrupted minds….our parents would be so proud…

Not one of my better ones but it wasn't as lively in class the past week so it was difficult to write.