So welcome back and thanks for tuning in.
It's been... I dunno... Maybe a week since I updated? Maybe not?
I tune out during September (Wake me up when it ends)
Urrrhhh so in personal celebration of my birthday I formally and officially declare that I will think of something to declare!
Also happy birthday to Scarecrow Porn whose name resides in my calender under the 15th... I THINK its Kakashi.
I probably shouldnt have come up with the stupid idea of entering Naruto characters birthdays in my phones under different names...
Oh well.
Enjoy this chapter anyway.

Hidan slept reasonably well that night.
He was well aware that by staying a second day he was probably pissing off Kakuzu to no end and even risking his own skin.
But who cares? He had a bunch of kids that (he hated to admit) he was beginning to like, he had successfully scarred 20+ gennins for life and to top it all off, he had found out he had access to Kakashi Hatakes personal bank account.
Oh yes… Life was good.
The hospital bed wasn't that comfortable but it was much better than the hollowed out rock beds that they slept on back in the lair, for these actually had mattresses.
Nurses had been coming in every half an hour to check on him until he locked the door.
Sure any normal man with serious wounds would need looking in on that often but honestly, he was Hidan… and he trying to sleep.
He was pretty sure most of the nurses just wanted to look at his exposed torso anyway.
Not something he needed/wanted… But something he could understand.

Naruto and Sakura visited early in the morning with a ninja that Hidan had never met before.
The boy was pale, very pale, with dark eyes and black hair. He wore a strange top that was cut off at one sleeve and revealed the better half of his stomach.
Hidan raised a brow at the boys strange dress code.
He had never been to a male strip club, that being more Kisames cup of tea (or so Hidans intuition told him) but he was sure that this boy walked straight out of one.
Fortunately, Sakura mentioned his name before Hidan had to try to guess and awkwardly tiptoe around the name game until he knew.

"Sai decided to come and see if you were okay as well."

Hidan nodded, wondering what kind of fruit loop Sai was.
Everyone else in Konoha seemed to be some kind of nut job so he assumed it was a reasonable speculation.
Sakura pushed Naruto out of the way and moved over to him.
To Hidans annoyance, she opened the robe he was wearing to reveal his chest.
I know I am practically a fucking sex god but come on… seriously…

"I'm just going to have a look at these wou-…."

Sakura paused and furrowed her brows in disbelief. She began to run her hands over his chest, searching for the deep cuts and scratches that had so baffled the doctors the day before.

"Huh…? Your injuries, they're gone!?"

Naruto and Sai glanced over her shoulder in surprise when Sakura cried this last part out.
Their eyes went wide at the sight of their 'senseis' nearly brand new body.
Sakura looked to Hidan for some kind of explanation.
It was obvious that he had been injured but the wounds were little more than scars now.
A miraculous recovery to say the least…
Not knowing what else to say, Hidan shrugged and grinned through his mask,

"An act of God."

Naruto, Sakura and Sai nodded their heads in wonder, making Hidan inwardly snicker.
There was hope of converting them to Jashinists after all…
Unknown to Hidan, the newcomer, Sai, had been practicing social interactions between his friends and peers.
He was making quite a lot of progress, having discovered that while being honest is a good thing, when it comes to peoples looks it is better to keep his opinions to himself.
Flattery was okay though, in fact dishonest flattery was one of the most common things he had observed which led him to say the following sentence,

"I knew that it was only a matter of time before you were beautiful again, Kakashi-sensei."

Sakura and Naruto rolled their eyes and Sai smiled which, given the situation, was excessively creepy.
Hidan uncomfortably shuffled backwards in the bed a bit, figuring that it was best to keep his distance from this weirdo homosexual.
Naruto grinned up at him,

"You're going to train me today right, Kakashi sensei? Because Ino, Shikamaru and Choji said they would come alone too, they want to make sure you feel better and all."

Hidan growled under his breath.
Shikamaru…. Urgh…
He was warming up to Naruto and Sakura, even Iruka seemed to be alright, but he couldn't see himself conversing with Asumas team.
Something about them really pissed him off.
Must have been killed by one of them in a previous life, he mused.
Hidan opened his mouth to notify Naruto of his change of mind regarding his training session when Sakura cut him off with a thoughtful look,

"Actually, I think Ino, Choji, Shikamaru and Asuma got called away on a mission. Kurenais team as well."

Naruto scowled and Hidan sighed with relief.
Crossing his arms, the blonde boy turned his head half over his shoulder and started muttering to himself.
It seemed this display, while making him look like a paranoid schizophrenic, was actually a normal occurrence for Naruto, so Hidan didn't comment.
What a loony…
Who seriously gets that pissed off because someone ditched you for training?
Rolling his eyes, Hidan pulled himself forward with a grunt and swung his legs over the side of the bed.
Sakura ghosted his movements with her hands, ready to help him if he needed steadying.
He nodded to her that he was okay and she reluctantly removed her hands. Sais gaze didn't waver from them the entire time.
Hidan stretched back and yawned loudly.
He glanced at Naruto, "Well are you ready to start training?"
As he expected, the blonde boy grinned up to him and nodded like crazy, all homicidal thoughts about Asumas team drifting away in an instant.

Deidara scowled at Sasori, doing absolutely nothing to help his partner in his conquest.
They were in a thick wood a few kilometers off the border of the Hidden Leaf Village where they would soon be meeting Kakuzu.
Being later than they predicted, they (Sasori) had decided to prepare ahead of time.
Deidara stood stiff as a board as the puppet master dressed him in the clothes that would serve as his disguise when he infiltrated the village.
The clothes themselves were only half the cover and his body had to undergo many other changes.
Despite his usual immunity to pain, Deidara couldn't stop himself from screaming out when Sasori had held him down and put that disgusting wax on his legs and arms.
Of course he couldn't shave it off, it had to be waxed…
Stupid sadistic fucking puppet…
Sasori nudged Deidaras arm away from his body to give him room to slide fishnetted arm pieces on.
He growled when Sasori stood back with his finger to his chin in thought, agitated with the entire idea.
They were silent for a few seconds as Sasori examined his work for flaws and Deidara glared heatedly at him.

Of course, what had happened was simple enough:
Kakuzu had deemed Hidan unworthy of completing his task and began to panic when he showed signs of enjoying himself and possibly wanting to stay in Konoha permanently.
The waterfall nin couldn't enter the village himself of course, he stood out way too much and was almost certain to attract attention.
That's where Deidara and Sasori came in… Or more specifically, just Deidara.
The Akatsuki had always ridiculed the terrorist for having remarkably similar physical attributes to the Yamanaka clan and it seemed for once, this would come in handy.
Oh how Deidara had dreaded the look Kakuzus clone had given him when he said that Ino Yamanaka was safely out of the village on a mission…

Deidara sighed and drew himself back to the present and began to stare at the ground in embarrassment.
Suddenly, Sasori perked up as if remembering something and turned around to root through their packs.
Deidara glared at his turned back and crossed his arms.
When Sasori turned around he held a coconut in each hand and an evil smile on his face.

"Hey Deidara?"

The blonde terrorist glared at Sasori, "What, hmm?"
Sasori grinned at him, clearly enjoying the moment.

"Open your shirt…"

So there you have it.
As always, leave your rates, reviews, complaints and pathetic excuses after the beep.
Messages shall be left to my self proclaimed secretary, Natalie... Who beats me with pillows apparently.