"How could you," Lelouch cried out.
"Lelouch please," Suzaku begged him to listen, chasing him around their apartment. "I never meant to, it was a mistake. I'm so sorry. Please, Lelouch."
Lelouch wouldn't listen to a word he was saying. He could hardly fathom that this was actually happening.
"How could you? How could you," he kept screaming at him. "Why would you do this? Why?"
Suzaku grabbed his arm just as they entered the bedroom and forced Lelouch to turn and face him.
"I never meant to, it was a mistake Lelouch I'm sorry," The words fumbled out of his mouth over and over. He wanted Lelouch to hear him, to forgive him though he knew that would not be easy.
Lelouch tried to pull away from him, screaming at him again. Suzaku refused to let him go. He was scared if he did it would be the end of them. He grabbed hold of Lelouch and pushed him back on to the bed, and pinned him down. Lelouch struggled under his grasp helplessly.
"Let go of me," he screamed over and over.
"Lelouch I never meant to hurt you, I never wanted to hurt you," Suzaku said through a free fall of tears, "I love you."
"Get off me," Lelouch screamed louder.
"NO!"
Lelouch managed to get one hand free and wasted no time sending it across Suzaku's face as hard as he possibly could. Suzaku looked at him dumbfounded holding his sore cheek. He got off the bed and stumbled back leaning against the wall, all the while Lelouch glaring at him through his tears. He didn't yell at him anymore, instead he just got up and got his coat and stormed out.
"Lelouch," Suzaku went to run after him, but stopped as the door slammed.
He sat back on the bed. Burring his face and tears in his hands he cried. He cried till his chest hurt and he could barely breathe.
Suzaku woke up lying at the foot of the bed. He woke up feeling more exhausted then rested. He must have cried himself to sleep. Quickly Suzaku got up and looked around to see were Lelouch was. He came home right? He wasn't in the bedroom he wasn't out in the living room. Did he not come home?
Suzaku sat heavily on the couch. Where was he? Was he still mad? Well of course he was. He had every reason to be too. Suzaku messed up big time and he knew it. It wasn't until he had waited over an hour that he began to realize just how badly it was.
Lelouch still wasn't home. He wasn't answering his phone either. Where was he? What was Suzaku to do? Should he call someone? Maybe one of their friends had seen him. And what would he tell them? Lelouch took off angry because Suzaku is too much of an idiot he can't keep it in his pants? Yeah they'd love hearing about that. No Suzaku had to go find him, so he headed out to look for Lelouch. Just in case though he left him a note on the counter. Just two little words;
I'm sorry
Suzaku searched everywhere. Lelouch was nowhere to be found. He still would not answer his phone. Suzaku worried. It was getting late.
Suzaku finally headed back for home. Maybe Lelouch was there. Maybe he'd cooled off and was home. They could work this out they could move past this. Sure that wasn't going to be easy. Suzaku knew he'd broken the trust between him and Lelouch, but he could work to fix that right. They could fix this. There was no need to end this. Not like this anyway. No not like this.
Suzaku returned home. He saw his note crumpled on the counter. It didn't give him any hope that Lelouch was ready to forgive. But he was home. They could start to work this out.
"Lelouch," he called. No answer. "Lelouch."
The apartment seemed empty. Had he taken off again?
Suzaku headed to the bedroom. Empty.
"Lelouch," Suzaku called again. Then something caught his eye. The nightstand was bare. Odd. Lelouch had always kept a cherished picture of Nunnally there. It never moved. Suddenly a terrible thought crossed his mind.
"No," Suzaku cried out. He ran to Lelouch's dresser all the drawers were empty. He threw open the closet all of Lelouch's clothes were gone.
"No," Suzaku cried. He fell to his knees and cried hopelessly. Never had he felt so empty and so alone in his life.
"Lelouch," he cried over and over. Say his name was like a dagger cutting deeper into the wound he had caused. Just another reminder this was all his doing.
"Lelouch please speak to me."
"Lelouch please we have to talk."
"I'm so sorry for what I did. Please come home."
"Lelouch, please, please come home. I'm so lost with out you."
"Lelouch."
"Lelouch."
"Lelouch."
"I'm sorry the number you have dialed is no longer in service."
Day's passed. Suzaku felt more dead then alive now. There was no reaching Lelouch. So badly Suzaku wished to just see him again. Even if he didn't want to be with him anymore, all Suzaku wanted right now was to see him. Even if Lelouch moved on, if he was in someone else's arms, as much as Suzaku would hate to see it, if Lelouch was smiling then, well then he could bare to look. If only he could see that smile.
He often thought that he'd see him walking down the street. He'd ignore him of course out of spite. Act like he didn't know him at all. Or he'd be in the arms of his new lover. As long as Lelouch was happy, that would be enough. Even if that was not with Suzaku anymore.
A knock was heard at the door. Suzaku no longer held any hopes of opening it and seeing him there. No not any more.
"Hey Suzaku," Milly greeted in a soft voice.
"Hey Milly," Suzaku said, "What brings you here?"
"Just in the area thought I'd stop by," Milly shrugged. "Can I come in?"
Suzaku hesitated at first. "Fine. Sure."
He invited Milly to come in and sit in the living room.
"How are you?" Milly asked.
"Alright," Suzaku lied.
Milly wasn't sure what to say to him anymore. She'd said all she could think of to comfort him. She did all she could to help him.
"How about some TV," Milly suggested.
She turned the TV on and flipped through the channels. On one channel there was a news broadcast. The Imperial family was making an announcement from the consulate. Princess Cornelia and Princess Euphiema were standing at the podium. Cornelia spoke of how it was a joyous time for the Imperial family as they were reunited with their long lost prince once believed to be dead.
"I give you, Prince Lelouch Vi Britannia," Cornelia announced.
Suzaku and Milly gasped. There he was. His imaged flashed on the screen. There he was.
"Lelouch," Suzaku whimpered a soft cry.
It wasn't enough just to see him. Suzaku had to speak with him. Suzaku had to see him. He wanted to be near him again. He wanted to be with him again. He wanted to fix this he wanted to fight for what they had.
It was not easy though. Even with Suzaku's status as the pilot of the Lancelot couldn't get him close enough to Lelouch. One day he got close enough to Euphie though and beg for her help. She finally agreed to meet with him. It was in a little café down the block, no doubt everyone in side were all of Euphie's personal bodyguards.
Suzaku was still glad to meet with her though, one step closer to fixing things with Lelouch.
"Euphie." Suzaku sat down with her.
"Hello Suzaku," Euphie said coldly. She was still a bit angry for what he did. He hurt Lelouch greatly. And she'll never forget the night he came home, she always thought being reunited with him would be happy, but it wasn't, and since then Lelouch was miserable He'd cry himself to sleep, he'd be angry and short tempered with everyone around him. He'd even get upset to the point of getting sick. Lelouch was an absolute mess. And Euphie hated seeing him that way. And all because of what Suzaku did.
Suzaku knew she was angry with him. He didn't blame her. He didn't blame anyone for being angry or hating him. He was beginning to think about how much he deserved it.
"Euphie please," he begged. "Help me fix this."
"Why?" She asked.
"Because I love your brother. I love him," Suzaku so badly wished to say it to him. "I love him and I want to be with him. It just- it can't end like this."
"And where were all these feelings when you cheated on him?" Euphie said it so abruptly it was as if she just smacked Suzaku in the face.
He hung his head.
"I mess up. I know that now," Suzaku said, "All I want now is a chance to fix this. Please. That's all I'm asking."
Euphie just thought about her brother. How miserable he was without Suzaku, his other half. How he was falling apart. She could see the same pain reflected in Suzaku's eyes.
"Alright," Euphie said.
Suzaku looked up.
"I'll speak to him."
"Thank you Euphie. Thank you," Suzaku could hardly contain himself when he jumped from his chair and hugged her. Scaring all the bodyguards in the place.
Euphie went back and went to find Lelouch. She went to his room. He wasn't in there. Then she heard a noise coming from the bathroom. Euphie frowned. It was Lelouch getting sick again. Poor thing, he was so upset over this entire break up. It was just eating him away inside.
Euphie gently tapped on the door.
"What," Lelouch called.
"It's me, Euphie, can I come in?"
Lelouch didn't answer at first. "Fine."
Euphie went in and found Lelouch sitting on the floor leaning against the wall. She went and sat beside him.
"How you feeling?" She asked resting her head against his shoulder.
"I'm fine."
"I saw someone today."
Lelouch didn't say anything.
"Aren't you going to ask me who?"
"Fine," Lelouch sighed "Who?"
"Suzaku."
Lelouch seem to stiffen when he heard his name.
"He's miserable," Euphie told him. "And all he wants is a chance to fix things."
Lelouch said nothing.
"I think you should at least talk to him." Euphie said.
Nothing.
"Think about it," she asked. She got up to leave when something on the counter caught her eye. She picked it up and was shocked. Euphie looked at her brother. He chuckled as if she had just done something funny.
"I guess I should," he said, "Since I'm pregnant."
In celebration of finding the lost prince the Imperial family were holding an elegant ball. Euphie invited Suzaku as he guest. It was the only way to get Suzaku in to talk to Lelouch, since Lelouch made no attempt to speak with Lelouch or tell him about the baby.
Suzaku was nervous. He walked into the ballroom escorting a princess, yet his knees trembled for other reasons. The guest of honor. Dressed in his imperial white robes, he was a vision of beauty. It took all Suzaku had to stop from running to him the second he saw him. He had to wait to get him alone. Not that Lelouch would make a scene here. But Suzaku wasn't going to just let him walk away either.
Suzaku made his way to him and was greeted with an icy glare. Right away Lelouch tried to walk away. Suzaku grabbed his hand.
"No, you're not walking away," Suzaku said.
"Unhand me," Lelouch spat pulling his hand away.
Suzaku refused to give up so easily. He followed Lelouch. Out of the ballroom and into a private room in their living quarters, all the while Lelouch yelling at him to leave him alone.
"I will not. Not until you speak to me," Suzaku said.
"Leave me alone," Lelouch cried out.
Suzaku shut the door behind him. "I love you, I love you. Lelouch and I am going to fight for you."
"No," Lelouch buried his face in his hand hiding his tears.
"It doesn't have to end this way. We can fix this," Suzaku told him.
Lelouch shook his head. It was killing him to be with Suzaku again. He wanted to try and fix it he did, but how could he trust him again. How could he ever trust him again? That agony alone was killing him. He felt a twinge of pain in his stomach.
"No we can't," he said.
"No we can," Suzaku urged.
"We can't cause there is nothing left to fix," Lelouch said.
Those words were like bullets in Suzaku.
"Don't say that," Suzaku begged.
"It's true," Lelouch said, "How can we fix this? How can I ever fix this with you? I can't trust you."
"You can."
"No I can't," Lelouch screamed. "I can't trust you! You cheated on me. You cheated! We had something special and you went and threw that away like it was nothing! I loved you. I love you!"
Tears fell from Lelouch's eyes. He gasped suddenly, clutching his stomach. The pain sharp and more prominent. He sat down on the bed Suzaku rushed to his side.
"Lelouch what's wrong?"
That's when Suzaku saw the blood on Lelouch's pants. He screamed for a doctor.
"I'm so sorry, there's no fetal heartbeat."
"Pregnant? Lelouch was pregnant?"
Suzaku quietly went into Lelouch's room. He was curled up on his side, his back facing Suzaku. It seemed like he was asleep at first, then he heard a soft sniffle. Silently Lelouch was crying.
"Lelouch, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I can't say it enough to make you forgive me. And I don't blame you for not wanting to forgive me. I can't forgive myself. But you are right we can't fix this. But if you'll just let me love you still. Please. Then maybe someday."
Suzaku wanted to say it so badly. Instead he closed the door behind him. Quietly without a word he climbed into the bed with Lelouch, thankful this time Lelouch didn't pull away. He wrapped his arms around him, held his hand. That night they cried together.
~6months later~
It felt right to have his hand in his again. It was a great feeling to not be pushed away anymore.
"I had a good time tonight," Lelouch said.
"Good I'm glad," Suzaku told him. They stood at the doorstep of Lelouch's apartment building. Suzaku hated for the night to end.
"Can I take you out again tomorrow?" he asked hopefully.
Lelouch smiled. He leaned in kissing Suzaku softly on the lips. A tender goodnight kiss.
"Maybe," he said.
Suzaku smiled. He watched Lelouch go inside. He smiled thinking to himself, what would they do tomorrow. Dinner? Movie? Dancing?
Suzaku smiled. "Maybe."