A/N: Review, please! I'm happy, I was watching a Gilmore Girls rerun, and:

Lorelai: I know. I'm wicked! (see, my friend and I think Lauren Graham should play Elphaba)

Rory: (talking about Lane's hair) It's like straw.

Lane: I know. I feel like I should be singing 'If I Only Had A Brain.'

Disclaimer: Sadly, it isn't mine.

"Did you call my husband a newt?" Glinda asked later.

"Yes, but only because he called me a witch," Elphaba replied.

"You are a witch!" Glinda pointed out.

"And he is a-" Elphaba cut herself off, deciding that calling Chuffrey a newt again was really not going to help. But Glinda got the message. Unfortunately, it was the wrong message.

"You turned Chuffrey into a newt?" Glinda squealed.

"No! And I doubt I could do it if I tried! But if you want to make sure…I could try…" Elphaba smiled mischievously.

"Elphaba!" Glinda shrieked.

"Sarcasm!" Elphaba yelled back, exasperated.

"Why don't you and Chuffrey like each other?" asked Glinda plaintively.

"He's an insufferable ass," replied Elphaba.

"Elphaba! How can you say that! That's…probably true," admitted Glinda. "But it's not as if Fiyero's always helping out-"

"No, he's a little busy searching for his missing daughter, who was last scene in a prison run- and I use that term loosely- by people like my perverted jackass brother, in which by the way, he also spent the last fifteen years!"

"Well. Sor-ree!" exclaimed Glinda. "And what about your son? Where is he?"

"One, we don't know he's my son, and two, I don't know where he is. Maybe had you not threatened me with bodily harm were I to leave this kitchen, I'd know, and Liir and I could be out helping Fiyero, and also maybe stabilizing our currently extremely messy government, which you seem remarkably unconcerned about the fact that you're supposedly running it!"

"Was running it."

"Well, you should still care!"

"And I'm keeping you here for your own safety. There's been a lot of rumors-"

"My safety? Glinda, if I don't get out of here, I'm going to go insane, and then everyone's safety will be in jeopardy! I just got out of prison, remember?"

"Well, you can go out soon," said Glinda.

"Really?"

"Yes, of course! You can come to the Palace Ball!"

"Me."

"Yes, you!"

"Me, go to a government function."

"Yes…"

Elphaba merely pointed to her face.

"Wearing pancake make-up, of course."

"Hmm…no!"

"Yes."

"No!"