Okay, I know this is horribly late, but really, I've been very busy, and I have this chapter and the next written out on paper, so I rarely have access to both Internet and my copy, so since I have such a combination today, I might update twice! Also, I typed the rest of the chapter on Skydrive, the school one, Chrome glitches when I try to login, Opera is an old browser, and IE is just screwed up, I have to type up the goddamn thing over again. Also, don't expect too many updates once the Gigapause is unpaused - I'm a hardcore Homestuck fan. AAAAAAAAND I'm preparing for a science competition called Scifest as well. That's my screwed up life.

Been too hyper to steal copyrights!

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The travelers dismounted their horses and saw the two hobbits lying on a pile of rubble, which was the only thing left of the once-beautiful gate to Isengard.

"Hello, King Someone!" Merry shouted, getting up. "Welcome to someplace, which has been taken from Gandalf's twin ninja bro, and is now under the command of a talking tree!" The hobbit stumbled and hiccuped, a few cartoony bubbles floating from his mouth, and collapsed onto an empty wine barrel. Pippin jumped up, scared by the sound of Merry falling.

"Who killed him?" he screamed at the top of his voice, brandishing a half-eaten chicken leg. "Oh, it's you guys!" he said looking at Gimli, Aragorn, and Legolas. "Gandalf? But how... You died, didn't you? I'm just so glad you're here!" he ran towards Gandalf, overjoyed to see the old man again, and hugged him just like a childish hobbit would. All the people present who knew about the Fandalf dilemma wailed, sighed, or screamed in despair. They did not know that the hobbits had the one thing Fandalf was afraid of: hairy feet.

"Aahh! Saruman, find the magic of friendship within you and LET ME IN!" Fandalf shouted.

"The sheer power of fangirly-ness shall not defeat me!" Saruman laughed demonically from a top window.

"But fangirly-ness armed with a MAGIC STICK OF DOOM?" Fandalf giggled, waving around a staff embellished with cutie marks and with a waffle on the end of it.

"Oh no! It's the Waffle of Doom!" Saruman said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Let us fear it, for it brings destruction with wild abandon."

"You should," Aragorn mumbled under his breath. Fandalf opened the door to Orthanc with his staff and proceeded upstairs.

"I think Saruman will commit suicide," Legolas whispered to Gimli.

"You kidding me! He's sure to kill Fandalf for us!" Gimli replied.

"Wanna bet?" the elf grinned.

"Sure. Ten pieces of gold to the one who predicted this correctly. Now let's watch the show."

In the meantime, Fandalf and Saruman were engaged in an epic battle of whacking each other with their staffs.

"Lock that door from the hobbits, or I'll sing!" Fandalf whined in what he thought to be a threatening tone.

"May death take my hearing first!" Saruman exclaimed dramatically, as if it was Justin Bieber himself (the horror!) threatening to sing, and threw himself off Orthank. Gimli passed over the money to Legolas, who was grinning smugly. Meanwhile, Merry had woken up and somehow gotten up the stairs.

"Hey, Gandalf," the drunk hobbit muttered, too far gone to speak any more, and collapsed onto Fandalf's back.

"Finally, that fool of a hobbit has been some use," Gandalf murmured under his breath. "Saruman has been taken care of!" he said, this time loudly so that everyone could hear him.

"'Tis just an anthill how could he have died?" Merry mumbled.

"I'll check!" Pippin volunteered. "Oooh, shiny," he said, staring into the sphere that had rolled out of Saruman's robes.

"Give that back!" Gandalf took the ball off him. "It is dangerous," he scolded the young hobbit.

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Merry rolled over to look at Pippin.

"Pip?" he jabbed his finger at his cousins ribs.

"What is it, Merry?"

"I want you to *hic* look at that ball that *hic* Gandalf took. I'm still too *hic* drunk."

"Sure, but I'll still blame it all on you." With that, Pippin crawled off towards where Gandalf was sleeping. He took the crystal ball and gazed into it.

"Come," said the darkness, "come to me change into another happy idiot like Fandalf..."

Pippin shrieked and dropped the crystal bowling ball.

"You fool of a Took!" Gandalf shouted, getting up. "Here, Aragorn," he tossed the palantir to the man, who had been woken by the shouts.

"You should go, Gandalf," Aragorn said. "With Merry still drunk, you are a danger."

"But take Pippin with you; he obeys Merry and can ride ahead on his pony to warn people," Legolas added.

"Great idea Legolas. I'll be off now." Gandalf replied and prepared to ride off to Minas Tirith.

"What did you *hic* see in it?" Merry whispered to Pippin.

"You needn't know more than this: It was the face of true evil," the pale hobbit shuddered at the memory of the face that had wanted him to turn into a happy psycho.

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Once 'm done this, I have an idea for my next fic, but instead of messing around and updating every two months, I'll write most of it first and then put up a chapter every week until I finish it. That way, there won't be such long waiting times 'n all.