(Next chapter is the last chapter, sorry xo)
Rae:
I feel it with a shiver down my spine.
Finn bites his bottom lips and closes his eyes like he can't bear to look at me.
Look up at me you sweet sweet dickhead, look up at me.
"Why Rae?" His voice cracks and he stops running his fingers along my scars.
"I dunno, okay? It was the past, let it die." I push his hand away and step back, falling onto my bed.
"Some feel fresher than the past." Finn kneels down, pain in his eyes so sharp, it cuts through me. His hands find their way to mine and hold them so delicately, it makes me want to cry. "Talk to me."
But I can't.
I can't tell him.
If I do it becomes real and my heart shatters even more and he won't know what to say or do.
I miss her.
He won't understand that.
Finn:
She couldn't know how scared I was, she couldn't see it.
Every time I thought about it, something inside me would consume my heart.
Rae, my Rae, done this to herself. Yes, a time before she knew me but fuck, I wasn't there to save her.
I'm such a dickhead, such a fuckin' knobhead.
"Stop it," she says, escaping the hold I have on her hands and placing them beside her. "I know you're no good with words, but your eyes give you away all the time. I'm sorry Finn, I always do this. I always fuck things up."
Then she laugh. It's not a laugh that makes my skin tingle, but it's a laugh that makes me alert.
She keeps laughing and laughing and laughing and my ears are filled with such a wrong sound but I can't tell her to stop, I have no right, I have ever even saved her.
Then I see it.
Tears fall over the rim of her eyes whilst her smile drops to something so unfortunate, so lost, that it takes all my will power not to let it cripple me.
"Rae, Rae," I say her name with coolness and get up to sit beside her. My arms instinctively find my way around her shoulders and I lean her into me, I want to be her get away. Her defence against the world.
"She's dead, Finn."
She says it so angrily, that I feel it shatter my bones.
Rae:
It's real.
It's running through my veins.
Her face her face her face her face.
I'm so sorry Tix.
I'm so stupid and sorry and I wish I had saved you like you saved me.
Please come back. Please come back.
Finn:
I tell her what I'm most afraid of.
Tell her it so quickly I'm amazed she can even hear it.
"We need to talk, Rae."