I'm glad the first feedback I received was like.. super positive, thank you for that! Just letting you know that I have a bit of a challenge in organizing all the ideas i have and turning them into an enjoyable read.. bear with me and hopefully I'll be able to entertain you for a while :)
My Dearest Jackson,
Your first impulse will most likely be to tear this letter up, but hope you will one day be able to read it without too much hate towards me. What I've done has been unforgivable, and even though I wish it were different, I have no excuse to offer to you. What I did to Tara was caused by misinterpreted information that I took for a fact. I should have trusted you but instead my years of being around the club and all it's secrets, lies and dark activities had turned me into a wreck.
If this letter reaches you, it means that I will have passed away. Old bitch finally got what she had coming. You may find solace in the fact that these past months, I've suffered the consequences of a rather severe stroke and my quality of life, what little I had left, being in prison, is very limited. I'm partially paralyzed and I'm pretty much unable to function independently.
As you know, Clay never got around to removing my name from his will, and he turned out to have hoarded up a fairly decent 'pension'. That, combined with my share in Teller-Morrow, is now all yours Jackson. I realize it may feel like blood money to you, but it's our family money. You worked for it all your life, and god knows you've paid dearly for it.
Whatever you decide on doing when you finish your sentence, I hope you will not be stubborn enough to refuse this. Use it to build yourself a new life. Use it to fight to get your boys back, and make sure they get a proper education and a safe future.
What I did, it was wrong in so many ways, but at the core of all that shit and misery, I only ever had one focus: I needed for you, Abel and Thomas to be happy and secure. I failed you in life. Maybe I will finally contribute to an improvement of that, in death. Regardless of everything, I do hope you will never forgot how much I have always loved you, more than anything, and anyone. You, Jax, are stronger than I ever was. Mean bitch was just a front to hide my insecurities.
Be happy, Jax. Find love. Find stability. Find a good place to live. Be generous to your loved ones. Be brave. And most of all.. be a better person than I ever was able to show you to be. I've seen that man in you before and my only comfort during these final months of my life is knowing that your life really will be better off without me.
Love always,
Your mom
My mom. She hadn't been able to act innocent for long. Knowing I was still going to be in jail for a number of years, starting a week after Tara's funeral, I had looked to Gemma for shelter for the boys. It took her less than 2 days of coming up with bullshit excuses as to why she couldn't be a mom of 2 little boys again before finally breaking down, and turning herself in. Unser had been the one to drive her to the police station, and he had also been the one to break the news to me. His love for Gemma had made him not question her shady behavior until that moment, but after discovering the truth, he had wanted to off her himself. It was only the memories of the past that he had cherished so much that made him ensure that I couldn't get to mom when I found out the truth about what happened, on the eve of Tara´s funeral.
Mom's been dead for over 2 years now. This letter was only released to me on the day I got released from jail. Enough time has passed for me to realize that, although yes, it feels like a dirty inheritance, I'm not going to refuse it all. As Damon Pope once proudly noted: I learnt to make the best of a bad situation, and this inheritance will allow me to get back on my feet.
I can't get out of Charming just yet though, I need to do this the right way. Really tie up the loose ends with the Sons, at Teller-Morrow, and at Diosa. Convince my parole officer that it will be in everyone's best interest if I do get allowed to leave the State, and arrange for my case to be transferred over to wherever it is I decide to move. And most important of all, I need to find a way to get my boys back, as soon as possible.
Note: I had a hard time 'thinking Gemma-style', but i hope the letter closes the book on her in a decent way. Over the seasons I got increasingly annoyed with her obsessive momster behavior, but at the same time I always also felt sorry for her. She was a monster, when she killed Tara, and of course her actions can't be justified but hey.. a mom/grandma's love goes deep.. From studying my own mom, I know this for a fact (though my mom, of course, really is somewhat of a saint :P).
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