Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, New Moon, or any accompanying books. That is the honor of Stephenie Meyer. I am simply a fan writing fanfiction. I do however own this plot.
A/n: Again, thank you all for the wonderful reviews, they really do help me to keep going. I have the story written up to chapter five so I'm going to try and get the written chapters up within a day after each other. Also for those of you who thought I was "anti-Bella/Edward" I'm really not. If I was I wouldn't be reading Twilight. :)
I didn't sleep at all that night.
I tossed and turned from discomfort and cried more than I had in months. Oddly enough, I didn't feel like my life was completely over. Knowing I would still see Edward in some way was truly a comfort. I would finish my remaining two months of senior year resilient. As much as I could already feel the healing hole in my heart throbbing I would not become a shell.
He would still be near. When my alarm went off at 6 o'clock I jumped up. I hadn't slept and expecting the buzzing only made it louder. I hurriedly put on jeans, a sweater, and Birkenstocks. I washed my face and brushed my teeth, I put my hair in a bun half-heartedly. Charlie had cooked me breakfast this morning, and cooked it was. The sausage and biscuits were on the verge or being burned but I ate them anyway. If I didn't my stomach would churn even more. I gulped down a glass of milk, got all my books, my keys, put on a windbreaker, and was out the door.
It was cold but I didn't moan and huff like I usually did. This was to be expectant in Forks, so I just trudged along and inside my car. I drove in silence and decided to turn on the radio, it was on a pop station from the last time I'd drove to Port Angeles with friends.
I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me
Girl I was it look past the sweat, a better love deserving of
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?
No, no, no you know it will always just be, me
I turned off the radio quickly. I drove onto the parking lot and almost parked in my usual parking spot. I saw the shiny silver Volvo however and made a loop to the other side of the lot. I parked next to what I thought was Mike's empty car. But as soon as I got out he was waving me over ecstatically.
"Hey, Bella!" He looked around, "where's Edward?"
I shrugged. He hadn't actually asked me if we'd broken up so no need stating it. Mike would have it all over the school before I could get to my first class. "Um, I saw his Volvo so he's probably somewhere around."
I'd managed to answer in a way that didn't suggest we were broken up but didn't sound like were together either
"Oh well, I'll see you later."
I made my way to the building alone, something I hadn't had to do in a long time. When I got inside it seemed more bleak than usual. The lights seemed more gray. I made my way to my locker only to see Alice standing there. I couldn't read the expression on her face and I was bracing myself for the scolding of a lifetime.
"Hi." She said smiling.
"Hey..." I said looking everywhere but at her.
"I'm sorry about you and my brother. I don't blame you...I know that you were overjoyed to see Jacob and that you didn't plan for any of that to happen. And I'm so sorry for telling Edward but I couldn't not give him a heads up."
"I don't blame you, it was my choice to kiss Jacob. Tell Edward, I love him, please?"
"Tell me yourself."
I turned around to see Edward standing there. He looked like he was trying hard not to glare at me. Alice squeeze my shoulder before walking away.
"I do love you." I said.
"Then why, did you kiss Jacob Black? Bella...you have a lot of explaining to do. But I am willing to listen for however long possible."
I nodded. "We have class really soon though."
Edward grabbed my hand and it seemed as if he was opening his car door for me in a matter of seconds. We were driving and on the highway.
"Where are we going?" I asked feeling dizzy.
"Breakfast." He said simply.
We drove right outside of Forks to an IHOP. Now that I was so close to Edward I heard my stomach growl. I guess this morning in my pep talk to myself I'd neglected that I needed food. I also started to feel fatigue from my 100 sleepless night.
I ordered the pancake platter with sausage, bacon, and orange juice. Edward ordered nothing.
"It's really hard to eat when you're just sitting there staring."
"Would you rather me attempt to eat the food that will taste like dirt to me?"
I rolled my eyes. "Not a good start."
"Start talking."
"Okay well...you have to know that kissing Jacob was not planned. In fact, we were in this argument and we were so close and...I didn't even like it. All I remember is thinking about how warm—hot his lips were. Edward it was the biggest mistake of my life you have no idea. I promise I will never speak to him again if that's what you'd like and I only did it because I thought you didn't love me."
"Why is it I'm the one always doing the love reassurance?"
"It's not that...I thought it was just my blood you loved."
It seemed like every trace of annoyance was wiped off of his face. "Oh."
I'd never heard Edward sound so genuinely shocked and rendered speechless. He smiled at me, albeit sadly making my insides flutter. "I can understand why you would feel that way, Bella as I make it known that every moment with you is a battle. Your smell is so tantalizing it near drives me crazy but don't you think in being able to admit this I am confessing my love to you? In being able to say that your blood is an amazing smell means I have no secrets from you? Bella...I love you. I love your blush, your clumsiness, the faces you make...the fact that you complete me. Bella your blood is just a small factor in what makes you Bella, makes you mine.
"That's why just knowing his lips touched yours shattered me. I felt betrayed, I want no one else to ever touch you the way I do, or love you the way I do, or see you as I do. And knowing how he feels about you...it kills me all over again. Do you understand that?"
I nodded. "I won't see him" I uttered it with as much will power and strength as possible.
He smiled. "No, don't do that I don't want to stop you from living your life. I wouldn't be happy if you didn't see your friend because of my jealousy."
"No, I want to." I said.
Edward shook his head, "it will give me this huge inferiority complex if you stopped talking to a sixteen year old because you thought it bothered me."
I let a chuckle escape before I looked up into his honey eyes. "So...what does this mean?"
"Don't go around kissing boys because you're happy to see them, Bella."
"I won't." I whispered.
He strode over to me. "Good." And he kissed me in earnest with the coldest lips I had ever felt on my lips.
But they were the sweetest and the only ones I'd need for an eternity.
We drove back holding hands, everything normal again. I could feel a question about my being changed coming on which might kill the tranquility but so what?
"Go on and ask it." Edward sighed.
I looked at him curiously, "are you sure you can't read my mind?"
He laughed. "I'm just getting better at reading your body language and facial expressions. It's what I was good at before I was changed."
Edward seldom talked about his life before becoming a vampire, and as usual a sad expression washed over his face. But he quickly went back to a small smile.
"Oh well I was just wondering if you were still going to change me."
"I promised, didn't I?" It wasn't really a question but it was open to a response.
"Yes and well, are you going to miss my blush?"
"Of course, I'll miss all the things that made you human but they'll be new things for me to love."
"Like..."
He shrugged. "I don't know every vampire is different but I'm sure they'll be little personality traits about you that are intensified. I'll love that and you'll still be my Bella."
There was a pause. "I'll still have my blush."
He raised an eyebrow indicating that I continue.
I took out my purse, I felt a jolt of electricity at being able to surprise Edward. Edward, who was technically 110 years old.
I took out blush and looked at my pale skin in my compact mirror. I put a tiny dab of pink on each cheek. He looked over at me, squinting at first but then smiling.
"Thank you." He said quietly.
"For what?" I asked.
"For giving me the one thing that I would miss."
"You mean, you wouldn't miss my scent?"
He scrunched up his nose. "I will get over it."
I squeezed his hand even tighter exhaling.
"Bella, do you know why I didn't want to change you? Really know?"
I thought. "Because you don't want me to give up my soul for damnation."
He laughed loud and hearty, which shocked me. He took this subject extremely serious and always reprimanded me for making jokes. "You say that so calmly, Bella. I want you to understand how big of a deal this is. At the end of the world, we will burn in hell."
"Yes, I know but Carlisle holds on to the thought that there is something else out there for you. That for going against such a terrible fate you'll be rewarded?"
He laughed harshly. "As if God would let my kind contaminate the Heavens."
"It wouldn't be contamination. You'd be the angel you are to me."
"How you see Demons as Angels is beyond me Bella. I don't want that for you but because I love you more than logic, I will change you. I still have human emotions and I am a very selfish man when it comes to you. I have spent so many decades alone that the thought of letting you go is unbearable."
We had reached the school's parking lot and Edward's words kept sounding in my ears. How you see Demons as Angels.
I crawled over into his seat, I was pushed up against him. I could feel and smell his delicious breath on my skin and my lips. I kissed him passionately, putting everything I was feeling into that kiss. My breath caught in my chest. Edward's hand ran up and down my side and finally through my hair. He kissed my neck I felt my fingers on his stomach, so many touches to substitute my words.
He pulled back, breathing hard as if he needed to breathe. "Let's go before we're caught."
"I don't care." I breathed, my words coming out in gasps. "You are an angel to me."
He ran his hands over my lips. "And you are my angel or whatever is above that." He looked around. "Oh well, I'm always thinking too much..." And he pulled me back to him and kissed me like I'd never been kissed before.