"Hey Sirius, James," Beth slid into her seat in Arithmancy the next Friday. James responded with an open smile and a cheerful wave, Sirius merely grunted. Beth mentally braced herself for another class with cold Sirius and pulled out her notebook and pencil.
Professor Venn gave the class time to start their assignment after he finished his lecture. Beth settled down to work alone as James had been excused for Head Boy business (which Beth was pretty sure meant he and Lily were making good use of James' empty dorm room. Beth didn't know how but James always seemed to know when Lily was free and where to find her). Her Calculus class last semester had already covered this material and she worked quickly through the problems ignoring the brooding Sirius next to her.
"Beth," Jeff from two rows back slid into James' seat on her left. "Have you figured out number ten?"
"Yeah," Beth angled towards Jeff. Their heads bent close together as Beth quietly went through the problem with him showing him each step. Jeff frowned as he scratched out his previous work with his quill. "Fucking quills should come with erasers," he said, shooting her a sideways smile. Now that Beth was helping teach muggle studies, witches and wizards often dropped muggle words in the conversation when talking to her.
Beth flashed him a grin, not bothering to point out that he could use magic which was light-years better than an eraser. If her students wanted to impress her with their grasp of muggle knowledge, she was not going to try and stop them.
Jeff reached across her to grab the pencil from her right hand. "Hey," Beth protested. "I still need that."
Jeff pretended to inspect the eraser and then leaned over to erase a mark on her paper, his arm and shoulder pressed up against hers. "This is pretty brill," his face was close to Beth's. "Muggles do have some great things going for them including beautiful girls." His eyebrows lifted in a suggestive manner.
Beth's eyes opened wide and she leaned back and away from him. Was he actually flirting with her? When she was right next to Sirius? Aghast, she tried to shoot a surreptitious look at Sirius to see if he'd noticed. What she saw made her quail. His face was darkly furious. His habitual cold Sirius scowl looked friendly in comparison to this glowering expression. His eyes were narrowed and the formerly banked heat now looked ready to boil over. Beth gulped, not sure what to do to staunch Sirius' fury.
Jeff noticed Beth's recoil and he looked at her, and then followed her eyes to Sirius' face. What he saw made him flinch and he jumped out of the chair, beating a hasty retreat to his own desk after muttering a quick thanks to Beth.
Once he'd forced the competition away, Sirius gave Beth one last glare and then went back to working on his assignment. Beth was left feeling curiously both relieved and disappointed. She silently finished her assignment while seething inwardly. What right did he have to scare off other guys? He had never asked her out or even told her he was interested in her. He didn't own her and she had every right to make decisions for herself about who she did what with.
When the class was over, Beth quickly packed her things into her backpack, anxious to get out of there as soon as possible. She could feel the heat of Sirius' stare on her profile. She didn't need to hurry, she had a free planning period next before her class teaching the second-year Muggle Studies, but she had built up a righteous fury and she didn't want to talk to Sirius.
"You didn't have to let him slobber all over you," Sirius bit out before she could leave. Beth stopped and stared at him in outrage. Was he seriously blaming her?
"You're kidding, right? I didn't do anything!" Beth almost snarled.
Sirius' eyes were fierce and his mouth was a hard line."You didn't cut him off. You're too fucking nice to prats like him."
"I'm beginning to think the only prat I'm too fucking nice to is you, Sirius!" Beth shouldered her backpack and almost ran from the room without waiting for his response.
She practically sprinted down the hall and around the corner. "Beth," someone called and she turned to see Remus hurrying to catch up with her. "What's the rush?" he said when he reached her. His usual calm manner and friendly smile felt soothing.
"Sorry, Remus," Beth stopped and turned to him, forcing a smile. "I'm a bit pissed at your mate and I was in a bit of a hurry to get away from him." She tugged her backpack off her back and dropped it on the floor, trying to rub the tension from her shoulders.
"What's Sirius done now?" Remus didn't even need to bother to ask which mate Beth was referring to.
"Nothing," Beth deflated a little now that she was away from cold/simmering Sirius and talking to someone who actually acted rational. "He just scared off another guy who was trying to talk to me." Beth took a deep breath and sighed.
"Ah," Remus didn't look surprised. "Staking his territory?" He shot her an astute look. "But he hasn't shown his hand to you, has he?"
"That about sums it up," Beth sighed again. She looked at Remus with an apologetic smile. "Let's talk about something more interesting to you than my problems, Remus."
"What makes you think your problems aren't interesting to me?" Remus grinned down at her. "I like living vicariously through my mates."
Beth frowned and tilted her head, studying him. "Why don't you have a girlfriend, Remus? You're one of the nicest guys I've met."
Remus shifted his feet, his eyes no longer meeting hers. "Just haven't met the right girl I guess."
"Girls must be lining up to go out with you," Beth said cautiously. She could feel Remus closing up and she knew she needed to tread carefully.
"I'm guess I'm just picky," Remus met her eyes but his were guarded. "Not to worry, I'm sure I'll find someone someday."
Beth nodded, knowing he wanted her to let it go. "She'll be a lucky witch." She smiled and put her hand on his arm.
Remus smiled, relief that she was dropping the subject flooding his face. "Hey, I really liked that book you lent me, 'One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest'."
Beth's face lit up. "It's great, isn't it?" She gave him a conspiratorial smile. "Mac remind you of anyone we know?"
Remus grinned. "He definitely has some serious authority issues." They both cracked up and stopped, guiltily, when the real Sirius came around the corner. Sirius scowled, his dark mood from watching the prat Jeff trying to flirt with Beth becoming bleaker when he saw her laughing with Remus. Remus and Beth burst out again at his expression. This didn't help Sirius' mood and he fought to remember why he shouldn't be with Beth.
"You laugh too much," he coolly informed Beth as he sidled up next to her. He stifled his pang of regret that her laugh was abruptly cut off as she turned towards him.
"You bitch too much," she shot back.
"The world is not a light, happy place," Sirius continued glaring at her. "People hurt each other every day. There's a fucking war going on in the wizard world." What was he talking about? He was pretty sure he was just trying to persuade himself why he shouldn't date Beth more than anything. He clenched his hands into fists to keep himself from touching her and watched in consternation as her eyebrows drew together in a frown.
"There are other wars then just here," Beth retorted. "It doesn't help any of the people involved if we act all gloomy and grouchy."
"Maybe some of us are realists." Sirius put his face close to hers, his eyes glinting.
"Maybe some of you are masochists." Beth leaned even closer towards him, lips pursed.
"You're a fucking Pollyanna." His voice was harsh.
"You're a stupid Heathcliff." Beth's normally warm eyes were narrowed with anger.
"Maybe your little light-hearted cheerfulness just gets grating sometimes." Sirius felt the tension between them ratchet up another notch.
"You drive me up the wall," Beth threw up her hands at him in frustration.
"I want to drive you up against the wall." The words were out before Sirius realized he meant to say them. His heart was pounding erratically but he felt relief now that it had been said. Beth froze, her eyes widening. Remus sputtered, "That's my cue to exit." He left without either Beth or Sirius breaking their eye contact.
Beth's mouth hung slightly open. Her gaze flicked between his eyes and his mouth. He could see her pulse moving at the base of her throat. After an eon of waiting or maybe it was just a few seconds, Sirius could no longer tell, she spoke. "There's a wall right behind me," Beth choked out.
It was more invitation than he needed. He dove at her, cupping her face in his hands as he pushed her back against the wall, his lips hard against hers. Beth's arms grasped his shoulders as she clutched him closer. Sirius angled his head to get the best access to her mouth and he felt Beth greedily deepen the kiss. He moaned when he felt her lips part and he thrust his tongue inside. Her mouth was hot and inviting and tasted of peppermint gum. His hands dropped to her sides and slowly moved down her ribcage, past her waist to her hips. He easily lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around him as he held her propped between his body and the wall, his mouth moving against hers.
Sirius had never felt this little control when snogging a girl. He couldn't stop, didn't want to stop ever. One of Beth's hands had moved to his chest and was clumsily unbuttoning his shirt. He drove his tongue into her mouth harder, trying to stifle a groan, when he felt her hand touch his bare chest.
"Beth," he said between kisses as his mouth moved to her neck. "You've been making me crazy." Beth's warm hands moved under his shirt to his back and he pressed his hips into hers. She gasped and Sirius returned his mouth to hers, kissing her with a desperate hunger.
Beth pulled her lips from his mouth and worked her way around his jaw. "You are the most stubborn," (she ran her nails lightly up his back)"hard-headed" (she gasped as he ground his hips against hers again) "idiot. You've been" (one of his hands grasped her hair and his mouth hovered over hers)"torturing me."
Sirius' eyes were fierce. "Fuck, Beth. You've kept me up every night." His mouth dropped on hers again. It felt so good, he felt so good, the normal practical side of Beth's mind was shut off. The tension that had simmered between them had exploded and she couldn't get enough of him. She ran her hands over the sinewy muscles of his back, down to his hips and pulled him harder against her. Sirius groaned again and the hand in her hair moved down to the small of her back. He slipped his fingers up under the back of her shirt, feeling her warm, silky skin as his hand moved up her spine.
"Shit Sirius," a voice from behind them made Sirius freeze. "Is this the way you treat your girls? I would have thought you were taught better."
Beth didn't recognize the voice but apparently Sirius did. He used his body to block her from the wizard's vision, letting her feet drop gently to the floor and wrapping his arms around her head so she couldn't be seen from the sides. She buried her face in his chest, mortified.
"Get the fuck out of here," Sirius' voice was so fierce, it made Beth's blood run cold. It didn't faze the disembodied voice as much because he laughed without mirth before they heard his footsteps walking away. Beth could feel the tense rigidity in Sirius' shoulder and back muscles.
"Who was that?" Beth whispered. She felt shaken not by being caught, but by the animosity between Sirius and the interrupter.
"No one who matters," Sirius bit off, the anger still in his voice. Beth's face was still pressed to his chest and she could feel his heart pounding.
Sirius took a deep breath after a few minutes and looked down at her. "I'm sorry," he said. In contrast to his last words, his voice was now protective, almost tender. "I didn't mean for anyone to see us."
Beth pulled back looking stricken. "You're not ashamed of me, are you?"
He gently touched her cheek with his hand, his face serious. "No, Beth." He took a deep breath. "Let's go somewhere we can talk."
Beth gulped, her eyes scanning his. She nodded, unsure if she could trust her voice. Sirius picked up her backpack and took her hand. He pulled her down the corridor into an empty classroom and shut the door.
"Don't you have a class now?" Beth asked. She was annoyed at how shaky her voice sounded.
"I can miss it," Sirius pulled up a chair for Beth and sat next to her.
Beth folded her hands on her lap and looked down, waiting. When Sirius was silent, she raised her eyes to meet his. He was watching her with a tender expression she'd never seen before. Sirius reached his hand to cover hers. "I've been trying so hard not to let myself get involved with you," he started "for more than one reason."
Beth stared at him. She wasn't at all sure she wanted to know the reasons Sirius didn't want to be with her.
"I've always resisted being in a relationship. I don't know why," he ran his fingers through his hair. "Maybe I have trust issues." He laughed harshly. "That's probably one of the biggest understatements of the year."
Sirius grimaced and Beth's brow furrowed in confusion. "I come from a rotten family. James is more than a best friend to me. He's become my real family. I'm closer to James and his parents than my own family."
Beth felt stunned. Surely Sirius was exaggerating. His relationship with his family couldn't be that bad, could it?
Sirius stood up abruptly and paced a few feet. He sighed and looked at Beth. "I don't want to get into all the bullshit my family stands for right now. Let's just leave it that we're estranged and I don't want to have anything to do with them anymore."
He walked back to sit next to Beth and took her hand. "From the first day I met you, I've been drawn to you. It took me a long time to admit to myself that I wanted more than just to hang out casually with you and snog you." He ran his thumb over her knuckles. "I know I'm a moody prat. I tried to convince myself that I wasn't right for you, that my fucked-up, suspicious nature would drag you down."
Beth shook her head. She brought their joined hands to her lips and kissed his hand. "I don't care about that, Sirius."
Sirius' mouth twisted. "I do. What kind of bloke would I be if I didn't think about what's best for you?"
"You don't get to decide what's best for me," Beth said gently. "I do. Yes, you're moody and too glum sometimes. But you're also caring, loyal, smart and funny."
Sirius ran his fingers up her arm. "I'm a tosser with lots of baggage."
"Who doesn't have baggage?" Beth put her free hand on his thigh and leaned towards him. Sirius' breath caught as her eyes scanned his face slowly. "I don't know exactly what it is about you, but you're the one who makes me laugh, who makes my heart pound, who I yearn to be with." Her lips brushed gently against his and his free hand lifted to cup the back of her head. He let himself sink into the kiss as it deepened and pushed aside, for a few minutes, the other issue he needed to talk to her about.
When the kiss ended, Sirius leaned away before he could forget his good intentions again. "Wait," he said. "There's another reason I felt I couldn't be with you."
Beth looked at him suspiciously. "I'm guessing it has to do with me being a muggle."
"Not because you're a muggle." He stopped and sighed in frustration. "That's not entirely true. It's partially for that reason."
Sirius pulled her into his arms when he saw the expression in her eyes. "It's not like that, Beth." His fingers combed through her hair soothingly. "You were right when you said the wizarding world was dangerous. You're from a different world than I am." He drew back so he could look at her. His eyes were blazing, intense as they bore into hers. "There are witches and wizards out there who are trying to eradicate all muggleborns from the wizarding world. It's becoming a vicious war. It's dangerous for all of us but especially dangerous for muggles who are involved. Even though you're not a witch, you could be putting yourself in danger just by being involved with me."
Beth swallowed. She opened her mouth to speak, but Sirius jumped up again, pacing a few steps away.
"It scares the hell out of me, Beth. I don't want anything bad to ever happen to you. I couldn't live with myself if you were hurt because of me."
"Sirius," Beth said carefully. "Are you sure you're not exaggerating the threat to me? I know there's a terrible war brewing. My uncle and I talked about it before I came here. Voldemort and his followers aren't going to come after me. I'm not even a witch. I don't even register on their scale."
Sirius considered her thoughtfully. "Maybe," he said grudgingly.
"Dumbledore told my uncle I was the safest person at Hogwarts." Beth continued persuasively. "If I was hurt, my uncle would look for retribution. Voldemort will not risk that, especially for just a muggle with no powers."
Sirius mulled over how much to tell her. It was true that Dumbledore would never have let her come if he thought there was any danger to her here at Hogwarts. Beth was right about not even being on Voldemort's radar. It wasn't Voldemort that worried him when it came to Beth.
Voldemort wouldn't bother to hurt Beth but his family might. Any of his dysfunctional psychotic family could decide to use Beth as leverage against him. They hated that he had disgraced them, he was a stain on their twisted pureblood honor. When they knew he was dating a muggle, their fury and outrage would go up exponentially.
His deranged cousin Bellatrix was the biggest threat. She was obsessed with Voldemort and willing to do anything to promote his warped vision. Bellatrix saw Sirius as the ultimate traitor to the Black family honor. She would relish the chance to get revenge. He could not allow her to use Beth as that tool.
Inside Hogwarts, Beth was safe. Dumbledore and her uncle's clout protected her. Even his sick family would not touch her here. He still believed she could be in danger outside of Hogwarts if she was involved with him, but she would go home once they left Hogwarts.
"Look," he said feeling nervous, trying to explain. "It's not really Voldemort that worries me, but my family. Saying they'll be irate when they find out I'm with a muggle is an understatement."
"They won't actually do anything about it, will they?" Beth asked, shock in her voice. "Even if they disapprove?"
Sirius hesitated. "Not while you're at Hogwarts," he admitted. "I just…I don't want to scare you but I don't trust them. I wouldn't put anything past some of them."
Beth nodded. "I'm willing to take that chance," she said staunchly. "I'm sure I'm safe here."
Beth was watching him. He was afraid he'd terrify her if she knew the extent of the craziness that was his family. It was safe to be together here at least. He would explain the rest when the time was right. He met her eyes and nodded. "I guess its okay for now," he said carefully. "While you're here at Hogwarts. The situation could change though. You know that, right?"
"Yes," she told him seriously. "I know that." He took a deep breath, hoping he was doing the right thing. Beth occupied a place in his heart he had thought would always be closed off. He pushed aside the thought that he was being selfish.
He walked back to Beth and pulled her to a standing position. "I never thought I'd be attracted to someone who was so high spirited and fucking positive all the time." He shook his head at her, smiling ruefully. "But there's something about you. I want you in a way I've never wanted anyone before."
His hand gently cupped one cheek and she closed her eyes, leaning her face into his hand. "You're the first girl I've fallen hard for," his hand moved to her chin and he ran his thumb over her lips sensually. "You forced me to reevaluate what I want." Beth opened her eyes to stare at him. "I'm not running away from commitment anymore."
Beth's lips turned up for the first time since they'd come into the classroom. "Really?" She gazed at him with a luminosity that made his breath catch. "I thought you didn't want any strings attached." Her voice was quiet and Sirius understood how painful that had been to her.
Sirius rubbed his thumb along her jaw. "I changed my mind," his voice was gruff. "With you, I want the strings." Beth let her body sag with relief as he gathered her in his arms and held her close.