For the next week, Sirius was jittery, his nerves on edge. "Is something wrong?" Beth asked him more than once, but he laughed it off and shook his head. He and James kept an eagle on a certain trio of Slytherins but there were no suspicious looks or activities directed towards Lily. Snape accepted Lily's decision to terminate their Sanare potion project without argument.
After some effort, Beth persuaded Sirius to go to an inter-house pre-N.E.W.T. party thrown by Ravenclaws to celebrate the upcoming end of the school year on Saturday night. She was looking forward to saying good-bye to many of her Muggle Studies sixth- and seventh-year students there, though the other Marauders and Lily had decided not to go. Beth burst into Sirius' room that afternoon, causing him to drop the notes he'd been studying for his Transfiguration N.E.W.T. He was alone, lounging on his bed and he raised an eyebrow at Beth when he saw how excited she was.
"Sirius!" she exclaimed almost running across the room. "Oh shit. I didn't knock, did I? I'm sorry, I wasn't even thinking." She was staring at him as she spoke and for the first time he remembered he wasn't wearing a shirt and his sheets were pulled up around his hips.
"It's okay," he grinned at her. "I'm decent." He pushed aside his sheet so that she could see his pants. Beth smiled at him almost shyly and when she was within his reach, his arm snaked out and grabbed her bringing her down on the bed beside him. Beth kicked off her shoes and then snuggled in close to him, draping her arms around his chest.
"What's got you in such a hurry?" he asked his lips close to her ear. She looked even more beautiful than usual, her eyes sparkling with elation and she fit into his arms as if meant to be there.
"I'm going to stay with Lily this summer," Beth exclaimed with a blinding smile. "We can be with each other!" She hugged Sirius not noticing the panic that flared in his eyes at her words.
"Wh-what?" he stuttered. "I thought you were traveling with a friend around the continent before you went home." His heart sped up and he grappled with the blinding fear caused by her words.
"I'd rather be able to see you. Lily and James too, of course," Beth smiled against his bare chest. "I know you are going to be fighting in the wizard war. I'm going to lay low. I'll take a college course by correspondence, but at least I'll be available whenever you have any free time."
"It could be dangerous," Sirius was having trouble thinking clearly. He felt torn, fear for Beth fighting with happiness he could be with her for months longer.
"I'll be careful," Beth said starting to kiss his chest. "We won't tell anyone I'm here. I won't go out with you when you're doing any wizard work." Her lips were moving up his body and had reached his neck.
Sirius gulped. He couldn't think when she was touching him like this. "Beth, we have to talk about this," he managed to croak. He swallowed with difficulty trying to figure out how he could dissuade her from this absurd plan.
"Later," Beth had reached his jaw. Her lips were soft and inviting and he groaned.
"I don't want—" Sirius tried again. Beth's mouth swallowed his words and he kissed her back, his mouth desperate with longing and need. He longed to let her stay as long as she could—to have every minute together possible- but he needed to make sure she would be safe.
It took all his willpower but he pulled away. "Beth, listen—"
"Sirius," Beth breathed. "Can't we talk about it later? Please?"
Sirius stared down at her. Her cheeks were rosy, her lips parted and slightly swollen. Her eyes, on his, were bright with happiness and desire. One of her hands was moving in circles on his chest making his heart speed up from desire even as he tried to slow down his mind so he could marshal his thoughts. Beth took his silence as acquiescence and her lips returned to his, her other hand sliding around to the nape of his neck and running through his hair. Sirius wrapped one arm strongly around her back and hauled her closer. It could wait he decided. He could put off for a little longer telling her she had to leave.
But later when they lay spent, limbs tangled and breathing slowly returning to normal, Sirius struggled to find the words to convince her.
"It's not safe for you to stay," he rumbled when she parried his opening argument that she must be missing her family after so long away.
"I'll be fine," she returned. "Sirius, hardly anyone will even know I'm here."
"There's a war going on," Sirius said his voice low. "It's not even safe for wizards these days." He forced himself to keep his voice calm which was becoming more difficult with each passing minute.
"I'm not a witch," Beth reminded him unnecessarily. "No one cares if I'm here because I don't have a part in this."
"Normally that would be true. Because of your relationship with me, you do have a part in this." Sirius glared at Beth but she refused to back down, meeting his eyes with her own frown.
"The Death Eaters aren't going to worry about your girlfriend who can't even fight," Beth said fiercely, her eyebrows drawn together. "I'll fly under the radar."
"It's my sodding family who worry me," Sirius swore. "Remember their bloody pureblood mentality?"
"Your family won't even know I'm here," Beth protested. "I'll be just one of Lily's muggle friends staying with her over the summer."
"My brother knows about you," he said sharply. Hadn't she been paying any attention during that touching little reunion he'd had with Reg?
An obstinate look came over Beth's face. Sirius often forgot how unyielding Beth could be when she set her heart on something because she was normally very easygoing, but she was downright tenacious when she felt she needed to be. He knew her many academic and athletic successes were due to that dogged persistence and his heart sank when he saw that expression on her face.
"I'll regret it for the rest of my life if I leave now," she told him, her mouth firm.
"What if I'll regret it for the rest of my life if I let you stay?" he retorted, his fear making him angrier.
Beth swung her feet to the floor and started pulling on her clothes jerkily. "I have to go," she muttered. Beth usually moved quickly and now she was exceptionally fast, her clothes were on haphazardly before he could decide what to say to persuade her without making her madder.
He could see she was hurt and he reached out an arm to grab hers. "Beth—"
But Beth pulled her arm away and headed for the door, flinging it open and stomping out. He wanted to go after her but instead he swung his own legs to the floor and swore.
He knew Beth. She wouldn't give in easily. She had decided this would happen and she would soon be telling him it was her decision, not his. He dropped his head in his hands, thinking. He had to convince her that she couldn't stay. But how?
Sirius paced his round room until he felt dizzy. Beth had to stay safe. To do that, she had to go home. He needed his brother to know that Beth was not going to be a part of his life after he left Hogwarts. He felt sick, his stomach churning as he fought his longing to let her stay. He flopped on his bed despondently.
After a long time torturing himself with possible scenarios, his mind was made up. It would be the hardest thing he'd ever done in his life but he was sure it would force her to go home. He got up, his feet leaden, and started getting ready for the party.
Two hours later, Sirius saw the top of Beth's head coming towards him through the throngs of garrulous students at the party and he bent his own head to whisper intimately into Janice's ear making sure he played the part convincingly. He couldn't stop himself from looking up after a minute and he met Beth's eyes. It felt like someone had kicked him in the stomach when he saw her face. The beautiful, bright effervescent light that was inside her had been suddenly switched off. Her dazzling, ready smile had disappeared, the happy light in her eyes was extinguished. Her eyes briefly looked into his before sliding away. She didn't try to hide her devastation, she didn't come and yell at him, she didn't try to fight, she just turned to leave. Sirius dropped the arm that had been carefully placed around Janice precisely so Beth would see. She'd seen alright. His plan had worked. He just hadn't expected his chest to hurt so much when he saw her reaction. He gloomily watched Beth's slumped shoulders as she walked away.
Beside him, Janice was silent for a minute. "Wow," she said. "She handled that well. No fighting or arguing."
Sirius swallowed, trying to keep his voice level and unaffected. "Yeah, she shuts down when she's upset." It hurt to even say it, knowing he was the one who'd kicked her in the teeth.
"She must not have known something was wrong between you," Janice continued. "She looked shocked."
"I guess she didn't." Sirius forced himself to keep up this farce instead of following Beth. At least he had laid the groundwork well with Janice. He had explained to her while waiting for Beth that he needed to be free, the relationship was choking him. What was really choking him was the thought of a life without Beth. He could hardly speak past the lump in his throat.
Janice smiled at him. "Can I get you a butterbeer?" He nodded and she sidled away.
For the next half-hour, Sirius tried to act attentive and interested in Janice. In reality, he barely heard a word she said. His mind followed Beth to her room where he imagined her curled in the fetal position, her tears soaking her pillow. He spotted Reg once watching him curiously. Fortunately, Sirius was the only Gryffindor at this party. He wouldn't have been able to pull it off if any of the Marauders or Lily had been there.
He couldn't keep this up any longer. "I just remembered, I agreed to meet James," Sirius told Janice abruptly.
"What?" Janice swiped an arm at him as he started to leave. "I thought we were going to-"
"Sorry, I'm late," Sirius snapped at her as he walked away. He turned on his heel and walked outside, a feeling of doom settling in his chest.
He'd done the right thing, hadn't he? Beth had to know they couldn't be together. There was no happily ever after, no future for them together. He had no choice. He walked moodily around the grounds. His feet automatically took him to the semi-dark pond and he stared across it. Images of his animated Beth showing him how to tread water, laughing at his jokes, looking at him with barely concealed longing swam through his mind. Not his Beth anymore, he reminded himself with a stab of remorse. He went back inside and up the marble stairs to Gryffindor Tower ignoring the friendly calls from others wandering away from the party.
As Sirius flung himself on his bed, jerking the curtains around his bedpost shut, he just wished he could get the image of her stunned face out of his mind. He could still smell her on his sheets and he groaned when he thought of her wide, beautiful smile when she'd come into his room this afternoon, so eager to tell him her news. He hadn't known it would hurt this much.
As much as he tried to stop himself, he was up early the next morning peering at the Marauder's Map to see where she was. He just had to see her, he rationalized, to make sure she was okay. When he saw her dot with her name leave her room, he gave her a few minutes to get a little distance ahead and then followed. He expected her to go to the Great Hall for breakfast but her dot turned to go outside when she reached the Entrance Hall. Sirius followed a little more quickly.
She wasn't going to the pond to swim, was she? Her dot moved at a fast clip towards said pond. No one was with her to warm the water and it the pond was still bitterly cold this time of year. What if she got a cramp in the chilly water? Realistically, Sirius knew Beth would not have any problems swimming by herself in the pond. He was too overwrought to think clearly and he latched onto any excuse to go to her to make sure she was alright. Sirius was running by the time he reached the Entrance Hall. He got outside just as he saw her dot go into the pond. He stuffed the map in his pocket and sprinted. He could now see her head as she came up and started swimming. Her strokes were choppy and fast but her good form was still apparent.
Sirius went to the edge of the pond and took out his wand. He warmed the water and sank down on the grass next to her towel and bag, watching her head and arms determinedly ploughing through the water.
Beth must have noticed the water was warmer but she swam for over an hour as Sirius watched before she gracefully walked towards him through the shallow water at the edge of the pond. The morning was chilly despite the sun, and Sirius saw the goose bumps on her body as she exited the water and her damp skin met the cold air. She recoiled slightly when she spotted him and he felt a fresh wave of pain and remorse wash over him. He silently handed her the towel he had found waiting, now warmed by his wand. She nodded her thanks and buried her face in the towel, scrubbing it through her wet hair and wiping all of the water droplets from her face before settling the towel around her shoulders.
Sirius searched her face as Beth busied herself pulling sweats from her bag. She was avoiding his eyes and her face looked shuttered, her eyes slightly swollen. Sirius already missed her usual lively expression, her warm smile and ready banter. He cleared his throat awkwardly, hoping she'd speak or at least look at him. She chose that moment to pull her sweatshirt over her head, fluffing her hair out of the collar as she finished. She slipped her feet into her sandals and reached for her bag.
"You're not supposed to swim alone," his voice rasped. Beth stopped and stared at him blankly. "It doesn't matter how good a swimmer you are, anyone can get a muscle cramp."
"That's what you're worried about?" her voice was quiet, void of all emotion. He'd never heard that voice before. She turned and started trudging off.
Sirius jumped up. "I did it because I didn't want you to get hurt later," his voice rang out after her. He cringed at the inanity of the words even as he spoke.
She stopped but didn't turn around. "Well, that worked out well." She didn't wait for his reply, walking swiftly away.