After Beth left, Sirius sat deep in thought. His head ached and his thoughts went around and around in circles wearily. He couldn't sit still, inactive, any longer. With one last despairing look at Beth's name on the Marauder's Map now moving up the staircase to the girls' dorm in Gryffindor Tower, Sirius jumped up to go inside.
Sirius flung open the heavy door to enter the castle and almost collided with another wizard. He didn't even bother to look at who it was, just stepped around him with an oath.
"Watch where the hell you're going, Sirius." Regulus' voice startled Sirius and he froze in his tracks.
"Shut the fuck up," Sirius snarled. A few good punches thrown at his brother might make him feel better right about now and his face must have showed it.
Regulus shook his head. "I'm not the enemy here, you ponce." He paused and stared at Sirius with a brooding look. "I know you staged that break-up with your girlfriend at the party because of me."
Sirius couldn't hide the shock of his brother's words. He opened his mouth to deny it, but Regulus held up a hand.
"I saw how you looked at her. She wasn't a fling." Regulus said flatly. "It's not that hard to figure out. You were scared shitless when I saw you with her by the pond and you refused to introduce us. And I can see how upset you are even though you were the one who dumped her by being with another girl. You're a lot more transparent than you realize," Regulus' eyes were shrewd. "At least to me."
Sirius turned his head away as he searched his mind for a plausible excuse but he came up empty.
"Look, I know you think I'm scum." Regulus' voice was clipped. "But I'm not that much of a bastard. I would not drag an innocent girl into our fucked up family issues." Sirius' head whipped around and he stared at his brother, stunned. "It's no secret I think you're an idiot, Sirius. You gave up your family for your stupid beliefs. But she doesn't have anything to do with this."
Sirius stared at his brother incredulously. "You won't tell mum—or Bellatrix?"
"Fuck no," Reg sounded annoyed. "I won't tell anyone about her even after we leave Hogwarts. I wouldn't sic our freak cousin Bellatrix on someone outside of this war." His mouth twisted. "Your little muggle secret is safe with me."
Sirius frowned. "Wilkes warned me to watch my back outside of Hogwarts. He said there were rumors about our Gryffindor secret. I thought he was threatening me that you were going to rat me out to our family."
"He wasn't talking about your muggle girlfriend," Regulus said, glaring at Sirius as if he was too thick to believe. "There is a rumor that one of the Marauders is a werewolf. Wilkes doesn't give a shit who your girl is, he thinks it just proves what a tosser you are to care about a muggle. But if he finds out who the werewolf is, he'll hold that over your heads or get him kicked out of Hogwarts."
Sirius looked at Regulus in disbelief. "Why are you telling me this?"
Regulus stared at him for a long moment, his expression unreadable. "You really like to think in extremes, don't you? I know it's easier for you to think of me that way, but I'm not evil." He turned and strode away without looking back.
Sirius sunk his face into his hands and groaned. The Common Room was loud with groups of students playing games, chatting or studying in various parts of the room. Sirius had commandeered two small couches set in the corner and had only had to glare a few times to chase away anybody foolhardy enough to approach him.
He had the Marauder's Map although he really didn't need it now. Beth had been hiding in her room ever since she'd come back to Gryffindor Tower after her early morning swim. He didn't know what he could do but he needed to know where she was.
James and Remus came loping down the boy's staircase, chatting like the carefree prats they were, Sirius thought irritably. James spotted him and bounded over, Remus close behind. "Hey Sirius," James started. He stopped when he got a closer look at Sirius' face. "What's up?" he asked, frowning in concern.
"This probably won't surprise you, but I fucked up with Beth." Sirius rubbed his eyes. He hadn't slept much last night. As tired as he was, he suspected he wouldn't sleep tonight either if he didn't get to see Beth.
"What did you do?" True to Sirius' comment, James didn't sound surprised, just matter of fact. Although to Sirius' credit, he recognized that James always knew how to handle him when he was the most upset. James kept his voice on an even keel and sat down on the couch next to Sirius. Sirius had been acting edgy the last week and James had suspected something was up with him and Beth.
"Shit, Sirius. Tell us." Remus flopped down on the opposite couch. In contrast to James, his voice sounded like a warning. Sirius reflected that Remus must have overestimated him if he had at all not seen this coming.
"I wanted to show her we wouldn't work," he started, "that she couldn't stay with me this summer."
"Bloody hell." James cut him off, his usual patience missing. "You did something idiotic, didn't you? Why didn't you just talk to her?"
"Let him finish, James." Sirius' eyes flashed to Remus when he heard how pissed Remus' voice was. Sirius wasn't surprised, he knew Remus and Beth were good friends. "Then we can beat the git for being a prick."
Sirius sighed heavily. "Yeah, I deserve it. I don't know what I was thinking. Hell, no one knows what I was thinking. I crushed her. She won't even look at me now." He inwardly cursed himself for not trying to talk to Beth again before the party. He should have forced her to listen instead of trying to drive her away.
James and Remus exchanged a weighted look. "You've haven't said what you did," James pointed out.
"I pretended I was with another girl to show her that it's over, that we can't be together." Sirius winced as he spoke, remembering Beth's face.
"You fucking piece of scum," Remus growled. Sirius flinched at his tone, staring at his feet. "What the hell is wrong with you?"
"You know I suck at relationships, right?" Sirius looked up and met Remus' cold stare. "I've never cared about a girl this way before. I don't know what the hell I'm doing."
"That's your bloody excuse? That you've never cared before?" Remus jumped up and paced a few steps away and then turned back. "That's a first for everyone at some point, Sirius. That doesn't mean you can just do whatever the hell you want."
"It wasn't what I want!" Sirius was finally feeling angry. The anger felt good, it helped push his dejection away. "I want her!"
"Then why are you pushing her away?" James was trying to keep his voice from sounding accusatory. He knew Sirius was judging himself harsher than his friends could. He also knew how much Sirius cared about Beth.
"There's no possibility of a future. I was trying to protect her. I know, stupid." Sirius couldn't look at his best mates anymore. For the umpteenth time, he thought that if he had gone to talk to Reg first before dumping Beth none of this would have happened. But he hadn't voluntarily approached his brother in two years and it hadn't even crossed his mind that Reg might have decided to keep Beth out of their family issues.
"Why can't you have a future with her?" Remus asked his voice grim. "Is it because she is a muggle? Is she not good enough for you?"
Sirius' eyes flashed in anger and his fists clenched. "Of course she's good enough for me!" He wearily leaned back against the couch as the fight drained out of him. "It's also because she's a muggle. The wizard world is in a war. My sodding family is on a different side than me." Sirius glared at James and Remus in turn as if it were their fault. "You know how mental my family is. Beth wanted to stay here this summer to be with me. I didn't think it was safe for her to be with me outside of Hogwarts."
There was a long pregnant silence. James put his hand on Sirius' shoulder. "Sorry, Padfoot," he said slowly. "But I'm pretty sure it's an understatement to say it hurt her more that you made it look like you cheated."
"How you two handle this should be her choice too," Remus argued. "You need to let her have a say."
"There's more," Sirius told them. "Wilkes told me there are rumors about the Gryffindor secret and to watch my back outside of Hogwarts. I wanted my brother to know I broke up with Beth so she would be safe from my family, from Bellatrix."
James looked at Sirius sympathetically. "Did you ever think Wilkes was just trying to fuck with your head, Sirius, by warning you to watch out?"
Sirius grimaced. "No, he wasn't trying to fuck with my head but he managed anyway."
"What are you talking about?" Remus spat out. His eyes were narrowed at Sirius in anger.
"I ran into my brother this morning." Sirius admitted. "Reg told me Wilkes wasn't warning me about Beth when he said to watch out outside of Hogwarts. Someone suspects one of us is a werewolf."
Remus swore and looked away, his mouth grim. "Shit," James exclaimed. "How did they find out?"
"I don't know," Sirius answered wearily. "Reg also said he won't rat me out. He won't tell our family about Beth. I hurt Beth for nothing." He paused and repeated the worst part. "I really hurt her."
There was a short silence. Sirius rubbed his burning eyes again.
"We can figure out what to do about Remus' furry little problem later. We can lie low in the Shrieking Shack our last full moon here." James finally said. "Now, you need to talk to Beth."
"Think of how you'd feel if you were in her situation, not being told all of what was going on." Remus pointed out, his voice no longer angry. Sirius looked up at Remus and saw the understanding on his face laced with guilt. Remus always took the responsibility of any negative consequences any of them suffered due to him being a werewolf. Remus knew Wilkes' words had pushed Sirius into breaking up with Beth and he partially blamed himself.
"It's not your fault," Sirius said shortly to Remus. Much as misery loved company, he couldn't let Remus share the culpability for what he'd done to Beth.
"I'll feel better if you fix it," Remus replied darkly.
Sirius hung his head. He hadn't even told Beth how he felt about her or the full story on his family. She deserved his honesty and consideration. It might be all he had left to give her. "I know," he said. "I want her to stay with me. I want to be with her as long as I can. But I don't know if she'll even speak to me after what I did."
"Do what you have to do," James said calmly. He'd never seen Sirius like this before and he hoped Beth would have it in her to understand and forgive him.
Sirius nodded keeping his head down. His mind wearily brought up Beth's stunned face again.
Remus pointed to the map. "Can I have that later, Padfoot? I need it tonight."
"I'll get it to you after dinner," Sirius said. He doubted it would help him today. Beth was unlikely to leave her dorm if she didn't want to talk to him, but it gave him a small feeling of security when he could see where she was. After another long look and a clasp on the shoulder from James, James and Remus left him to his lonely vigil and he prepared himself for a long day.
The next morning, Beth didn't come down to the Great Hall for breakfast. Sirius finally gave up waiting outside of the hall door and went to Arithmancy. James looked at Beth's empty seat when he arrived. "Still avoiding you?" he asked Sirius.
"Apparently," Sirius slouched in his seat. Beth had stayed in her room all day on Sunday, aided by Lily who brought her food and glared at Sirius when he begged her for information. Lily did pass on his notes to Beth asking if they could talk but he seriously doubted she even read them as there was no response. Sirius figured Beth would come out eventually and he would have to persuade her to talk to him.
When class started, Beth wasn't there. Sirius looked around the classroom and spotted her in the back row next to Nicholas Hench, a Hufflepuff. He hurried back to talk to her before Professor Venn started his lecture. "Beth, can I-"
"Later," Beth interrupted tersely. She wouldn't look at him, staring towards the front of the class where Venn was now standing. Her face still had that uncharacteristically closed expression but he noticed that her lower lip slightly trembled. It was the vulnerability displayed by that lip that made Sirius back down. He knew Beth was hanging onto her control by a slim thread. He didn't want to cause her to lose it publicly. He clenched his fists in frustration as he stalked off, managing to make Nicholas flinch and his eyes to widen with one good glare. When Venn finished his lecture, Sirius turned around just in time to see Beth slip out the door. He was pretty sure he'd be rebuffed if he chased her down so he swore and slammed down his fist on the desk in annoyance.
"Hang in there, mate." James said under his breath. "Here," he handed Sirius the Marauder's Map which Remus and Peter had needed the night before. "Remus gave me this back before class."
Sirius muttered his thanks as he slipped it into his pocket. He felt sick, his hands were clammy and his stomach felt tied up in knots. He forced himself to be patient. He couldn't explain to Beth if she wasn't willing to listen.
Sirius looked hopefully to the front of the classroom when he got to Muggle Studies later. Beth had holed up in her room during her free period after Arithmancy. The Marauder's Map had shown she was walking this direction the last chance he'd been able to check it before entering the classroom. Beth wasn't there yet and he slid into his seat. Sirius kept an eye on the door, eagerly sitting up each time it was opened only to sink back in disappointment when he saw it wasn't her. James eyed him sympathetically but did not try to talk to him for which Sirius was grateful.
Professor Tedison stepped up the front of the class. "Ms. Peterson could not make it today," he started. Several members of the class groaned and Sirius felt his heart sink. "I'm sure she'll be back next week. Today, we'll be going over your exams from last week." Tedison continued, ignoring another louder groan. He indicated a large stack of papers in front of him. "In the spirit of muggles, I was trying to use staples to attach the exam sheets together. Unfortunately, the stapler jammed and so the exam papers are all separated. I'll be calling—"
Sirius stopped listening to Tedison's monotone drone. He had to see Beth and he couldn't wait any longer.
"Cover for me," Sirius said out of the side of his mouth to James. James' lips turned up and he nodded grimly. James held his wand under their desk and aimed at the front of the room. He shot out a spell and the window behind Tedison's desk opened, a gust of cool wind coming in the room. The exam papers swirled up, aided and abetted by another spell from James. Sirius edged back to the door as Tedison called, "The exams! Help me grab them!" Students laughed but obligingly rushed around the classroom, trying to catch the loose papers. Sirius opened the door and slipped out as James helped turn Tedison's eyes away by making the wind lift several papers around and behind Tedison. As Tedison turned away, one paper wrapped itself around Tedison's face, momentarily blinding him. The door gently closed behind Sirius.
He found her sitting on the bench overlooking the pond. She didn't turn around when he stood beside her. "Beth, can we talk?" His voice was gravelly. "Please?"
She turned to stare at him and he felt as if she'd knocked the wind out of him. Her eyes were dry but they looked so..…defeated, so bereft. He held his breath while she considered. His shoulders sagged with relief when she nodded and he sat down next to her.
"I didn't cheat on you," he started. "I set up that scene with Janice so you would see."
"I figured that out," Beth replied. Her voice was flat and guarded. "You're a fucking coward, Black."
She said it without heat but he flinched. "More than you know," he answered honestly. Beth gave him a look of surprise and he reached out to take her hand but dropped his hand awkwardly between them, afraid she would pull away.
"I decided to end our relationship because I was scared." He looked out over the pond to avoid her eyes while he tried to work out how to tell her. He could feel the weight of her stare on his face. Some part of his mind told him to look at her when he said it, so he turned his head and met her eyes again.
"I'm in love with you." He saw the shock hit her as he said it. Her mouth dropped open and her breath sped up. She sat frozen, her wide eyes glued to his. "I've known for some time but held back from telling you. Knowing we only had a short time together made it hard for me to acknowledge it out loud. I thought it would make it more real if I said it. I'm a bloody idiot, obviously."
He continued, determined to finally let her know what she meant to him. "I'm so crazy about you, Beth. Each time after we were together, I always watched you when you fell asleep." He grimaced apologetically. "Sorry, that sounded creepy." He paused and a softened look came to his eyes as he gazed at her. "When I watched you, I thought about how happy I am with you. I counted down the days I had left to spend with you. This is the first time in my life I've dreaded the end of my school years."
Beth opened her mouth to ask the obvious question but he forestalled her. "I know it doesn't make any sense I would end this when you said you wanted to stay with me longer. I did it because I was afraid you would be hurt because of me."
Beth frowned and he clenched his jaw as he brought up his family. "I haven't told you everything about my family. I know you thought I exaggerated when I told you how much they hate me." He stared past her, his eyes stony. "If anything, I softened it for you. I didn't want to frighten you away."
He sighed, trying consciously to relax his tense muscles. "They are prejudiced purebloods who see the world in black and white. Purebloods are good, muggleborns are bad. End of story. When I disagreed with their views, we fought ferociously. I realized I couldn't change them or live with them anymore. When I was 16, I ran away from home and went to James' home. The Potters took me in. My dear mother reacted like other loving mothers would." He stared at Beth without seeing her for a second. "She burned my likeness and name from our family tree and made sure my brother sent me a picture."
Beth flinched and for the first time since he'd intruded on her, Sirius saw sympathy come to her eyes. "My brother and I were very close when we were young. You saw how much love and warmth there is between us now."
Beth looked sickened and he continued, wanting her to fully understand. "But it's not my immediate family I'm afraid of except that they would tell our extended family about us. I have cousins. One of them in particular, is fucking mental."
Sirius twisted his hands together. "Bellatrix is not only one of Voldemort's biggest fans, she despises me. In her view, I had everything: a noble family, heir to a fortune, pure blood. Not only did I throw it all away, I've actively and openly fought against everything they stand for. I'm the blood traitor and I'm trying to destroy our family honor. To get to me, not only will she have no compunction about hurting you, she'll relish the chance. Beth, she'd torture you and laugh knowing it would kill me. You wouldn't have to do anything to be her target, just being my girlfriend and a muggle would be enough reason for Bellatrix to come after you."
Beth looked away, stunned. She swallowed convulsively. Sirius felt another wash of remorse and he spoke quickly. "I'm sorry. I was a selfish prick when I started this relationship with you. I've always been a risk taker. I felt you were safe at Hogwarts and I convinced myself it would be alright if we were together while we are here."
"It was my choice too," Beth reminded him. Her voice was raw and shaken. "I am safe here."
"I thought so too," Sirius nodded. "But I got more worried after that run-in between Lily and Snape and Wilkes."
Beth looked puzzled. "What did that have to do with me?"
"It doesn't," Sirius said. "I don't know if you heard but Wilkes told me there were rumors going around about the secret we were hiding in Gryffindor. He warned me we were not safe outside of Hogwarts. I was sure he was referring to you. It terrified me, Beth."
Beth bit her lip. "And then I made it worse for you by telling you I wanted to stay with you over the summer and not listening to you."
Sirius nodded. "It sent me into panic mode. I wasn't able to think clearly." His hands tightened into fists involuntarily. "I chose Janice to pretend to be interested in at the party for a reason. She's the best friend of my brother's girlfriend. I decided to publicly break up with you so that word would get out to my brother. I thought that would ensure he wouldn't think about you in relation to me when term is over. He wouldn't tell Bellatrix or my mum about you if we were finished.
"You have no idea how excited I was at the idea of you staying with me over the summer, Beth. I'd give anything to have more time with you. But I thought I had to give you up. I couldn't be with you if it was at the expense of your safety."
Beth's eyes were haunted but no longer cool as she looked at Sirius. He gulped and decided to press his advantage. "I want to be with you Beth, as long as possible. I know I fucked up and I hurt you. I know I'm an idiot. If you'll take me back, I'll make the most of every minute we have together." He picked up her hand and held it in his, his eyes pleading in a way she'd never seen before. "I love you, Beth. I don't want it to end like this."
"What made you change your mind?" she asked carefully. She was trying to guard her face but he could see hurt, doubt and fear in her eyes.
"I ran into my brother yesterday." Sirius rubbed Beth's knuckles gently with his thumb. "Apparently I royally underestimated him. He knows I set up the break-up with you." Beth looked disconcerted as Sirius grimaced and continued. "He also told me he wouldn't tell anyone in our family about you. He said he's not that kind of a bloke." Sirius paused and looked at Beth. "I was wrong about Wilkes' warning according to Reg. That was about-someone else, not you." Beth frowned but did not interrupt him to ask further about that for which he was grateful.
"I believe him. At least Reg and I have always been honest with each other." He moved over a little closer to her and brought her hand to his lips. Her hand felt smooth and cold. He longed to take her in his arms and hold her. "I don't know if it's enough for you. I know I…I hurt you and broke your trust. I'm so sorry I did that, Beth. If you want we can have the summer together."
Tears swam up in Beth's eyes. One spilled over and slowly ran down her cheek. Sirius felt his stomach drop in tandem with that one tear. "I don't know," she said forlornly. "I need to think about this."
He nodded trying not to feel despair. He hadn't expected more but a tiny part of him had hoped she'd forgive him on the spot. "Okay," he choked out. He squeezed her hand before carefully setting it back on her lap as if it was fragile and got up to leave.
"I wish I could promise never to hurt you again," he looked down at her bent head. "I can't do that. This war is already ripping my world apart. There are a lot of things I won't have control over." Beth looked up at him, her eyes frightened. Sirius continued his voice hoarse. "I can promise I will always love you and will look out for you. I'll tell you when it's not safe instead of hurting you to try and force you to go away. But I will make you leave when I think it's too dangerous. I may be a risk taker but there are some things too important to risk." He turned and walked away quickly leaving her staring after him.
Sirius slouched on the couch in the Common Room, his eyes shut. He hadn't seen Beth since he talked to her by the pond and with every passing minute, he felt more afraid she couldn't forgive him. Not that he could blame her, he'd fucked everything up by betraying her trust.
He heard the sound of someone approaching and looked up hopefully. It was just James and Lily and disappointment settled back on his face as they sat down across from him.
"Did you talk to Beth?" James asked. His expression had more empathy than Sirius was able to face.
"Yeah," Sirius replied. "She said she has to think."
James and Lily looked at each other. "Are you still worried about your family finding out about her?" Lily asked. Sirius noticed her voice was sympathetic instead of pissed at him now. James must have explained Sirius' warped reasoning to her.
"Not as much," Sirius admitted. "Now that I know Reg won't tell my family."
"Shit," James exclaimed. "I'm sorry, Padfoot."
"I'm an idiot," Sirius answered despairingly, closing his eyes again. He was so tired. Everything hurt. "I don't know if Beth will be able to trust me again."
There was a short silence. Sirius could feel James and Lily looking at each other trying to think of what to say.
"Hold on, mate," James finally said. "Do you want to be alone?"
He just nodded and he heard the sounds of them standing up and moving away and then returning. He didn't bother to open his eyes this time, just waited for one of them to speak. He was startled when a warm body dropped on his lap and arms circled his neck. "Okay if I join you?" Beth's voice was low and hoarse in his ear.
Sirius' eyes sprang open and his arms closed around her. "Beth!" He clasped her tightly, the weight that had lodged in his chest miraculously dissolving. For a long minute, he just held her, relief coursing through his body, his heart leaping. He felt her press up against him, her face lodged in the crook of his neck, her breath warm on his skin. The hollow feeling in his stomach was gone. His arms felt right again now that she was in them.
"Are you sure you still want to be with me?" Sirius didn't want to break the moment, but he had to know. He kept her enfolded in his arms, afraid to look at her face until she answered.
"Yes, I'm sure." It was Beth who leaned her head back so she could meet his eyes. "Losing my best friend taught me there are no guarantees in life. You need to treasure every moment you have with the people you love."
Sirius couldn't have stopped his smile if he wanted to. "People you love?" his voice was low.
"Yes." Beth said softly, her eyes blazing at his. "I love you, Sirius. I'm going to make the most of every minute I have with you."
"Even when I'm an overprotective, fucked-up prick?" he asked.
"Even then," her smile was radiant.
Sirius' lips found hers and he kissed her, his mouth both passionate and desperate. "I love you so much, Beth." He cupped her face and stared into her eyes, his expression fierce. It felt so good to be able to openly say it. He'd never hold back telling her how he felt about her again.
"I love you, too." Beth's eyes were full of tears again, but this time they were tears of happiness. Sirius tightened his arms and tucked her head into his shoulder again. For a long time, he just held her, allowing contentment to flood his body. He felt Beth sigh as she wilted against him.
After several minutes, Sirius stirred and Beth straightened up to meet his eyes. Her eyes were bright but Sirius could see dark smudges of weariness underneath them. Guilt shot through him and his own eyes became bitter. "Beth, I'm sorry. I purposefully picked the most painful way to convince you we were over. I can't believe how much I hurt the person I love the most."
"It was moronic," Beth agreed, her eyes belying her words. "But you did it to protect me. I know you had my best interests at heart."
"You said it was unforgiveable when that prat of a boyfriend cheated on you. How were you able to forgive me?" Sirius asked, desperate for reassurance.
"I figured out pretty quickly that you didn't cheat. I know you, Sirius. You're loyal, blunt and straight-forward. If you no longer wanted to be with me because you wanted to be with someone else, you would have told me." Beth put her small hand on his chest over his racing heart.
"But you avoided me," Sirius said, his voice raw. Even though she had good reasons, that had unnerved him. "You hid from me and wouldn't talk to me."
"It still hurt," Beth explained. "Although I realized there was something else going on, I wasn't sure why you would want to break up with me like that. I was afraid you had decided you didn't want me to stay this summer because you didn't want me enough anymore."
Sirius frowned. "What do you mean enough?"
"Enough to put up with the extra worry because I'm not a witch," Beth looked anxious again as she admitted it. She looked down unable to meet his eyes. "I know I'll be a burden to you when you're involved in the war. I thought you wanted me to go because you didn't care enough for me to stay with you."
Sirius felt another rush of tenderness for her swamp him. He lifted her chin with his finger until she lifted her eyes to meet his. "I know it's my fault but that's the most ridiculous thing you've ever said," he said savagely, eyes glittering. "I want you so much, it was killing me to try and persuade you to go away. If it weren't for this fucking war and my bloody family, I would have been begging you to stay with me. But I can't let you be hurt or killed because of me."
Beth blinked. Her face filled with emotion and she moved a shaky hand to run through his hair. "I'll only be hurt in this war if you are," she said her throat thick. "I don't ever want to lose you, Sirius."
"I'm not planning on being killed in this sodding war," Sirius said confidently. Beth stared at him worriedly. How could he be so confident about his own safety while being so concerned about hers? She knew better than to argue with him. She would have to be very careful when trying to influence him.
"So we have the same problem," she said quietly. "We both are more concerned about each other's safety than our own."
"True," Sirius conceded. "But it's my fight, Beth. I have to be a part of this. I have to stand up for what I believe in. It's not your fight."
"I wish it were," Beth said sadly. "I wish I could help."
"You help me," Sirius ran his hands in large circles on her back. "You make me happy. Before you, I never knew how full and rich life could be. You mean so much to me, Beth. As long as I know you're well and safe, I can bear anything."
Beth sighed. "I know there are things you don't tell me to protect me, Sirius. Next time, talk to me more." She put her hand against his cheek. "Even if I…distract you or don't seem to listen, try again. I might take some convincing, but I'll eventually get there. Just keep at me."
Sirius grinned, his heart lighter. "Oh, I plan to keep at you alright."
Beth laughed. "So you're already back to being base."
"You love it," he kissed her passionately.
"I never said I was at a higher level," Beth murmured against his mouth and he chuckled as he pressed his lips to hers again.
"Tell me the plans for our summer," Sirius eventually spoke, threading his hands through her hair. The play of emotions running across her face brought a bigger smile to his own.
"Lily and James found two available apartments right next to each other. James is going to create a temporary door connecting them through the living rooms. It will look like two small separate apartments but will really be one large one." Beth raised her eyebrows at him well aware of his thoughts.
"Convenient," Sirius grunted with a wry smirk. He was pretty sure James never intended to be in a separate bedroom from Lily. Fortunately, that suited Sirius' optimal requirement to have Beth as close to him as possible.
Beth was eyeing him with a knowing smile. "We're not going to get much sleep this summer, are we?"
Sirius chuckled as he ran his thumb along her jaw. "Sleep is vastly overrated."
"We are going to have an amazing summer," she promised. Sirius smiled as his eyes flickered over her luminous eyes down to her lips, uplifted in a sunny smile. He kissed her tenderly.
"As long as you're with me, it will be." Sirius told her as he wrapped her in his arms again. Beth was right. There were no guarantees. He would relish every moment he had with her.
No, it's not quite over. There's a long epilogue coming plus a short extra chapter. Thank you for sticking with me! This is my longest story yet and Beth is my first original character.