WARNINGS: self harm and smut in this chapter.
Hi guys. I am updating a lot recently because I have nothing to do. I am writing this because I am currently very depressed. Yay. Please review...
"Sher-Sher-Sherlock?" John's voice trembled as he spoke through the bathroom door.
"Go AWAY!" Sherlock snapped back. John could hear him to start to cry, he started to shake.
"Sherlock, get away from the door," he warned before ramming his heel to the door, smashing it open. He gasped at the sight before him. Sherlock, the Sherlock he just kissed, was sat, slumped, in the corner of the bathroom, trouserless, covered in blood from the thigh. "Shit," John cursed before he grabbed some wet tissue. "Gimme that," he demanded through tears, taking the razor from the man beneath him and threw it forcefully against the opposite wall. "Come here you." He took Sherlock to his chest and started to rock him. John dabbed gingerly at the cuts on Sherlock's thigh, trying not to hurt him anymore. "These are quite deep, give me a second," he ran to get more tissue. Sherlock, paler than usual, mumbled in haste towards the other man.
"I am fine," he finally roared. He stood up in defiance and shooed John out the room. John, stood his ground not allowing the weaker man to move him an inch. He looked into Sherlocks eyes and saw desperation and a boy who's pleading for help.
"No you are not ok. Come here," he bent down between Sherlocks thighs and gently fitted a bandage around his thigh. Helping Sherlock to pull up his trousers, he stood. "Sherloc-"
"This never happened," Sherlock threatened John. "You never saw or heard anything to do with this. A single word and you'll find yourself in trouble. You hear me?" John grew to his full length, he had faced this kind of threatening all his life, he will not put up with it from Sherlock of all people.
"No. I think I DID see some things and I DID hear some things. I will not pass them on though." John started to cower like he did as a child. He was waiting for a beating.
"Shit," Sherlock mumbled under his breath. Of course. His Father, Sherlock thought, instantly regretting his actions. "I am sorry John."
"Right, OK. Come here," he lead the taller man to the bed they were previously on. "Now, talk." He demanded a little too harshly.
"I am sorry John. It's what I do, ok? It's the only thing I have discovered to help the shouting in my head." Sherlock uncharacteristically admitted. "Can we not talk about this? I have known you for a day." John understood, nodded and climbed into his own bed.
"Would it be ok if I slept? It's been a long day and I'm hurting." John grew drowsy. "I refuse to sleep if you'll do that again. Promise me you won't Sherlock. I know it's a big ask, but I care about you." Sherlock nodded.
"Go to sleep John," he said deeply. "I'll be fine."
"G'night Sherlock," John muttered before falling into an unwanted and restless sleep.
John had settled into his classes well, making one friend but more enemies. Anderson had grown increasingly unpleasant to him, and had gained followers against him and Sherlock. His Father hadn't bothered to message him once in the two months he had been at The University Of Edinburgh, and he couldn't decide if that was good or bad. John had gained two grade in his subjects, which consisted of postgraduate medical science and postgraduate biology, since Sherlock had been tutoring him. Sherlock and him had grew closer since the incident on the first day, but nothing had happened between them. The feelings for Sherlock did not fade. They only ever grew stronger.
Whereas, Sherlock made no advances in his grades, though that it's physically impossible to improve on solid A*'s, and grew bored of his studies. He didn't open a text book outside the classroom, and only revised acutely for the end of term winter exams. He helped John with his work as it was mediocre but the man was struggling to get decent grades. Sherlock's older brother, Mycroft, had sent him a few boring cases for him to do which he solved in the same afternoon. Sherlock grew tiresome of the yelling in his head, but hadn't cut himself since the night John found him. Something about being around that man helped him cope in ways he couldn't and never will explain. Sherlock had made no progress in making friends although him and John would be seen as friends. Sherlock went to Mycroft about his feelings towards John after growing worried he would be sectioned into a mental health hospital. Mycroft laughed at te fact he went to him but allowed Sherlock to understand that it was natural for him to be attracted to people. "Although emotions are not an advantage my dear brother," Mycroft reminded Sherlock. After forcing him to stay quiet about the whole ordeal Sherlock grew less worried about the situation.
On the Tuesday of the first week of the winter holidays Sherlock and John decided to have a lazy day in. Neither of them were bothered to change and since no one would come knocking on their door, there was no real need too. They sat on Sherlock's bed as always, talking. John remembered what happened the first night he was here and put his hand out to hold were the cuts had been. When Sherlock acknowledged this movement, he flinched away.
"Sherlock, have you harmed again?" John asked worriedly.
"No not at all. I just... I don't like people touching me." Sherlock hesitated.
"Am I classified as people though Sherlock? I think we've gone past that stage," he allowed his hand to gently touch Sherlock's thigh and rub it, as if trying to heal it. "See? It's all ok."
"Yes, I guess it is." Sherlock said, mind whirling out of control from the contact. Just kiss him like you did before. "Urm, John? Remember the first night we met?" He asked slowly, waiting for a reply.
"Yes, we... We kissed,"
"Yes. I was wondering if I could kiss you again. I want to see something. Call it an experiment if you will." Sherlock said.
"I don't know..." John started to blush, Just kiss me you fool!
"You've helped me in experiments before? Why not now?" Sherlock pouted, and acting as if it was a hard decision, John leaned forwards and kissed him on the lips softly. Sherlock put his hand on John's thigh and moved closer. The sudden screaming in his head disappeared and all he could hear and register was John. John parted his lips slightly and traced his tongue across Sherlock's bottom lip, requesting permission. Sherlock nodded a little and deepened the kiss eagerly. They broke apart for a millisecond to breathe before reuniting the eager kiss. Sherlock slowly leaned into John, pushing back onto the bed below him and climbed on top of him. Both men felt blood rush to their groins. John bucked his hips up instinctively but broke the kiss after a few extra seconds.
"Why you stop?" Sherlock moaned.
"Sherlock, that was our second kiss, aren't not together, it was an experiment and it if continued I would of had you on that wall topping you. I don't want to move this fast... Not at least if I am not with you." John explained, picking the right words carefully. That was the best experience of his life, he didn't want it to end. "I want to be with you Sherlock," he finally admitted.
"And I you, John," he replied after a few moments, "but I am not normal... You don't know much about me yet and I'm inhuman."
"Sherlock Holmes. You are the most humany human I have ever met to human with," John laughed, pulling up the sunken head of the man. "I want to be with you, no matter what you think of yourself. I want to be that part of you who makes you human." Sherlock looked into John's eyes in awe.
"Really?" He speculated.
"Really." John smiled and kissed Sherlock lightly." So is that a yes?" He winked at the taller man.
"Yes. Yes. Come here," he pulled John in for a kiss. John pushed him away from the chest leaving Sherlock confused.
"Sorry, I am curious now, boyfriend," he emphasised. "What don't I know about you?"
"What do you want to know? I'm not that interesting." Sherlock continued cautiously, this will be the thing that ruins it. He wants to know what kind of a monster I am.
"Ok. I have an idea. Seaming as you don't know much about me either, why don't we play a game I used to play in high school? It's childish but it makes confessing things easier?" John suggested, met with a reluctant nod. "Ok, me first. What's it like in your head? I mean you can deduce pretty fast so it's gotta be fast, right?"
"Big question," he teased, "well. It's loud all the time. There's screaming and yelling and alarms going off 24/7. It gets louder but more organised when I am on a case. That means I can file my thoughts and knock out the irrelevant ones. I can delete thoughts and memories as well. Only, I couldn't delete the memory of our first kiss," John blushed at this. "But when I am with you, it's a little quieter. When I kiss you, it's silent. All I can hear and register is you. I hear your heartbeat, your breathing, I feel the way you move your left thumb and smiley acutely against me." John took a moment before gesturing for Sherlock to ask a question. "What's your future plans?" Oh course, Sherlock already knew that he wished to be a military doctor, but he wanted John's view on the agenda.
"Ahh... I want to be an army doctor, as you know. I want a decent size house where I can raise my son and daughter correctly and then to have a good life." John answered shortly. "Oh! Oh! My turn!" He jumped up and down hyperly, making Sherlock smile. "What's the deal with your brother?"
"What? Mycroft? He's practically the British government. He has eyes and ears everywhere. I wouldn't be surprised if he was watching ups as we speak." John felt a shiver going down his spine, "What's your father like? And you only have to tell me what you are comfortable with," Sherlock added edgley, remembering what happened last time.
"Ok. I trust you completely not to tell anyone, so please don't. Well. He's nice to outsiders, he's the kind of guy you'll wave to on the street and not think about again. Looks like a typical fella. As you know he is abusive towards me and my mother. He's been hitting me ever since I can remember and it never seems to be enough," he started to swell up in sudden emotion, why am I feeling guilty about this? He quizzed himself. Sherlock reassuringly rubbed his knee and shuffled closer to him.
"You don't have to go on..." Sherlock started.
"No, I need to tell someone about this. I never have before," he started crying a little. "He used to hit my mother blaming her for the things I and my sister did wrong. He would beat her unconscious and then turn to us. I remember one time where he hit Harry, my sister, and she didn't wake back up. Mother rushed her to hospital and lied saying she fell down the stairs. He never stopped. He started using his belt on me when I stopped reacting. He never let me have friends round. When I was young, my sister came out. He went ape and chucked her out then he beat my mum over and over. I can hear her screams in my dreams sometimes. I hate him so much. When mother left, he started to treat me like a slave. I did everything round the house. I cooked for us and I washed the clothes and so on. I never want to go back there. Especially now. He would kill me." He broke down and started crying into Sherlock's chest.
"Now, now, my sweet," Sherlock tried to reassure him. That sick bastard. He will never touch my John again. "He can't hurt you now. Should we stop this?" John nodded feebly.
"I'm so-so-sor-sorry," John sobbed.
"It's ok John. He won't hurt you again." Sherlock rocked slowly allowing his boyfriend to stop crying. "Better?" He said smiling into the mans eyes as he wiped the tears away. John nodded slowly and kissed Sherlock's nose.
"You want other people to think you're inhuman and that you don't sleep or eat, but you do. You're amazing Sherlock. Don't pretend to be someone you are not."
"I have to John. I can't be the real me." Sherlock said stiffly before returning to his usual self. "Make us some soup dear? You make it so much better," he winked and pulled John in for a kiss by his jaw.
"Ok," he winked back before getting up.
Once the soup was done, Sherlock kissed John for thanks. "You really like kissing me, don't you, Sherlock?" He blushed and nodded.
"The relief I get is overwhelming. Thank you, dear," he said retrieving the soup. An odd sense of fear and longing flooded over John making him light headed. Sherlock barely caught the soup bowls before John hit the floor. He could see his Father over him.
John was shaking and screaming "get away from her" as Sherlock bend over him. Johns eyes flashed open in fear trying to grasp reality. Yet he was there. Sherlock's words of comfort faded in and out of his head. He couldn't hear. It was like being underwater.
Suddenly he sat up and gasped for air. He started to hyperventilate, but he had gone. Sherlock flooded into his vision and he saw a bag being placed over his face. He breathed deeply. And something touched his back. He jumped up in terror.
"Calm down love. It's me! It is just a panic attack," Sherlock tried raising his voice and rubbing his back but it wasn't working. Nothing is working. Sherlock sat John down and sat in front of him. Eventually John could hear and see properly and listened to Sherlock's soothing voice telling him how to breathe.
"In and out, there you go darling," Sherlock said proudly to the now stable man before him, "come, let's lie down." He lead the shaky John to johns bed and laid down with John on top of him. The smaller man crawled up into a ball on Sherlock's chest, causing Sherlock to hug him tighter. God Mycroft, if you are watching us and you didn't call an ambulance for that. I'm going to kill you, Sherlock thought madly to himself.
"I am sorry," a voice creeped up from Sherlock's chest making the man look down. John was now looking at Sherlock with bloodshot eyes and red cheeks. "That hasn't happened in a while, I am ok now." He smiled weakly at Sherlock before climbing up to reach for a kiss.
They laid there for a few minutes softly kissing and occasionally grinding hips until the kisses grew hungry and the thrusts became harder. A moan escaped Sherlock's mouth when the man above him circled his growing erection on his. John broke the kiss and starting to nibbling and kiss Sherlock's muscular neck, leaving Sherlock moaning for more. As John just started to kiss down Sherlock's chest, Sherlock's phone buzzed. With annoyance, Sherlock looked whilst the other man continued his path ways of kisses south. Sherlock sat bolt upright, accidentally throwing John off him. "Sorry, that was Mycroft. He's on his way. dammit!" He yelled before rushing to get a shower.
"Now what am I meant to do?" John laughed pointing to his throbbing erection.
"Think about some turn offs and I'll finish it later," Sherlock winked and left into their shower. That bastard, John laughed to himself.
In no time, Mycroft knocked on their door before letting himself in. He shot John an unnecessarily cold look and demanded tea. John obliged to his disgust and let Mycroft and Sherlock talk.
"Hello dearest brother," Mycroft started giving is umbrella a twirl. His jacket, unlike his usual getup, was more expensive. Been the parliament, got a request from Scottish Yard. Maybe drop in at Buckingham Palace, Sherlock thought to himself.
"What do you want?" The younger Holmes demanded tediously.
"Now is that anyway to met your brother? Mother would be so disappointed." He snorted, "there's a case, matter of national importance. I see you've looked over the file today as you logged into the Scottish Yard website at 3:48," Mycroft stated, checking a rolled piece of paper from his pocket.
"Tea?" John piped up.
"Not now John." Sherlock snapped before giving John an apologetic look. "Not my concern. Please leave."
"I'll have the tea please, if you will John." He nodded curtly to the blonde man. As John potted around their mini kitchen, Mycroft and Sherlock sat on twisty chairs facing each other. John did all he could not to laugh. As he brought the tea over to Mycroft, he thanked John. "Should I.. Go?" John asked politely, not wanting to interfere with their life long rivalry.
"It's quite ok John," Sherlock replied kindly. "I won't do it. Not at all," he continued.
"And why not?" The latter Holmes sibling demanded, sipping tea.
"Because it's not of my importance and I am busy working on a case."
"Is that so?" Mycroft raised an eyebrow, "ok, fine. I must go, I have a meeting with," he cleared his throat, "Professor Lestrade." Sherlock sneered as the older man walked out of the room.
"Well he's nice?" John said to Sherlock breaking the awake add silence. Sherlock spun his chair round and made his way to John like a predatory cat.
"Would you like to continue from where we left off?" He winked as he say on John's lap.
"Oh god yes," John eagerly replied before kissing Sherlock roughly. As the kiss deepened, Sherlock's hands flicked and stroked every piece of skin John hand showing before laying his hands to rest on John's muscular chest.
"Before we start, I must know. Are you hurting anywhere from your Father and is there anything you'd prefer me not doing?" Sherlock inquired.
"Just don't spank me," John laughed trying to see the lighter sides of things before pushing Sherlock down and climbing on top of him. John started to trace the veins on Sherlock's neck to jaw line, letting the man moan loudly. Thank god these walls are sound tight, John told himself. He thrust his hips into Sherlock's and he felt his blood rushing to his groin. "Can I?" John asked indicating to Sherlock's bulging trousers. After a feeble nod, John cupped Sherlock and rubbed him slowly.
Sherlock's head flew back and eyes snapped shut, "more he whimpered. John slowly removed Sherlock's top teasingly never breaking the movement with his hand. He hooked both hands round the man's trousers and took them off along with his boxers in one swift movement. John started to kiss up Sherlock's leg from his ankle, occasionally nibbling at parts. Sherlock moaned John's name every time he drew closer. And without warning john took Sherlock whole into his mouth. First time, Sherlock noted. He started to bob his head up and down, twirling his tongue around the head and tracing it down the base. He sucked at the head until he felt Sherlock's muscles tighten, "I'm going to come-" Sherlock moaned loudly as John licked him manically. He came into John's mouth and John swallowed.
"How was that?" John teased.
"Amazing," Sherlock gathered himself, "now lie down and strip off." John did as he was told, his length touching his stomach and spilling precome. "I'm only going to talk to you and stroke you, ok?" Sherlock whispered deeply into his ear, driving him crazy. John nodded and gasped as Sherlock took hold of him. He slowly started to pump as he spoke slowly into John's ear. "I've been waiting to do this to you, John." He sped up slightly. "I want to rip off your clothes and fuck you until you can't walk, John." He held John tighter as the man started to moan. He circled John's head with his thumb with every word. "I want you inside me, I want you to feel me John." He grew faster and faster in time with the rhythm of John's hips. John came unexpected into Sherlock's hand and the man collapsed on him.
"That was amazing," John stuttered. They both fell asleep naked in each other's arms.