Would you rather me finish this or write the squeal to You're Mine?
I slam the door to the house.
"Well?" Dad demands.
"I'm bipolar." I grumble.
I'm not happy. I hate depression. It's almost snowing outside.
It's early November and I haven't seen any of my friends aside from Megan since June. They moved back to California.
"Bipolar?" Dad repeats.
"Yes."
"Do you have medication?"
"Yes. I've already picked it up." I toss the bag on the counter. I haven't spoken to any of them because ice been working double shifts at Applebee's every damn day for the last three months.
"I'm going to get dinner." He walks out.
I think of how much I miss Johanna's snide remarks and Peeta's hugs and lips and touch and personality and Annie's constant smile and Finn's sexual jokes.
I miss them.
I cry at the kitchen table for a half hour before I grab the guitar and move to the couch.
I strum randomly, and then my emotions start coming out and before I know it I'm playing a song.
Lyrics start to flow from me as if I've memorized the song.
HAYMITCH'S POV
Did you forget
That I was even alive?
Did you forget
Everything we ever had?
Did you forget?
Did you forget
About me?
Did you regret (did you regret)
Ever standing by my side
Did you forget (did you forget)
What we were feeling inside?
Now I'm left to forget
About us
But somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song
You can't forget it
So now I guess
This is where we have to stand
Did you regret
Ever holding my hand?
Never again
Please don't forget
Don't forget
We had it all
We were just about to fall
Even more in love
Than we were before
I won't forget
I won't forget
About us
I start getting loud to let out anger.
But somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song
You can't forget it
Somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song
You can't forget it
At all
I calm down.
And at last
All the pictures have been burned
And all the past
Is just a lesson that we've learned
I won't forget
Please don't forget us
Tears start falling again.
Somewhere we went wrong
Our love is like a song
But you won't sing along
You've forgotten
About us
(Don't forget)
I stop the video I took of her singing, and then I walk over to the front door and slam it. "I'm home!" I shout.
"Okay!" She shouts. She goes downstairs to get the groceries.
"I have to make a phone call!" I call.
"Okay!"
I go into my room and slam the door, and then I text that video to Johanna, Annie, Finnick and Peeta.
I get a message right away from Finnick.
Finnick Odair: who the hell is this and how do you know Kitty?
Finnick Odair: you better not fucking touch her you pervert
Me: it's her father you dip shit
Finnick Odair: oh.
It's a few minutes before a I get a reply.
Johanna Mason: she looks like shit. I miss her
Me: she misses you guys so much
Annie: this is making me upset.
Peeta Mellark: is she okay?
Me: no
My phone starts ringing.
"Hello?" I ask.
"What's wrong with her?" He sounds different. He sound depressed.
"She's depressed. She a diagnosed bipolar and she's on depression medicine. I've lost count how many times I've caught her crying herself to sleep."
I hear silence and then a door slams. "Can I put you on speaker? Johanna, Finnick and Annie are here."
I hear him click the speaker. "Peet, did you see that video of Kat? She looks like Satan moved in."
"Yes. I'm on the phone with Haymitch."
"Guys, listen-" I begin.
"DAD?" Katniss screams from downstairs.
"What?" I shout.
"Who's on the phone?" I hear her footsteps on the stairs. She bursts into the room and I hear dead silence on the other line.
"Who's that?" She demands.
"Someone from work." I lie easily.
She looks at my phone. I hang up before she can read the number.
"What's his name?"
"Jason."
She huffs and leaves the room again. I make a group text.
Me: since she's nosy I'm gonna have to do this through message. If I can get each of you a decent job, good cars and places of your own, would you be willing to move to New York? I just need to save my kid. I'll do anything, as long as my girl is happy again.
Peeta Mellark: can we think about it?
Me: yes
KATNISS'S POV
I had nightmares again a few nights later. A week to be exact. That was last Friday and now it's Friday again. Peeta left this time and as he was walking out he walks right out the door and off a cliff. I screamed as he plummeted to his death. Now I sit, panting, bolt upright, alert, eyes wide.
I begin to cry, sweat dripping down my body. I hear Dad say goodbye to someone and then hang up the phone.
I didn't scream. I can tell because my throat doesn't hurt.
It's silent tears tonight.
It's really hot. I go into my bathroom and take a cold shower. I don't even get dressed before I lock the door to my room and fall asleep naked underneath the covers.
...9...
Today is the first day in three months I have off of work.
Dad made me breakfast. "I'm going out." He announces.
"Okay. Where?"
"Work." He says.
"Okay. Bye." He walks out.
I sit down on the couch and flip on the TV.
"No," I change the channel from some princess movie. "No," I change it from a cute couple at dinner. "No," I change it from a make out. "No." I change it from sex and then settle with The Heat.
I drum my fingers on the table and laugh hysterically as Melissa McCarthy pulls a man out of his car.
An hour passes. The front door slams and I tense.
"Dad?" I shout.
"Yeah?" He asks.
"Just making sure you aren't a pedophile. Or Ethan."
He sits down with me.
The Heat ends and Just Go With it starts.
When they get to Hawaii, the doorbell rings. "Can you get that? I'm kind if busy." He's working, so I hoist myself to my feet and trudge to the front door. The bell rings three more times.
I feel my anger soar. "I'm fucking coming you impatient son of a bitch!" I yank the front door open.
There stands Johanna, pressing the doorbell insistently, Peeta trying to get her to cut it out, Finn egging her on and Annie just standing there smiling and shaking her head.
"You must be in a wonderful mood." Johanna says sarcastically.
"Hi." It's all I can think to say. I've wanted them here for so long and now that they are here, I don't know what to say.
They all stare at me like I'm stupid for a second and then Johanna rings the doorbell again, I laugh instead of being angry.
They all exchange a look and then Peeta looks at me in concern. "Are you going to let us in?"
"Right." I step aside.
When they're standing in the house, I shut the door and start crying, I hug Peeta last.
"Jesus Christ Brainless. What happened to your sanity?"
"I can't help it you lil' bitch!" I snap.
"Katniss." Dad walks into the kitchen. "Did you take your medicine?"
"I don't want to take my medicine." I mutter.
"Well you have to."
"I don't want to. I'm not going anywhere."
"I quit your job for you." He says.
My mood soars to fury.
"You what?" I hiss.
"Calm down." He says carefully, dropping my depression medicine and my bipolar medicine in the palm of my hand.
"You don't realize-"
"You are so stressed. You work nonstop and when you come home you cry yourself to sleep. You hardly ever eat and one word anyone says makes you want to fucking kill them. You went downhill when you started that fucking job. Your done there. You work somewhere with a buddy of mine now."
"Where?" I ask.
He looks like he's ready to take a hit.
"Starbucks."
I almost deck him, and I do, and then I start feeling terrible. He whispers something to the four of them right before I burst into tears. Peeta picks me up and carries me down to my bedroom. He shuts the door with his foot and stands up. I see him eye my bed.
"You haven't been sleeping well, have you?"
"Not really." I whisper. "I don't sleep very well anymore...I have nightmares now."
"Nightmares?" He opens my dresser. "About what, if you don't mind me asking."
"You."
He snaps his head up from my dresser to my eyes. "Me?" He asks.
"Yes. Terrible ones. Ones of you leaving...cheating...dying..." I swallow and fight the tears. I lose the battle.
"Oh Katniss." He whispers. "Don't...think like that. Don't, okay? I'm not leaving unless you ask me to, and judging the circumstances, I really don't know if I will believe you if you do. I'm never going to cheat on you because I love you so much it's like...a vampire. It sucks out all the love for everyone but you and it sucks out the happiness and everything but you when we are apart. It hurts so bad. As for the dying..." He sighs. "I don't plan on going anywhere for a very long time."
"But they're accidental! What if it happens! Peeta, I'll kill myself."
"Katniss," he warns.
"I will! I can't live without you. I can't."
"You won't have to." He hugs me. It's a different hug from one in the kitchen. This one is tighter and warmer and more...more us. I slip my hands under the back of his shirt because I need to actually feel him. It's a long hug that I don't want to end. It does though, and he dresses me, literally.
"I can dress myself." I mumble.
"I love babying you." He says. "Let me do this."
"Okay."
He puts me in a red warm sweater, jeans, a winter coats, socks and winter boots. Then he undoes my braid and runs his fingers through my hair. We go to the kitchen. Dad comes upstairs. "It's snowing." He says. "Finally."
"Snow?" Peeta asks excitedly.
I remind myself that the four of them have never seen snow.
"Let's go outside." I pause and hug my Dad. "I'm sorry for hitting you." He hugs me back.
"It's alright. It's not like it's the first time." He says. He releases me. I open the front door and bound down the cement steps and outside. They follow me excitedly.
It's cold, but they don't seem to care. I sit down on the steps. Finn tries to make a snowball with the flurries.
I laugh softly. "It won't work."
"Why not?" Finn asks as another flurry melts to water in his hand.
"It's not snowing enough. I'll tell you when it'll work."
"Let's go on a walk." Peeta blurts.
I run inside and get my phone and wallet and then go back outside. We join hands together, all five of us and parade down the sidewalk like toddlers.
We stop in a ton of stores on the way.
I get a black knit hat because I thought it was cute.
"So who do you think is going to get pregnant first?" Annie asks Johanna and I as we exit another store and begin walking again, drifting behind the boys.
I look at Jo and so does Annie and she just snickers. "Damn right bitches. What about marriage?"
Johanna looks between the two of us. "That's was a good ass question for me to ask." She says.
"I don't know the answer to that." Annie says.
"I don't either."
"Let's ask the boys." Johanna says. We run to them, and I hop on Peeta's back. He doesn't even tense, he just kissing my arm as it locks around his neck from behind and supports my legs with his arms. "Who's getting preggers first?" Jo asks.
"You." Peeta says without a doubt. I snicker.
"Who's getting married first?"
Finn and Peeta both stop walking. I hop off of Peeta's back and move next to Jo.
Finn and Peeta exchange a look and I see they both look like they don't know what to say.
"How the hell should we know?" Finn asks.
I roll my eyes. "You could've just said 'I don't know' instead of staring at each other." I skip past them.
"Hey!" Peeta chases me and I break into a run instead. We all chase each other and I turn into Central Park and we run around.
"Katniss look-" I slam into someone and fall down onto the frozen ground, muttering an angry swear.
It's two guys my age, one with blond hair and blue eyes and one with dark hair and gray eyes. Peeta lifts me off of my feet.
"Are you okay?" He asks.
"I'm fine."
Both boys are exchanging glances of shock and then I see the dark haired guy smirk, make a circle with his finger and stick his pointer finger through it.
Then they turn to me. "Hi Katniss." The blond smirks.
Johanna, Finn and Annie come up behind me. Johanna leans over, gasping with her hand on my shoulder.
"Your fucking fast as fuck."
Peeta snickers.
"No I'm not, your just slow as fuck." I smirk. She rolls her eyes and straightens up.
"Katniss." The dark haired boy says. "You look like a fucking girl. You don't look depressed."
I furrow my eyebrows.
"Makes me want to fuck you even more."
Who is this?
The blond says, "too bad you were too much of a pussy to let us."
My jaw clenches and my hands go into my pockets in fists as I realize who these two boys are.
My ex-boyfriends, Gale and Cato. The wind picks up and it starts snowing harder.
"Gale, Cato," I say curly. "What a pleasure."
Peeta looks between me and the two boys for a moment and then I see recognition flicker in his eyes and then they get three shades darker.
"Still a virgin?" Cato asks.
"Still a bitch?" I hiss. They exchange a look.
"I take that as a yes." Gale laughs with his head thrown back.
"You're actually pretty hot when you're not wearing that sweatshirt." Cato snorts. The snow had been falling for a few hours and I could probably gather enough to make a snowball.
I feel my bipolar taking over and my hand twitches in my jacket.
"Oh, she's pissed." Gale laughs.
I punch him in the face and Johanna jumps on the opportunity for a fight and punches Cato.
I can't stop. My vision is red and spotty and I hear Gale shouting and trying to get me off of him. I feel Annie shouting and Finn telling her to stay back and them I feel strong arms rip me off of Gale. My vision starts going back to normal. "You're such a mother fucking asshole!"
"How's your Daddy?" Gale teases. I think it's Peeta that's holding me back. I fight and push and try to knee him in the balls because I'm so fucking pissed. Finn grabs Johanna and rips her off. When my vision goes completely back to normal, I see it isn't Peeta that's holding me, but my Dad. I push harder to get him to let go of me. "Is he still kicking your ass?" I break free and get in three more hits before Dad grabs me again, and Peeta helps to restrain me. I fight and push and kick.
"He's keeping me from killing you!"
I don't know how, but I break free again. Peeta grabs my arm before I can do anything and he kicks my legs in gently so I fall down. Just as I'm about to scramble up, he pins me down. He holds my arms above my head and sits on my legs.
Do you ever get so angry that you plot ways to kill someone, because right now I'm ready to kill Gale and Cato.
"Now," Haymitch says. "I don't know what the hell I just witnessed, but undo know who you boys are. You pissed my kid off. Get the fuck outta here before I beat both of your asses." He hisses. They leave and I start thrashing around wildly.
"I HATE YOU!" I shout. "I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL YOU FUCKING ASSWIPE HORN DOGS!" I keep thrashing around for minutes after that until I get tired and let my head fall into the frozen grass. Peeta's still on top of me. "Get off of me." I hiss. He stares at me. "You promise you won't hit me or anyone else? Or harm them in any way, even with words."
"I fucking promise! Get off!"
"I don't believe you." He says. I'm still in the angry stage. He leans down so his lips are right above mine. "Promise me."
"I promise." I whisper.
He sits up and gets off me. I massage my wrists. He holds his hand out to me and I take it. He pulls me up.
They all stare at me. "He deserved it." I snap, feeling self conscious. Then I walk off.
…a…
God I'm such a motherfucking bitch. Dad isn't here and I don't know when Peeta, Johanna, Annie and Finnick go home.
I hear an insistent knocking on the door. I don't know who it is, so I open up the silver wear drawer and shout, "Come in!" And then I grab the butcher knife and wait. I her the front door slam and then Peeta walks into the kitchen. His eyes are red rimmed and I think he's been crying which makes me panic. He takes the knife from my hand, puts it in the drawer, slams it with his hip and them pulls me into a hug so right that I feel like my organs are being squeezed out of my body and going to come out of my mouth. He's breathing unevenly. His hands slip under my shirt. It's early in the morning and I was going to make some cereal. I'm his shirt and a pair of panties and that's it.
"I'm sorry for the way I acted."
"I've missed you." He whispers. "During the four years I cried every time I took a shower. I like when it rains. It's an excuse to hide the tears. And...and when I'm away from you..." He sucks in a long shaky breath. "When I'm away from you, it hurts so badly. I know I'm the man here, and I try to be strong, I really do, but I can't. I can't be strong when I am away from you for even one minute. I want to wake up next to you. I want to go to sleep with you. I want to make you breakfast. I want to be with you forever and always. I want..." He pulls away. He looks so serious it worries me. I have tears dripping onto his shirt, painting splatters. "I want you to be mine-"
"I thought I was you-"
"I mean really mine, really mine. I want to spend away moment for the rest of my life with you be my side. I don't want, no, no, I can't. I can't be without you. I need you. You are the blood the makes my heart pump. You are the cold to the snow. You are the heat to the fire. You are the missing piece of my life. It's been a long time we've been together. Five years as of last month. Five years of joy and hell. Joy is for every second of every day that I've been with you and hell is for every second of every day that I've been away from you. Do you understand?" I ask.
Yes, I understand that he loves me and wants me with him at all times, but I don't understand what brought on this huge speech.
If he's doing what I think he's doing…
I swallow the nerves.
"I know this isn't extravagant. My original plan was to go karaoke at a fancy restaurant and do this there, but…I don't really think it matters how we're dressed or what we look like when I ask the question that'll change your life forever."
He look so confident that is actually makes me feel like I'm going to choke. He maintains eye contact with me the whole time as he gets down on one knee right in front of me in the kitchen. "Katniss, will you marry me?"