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Brennan moved into Booth's room, her coffee forgotten and her friends ignored. All she saw was Booth.
He was staring out the window, a large bandage wrapped his head, so many tubes and cords hooked up to his chest he almost didn't look like himself. He looked damaged... injured and she hated it. Her heart ached to hold him, to reach out and caress him. But she couldn't. That was what hurt the most.
"Do you know who I am? You call me Bones." Brennan wrapped her arms around herself as she stood next to him. She honestly couldn't believe she just uttered those words.
The thought occurred to her that under other circumstances he would have teased her for being so blunt. He would say, 'way to break it to me easy Bones'.
The smile that threatened her lips died when he turned his head toward her, his brown eyes searching her face in a way she'd never seen before. He wasn't searching to figure out what she was thinking, he was searching to figure out who she was.
Dr. George's words rung in her ears, making her head spin.
He's sustained a major head trauma during the accident, he's suffering from amnesia, though at this time we're not sure about the extent of it. Even if it's very severe, it's possible it is only temporary. He's also showing signs of exhaustion and heightened blood pressure due to stress. It's possible that this will pass if he gets some rest and time to heal.
"Bones." She said again, almost pleadingly. She waited for his charm smile to pop up on his face. Waited to hear him tell her, 'Of course I know who you are Bones, now get me out of this place…but grab some pudding before we do that'.
It didn't happen though, quite the opposite.
"I…I don't. I'm sorry." Booth dropped his eyes to the bed to avoid the woman's gaze. The doctors had given him the same look earlier when they asked their questions. Most of which he couldn't answer.
"It's okay." Brennan reached out to touch his hand, thought better of it, and placed it next to his. Now was not the time to take her feelings for him out for a test run, especially when it was now apparent that he had no reason to reciprocate.
"How about them?" She fought back the tears, blinking furiously and trying to focus all her energy on Booth's efforts to regain his memory.
Gesturing toward Cam, Zack, Hodgins and Angela gathered around the foot of the bed, she waited.
Slowly, Booth's brown eyes moved from face to face, but there was no 'aha' moment. There was no change. He shook his head and rubbed his face with his hands.
Brennan could see how this was taking a toll on him and knew the doctors wanted him to rest, but they also needed to know how much the head injury had affected him.
"What's the last thing you do remember?" She continued, the anaylitical scientist in her the only thing keeping her from throwing her arms around him and never letting go.
Booth looked at the ceiling and then the floor, his face set in a thoughtful expression Brennen recognized. He used it at crime scenes and at the lab when he was trying to put pieces of the case together, it was usually accompanied by some sort of unfounded conjecture and a chastisement from herself.
"Nothing specific." He said finally. He watched her face fall and hated that he disappointed her. Hated that he couldn't give her the answer she needed to hear, the answer he so desperately wanted to give.
Brennan nodded solemnly and was about to continue with another question when a nurse with big hair and big hips came back into the room.
"Sorry folks, visiting hours are over, our big man here needs some rest." She adjusted the dose of painkillers going into his IV and then fluffed his pillows a bit. He smiled appreciatively at her, but Brennen could see it didn't reach his eyes.
It wasn't a Booth smile.
"I'll see you tomorrow Booth." Brennan said quietly, lingering a moment longer than the others, hoping his eyes would suddenly brighten with acknowledgment. They didn't, so she turned her back and walked out, willing herself not to feel anything anymore.
Booth just nodded and watched as everyone left the room, his eyes caught the woman with the auburn hair one last time. God, she was beautiful. He wondered if he'd ever told her that before.
Probably. I don't see myself spending too much time with a woman who looks like that and not letting her know it. But then…who knows? He smiled ironically at himself, certainly not me.
Booth thanked the nurse as she left and stared up at the ceiling in the darkened room, unable to find sleep.
Something was missing, he could feel that in his heart, but he couldn't decide what it was. Obviously it had to do with the memories he apparently didn't posses, but he couldn't remember what it was he was forgetting .
He smacked his own forehead and nearly passed out at the pain it caused him.
Why did I do that? He gingerly ran his fingers over the bandage wrapped tightly around his skull.
He couldn't remember ever feeling so frustrated. Of course, he apparently couldn't remember a lot of things.
Then there was that woman. There was something about her. He knew he was supposed to recognize her and the others. He knew he felt he'd lost something very important when he looked at them. But he also knew the woman with the auburn hair, the one she told him he called 'Bones', but everyone else called Dr. Brennen, something about those blue eyes made him feel warm inside.
He suddenly realized what that warm feeling was as the drugs took effect and he drifted to sleep.
He looked into those stormy blue eyes, and he felt like he was home.
---------------------------------
Brennan sat in the deafening silence for hours after she got to her apartment.
She'd dropped her keys and her bags in a clumsy heap on the floor, exhausted physically and emotionally, but mostly irritated because she couldn't stop the running monologue in her head.
Why does this keep happening? Do I have some sort of curse?
She started changing her clothes and avoided her gaze in the mirror, her own red puffy eyes disgusted her.
That's not rational. There are no such things as curses. But…what else could it be?
She shuffled back out to the kitchen in her pajamas and searched for something to ease her pain in the refrigerator.
There is nothing rational about the way everyone keeps leaving me. It might as well be a curse. First Dad and Mom, then Dad and Russ, now Booth…
She decided on double chocolate ice-cream and a cold beer.
Booth is not gone Temperance. He's not dead.
She fell into her couch, placing the food on her coffee table and searching her ceiling for answers.
But he doesn't even know who I am! It's not fair. I love him. I love him and I finally acknowledge it and he doesn't even recognize me. Why does this keep happening? Why do I open up just to get torn to pieces?
Brennan swore she wouldn't cry anymore. She'd sworn it to herself after she scared Parker by crying on the phone with him.
I should be stronger than this.
That's why she knew those were not tears running down her face, and those couldn't possibly be sobs shaking her body so violently. The blurriness that clouded her vision was from sleep, or hallucinations maybe, but it was not from tears. No, she was having a heart attack, that's why she couldn't seem to get any air, she was definitely not crying.
Hours passed. Sleepless hours spent staring at the ceiling in the darkness and not crying.
Temperance's ice-cream melted and her beer got warm, but she didn't move. Couldn't move. Her body was made of lead. She needed him to hold her. The one person that could make everything okay for her was the one person she couldn't reach.
Finally, at some point in the early morning Brennan found an answer written on the ceiling, as Angela's words came back to her.
Once she decided, nothing was going to stop her.
She decided first and foremost that she was not going to go to work the next day.
She decided once and for all that she loved Seeley Booth and she refused to lose him.
And she decided Seeley Booth was going to get his memory back and she would make sure he never forgot her again.
These were facts. These were law. End of discussion.
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