A/N: I warn you, this chapter contains several ramblings and unpleasant and/or gruesome images for those of you who are hard core Zutara haters. (Do you dare read?)
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"'SECRET TUNNEL...THROUGH THE MOUNTAINS...SECRET TUNNEL...THROUGH THE...' Oh, um, hi Katara." Katara had been staring at Jet for the past few minutes as he sang, rather badly, of the two lovers of Omashu. Being as they were so close to the city (recently named New Ozai), many of the men had been humming the song under their breath as they bustled about the cavern. Jet, however, was different in that he screamed it out to the heavens, practically shaking the walls of the cave. He even had a strange dance routine in which he wobbled his knees and did a credible impression of a walking opossum-chicken. During the whole ordeal, Katara's left eye kept twitching as she tried to brace herself for the continuing horror of Jet's singing.
"I think I'm having a stroke," Katara muttered, her eyes wide.
"Aw, come on," said Jet, looking hurt. "It wasn't that bad...Was it?"
"Didn't you just hear me? I think I'm having a stroke!" Katara cried, unable to keep her face straight.
"You're mean, you know that?" Jet snapped, crossing his arms. "Why do you always have to go and say such hurtful things to me? I know in my heart that I can sing and nothing you say is going to change that." His voice dripped with sarcasm. Suddenly he brightened and asked, "Do you want to hear me yodel?"
"Are you kidding me? No way!" Katara looked positively terrified as he began to sing the same song, constantly switching pitches. "STOP! STOP! I BEG YOU!" She clamped her hands over her ears and pretended to faint, hitting the ground harder than she intended to. Aang was instantly at her side.
"Katara? Katara! Can you hear me? Are you alright?" he cried worriedly, checking her pulse and waving his hand in front of her face. Katara's eyes fluttered open. "Are you alright?" he repeated.
"I think I'm...," Katara said weakly, her lips trembling, "...I think I'm dying, Aang."
"What?" Aang was horrified. Jet was cracking up behind him, holding his sides and laughing. Aang turned around with wide eyes. "JET, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?" But Jet couldn't stop laughing. Aang turned back to Katara. She pretended to fall unconscious again. "Katara? No!" He seriously thought she had somehow mysteriously died.
Then suddenly, he saw her lips flicker. Her eyes flashed open and she burst out into laughter. "I couldn't hold it in anymore!"
Aang looked bewildered, his eyes laden with tears. He glanced between Jet and Katara with a deepening frown. "That's not funny," he whispered quietly.
"No, you're right," Katara said seriously, sitting up. "That wasn't funny. Jet started it."
"Did not," Jet snapped. "That was all you."
"'Secret tunnel...through the mountains...,'" Katara sang in a remarkable imitation of Jet's yodeling as she raised her eyebrows. "Yeah," she added sarcastically, "that was really all me."
"Shut up!" Jet shot, giving her a dirty look.
"Both of you are mean," Aang yelled furiously, standing up. "Especially you, Katara! You knew I was having nightmares! That really wasn't funny!"
"I'm sorry," said Katara sincerely, her eyes flickering to Jet.
"It was just a joke," said Jet, not sounding like much of an apology.
"Do you see me laughing?" Aang demanded angrily. He didn't wait for a reply. He just spun around and stopped away, kicking aside a box full of spears and short swords. They scattered and clanked to the wet ground. Katara stared down at them, staring at her warped reflection in the shiny metal. She glanced at Jet, growing angry.
"Why do you have to be so inconsiderate?" she shouted at him.
"Me? Oh ho! Who was the one who pretended like she died? Katara, there is no need to blame me for something that's your fault." Jet crossed his arms and gave her a dark look.
"You could have in least apologized!" she exclaimed, punching him roughly in the shoulder. He snatched up her wrist, looking menacing. "Let me go," she snarled, trying to twist out of his tight grip. With her remaining hand, she went and slapped him. He gritted his teeth and grabbed her other wrist.
"Don't do that again," he warned, squeezing her wrists. He then shoved her backwards into the wall. He laughed harshly, turning away. "Where's the Avatar to save you?" he sneered, laughing again.
"You're a jerk, you know that?" she asked, rubbing her wrists. "This must have been the thousandth time I've told you that."
"Yeah," he answered quietly. "I know."
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Toph still remained sitting next to Zuko as they chatted about things to keep their mind from the war they were soon to be fighting in. "Say," Toph asked suddenly, "isn't that Mai person one of Azula's cronies? The rather bored-sounding one?"
"Yes," Zuko laughed. "That would be her."
"Ew," Toph said, wrinkling her nose. "I know! Why don't you marry Katara? And you could make me and Sokka princesses...Or, you could make me a princess and Sokka can be your servant. Whatever, it doesn't matter to me...As long as I get Ty Lee as a handmaiden. She can do all of my dirty work...Oh! Make her wash Sokka's smelly socks."
"Wow, you've got this all figured out," Zuko said, cracking a smile. "Though I don't think Katara and I would work out. Seeing as we aren't exactly friends...No, let me rephrase that: Seeing as we're each other's arch nemesis, I don't think sitting around the dinner table would be very pleasant. For example, I would politely ask her to pass the opossum-chicken and she would politely reply for me to get it my own damn self, thank you very much. Plus Aang would be quite nasty to the both of us...And family reunions would be downright unpleasant!" Toph was laughing during this whole ordeal. She couldn't even imagine (really she couldn't) what life would be like in such chaos.
"It would sure make it a hell of a lot more interesting," Toph said truthfully with a shrug. "You two were made for each other. What is it that people always say? Oh yeah, 'opposites attract'."
"Don't make me gag," Zuko told, her laughing. "That's the sickest thing I have ever heard."
"What is?"
Toph raised her sightless eyes up to Katara before turning her head in Zuko's direction. They both burst out laughing.
"What?" Katara asked, bewildered. "Did I miss something?"
"Oh, Katara!" Toph gasped, her eyes tearing up. "You don't even want to know!"
Katara sighed and sat down next to Toph. "I just really got Aang mad over an apparently not-so-funny joke."
"See?" Toph said to Zuko. "Now we don't have to worry about Aang. Katara's wide open."
Zuko snickered but didn't say anything.
"What?" Katara asked in confusion.
"It is like I said," Toph told her. "You don't want to know."
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"Stupid Katara," Aang snapped crossly to no one in particular, kicking at random objects. "Stupid Jet." He glanced over to where Toph, Zuko, and Katara sat all laughing. "Stupid Zuko," Aang added for good measure. "Am I the only one that's not stupid around here?" He thought of a way to spite Katara. Maybe he would forbid her from coming to fight with him. If that doesn't work, he thought grumpily, I could always kill Sokka. He shook his head. Yeah, right. He wasn't paying attention of where he was going and he found himself pushing pass a ring of Earth Kingdom soldiers and stumbling upon their prisoner. Azula looked up at him with her piercing gold eyes. Every time Aang looked at her he felt so intimidated; it had to have something to do with her unnerving gaze.
"Well, well, well," Azula sneered, "it is nice to see a friendly face. You have no idea how incredibly bored I am."
"I can imagine," Aang said dully as he sat down and waved the guards away. They were hesitant to leave so Aang asked Azula, "Can you be a good girl for a few minutes?"
"Oh yes, of course," said Azula innocently. "Cross my heart." Aang didn't believe her but he shooed the soldiers away nonetheless. "So, what are you here to talk to me about?" she continued with a slight frown. "I hope you brought tea and cookies."
Aang gave her a hard look. "I'm just a little grumpy so I wanted to take it out on someone."
"Oh, sounds good," said Azula sardonically with a small smile, trying to get comfortable.
"What's it like, Azula?" Aang suddenly asked, his brows knitting together.
"What's what like?"
"Knowing that everyone hates you," Aang said, watching her smile disappear and her cheeks flush angrily.
"Not everyone hates me," Azula denied. "I have my father and my friends: Mai and Ty Lee."
"If they truly liked you, they would have come and returned you home by now," Aang said softly.
Azula's stomach tightened uncomfortably. "They tried," she croaked. "You saw."
"They would have tried harder. I know I would have. And your father...he didn't even show up. It must be really depressing for you," Aang said, frowning. "I pity you." His words worked like magic. Her face contorted in rage and she tried to lunge at him in her chains. The Earth Kingdom soldiers were instantly at their side. They put their spears into her face and she backed away slowly. "So much for being a good girl," Aang sneered as he stood up with a small smile.
"I guess this means no cookies," said Azula dully as she calmed down. Aang ignored her; but inside he was hurting. For once, he truly did pity her. It was hard for him to imagine what it would be like in her situation. I bet she wakes up everyday and can't stand it.
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The Earth King was bored. There was no question about it. He tried to keep himself occupied by playing with Bosco or tickling Momo or having a hot tea with Iroh. But frankly, he was tired of smelling of animals and having to pee all the time. He just wished that something exciting would happen or people would give him something to do. He hated feeling so useless and he knew that the others in his party constantly talked amongst themselves of how defenseless and pathetic he was. The Earth King also knew that the Avatar would abandon him the first chance he got. The King was just another burden on their shoulders...Another thing they had to drag along.
"Hey, Your Kingliness," the waterbending girl told him as she sat down next to him. "I bet you're pretty bored."
He looked up in surprise. "Yes, actually," he told her with raised eyebrows. He began to wonder if there was such a thing as a mindbender. He then idiotically laughed at his own pun. Yes, he was very bored.
"If you want," Katara offered, "you can help me pass out food to as many soldiers as possible. I know there are a lot here, but perhaps we can fill a few bellies."
The Earth King smiled. "I would love to."
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Mai paced the throne room as she waited with Ty Lee for the Fire Lord to come down from his chambers. She knew the war was about to get a lot worse. Ozai still hadn't had his daughter returned to him and was constantly having fiery outbursts that usually resulted in mass deaths of security guards. Mai, frankly, was frightened to be stuck in a room with him. She had had enough fire assaults, thank you very much.
Fire Lord Ozai brushed aside the scarlet curtains and stepped out with an ornate slipper. There was no smile on his emotionless mask and his eyes were like coals. "Mai," he murmured, "Ty Lee."
They bowed to him humbly. "My lord," they whispered as their noses graced the metal floor.
He surveyed them, his face still blank. "My daughter...," he said slowly, "...isn't coming back any time soon. I can no longer put my faith in her."
What faith? Mai thought dryly. Since when did he put his faith in anyone?
"My lord!" Ty Lee exclaimed. "She will escape, I'm sure she will. Don't you worry."
"Oh, I won't," said the Fire Lord, his eyes glittering maliciously. "She has let me down; proving to be as useless as he so-called brother."
Ty Lee and Mai remained silent.
"I have nearly fifty ships floating off shore if the Avatar and his little friends ever decide to show up. I really don't believe they have an army, but we need to be prepared. The ships are the only things to keep them back on the Solar Eclipse. I may not be able to fight, but flint isn't hard to come by and I'm sure the Avatar wouldn't be too pleased with several fireballs hurled his way," the Fire Lord told them cheerfully.
Mai and Ty Lee exchanged looks. Mai wasn't looking forward to the prospect of watching the Avatar's bison go down in the ocean with a certain someone still aboard. "What if the Avatar brings Azula?" Mai asked, though she was thinking of Zuko's face as it sank below the surface. "What if you accidentally shoot her down?"
The Fire Lord shrugged his shoulders slightly in a very un-lordly-like manner as he clearly said, "So be it."
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A/N: Dun dun dun. Oh the suspense! The drama! The...faints. Now make me feel special: reviews puh-lease.