Chapter 2 - The Grief of Milady
What could've happened? What had gone wrong? Nobody could answer these questions let alone, could Sharon answer these on her own. The twisted thoughts continue to unravel, and it was causing her to lose all sense in her. The grief stuck too much, and they had given Break a proper funeral only weeks ago.
But it was still there, the pain and the confusion.
Questions filled inside her head.
Why wasn't she there for him?
If she was, would she have been help?
Or would she have been a burden?
The blood that scattered through the forest, Sharon could still see it everywhere. She found it hard to sleep, because Break wasn't just a servant, or just part of the Reinsworth household. He was family to her, her big brother and now he was gone.
She was glad of course, that Reim was alive, now resting in another room still unconscious, unable to wake up from the stress done to his body, but he was recovering just fine.
"It hurts."
Sharon stared out the window, sitting by the table, watching as the storm blurred the view outside. The rain was endless, as if it was also crying. Sharon wanted to pretend that it was the Will of Abyss, sharing her grief of his death, but she wasn't sure.
It must be coincidence.
Yes.
It hurts, so much.
Sharon and the others had gone back to their normal lives, trying to get past the fact that the happy clown in their lives was gone forever. Never to return. The remembrance they had left was his cane, that they did not want to touch, blood still coating it.
Break was absent for weeks.
They wanted to fool themselves into thinking that he was still around, that Break's spirit still lingered for he had unfinished business. But that wasn't the case, and all they could do was lie to themselves.
"Break wouldn't want us to be sad." Sharon clenched her hand into a fist. "What would he say, if he saw us this way?"
Sharon cried, feeling as if the tears could no longer be shed, because they were so dry by now. She wouldn't stop crying and even if Sheryl tried her best to calm her granddaughter down, nothing would stop her. Sheryl tried everything but it was in vain, Sharon only wanted to be left in peace.
Even Duke Barma sends his condolence.
Break never even said goodbye.
Sharon stood up fiercely and picked up a vase full flowers seated neatly on the table and threw it towards the wall.
It shattered.
The water spread to the carpet and the flowers sat there drenched and dark. Black flowers from Pandora, black flowers that symbolizes death.
She doesn't want a reminder.
She wants to forget.
She fell to her knees, watching the shattered piece lying there. She hid her tears, lowering her head. Loud sobs escaped her lips. It was so painful, why couldn't she move on with everything that has happened? She missed him, her big brother, her Xerxes-nii. She loved him so much for them to part their ways.
She hated it the fact that Break was so selfish.
Yet in turn, she was the one who was selfish.
She wanted Break to be by her side, when in fact, failing to notice that Break had already been tired of the world around him. The man only wanted peace from the burdens he was carrying and he was only afraid of death. Now, it didn't look like the case, Break had finally accepted his end and that's why it hurt so much.
It wasn't a happy ending at all.
"I thought you hated sad endings!" Sharon cried, screaming. "I thought you hated seeing us cry! SO WHY?!"
Some people went into the room to see her crying on the floor with shattered pieces of the vase surrounding her. It was Oz, Alice and Gil. Sharon knew that she wasn't the only one grieving. They lost someone so dear to them, that there was no one in the world that could replace him.
He was irreplaceable.
The others felt pain as well, but not so much as hers. Or at least, that's what she thinks. She believes that her grief is greater, since they don't openly express theirs. But she was wrong, they were despairing just as much as she was and it was horrible.
Oz and the others felt that they need not disturb her, so they left her there, crying and alone.
Sharon and Break have been together since Sharon was six.
She would give him daisies and he would keep it in his pocket, which normally Sharon would correct him. The flower was for holding not for keeping like that. He would have ruined the flower. She'd run with him, play dolls, play hide and seek. Break would always win, Sharon could never find the man's hiding place.
The one things she could never forget about him was his smile.
No matter how much Break feels pain, he'd smile it off. Sharon would like to imitate him right now, she was in pain, but only break could pull off a smile at times like these.
The look on Sharon's face was mesmerizing. Those tears kept on flowing down to her cheeks and filling up once more to pour it out.
She never felt such grief before.
Not even for her mother.
Her mother's death was understandable and she was prepared to continue on with the duty of being the next Reinsworth, so her mother would be proud of her.
She wished that it should be her lying there lifeless. It should be her that's feeling all those burdening tasks. How come Break didn't let them help him with those burdens before? How come the man always stayed strong whenever everything else was toppling down on him?
Such a strong willed person.
Why couldn't Sharon have been that way? She would love that right now.
Pain was taking over, that burden to finish what was left for them to continue. She needed help but sadly, she knew she couldn't do it. She always needed help. She couldn't do it on her own. People were there to aid her in her time of need but when others ask, all she could do was wait and let others take over.
That was what she thought.
She was useless.
Break would be there to protect her. The time where Vincent had kidnapped her and there was nothing else she could do. She just sat there and watched as all of Break's hard work, was destroyed in mere seconds.
She wanted to be useful, but what could she have done?
She would have only gotten in the way. The only things she could do were to open doors in and out of the abyss and crying. She hated herself for being that kind of person, not really accepting her duty, her vows and promises. She was mature now, mature enough to help her big brother.
What did she do?
Those times wasted, she knew she could have done more. Done more with Break's health. She should have noticed it before. That Break had been blind. The others did, Oz did and so did Liam, but leaving her out, because they know she couldn't accept it.
That she would only tear up and cry.
Yes.
Cry.
That is all she could do.
But she stayed strong when break told her the truth; she made things the best for what they were. Yet, everything didn't go according to plan. Things twisted its real course. Everything else ended up different from what anyone ever expected the outcome to be.
"It's never a happy ending without you, Xerxes-nii."
As heavy tears flowed down her cheeks once more, she stood up and took something from under her pillow.
It was a blue doll with locks of hair and a ribbon. She couldn't sleep without it, it was a memory that cannot be left behind. It was Break's doll, the doll he'd fool people around with. It was full of memories of him that she would take it anywhere with her just so that Break's memory cannot be forgotten.
She laid there on her bed hugging the blue doll which Break called Emily.
How she missed him so much.
"Ah, it was Emily's fault?" Break grinned. "Eh!? Me? It's you! Now now Emily!"
"You are annoying."
"For you? Don't mistake it that way, milady. I only did it because your mother, Shelly-sama, will kill me."
"I'm not very good at dancing."
"I'm blind, Milady."
She cried at that last part, he was blind. He was sick, he was weak. He hid all of those from her, but it made her happy didn't it. Maybe having him around was happy at times of grief. Mainly because he were there to ease things, but with his absence it was painful, sad and lonely.
Without him, it can never be a happy ending.
"It is an ending, isn't it?" Sharon stared at the ceiling. "But do I look happy?"
Sharon covered herself with her bed sheets, she still held Emily close to her heart. She cried once more, it never stops. It can never stop since he's gone. She will always shed tears for him, it means that she can never forget him.
"Xerxes-nii...I miss you!"
Under those covers, was a woman that loved her servant.
Loved her brother... And misses him dearly.
oOo
To be continued...
This story has me in tears again. I hope you enjoyed.