All three of you: Be happy

by to overdose on earl grey

"If you were flipping your shit earlier, you're going completely berserk and flipping the ice cream of small children, even though it's falling on the ground, they're crying about it, and you aren't some weird child-hating freak, because you need to flip SOMETHING, and you're all out of shit." Shitty summary, I know.

3. Your name is John Egbert

Your name is JOHN EGBERT, and you are the biggest derp alive. Literally, your whole planet is gone, and you are amongst all eight living people left, and you're not even sure if one of them counts. You often kick yourself in the head for thinking that, but really, he's like, the same as another person. How does that count? Also, there are supposedly two other people somewhere else, but you're pretty sure they're just a myth, or maybe everyone else trying to trick you into thinking they exist, so that once you start acting like they do, they can call you crazy. A prankster's gambit as great as yours is a double edged sword.

Well, your appearance paragraph got hijacked, so it seems we must do that here. You have short black hair that sticks out in what you used to think was the strangest way ever. Now that you've met the trolls, you're not so sure. It looks cool though. Too bad it's the only thing that's cool about your appearance, seeing as you've got an overbite and the thickest, nerdiest glasses imaginable.

You have an extreme passion for TERRIBLE ACTION MOVIES, as you always have. Consequently, you worship NIC CAGE, and loving shared with your dead friend, VRISKA SERKET. Vriska's awesome. The two of you had a rough patch towards the beginning, when you found out just how crazy she was, but you're pretty sure both of you have matured. Either that, or your mind has sunken to her level, which would be pretty believable after just over three years in space. The only hitch in your relationship now is the fact that she's dead, and whenever you see each other, it's in dream bubbles, which are all out of order. It can be pretty confusing. Also, you're pretty sure she's dating a failed-timeline you. You're not sure how you feel about that.

Your best friend is a cool-kid named DAVE STRIDER. He's got blonde hair, and some rad shades. You happen to be privy to some rare info on the guy, the most prominent of which is that he's actually not a total douche. He's actually one of the most caring people you know, right up there with KARKAT VANTAS, who is coincidentally a knight, just like him. Dave's probably the only reason you're alive today.

Approximately 28 days ago, you, in a screwed up way, got together with the aforementioned Karkat, whom you're sure is your soul-mate. There's literally no doubt about it. You're so LUCKY that even after three years apart, he still HATES you. Even if he bears no pleasant feelings towards you, and even if he's extremely rough with you, taking the utmost joy in your pain, at least he wants you. He fucking wants all of you, time, mind, and even your weak, unattractive body. Just that fact alone makes you so much happier than you could even begin to explain.

Your biological sister is JADE HARLEY, a quirky girl, some features of whom are that of a canine. She absolutely adores squiddles, a surprising amount of which she managed to bring with her when you guys fled the Earth. She's one of the oldest friends of yours, although you only managed to get together with her for real a few years ago. Although, that's kind of how it is with all your friends. You didn't do so well in that department back home. Anyway, she's completely awesome, and beautiful. You don't care what anyone says. Actually, if anyone dares to say otherwise, you'd pull a Rose, and go grimdark, maybe even do the windy-thing on their ass. You don't really know though, but you'd be in a pretty bad mood. Nobody, and you mean nobody, talks bad about your sister.

You don't really have any negative relationships with anyone, although you suppose you have a problem with GAMZEE MAKARA. You try to avoid him, because he makes you uncomfortable(He has dead bodies!). And by problem, you mean you sort of wish he never existed. If he weren't here, you there would be more people on board, and you know Karkat would be less stressed out, for obvious reasons.

You've been avoiding your Dave for the last month, and you're not sure why. Probably something to do with your boyfriend-thing though. Maybe it's because you know deep down that he'd look at the relationship, and then decide it needed to end. You really don't want it to end, even if it was doomed to implode from the start.

What will you do?