A few seconds ticked by while the words sunk into my head. I knew that I wanted to go with him, but what I didn't know was why. The idea worried me and for a moment Cheren crossed my mind. Would he disapprove?
"White?" N stepped closer, reaching a hand towards my shoulder.
A second before his hand touches me, I snap out of my reverie, "Yes, I'd very much like to go."
He hesitates for a moment and then draws his hand away without ever making contact and I suddenly find myself sad for answering so soon. Shaking off the strange thought, I step towards the ferris wheel. N steps ups next to me and pulls open the door to the carriage that's on the ground. Without further adieu, I step in and he follows me, shutting the door behind us.
For a moment we settle on the seats across from each other and stay silent. The ferris wheel jerks to a start and I find myself wondering why it would be running with only two passengers. N clears his throat and my thoughts stop as I direct all my attention at him.
"N?"
He looks up at me, his green eyes shadowed by his bangs. The look he gives me causes my stomach to sink. "White. White, I need to tell you something."
"What is it?"
For a moment I hope he won't tell me. I hope he'll change his mind and say it's nothing and we'll go on as we have been. But part of me knows—part of me has always known—that we can't go on that way forever. That part of me whispers in the back of my mind saying there's a reason I've been suspicious of him all along. But I don't want to believe it.
"I—" He takes a deep breath and drops his head so his gaze rests on his hands in his lap. Fear clenches my heart. "I am the leader of Team Plasma."
The world stops. The ferris wheel seems to no longer be moving; the birds frozen in the air alongside us. I stare at him for a moment that seems to last indefinitely. And then suddenly, the breath I had been holding rushes out of me and the world speeds up and slams into me and I find that I actually can't breathe at all.
"White?" He asks, leaning forward towards me.
Don't lean towards me. Don't come any closer. I want to tell him, but the words just won't come. I stare at him in shock, praying that I had somehow heard him wrong.
"W-what?" I finally manage to stutter.
He sighs and sits back again, "You heard me correctly, White. I wish it weren't so. I wish I hadn't met you under these circumstances, but there's nothing I can do to change the way things have gone."
"N!" I cry, standing up in sudden anger. "How could you? I trusted you! You protected me! You've been with me every step of the way and all along you've been my enemy?" Tears prick at the corner of my eyes and I'm not sure if they're from sorrow or indignation, but I don't waste the time figuring it out.
"Don't think of me as your enemy—" He begins, but I don't waste time listening.
"Team Plasma has stolen from innocent people! They have tried to smash me into the ground! For people who want to liberate pokemon, they sure seem to be abusing their own! Where do you get off saying we're not enemies? You want people like me destroyed! You want me destroyed."
"I don't!" He cries, standing to match my height. He steps up to me so our eyes meet almost perfectly. "You don't understand how much you've changed everything, White. You can never understand the role you are playing."
"And what role is that?" I whisper, wiping tears off my cheeks. "What have I done for you besides become your victim?"
N reached out suddenly and snatched my hands from my cheeks. He held them between his own for a second before taking them and pressing them against his chest, just above his heart.
"Do you feel this? Do you know what this means?" When I remained speechless, staring at our hands, he continued. "This means I'm human, White. And while I may not have the experiences and understanding of being human that you do, we aren't so different. And I make mistakes, too, White. I can be wrong."
"N." I cried, collapsing my head against my own chest as I finally let the tears out. I was so confused and torn, I didn't know what to do.
He seemed unsure of how to react to my tears and simply tightened his grip on my hands. I could feel the steady beat of his heart and I knew his words were true. He was human, and he could make mistakes. More than that, he could change.
With a deep breath, I looked up at met his eyes through my tears, "I'm not going to give up on you, N. I won't."
"Yes," he smiled. "That's what I want, White. I want you to fight for me."
The ferris wheel came to a sudden stop, jolting me out of the moment we had fallen into. I stumbled forward and bumped into N. He laughed for a moment and caught me in his arms as I began to fall. After steadying me for a moment, He pressed a hand to my cheek.
"Remember that, White. I need you to fight for me. You don't understand how important you are."
I sighed, "When are you going to stop talking cryptically?"
He smiled and rubbed his thumb across my cheek for a moment, "When the time is right," he replied. He looked at me for a moment before opening the door to the carriage and stepping out. "I just hope you don't give up on me before that time."
With those words, he began walking away. For a moment, I was shocked. Then, I remembered his hoodie I had stuffed in my backpack. "N!" I called, running after him, pulling my backpack off and ignoring the tears still on my cheeks. "Wait! I still have your sweatshirt."
He stopped a few feet away but didn't turn to look at me, "Keep it," he said, his voice quiet. "I understand that you're mad at me and upset and I'll understand if you never want to see me again. But I don't want you to never think of me again. So keep it, and keep me in your memories if nothing else."
He walked away again and I found that this time I couldn't bring myself to follow him. I sunk to the ground, pressing his jacket against my chest as more tears leaked down my cheeks. What he didn't understand was that I could never forget him. And at this point, I was starting to think it'd be impossible for me to go without seeing him. Not because Team Plasma seemed to be around every corner, but because I missed him while he was gone.
As he disappeared into the crowd of people filling the amusement park, I thought over what had happened and what I had learned. Now I knew with, absolute certainty; N was the leader of Team Plasma. N was the very thing I had somehow been destined to take down. N was my enemy. And at the same time, N was my friend. N was the person I believed in. N was the one I would fight for.
I took in a deep breath and noticed for the first time that his hoodie smelled like apples, crisp and fresh. The smell reminded me of innocence; of the innocence that N was quickly losing. The innocence I was now determined to give him back.