The things worth fighting for Chapter 15, a glee fanfic

Thank you for everybody who answered my authors note. You have all really helped me. I have two chapters of the trip, all bittersweet. Also to help my writers block I listened to loads of music so this is a very lyric-centric chapter. Basically half of it is song lyrics.

Oh, and Blaine gets his first POV chapter. Thought he deserved one but it will stay as mainly Kurt with Blaine talking through his journal.

I don't own any of the songs in this chapter.

Enjoy.

"Are we going to pass through Westerville?" Blaine asked staring out the window as he had for the lats hour.

"Is that where you're from?" Kurt asked though now that he thought about it he already knew that answer.

Blaine nodded.

"I can take a different route."

"No, that's okay."

Kurt nodded and carried on driving after a few minutes of silence Blaine started to talk.

"I had some friends at school, I haven't thought of them in six months. I wonder if they're okay."

"We can stop in to see them." Kurt offered.

Blaine shook his head.

"No, It's better for them not to know. Whatever story they came up with in their minds is better than the truth. I don't want them to see how I am now."

"I like who you are now."

Blaine looked over at him and gave him a small smile.

"Did you like yourself?" Kurt asked.

"What?" Blaine looked confused.

"Well, you weren't out then and ... ignore me I don't know what I'm saying."

"No,I wasn't." Blaine said looking downwards. "I liked being with my friends and anytime I could sing but I guess things weren't all that great."

Kurt nodded, he was getting more of those 'don't want to talk about it vibes from Blaine and he had been doing so well at opening up that Kurt wasn't going to push him anymore.

"Hey." He said putting his hand on Blaine's knee. "It's okay, we're going to have a brilliant weekend. Shall I put the Les Mis soundtrack on, we have to practice in case one of the actors forgets their lines and we have to step in to rescue the show."

Blaine gave a little laugh. Kurt noticed that his eyes crinkled in an adorable manner.

"Sure."

They drove listening in silence but when Kurt started to sing 'castle on a cloud' Blaine closed his eyes and listened o the sweet voice.

"There is a castle on a cloud,
I like to go there in my sleep,
Aren't any floors for me to sweep,
Not in my castle on a cloud.

There is a room that's full of toys,
There are a hundred boys and girls,
Nobody shouts or talks too loud,
Not in my castle on a cloud.

There is a lady all in white,
Holds me and sings a lullaby,
She's nice to see and she's soft to touch,
She says "Cosette, I love you very much."

I know a place where no one's lost,
I know a place where no one cries,
Crying at all is not allowed,
Not in my castle on a cloud."

"Hey sleeping beauty."

Blaine blinked. For a second he did not know where he was. But he felt safe. He opened his eyes and smiled at the beautiful young man across from him. It was something amazing to wake up to even if it was just from a short nap. He stretched working the kink out of his back.

"How long was I asleep?"

"About and hour and a half." Kurt smiled.

"Do you want me to drive for a while?"

"No, you just rest. You seem pretty tired."

"I was too excited to sleep last night, well mostly excited."

"Mostly?"

"I guess I'm a little nervous."

"What about?"

Blaine didn't answer he just pulled the sleeve of his cardigan up. He loved his cardigan, it was the first thing he had ever brought with his own pay check. On the back of his wrist was printed the letter and numbers he had memorized laying on a dirty bed staring at the black letters against burning and bleeding red skin.

S.S.1995HOMO378B.A.

Kurt's eyes flickered to his wrist. For a long moment they focused on the numbers. When he looked away he looked sad and Blaine felt bad that he was spoiling his weekend already.

"It'll be okay, we may have to play at master and slave at the hotel but we'll sign in quick and keep our heads down as much as possible." Kurt's hand dropped to Blaine's knee for a moment, only a moment, not long enough. "Are you okay with that, I don't want you too be uncomfortable. We can always go home and rethink and go on a trip when we're more prepared."

Blaine shook his head.

"No, it's okay. I want this. I'm nervous but I can manage."

"If you ever feel like you can't just tell me."

"Thanks Kurt but like you said we're going to have a good time right?"

"Right, so.. I was thinking we're going to arrive before the hotels signing time so do you want to stop in for a coffee some place."

"Yeah, I think I'm going to need it."

"I don't know why, you love me like you do,

It's not like am special,

special like you."

"Who is this band?" Blaine said looking puzzled.

"Oh, they're.. I can't remember there name. Anyway they're British. Okay, I am definitely getting more tempted by that chocolate cake every moment it's like it's whispering to the fat on my thighs from here 'let me join you, let me join you.'

"You don't have fat on your thighs."

"That's because I don't eat chocolate cake."

Blaine smiled at how ridiculous his friend was being.

"Okay, Kurt, we are on holiday so you are allowed cake. That's the whole point of holidays being able to throw caution to the wind and enjoy life a little."

"Will you have a slice with me so I don't feel so bad?"

"Like you have to ask me to eat cake."

"Okay." Kurt got up.

Blaine watched him, he really was so beautiful. It felt like for the first time in ages he was getting to be fully himself. It felt like the bars were finally dropping. And behind them was this beautiful boy ready to guide him out into the sunlight. He smiled as Kurt caught his eye then turned to the window so it wouldn't seem like he was staring. The sun was streaming in and people were walking carefree and chatting happily. It just seemed like a perfect day. Blaine closed his eyes and let the lyrics of the song in the background flood into his mind.

"Who said anything about falling in love,

lost my mind when I surrendered everything to find your in love,

This is my mistake cuz who said anything about falling in love in love,

in love.
I know I know that your just being kind but it's giving me a false hope,
I know I know that I only need a little just a little bit of false hope,
I know I know that am only seeing what I want ta,"

Blaine frowned. He was making everything up. Kurt was just being nice to him. Kurt was special. He was kind and talented and untainted. He had a smile that made people feel like they were were the most interesting people in the world. His eyes could make you lose your train of thought whenever they focused directly on you. His voice was so soft it could probably tame wild animals. And his hips swayed ever so slightly as he walked which could seem overly feminine but actually was only just enough to make your eyes drift down to that wonderful toned perfectly shaped...

"Penny for your thoughts?"

"Uh what?"

"Sorry to have interrupted your day dream, was it good?" Kurt said with a little smirk.

"Good but only a dream." Blaine said with a shy smile.

"Well, I have made it my personal mission to make as many of your dreams come true as I can. So tell me one?"

"Um.. once I dreamed that I lived in a house made entirely out of chocolate chip cookies and marshmallows."

"Um... why don't we think of a very small one to work on whilst I try and figure out if that's plausible.. and how we would manage wasp control, and the problem of neighborhood children eat the house and our parents suing us for the diabetes medication."

"I'm already impressed with the level of thought you have put into this."

Kurt shrugged. "I am dedicated."

Blaine reached for the plate of chocolate cake Kurt had brought him. He took a bite but could barely taste it because all he could think about was how wonderful yet painful it was to be with Kurt. But it wasn't always painful. It was only painful because he had spent the morning daydreaming about being able to hold Kurt's hand whenever he wanted, to have him curl into his arms with his head tucked over Blaine's chin (yes in his mind he would at some point hit a growth spurt and be the same height as Kurt) so that he could smell his shampoo which from short whiffs seemed to

be coconut and something else. Just because that couldn't happen didn't mean that he couldn't enjoy his time with Kurt.

That time that would last until... until Kurt found somebody else to spend his time with...somebody else to hold hands with and cuddle with and sing duets with and watch endless Disney films with.

He felt a warm touch on his hand.

"Hey." Kurt said softly. "Don't think about it. We're going to have a good day. Now what can I do to distract you?"

'Just walk past'. Blaine thought.

"Kurt, I know this day is going to be perfect. It was a good daydream."

"You were frowning."

"This chocolate cake is good isn't it?"

"Deflecting, and I haven't tried it yet."

Blaine grabbed Kurt's fork and cut off a wedge of cake.

"Open up..."

"You are ridiculous... and adorkable." Kurt said leaning on his elbows across the table to take the piece of cake between his lips. He closed his eyes.

"Mmmmm. Why is stuff that's so bad be so good."

Blaine felt something he hadn't felt in so long, something he hadn't thought he was capable of feeling any more. It was only a twinge, a twitch, a slight hardening. But it was the first thing he had felt in ages and it felt for a second like he couldn't breath because that was scary and he just could not think of it right now because Kurt was looking puzzled at him and had every right to considering how he was staring.

"Um.. yeah. It's fantastic cake."

Kurt looked at him a little puzzled for a moment and then he seemed to give a little shrug and he smiled.

"Soooo... we can book into the hotel room in an hour then what do you want to do?"

"What are the options?"

Blaine watched Kurt's pink lips as he spoke, he nodded occasionally when he realized a few minutes had past and he hadn't responded in anyway. When they left the cafe Blaine had no idea what he had agreed to but Kurt was bouncing on his feet a little and his smile was so wide and his voice almost like a song that Blaine really didn't care.

"Okay, so you stay here." Kurt said dumping his bag on the bed. "I'll only be forty minute stops, don't open the door to anybody. Okay?"

"What...wait where are you going?"

"I told you, at the cafe. I have an errand to run." Kurt walked forwards and quickly wrapped his arms around Blaine. He was so warm, like hugging a space heater and god knew Blaine had been cold far too many times in hs life. Had he changed his shampoo? It smelt more...fruity. But then it was over.

"Are you going to be okay?" Kurt asked.

"Yeah, I'll just unpack."

"You don't have to."

"I know, but it make sense then we can both go out the moment you get back."

"Sounds like a plan." Kurt smiled opening the door and waving quickly before he disappeared. Blaine went up and locked the door behind him then looked around the room. It was nice, simple but clean and modern. The single bed made hi heart skip , there was plenty of room for the both of them but even sleep on the edges to give each other space then Kurt would be sleeping two feet away from him. Blaine found himself smiling widely at the thought.

There was a black painted chest of drawers a little tea set and a black wooden shelf on the wall with a couple of books for browsing (a nice touch). Out the window there was a view leading of the strip mall across the street. Not overly exciting. He turned back to look over the room and checked in the small bathroom. Clean and tidy if not small. He had been in many hotels in his life, most were fairly expensive and overly ornate, he liked this room just for the reason that it wasn't. He looked at the bags in front of him and started to unpack. He was getting quite good at all sorts of housework. He'd grown up with a maid so had never had to do anything for himself. What was surprising was that he actually found himself rather content when cleaning, his hands were busy and he had something to do that didn't let the bad thoughts start to creep up on him. And he enjoyed the garage more than he had ever thought. The problems with the cars were some times like puzzles, the guys talked to him and though he was known as the quiet one that didn't stop them from chatting to him about their girlfriends and kids. He liked that, he liked that they were willing to include him. He was good at it too, Burt had been training him up and he said he was doing wasn't what he'd planned to do with his life but he was content. When he had done packing up the clothes he looked over at the bed. Smiling at the knowledge he would be sharing that bed tonight with a wonderful boy he let himself drop onto the bed and shut his eyes thinking about singing softly to a blue eyed sleeping boy.

Then his thoughts changed.

He was a slave alone. Anything could happen, anybody could come into a room. What if the guy who had signed them in as Hummel and slave had seen Kurt leave? What if he was heading up the stairs with the spare key right now?His body wasn't his own. He closed his eyes hands were on him, pulling at him, touching him he wanted to scream. He wanted to say no but if he did he would be beaten.

No, it wasn't like that anymore, Kurt and Burt protected him now. But would it always be that way? What would happen if his sleeve slid up one day whilst he was working on a car,what if one of the guys he worked with,one of the friendly guys who told him all abut his life. What if one of them found out. Then what? His brain kept on coming up with all these possibilities. A couple of times a day at least and each time he felt like somebody had punched him in the chest and he couldn't breath. He hid himself away for a while letting the tears drip down his face then feeling exhausted he would wipe his face and go back to work or what ever he was doing. But this time, maybe because he was somewhere different or maybe because he felt strong enough

h to try a different way he reached for the journal Kurt had given him.

It took him a long moment till he was able to steady his hand enough then the lyrics just flowed from him, exactly like they used to but stronger,more powerful, a little angry and a little full of regret.

He thought of his Father, he thought of those men who had taken him and used him. He thought about Jason and how wrong he was to think he was a good boyfriend, he thought about Sebastian and how Kurt had trusted him. That brought him to thinking about Kurt. Thinking about how Kurt kept pushing him, how angry he sometime was but how he knew he was trying to help. And if Kurt was willing to try and help he had to try and help himself too. But he also wondered if he was capable of being helped, even after all this time he had those moments when it all came crashing back to him.

"Ever wonder about what he's doing
How it all turned to lies
Sometimes I think that it's better to never ask why

Funny how the heart can be deceiving
More than just a couple times
Why do we fall in love so easy?
Even when it's not right

Ever worry that it might be ruined
And does it make you wanna cry?
When you're out there doing what you're doing
Are you just getting by?
Tell me are you just getting by, by, by

Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone's bound to get burned
But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try, and try, and try
Gotta get up and try, and try, and try
You gotta get up and try, and try, and try
Gotta get up and try, and try, and try
Gotta get up and try, and try, and try
You gotta get up and try, and try, and try
Gotta get up and try, and try, and try

You gotta get up and try, and try, and try
Gotta get up and try, and try, and try"

He didn't know how long it had been when he heard the door opening but he had just finished writing and his hand was cramped. For a moment he panicked that it might not be Kurt coming through the door but then he saw that familiar frame followed by a short smile.

"Hi. You're writing in your journal." Kurt gave a delighted smile.

"Yeah. "

Blaine was glad he could make Kurt happy with these simple things because he had caused him plenty of pain and embarrassment and complications. But though he knew it would make Kurt even happier he couldn't tell him that he'd been song writing. That would make Kurt want to read the lyrics and that would mean he would then have to explain them. Blaine just wasn't ready to go that deep.

"Tonight's going to be something worth writing about. Are you hungry?"

"I could eat."

Kurt got his I phone out.

"Tell me what you fancy and I'll look up what's in the area."

"How about Thai? There aren't any Thai places in Lima."

"Oh,I haven't had Thia in ages.." Kurt stared at his phone for a long moment. "Okay, there is one in the strip mall across the road or one two blocks from the theater."

"I think the one downtown will have a cozier atmosphere."

Kurt smiled. "You want to get cozy with me?"

"Always."

The flirtatious remark came without thinking.

"Hello! Welcome." The man at the door looked between them and winked. "Table for two?"

Blaine looked around. He liked the decorative wood work and red fabrics even the large wooden elephant next tot he door to the dining room.

"Yes please." Kurt answered as Blaine took in the soft music piano music in the background and the spicy scent that made his stomach rumble.

"I have a fantastic private table for you. Follow me." He picked up two menus and walked through the busy dining room.

"Looks like we were lucky." Kurt said.

"It's been really busy the last few weeks." Their host said. "Here we go."

He had led them to the back wall which was interspersed with thick red curtains. The host held open the curtain to reveal a little alcove with two velvet covered benches and a table. There was no lighting except three candles on the table that flickered softly.

"This looks perfect." Kurt said with a soft gasp.

"Always willing to help a brother out." The host said with a wink. "Now, the house wine is on special..."

"Um.." Kurt hesitated. Blaine had to wonder if this guy knew they weren't had a feeling that he did.

"Just glasses please." Blaine answered."Don't want to over do it."

"Two glasses coming up." The host said with a short bow and left them.

Kurt climbed into the alcove followed by Blaine. They looked across the table at each other. Kurt blushed beautifully and looked around. "I guess there must be a hidden speaker somewhere."

Blaine nodded the music was still playing softly but the noise from the dinning room outside was muted.

"It's beautiful." Blaine said.

They looked at each other, it seemed awkward to being such a close and intimate situation. They'd never had trouble talking before but now that it was expected it suddenly became difficult. They opened their menu's.

"They have purple Yam." Kurt said peeking over the top of the menu. "Purple is your favorite color."

"It does sound interesting. Do we have time for starters?"

"The desserts don't sound fantastic so maybe we can risk it and cut dessert if we don't have we did have chocolate cake."

"Yes but green tea ice cream."

"Mmm.. sounds good. But Sesame puffs, satay, lemon chicken soup."

"Okay, you've got me. Starters and prey the kitchens fast."

There was a rustling of the curtains, it seemed like a warning to let them know the host was there. He opened the curtains with a smile holding a tray with two glasses of wine and two glasses of iced water.

"How are you boys doing?"

"Umm.. good."

"Do you need a minute."

"I think I know what I'd like." Blaine said.

"Okay sir, what would you like?"

"I'd like the the shrimp cakes to start followed by the chicken pineapple curry."

"Okay."

"And I'll have the salmon and the ...hmmm."

"Can't decide on a starter?"

"No, they all sound good."

"I wish I could tell you that some of them are horrid so that you have less to choose from but they are all delicious."

Kurt sighed and looked at the menu again.

"Blaine." he said looking up over his eyelids looking sad. "Will you share a second starter with me."

Blaine gave a little smile. "We can get three and the share all of them."

"Oh, that sounds good." Kurt looked back at the menu. "So you're having shrimp cakes and I think I would like the vegetables with spicy tomato sauce. Then what.. chicken satay, sesame balls, Curry puffs?"

"Curry puffs?"

"Okay."

"So, that's the shrimp cakes, curry puffs and vegetables, basil salmon with chilli sauce and chicken pineapple curry?"

"Yes."

"Okay, starters should be ten minutes."

"Sounds good."

The host took their menus and left.

"I'm really looking forwards to this." Blaine said.

"So am I. It's nice."

Kurt starred at him for a long moment, opened his mouth and closed it.

"Kurt, what is it?"

"Nothing, I shouldn't ask."

"Kurt, I'm not going to break."

He didn't add thee thought that he couldn't get more broken, because now that he thought about it he did feel like lately somebody had given him a big dose of morphine to ease the pain.

Kurt blushed and looked away. "Actually it's nothing."

Blaine took a deep breath and steeled himself in case he was met with refusal. he grabbed Kurt's hand and gave it a tight squeeze.

"Tell me, I thought we were trying to be open with each other?"

"Okay..." Kurt took a deep breath. "I'm really sorry about Sebastian."

Blaine blinked a lot of times, he didn't understand why Kurt would suddenly bring that up. In truth so much bad stuff (and worse than what had happened with Sebastian) had happened to him that Sebastien was at the back of his list of horrors.

"Kurt...why.."

"He was really not much of a friend, I should have seen that but I had never known somebody like me before."

"Hes not like you."

"But..." Kurt took another deep breath. "There isn't much information on gay sex and...and was that...was that normal."

Blaine tried to let the question sink into his mind. He wasn't really sure what Kurt was asking.

"Oh god! I'm not asking you as a slave but you had a boyfriend before and that's more than ever had and I wondered if you'd known when yo were dating him...Oh god can we just forget I asked that."

"I don't understand... Kurt, sex between two men.." Blaine shut his eyes. He would not allow the memories to come back,Kurt was asking him a question as a friend. He was trusting him. "There's anal sex Kurt, do you understand what that means."

Kurt brushed bright red and looked down at the table.

"Yes. I know. I just.. I guess, what Sebastien did to you... it.. I had imagined that sort of thing before... but I didn't know if it was normal for gay men to ...to do that."

"Yes. Kurt, it's normal." Blaine squeezed his hand tighter. "Look, I know I'm not the best person to ask about this stuff. I..my knowledge is corrupt. But I used to know some websites, they're well hidden but they're there. I can give you the urls."

Kurt nodded. "Thanks." He looked up and gave a small red cheeked smile.

Blaine took a sip of his wine, his hand was shaking. He to the taste of wine, he'd been stealing bottles from his Dad's stock to share with his friends since he was thirteen. Kurt copied him and lifted the glass he looked a little unsure, he took a sip and winkled his nose.

"I guess it's not that bad."

"It's a fruity one."

"You know wine?"

"Not really. I take it you haven't had much experience?"

"I have. Once. A lady at my school gave me something that burnt and left a medicinal taste. I ended up throwing up all over my guidance councilors shoes. It was dreadful she has OCD so she was probably showered like eight times."

Blaine tried not to laugh, he really did but he needed it too. He was feeling some nerves from their previous conversation. He was glad he had managed to seem calm because his heart was beating on his ribcage like a battering ram.

"Okay." He said he reached for Kurt's glass. "May I?"

Kurt nodded. Blaine took the glass and poured half of it into his own glass then he poured some of Kurt's water into Kurt's wine glass to water it down. He finished by pouring some wine back into the water glass in case Kurt wanted some extra.

Kurt took a sip of the watered down wine.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

There was a fake cough from outside the curtain. Blaine had almost forgotten about the restaurant on the other side of that curtain. Kurt had already reached over to peek out.

"Hi boy's got you're starters for you."

The curtain was opened fully and their starters were laid out in front of us. When the host had done Kurt turned towards Blaine and whispered.

"So have we been put in here to keep us hidden or are the vibes I'm reading from the waiter right? I mean, I have been extremely wrong in the past."

"Oh he is definitely playing on our team."

"So.. he thinks we're on a date."

Blaine smiled at the idea that anybody could look at him and Kurt and think they were on a date. It made him happy to think that some people thought it was possible,though he didn't know anything about their situation.

"I can put him right if you want..."

"No,he might decide to hit on you and I'd like to keep your undivided attention."

Kurt smiled and nibbled on a carrot stick.

"Let's play which actor is in the closet."

"Okay."

Kurt tugged his jacket around him tighter and Blaine found himself wishing he had something warm to hang over his friends shoulders like boys do for girls they like in the movies.

"No, no." Kurt laughed. "Now you are being ridiculous. We're meant to be talking about film actors not cartoon characters."

"I know, but Sebastian is definitely gay, I mean, he had a hot crustacean band and hangs out with seven mermaid princesses."

"Okay, are we meant to support our stereotypes? I thought we were supposed to break them."

"Watch that blow fish blow." Blaine said.

Kurt was laughing so hard he stopped walking.

"Stop it."

"I think Ariel would have been the prettiest Disney princess if she didn't have crabs."

"Okay.. okay.. that's it. You don't get wine again. I can't breath, you're just too funny. And I always thought there was something a bit fishy about her."

Blaine laughed. "Oh god, we've got to stop they'll throw us out before the show even starts."

"So..." Kurt asked a few hours later as they walked out the auditorium into the cold night air.

"So..."

"I think it would have been better if they'd forgotten their lines."

"Some of them had potential."

"You're right, just not as actors."

"Or singers."

"How could they ruin Les Miserable like that they should be shot."

"Perhaps there was just a problem with the mics."

"Perhaps that girl playing grown up Collette was sleeping with the director."

"Excuse me young man that's my daughter."

Kurt turned open mouthed. Blaine took one look at the tall heavy built middle aged man in front of Kurt who was staring down at Kurt and felt his stomach drop. As he watched Kurt fumble around trying to find something to say a strange sort of dry mouth bravery took hold of him He wasn't scared of this greying flabby stomached man. He stepped forwards and took Kurt's hand.

"You must be very excited."

The man looked puzzled, his thick brows meet in the middle giving him a caveman kind of air.

"About what?"

"The baby."

He meet Kurt's eyes, he was looking at him with a 'what are you thinking?' look.

"What baby?" The man asked annoyed.

"Well you're daughter looks like she's fast approaching her third trimester."

"What! WHY YOU!"

"RUN!"

There was a moment when he was just tugging at Kurt's hand but then he running along beside him weaving through the startled post-show crowd.
They ran till Kurt seemed to start panting and Blaine pulled him into a side alley.

Kurt dropped his hand and doubled over taking deep breaths.

"He wasn't even following us."

"I know."

Kurt looked at him like he was crazy then burst out laughing. Blaine couldn't help joining in. He had no idea what he had been thinking but it was a stupid thong to have done, still he didn't regret it. Not when he was stood in this dark alleyway laughing his head off with Kurt as if there was nobody else in the world. Then he realized he hadn't laughed in this way since he was a child and he laughed harder.

"Oh my god! That was.. that was crazy.. and hilarious. I don't know whether to slap you or kiss you." Kurt gasped holding his sides. "Oh, it hurts. I think I have a stitch."

"I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me. "

Their eyes meet, in the dark Kurt's eyes were practically silver.

"Hmm.." Kurt straightened and bit his lip. He looked around.

"Where are we?"

"I don't know."

Kurt giggled again.

"How far did we run?"

"I don't know?"

"Do you think if we head back that guy would have left already?"

"Perhaps we should wait."

"You mean keep hiding in a dark alleyway?"

"Well... we could hide in that ice cream place we ran past, I don't think they have green tea but they might have coconut."

"Sounds good."

Walking silently down the street didn't seem right when they were so full of energy Blaine started singing.

"Teenage dreams in a teenage circus, running around like a clown on purpose."

"Who gives a damn about the family you come from." Kurt joined in.

"No giving up when your young and you..." Blaine trailed off as he realized the inappropriate suggestion the song made.

Kurt looked at him with a smirk and winked.

"We are golden."

As Blaine laid in bed in the blue satin pajamas Kurt had brought him to match his own black ones Blaine thought about how perfect the day had been. He knew that whatever happened in his life he would have this too hold onto. If things got bad he would hold onto memories created moments ago to stop him from going insane. The shadow of Kurt bent over in front of the small mirror through the shower curtain. The sound of his soft singing getting increasingly louder till Blaine could hear it over the noise of the shower. Then being able to join in. There they were getting ready for bed completely comfortable with each other.

Kurt came out the bathroom and with a shy smile he climbed into the bed, near the middle so that he was only half a foot from Blaine and facing him. The soft lamplight feel across Kurt's face giving it a golden quality. He was ethereal, a creature from another world, he had too be because no person was allowed to be so beautiful.

Kurt shifted uncomfortably. Blaine realized he had been staring.

"Have I left some cream on my face?" His hands reached up.

"No." Blaine said reaching for his hand. "You're beautiful."

The words slipped out before he'd had chance to think about waited for Kurt to come up with a witty remark but he didn't he just stared at him with his lips slightly apart till he gave a breathy whisper of reply.

"So are you."

Their faces were just inches from each other and those blue eyes were drilling into his. He could hear Kurt's breathing, it was fast like it had been earlier in the alley way. He felt his own breath increase in response. Kurt's eyes darted down, he was looking at his lips. He was thinking of kissing him. Kurt leaned a little closer and those blue eyes flickered shut and then Blaine's eyes shut too. He could feel the tickle of Kurt's breath on his lips. Could feel his chest push against his slightly. He was so close... they were going to kiss.

Then Blaine remembered it wasn't meant to be this way. Kurt was meant to have everything that he hadn't. He was meant to fall in love with somebody special and they were meant to slowly get to know each other and have a future and he would have all those possibilities... Blaine couldn't take them away from him.

It hurt to pull back and it hurt to see Kurt's eyes open and shadow with puzzlement.

"I can't be your first kiss Kurt."

Kurt eyes remained puzzled for a few moments then suddenly he realized and his eyes filled with tears and he pulled away. Blaine had done it again. He'd hurt him again.

Kurt pulled as far away as he could on the bed. He blinked his eyes a couple of times and then his jaw clenched. It was like a wall going up between them.
He shook his head.

"I'm sorry Blaine. It...it was nothing...it was just the wine and the excitement of the evening. Please forgive me."

"No, Kurt, please you don't understand.." Blaine tried to think about how to explain it, how to explain what Kurt deserved and how he just couldn't provide it.

"You don't have to explain Blaine. I was wrong. Can we just forget this and go to sleep."

Blaine didn't want to forget and go to sleep but despite that he sighed and nodded.

Kurt reached behind him and turned of the lamp plunging them into darkness.

Blaine turned around to face the wall. He knew he'd done the right thing but it felt awful. In the darkness with Kurt just a few feet away he felt completely alone. He wished he knew how to scream because this thing in his chest felt like it needed him to scream. But of course he couldn't. He'd forgotten how to scream in the months spent in that dark cell.

No flashback, it comes at the start of the next chapter instead.

I can admit it's not brilliant, but it was a really fun chapter to write once I decided to just run with every whim.

Who can name all the songs?