So, chapter 21. This plot still has a few more twists and turns before it ends. I can't wait to write the next few chapters they are going to be a lot of fun with a lot of drama. I wonder if iàm writing the most over the top and dramatic story yet. Also these are the last few flashbacks because Blaine is starting to recover and is not having nightmares as often and is not dwelling so much on the time he spent in the training center. But don't worry they are going to go out with a big bang.

Warning again, you know what this stories about by now. But there is a little more violence coming up in the next few chapters.

How many times had he thought he'd hit rock bottom? How many times had he thought things couldn't get worse or he couldn't feel more disgusted with himself. He curled up in on himself on his hard bed a loose spring jutting painfully into the bruises on his hip. There was so much pain in side but as he brought his knees up close to his face his body shaking with it, silent wails coming form his mouth he couldn't seem to cry. He dug his fingernails into his arms as hard as he could and yanked downward, as little droplets of blood appeared he felt a little better.

The memories of the day wouldn't stop attacking him though.

He was in a different place, not a happy place just an empty place. A place where this wasn't happening. He could almost convince himself now at least for a few seconds at a time. It was strange what people could get used to, and he guessed he was used to this pain now. The horrid sweaty flesh hitting his the grunting. The trainer behind him, the fat one who seemed like he never showered had to stop to pan t for breath. As he did so he shuffled changing position. And something happened, Blaine felt something like a little shock roll through him. Then when the fat trainer started his thrusting again he felt it again. He squeezed his eyes tighter shut and tried to ignore the tiny little tingle he was feeling with the pain. But his traitorous body was reacting to it.

"No!" He said quietly.

The trainer behind him gave a short laugh.

"Didn't know you could speak. But I guess by the time they pass you flesh bags onto me you've learn not to."

Blaine started a silent chanting in his head.

Please no, please no. I don't want this, I only want the pain, please no.

"Hey, you're getting hard."

He felt a hand tugging at him.

"Guess you like me hey? Well, i'll make sure to give you a good seeing too then."

His voice was enough to make Blaine's unruly member go flaccid again. If he had eaten at all he would have thrown up. He was sickening and dirty, how could he react to this?

"Never again." He muttered.

"Take a seat Mr. Hummel."

Kurt sat down on the hard plastic seat of the tiny doctors office. Kurt' like Blaine's doctor, but he felt a little intimidated by her. He knew she didn't think much of slave owners and even though he was sure she knew the situation with him and Blaine was different it was obvious she still didn't trust him much.

"Thank you for seeing me."

"I'm always glad to see an owner who actually cares about his slave. It dousn't happen often."

"Blaine's not my slave, well, I mean I guess technically but he has as much freedom as possible and he's not forced into anything." Kurt took a deep breath.

"He's my boyfriend and I know how that sounds but I swear I didn't persuade him into it, I was trying to so had not to fall for him but he wrote me a love song and..." Kurt petered off under the intense stare of Blaine's doctor.

"You might not believe it but I swear it's the truth."

"If I hear it from Blaine, then maybe I'll believe it."

"He should be visiting you soon."

"Okay, so why are you here?"

"Blaine is unhappy because he's having some trouble... some trouble umm.. getting an erection."

Kurt felt his cheeks heat up.

"And how long have you been sexually active?"

"We're not.. I mean, we only kiss. I haven't actually thought about. Well I think but I mean for much much later. I'm not ready. But it's bothering him. And it's making him unhappy and I don't want him to be unhappy."

Doctor was sat looking at Kurt with his legs cross and an unmoving stare. Kurt could tell she wasn't very impressed with him, she probably thought that she was forcing Blaine into something or making up their relationship.

"You want me to prescribe Viagra?"

"No. No. Not that. I think it's a psychological problem and needs psychological treatment. I know with him being a slave it's difficult. If you can think of anybody who would not mind that he's a slave and would be discreet I would appreciate it. I'm sure we'd find a way to pay."

She seemed to relax a little at Kurt's words.

"You want Blaine to get a therapist."

"Yes."

"Well, I can't argue with that. Leave it with me."

"Um.. Blaine doesn't know I'm here. He doesn't know that I know about this... thing. I over heard a conversation. When he comes to you if you could.. I don't know.. help without letting him know I was here."

She frowned at him.

"Patient doctor confidentiality. Even if you're not my patient."

"Do you think there's anything I can do to help him int the meantime?"

"If you really are as close as you say you are then an open discussion about it. I mean if you're his boyfriend there must have been opportunity for you to notice."

"Um.. I guess I'm a little ignorant on somethings and I never want to invade his space too much."

She gave him another long stare.

"Okay,I'll lend you a book, it's outlawed so you have to be careful with it. Kurt, I would suggest if you really want Blaine to be more comfortable in his own body then you do touch him as much as possible. Let him know that nothing bad's going to happen. Give him as many pleasant experiences with touch as possible. Don't make it sexual. Not even kisses, perhaps try some massages. In his mind being touched means pain and humiliation he needs to rewrite that in his brain. It's an unconscious thing so difficult to change. You'll have to be patient and never push him."

"I wouldn't, he means everything to me."

Kurt poked his salad with his fork moving it around the plate.

"What's up ducky?" Mercedes asked.

Kurt looked up and sighed.

"Blaine's unhappy about something and I just don't know how to help him. I can't say anymore about it."

"Well I think you both need some distraction. Did you ask him about the cinema on Friday?"

"Oh, no I forgot. Don't look at me like that I'll do it now.

The guys want to know if you'll come to the cinema with them on Friday? There's only five of us.

This Friday?

Yeah

Busy work day this Friday.

Kurt sighed again.

"He says no, busy with work.I think he thinks he has to make it up to Dad because... because he gave him the job." Kurt lied quickly.

"What about next Friday?" Mercedes asked getting out her own phone and starting to text.

What about next Friday?

Next Friday sounds great.

"He says next Friday works."

"Tina and Mike have said yes but I haven't got hold of Finn and Rachel."

"I'll ask them when I get home."

"That works."

"Thanks for changing the date just for Blaine. It means a lot to me and I'm sure it'll mean a lot to him."

"Well, he actually works. So we have to make some allowances." Mercedes said with a smile.

"Are you sure you don't want to tell me about your trouble in paradise."

"No. It's not trouble and it's not paradise. It's actually real and that makes it so much better." Kurt said with a smile.

"Umhumm."

"Hey don't hate me because I'm happy. Most of the time."

Okay, so the idea was to make Blaine feel comfortable with Kurt touching him without it being to do with sexual. And Kurt had got a book on massage and stated reading it and planned on buying some nice smelling oils and candles and relaxing music to create an atmosphere. So why was it that he was now pushed up against his boyfriend moaning hungrily into his ear as he sucked on his neck and hand splayed out across his back? Oh god, they needed to stop, they needed to slow down. This wasn't how thing's were meant to happen and these pants were way to tight. Good why did Blaine seem so.. hungry. He had literally been attacking him for over half and hour. His lips were everywhere, pulling down at the edges of his short sleeved t-shirt, over his biceps, there wasn't a single inch of skin on show that Blaine hadn't devoured. They had never been like this, never.

Kurt pulled away panting heavily lying flat on the bed. He was surprised when Blaine turned and pressed him into the bed. He'd ever done this before. Kurt respected Blaine's space as much as possible because he knew it would panic him but Kurt also knew that Blaine avoided this because he assumed everything that he found difficult would also be horrid for Kurt, that was just the associations he had in his mind. But now his boyfriend was pressing into him warm and heavy and that strange mixture between comfort and 'oh so hot' and hands were sliding down his chest touching leaving trail marks and then Kurt's breath hitched in a sudden moment of discomfort as Blaine's hand passed that assumed no go line and stroked lightly over the front of his grey cotton pants causing a light friction that felt good and bad all at once.

Kurt caught Blaine's hand. he took two deep breaths because he knew he had to say this in the right way if he didn't want to upset Blaine when he was still tense over the fight and the reasons behind for it. When he was ready he opened his eyes and looked up at Blaine. Usually when they made out their was something soft to Blaine, his eyes were usually wide and glittering, he was easy to smile and to laugh but now their was something... well off. His eyes were harder and darker than usual his jaw set and when he talked it was just slightly pleading.

"Kurt, it's okay. I can do this for you. I don't mind. I want you to feel good."

Kurt shook his head and sat up forcing Blaine to do the same. He cupped his neck and spoke as directly and unemotionally as he could.

"I know. But I'm not ready, it feels good but it's just not the right time." He stoked his hand down Blaine's cheek. "Could you just wait a bit longer for me?"

Blaine was frowning but he still nodded.

"Of curse."

"Cuddle?"

"Please."

Kurt laid back down and let Blaine rest his head against his chest. He felt so distant from him even though he was right there, he could reach out and stroke those fabulous curls if he wanted. He laid wondering what was up with him and what had caused this sudden 'need' in Blaine. Was he trying to make up for the 'problem' was he trying to prove himself, trying to be a 'man' for Kurt? They were going to have to have a serious conversation and soon but this was obviously not the right time. Maybe he should hurry up with his plans.

When Blaine walked in Kurt was till lighting the candles. He'd gone for lavender, year it smelt like his grandma but this was meant to be relaxing and now sexual and there was no doubt that for him the scent was both of those things hopefully for Blaine too. Blaine took in his room, laid with fresh new yellow satin sheet (yellow, a totally none sexual color) and with candles lit and the wind flute music already playing on the C.D. player. His lips quirked upwards and he narrowed his eyes.

"Kurt, what is this?"

"A surprise, well a gift of sorts."

Kurt walked over and kissed his boyfriend lightly on the lips.

"You're all sweaty from the garage, why don't you go shower."

"Okay.." Blaine said drawing out the word. "Just let me grab something to change into."

"Shorts, or your swim trunks will do." Kurt said watching nervously as his boyfriend froze on the way to the chest of draws.

"Kurt, what.."

"Do you trust me?"

He nodded.

"Yes. I do."

"Then could you just trust me on this one."

Blaine gave a short nod as he pulled out his swim trunks from the draw he spoke in a somewhat croaky voice, hiding his face from Kurt.

"Is this about a couple of nights ago? Because I think you're right. I think we should wait."

"No." Kurt walked over and wrapped his arms around his back wanting him to feel secure.

"Neither of us are going to do anything like that without talking about it first, okay?"

"Okay. Then, uh what is this all about?"

"You've just seemed so stressed lately I wanted to help. I wanted to give you a massage. I know you're not really too comfortable with being touched in certain ways but I thought if you were safe and you knew nothings going to happen then you might be able to relax. I'd stop any moment you asked me to but please please can we try?"

Blaine was still under his arms. Kurt waited wondering if he would let him.

Eventually he answered.

"Okay, but Kurt. I'm sorry if this doesn't go how you want it to."

"If it doesn't then it's me who should be apologizing."

Blaine relaxed a little leaning back into his arms and Kurt nuzzled his neck a little before forcing himself to pull away. This wasn't going to be sexual.

"Go shower, I'm almost finished up here."

When Blaine came back in with a cloud of clean masculine sea fresh scent Kurt had laid out a fresh towel to clean his hands or mop up and spills and the massage oil and lighted all the candles and burnt some oil to add to effect. And it really did act to the effect he was already feeling woozy and when he turned to see Blaine's tan skin glow warm under the candle light he could have swooned then and there- Really, stunningly beautiful, there were not words.

"SOUHLIEDOWN."

"What?"

Kurt took a deep breath.

"Lie down please, on your stomach."

He turned away but he still noticed the deep breath the Blaine took in. Asking him to lie flat down whilst Kurt hoovered over him was going to aggravate some major triggers for him. Just trust him to tell you if he's not ready Kurt said silently to himself.

"Okay." Kurt busied himself rubbing the massage oil between his hands to warm it up like the book told him to then he climbed onto the bed where Blaine was lying with his head resting on his folded arms. Kurt could tell how tense he was just from looking at him, he almost backed out but reminded himself that this tension was the reason for doing this, they had to move past this and this was the only way.

He started by placing his hands on Blaine's shoulder as the book had said and firmly (but not too firmly) needed at the muscles with his thumbs moving towards the neck whew he took on a circular movement. Kurt carried on for a few minutes the feeling of the movement was mesmerizing.

"Is this okay?"

"Yeah."

Kurt carried on moving lower dancing over the broad shoulders. The muscles underneath him were becoming softer as Blaine became less Blaine relaxed Kurt stopped concentrating so hard on what he was doing and and just started to enjoy touching his boyfriend and making him feel good.

The supple flesh under his finger tips so much warm skin. The plains and valleys the dip of his spin and the way the broadness of his shoulder narrowed as they went down towards his backside. God, he was a landscape of his own, so so beautiful. He'd never had chance to look this much at a man before. Never got to stop and appreciate the sheer perfection of muscles and skin even the light patches of the scars which he thought would make him wince knowing how Blaine had got them. But they seemed to add to the perfection, glowing lightly in the candle light against the darkness of the rest of Blaine's skin.

Kurt reminded himself that he was meant to be rubbing Blaine's leg muscles before moving back up to the lower back. Kurt slide down the bed and worked on the lower thighs and calf muscles. They weren't the nicest part of a body but they were strong muscles. He spent some time on them and then moved up to his lower back. Kurt loved the way his back dipped downwards and then back up slightly as it went towards his rounded...

He let out a breathy sigh.

"Blaine."

He closed his eyes for a second and chastised himself. He had just let on how turned on he was with one word.

"Mmmm."Blaine replied.

"Are you okay?"

"S'good, you?."

"Mumhum, you're .."

Blaine didn't like to be called beautiful, apparently it had more of those bad associations but there just wasn't another word for it.

'Beautiful." Kurt said with awe.

But Blaine didn't even tense in the slightest. Perhaps they could get rid of that association at least.

He could stay touching Blaine like that forever but it wasn't going to work, he was so painfully hard and he couldn't let on. He had to let Blaine stay relaxed without making it at all sexual. Even if at the moment his head was full of rare thoughts that he shouldn't be thinking.

"Close your eyes."

"They are closed."

Kurt got the remote and turned off the music. He knew he shouldn't kiss Blaine but he just couldn't help it , he bent down and placed a kiss on the top of his shoulder.

"Just sleep."

"Mmm."

Kurt got up and blew out the candles hoping Blaine wouldn't look up and see the state he was in then he quietly left him laid out on the bed.

"Goodnight." He whispered.

Kurt gave a sigh of relief as he undid the zip of his trousers and freed moaned the instant he touched himself. It didn't take long. Not with images of Blaine's perfect toned body flickering through his mind. It used to feel wrong to do this, but he was in love with Blaine he wasn't just using the thoughts for him for sexual pleasure.

His hips stuttered a couple of times and released in a long stream over his hand. He sat on the cold tiled floor for a moment as his body shook with aftershocks. Damn, that had been intense.

Kurt hummed as he whisked his pancake mix. He'd woken up feeling unusually happy and the day promised to be a good one. Kurt loved Thursday's just because he could see Blaine a little earlier than usual when he came to the school. As it thinking of him summoned him Blaine came strolling into the kitchen.

He came over and stood behind Kurt and kissed his cheek. The he took Kurt's shoulder and gently turned him around to give him a long lingering kiss on the lips.

"Last night was wonderful, thank you."

"I liked it too, we'll do it again sometime. Finn close your mouth."

Instead Finn grabbed his plate and headed out the kitchen. Honestly, the minds of teenage boys Kurt thought before reminding himself that at times he was not much better.

"So, is it the gym or the piano today?"

"Um..About that." Blaine said stepping back. "I forgot to tell you but I have a doctors appointment, just a check up but I completely forgot about it. I won't be going to McKinley today."

"Oh." Kurt said trying to sound disappointed when in his mind he was relieved.

Finally.

I'm trying Kurt.

The doctor has found somebody I can talk to. She said she would talk to Burt about paying for it but perhaps he can take the majority of it from my wage. It's going to be so hard to say the things that I've only written here but everybody says that it will help. And I want to be good for you Kurt, I want to give you everything a normal boyfriend would. I want to be with you. I love you Kurt. So so much. I know you say it doesn't matter but one day, one day I hope that you can touch me without me flinching away. I'm trying so hard to just be normal.