Sorry for the wait on this one guys. Chapter 19 should be up within the next week. Hope you enjoy it.

"Hey."

Kurt looked over his shoulder.

"Hi Dad."

His Dad took that as an invitation to go and sit on his bed.

"Okay, I've already had the birds and the bees talk and I don't think you're getting a divorce so.. why the glum face Dad?" Kurt said smiling at him.

"Kurt, you're an adult now. So you have to make adult decisions. Now, I know at times that sucks but I also completely trust you to make the right decisions concerning your life."

Kurt stood up and went to sit next to his father.

"So what's it about Dad?"

"College."

"Oh." Kurt looked down at his hands.

"I've been watching those letters coming through, the ones with the markings from the colleges and I've been waiting for you to come and talk to me and tell me what was going on."

"Oh." Kurt kept his eyes fixed on the back of his hands. "I got into Nyada."

"That's brilliant, I mean, that what you wanted." Burt's face lit up.

"It is what I wanted. I'm just not sure I want it any more."

"Well, what do you want then?"

Kurt fidgeted. He didn't know what he wanted. Not really. He still wanted to go to New York, he still wanted to go to Nyada, but the idea of leaving Blaine was not something he even wanted to consider. It had taken so long for Blaine to trust him, and the fact that he had given him his trust after he had been through so much made it precious. He knew he couldn't stop the course of his life and dedicate it only to Blaine, they both needed a life separate from each other. But not so separate that Kurt was in New York and Blaine was in Ohio. He couldn't cope with that.

"They're going to want an answer soon Kurt, and it's not all that far away. You graduate in two months. I'd like to know if I'm sending a rent check to Nyada's halls of residence."

"I know. The thing is Dad, when I think about what I want from life, when I think about where my priorities lie, I have to say that Blaine comes in at the top. I want to be on the stage but not if he's not in the first row."

Burt took a deep breath.

"Yeah, I thought it was going to be something like that."

"Do you think I'm being stupid? I mean, giving up my dream for Blaine."

"I don't think you're giving up a dream Kurt. I think you're just following a new one. And as for stupid, I would never have given up a single moment with you mum, not one. We only get a few days on this world and we should hold onto the things that are most important to us. But Kurt, does this really have to be as black and white as your making it? Have you talked to Blaine? Perhaps the two of you can come up with something, some middle ground."

"No. I'm just afraid that he'll think I'm trying to leave him. And that he'll let me. He has a habit of not seeing how much people value him."

"I know. But if you don't discuss it then it's going to be a surprise for him. I mean, how would he feel if he finds out that you've decided to give up going to New York to stay with him. Or the other way round, he finds out that you've decided you're going to college in a few months and you haven't even let him know that you'd got accepted."

"You make it sound like I don't trust him."

"I think you don't."

Kurt stared at his Dad mouth open in shock, he didn't get a chance to argue though.

"You underestimate him. If you always protect him from anything that you think may be difficult then he'll never get to prove to you that he can handle it. If you can trust that he can handle those difficult conversations then he'll probably handle them. You need to trust him enough to give him the chance though."

"You're right." Kurt sighed. " I guess I need to trust him more. I just want him to make the best decision for both of us and not just for me."

"Tell him that's what you want and then make the decision together. And you never know, Blaine might come up with a suggestion that you had never thought of."

"It would be so much easier if he wasn't a slave."

Burt was silent for a long moment. As if in thought.

"Well wait a minute there Kurt, what makes him a slave?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, what is the real difference?"

"There aren't any. He's just like everybody else."

"No. He's not. I mean, he doesn't have any identification paperwork, only a bill of ownership. And he has those tattoo's. If he had an identity card and birth certificate, if he didn't have the tattoos then who would know that he's a slave?"

"What are you saying?"

"I don't know yet."

"Do you think there's a way to make Blaine free? To make him look like he's free? So he can go back to school?"

"I don't know, I was just thinking aloud. You talk to Blaine, find out what you want, and I'll support the both of you all the way."

"Thanks Dad."

Burt clasped Kurt on the shoulder as he stood up to leave.

"Oh and Kurt." He said as he paused in the doorway. "You guys need to be a little bit more discrete."

"Discrete?" Kurt said confused.

Burt didn't turn around.

"I know you and Blaine are adults. I know you love each other and that you're going to be good to each other but these walls are a bit thin."

Kurt wished he could of hid under his bed at that moment.

"It's not what you think."

"None of my business."

"Seriously Dad, just because... there's now a possibility doesn't mean we're going to automatically jump each other."

Burt turned around, he looked about as uncomfortable as Kurt was feeling.

"It was just touching." Kurt finished lamely wishing he could just disappear.

Burt stared at him for a moment.

"Kurt, I'm a little worried, but I trust you."

"Do you trust Blaine?"

"Well, up to yesterday I did." Burt admitted. "Now I have to say I'm not so sure. He's been through a lot Kurt, and I see he loves you but all that stuff, it's just under the surface."

"He's not going to hurt me Dad."

"I know he'd never mean to. But all that trauma's just under the surface."

"Dad, he's going to therapy. And we'll take it slow. He's not ready for.. THAT and I'm not either. No where near."

Burt nodded.

"Just know, that however awkward it is, you can talk to me about anything."

"I know."

Burt nodded and then walked out with a quick 'I love you kid' thrown over his shoulder.

"Hi." Kurt said standing by the kitchen door and looking in at Blaine who was stood over the cooker. Blaine turned around looking a little startled.

"Oh hi. Do you want an omelette? Mushroom and spinach."

"I am a bit hungry." Kurt said. He tried to lean seductively by the door but ended up feeling stupid, he couldn't do sexy.

"You can have this one, I'll make another."

"I'm hungry." Kurt said strutting over and putting his hands on Blaine's waist. "For you."

Blaine put his hands over Kurt's and pulled them away.

"I don't want to burn the eggs." He said as he stepped out of Kurt's embrace.

"Okay." Kurt said going to sit down. Blaine was giving him the cold shoulder and he didn't know why but he had got used to Blaine's bad days. He knew that if Blaine was quiet that didn't mean that Blaine was angry at him, it just meant he needed some space. And perhaps they did need to talk because however great their sexy moment had been it didn't mean that it would be a regular occurrence. Kurt wanted it to be but he was happy to move at Blaine's pace.

Blaine put a plate of omelette in front of him then turned and went to the fridge for more eggs.

"Hey, sit down. Have half of this one and then I'll make the next."

Blaine hesitated.

"Come on." Kurt said standing up and putting his hands on Blaine's shoulders leading him to the chair before grabbing another plate. "I can tell you're stressed out and you don't have to talk if you don't want to. You just have to eat."

Blaine nodded and sighed and let himself be guided into the chair.

"Actually, I do have to talk to you. I just thought I could avoid it for a bit longer." Blaine said slowly as he took a bite of his omelette and avoided looking at Kurt.

Kurt felt a chill go down his spine, for a scary moment he thought Blaine was going to break up with him. But he just gulped it down and smiled.

"What do you need to talk to me about?"

"Your Dad talked to me yesterday, he um.. wanted to check that I knew about safety and stuff."

"Oh god, you too, that's embarrassing. I'm sorry, he's just protective."

"I know."

"I'm sure he wasn't trying to threaten you off, he likes you. Did he take you to the bookshop?"

"Bookshop? No. And I know he likes me, but he's not sure if he trusts me. Which is okay, I wouldn't trust me. I'm not sure if I do trust me but I know I'd do anything to keep from hurting you and I'm hoping that's enough."

"You're not going to hurt me Blaine." Kurt said reaching across and taking his hand.

"It's okay Kurt, that's not what I wanted to talk to you about. I went to my therapist, after what happened."

"Do you regret it?" Kurt asked before he could stop himself.

"No. No." Blaine replied squeezing his hand. "I'm not sure if I'm ready to do it again though. I was kind of reacting.. I um.. I'd been having a problem..." Blaine floundered.

"It's okay, I know what you're saying. I'm not sure I'm ready for it to be a regular occurrence yet either, maybe I did before my Dad decided to embarrass and possibly traumatise me for life but.. it's okay. So you talked with your therapist?"

"Yeah. I told her I wanted to break down more walls with you, especially about ..about." Blaine took a deep breath. "About the physical stuff. I don't mean I want to do more stuff with you, I just want to be able to talk about it, because it's happened, we were intimate, we should be able to talk about how we feel about that."

"Okay, you know I feel great about it right? I don't want it to be a regular thing yet, but I loved being with you. I loved touching you, it was so special to me."

"It was special to me too Kurt." Blaine's hand moved up to cup Kurt's cheek. "It felt right. Um, my therapist said I should make five confessions to you, about thought and feelings I have around sex but I thought that would be to hard so she said that as a sign of trust and openness I should ask you to make the confessions first. I mean that's if you're willing to do that. Don't feel you have to."

"Confessions about what I think of sex?"

"Yes."

"Five of them?"

"Like I said you don't have to."

" I'll do it Blaine. I'll do anything if you think it'll help. It's just I'm not sure exactly what you want me to say."

"You can say anything you like, just five statements."

"I want to. If you think it'll help then of course I'll do it."

"Okay, no questions or judgements, no comments of any sort afterwards okay. We just acknowledge them, okay."

"Okay. Just let me think. And eat this omelette because it's stone cold."

"Okay."

Kurt sat there eating his omelette trying to think about what he could say. What did he think of sex? He'd only just started to think of it in the last few months, a year at most. He was a late bloomer and he found it awkward, really. It wasn't like he was a straight boy, he couldn't go online and watch porn, there wasn't any for gay men it wasn't that accepted. Being gay was something people kept behind closed doors. But as he thought he came up with one, then three more came easily after that and he only had to think hard for the last one, he was still thinking when Blaine put his knife and fork down with a klink Kurt looked up and met those honey chocolate eyes.

"I don't know how to be sexy."

He paused for a moment waiting for a reply but then realized that the rule was there would be no comments. He wanted Blaine to tell him that actually yes he found him sexy but maybe the point was to just accept that he had insecurities. Blaine had insecurities after all and he was facing them, perhaps it was time for Kurt to do the same.

"I have pamphlets and lube and some vibrating thing in my draw that I got given by a man in a bookshop, who does like gay sex ed sessions, just after we got together."

"That time I gave you the massage I was trying to make it as none sexual as possible but I made myself come afterwards." He spoke quickly and looked up at Blaine to see if he looked shocked but his facial expression had not changed at all.

"Umm four, four, I'm scared it'll hurt, I've never touched myself down there." Kurt took a deep breath. "Okay got to be adult about this. I mean I've never fingered myself, I have thought about it but I end up backing out. Oh, can that be the fifth?"

Blaine nodded.

" Yeah, that's five. I heard them, I accept everything about you. I respect you. "

Blaine took a deep breath, he closed his eyes.

"I'm also scared that it'll hurt, I remember the pain. But more the powerlessness. I know I'm not powerless with you but I'm still scared."

He's voice was strange as he spoke. Kurt wondered if it was rehearsed.

I" beat up Tony because he said I wasn't a man and I thought my impotence meant that was true."

"My dick is mended, I was afraid it was going to be a one off. But I.. I checked. Last night I thought of you and what we did together and yeah, it's definitely mended."

Kurt held back a laugh, the innocent relieved smile on Blaine's face was almost funny and very cute but it faded fast and his face darkened in a way that Kurt had only seen a few times.

"The man who terrifies me, my worst rapist, his name was Garrison."

Kurt kept hold of his hand as he kept his eyes shut.

"Thank you. I really like that we can do this. And I accept you and respect you."

Blaine took a while to open his eyes. When he did he looked up at Kurt with a sad expression that just made Kurt want to cuddle him but he knew that he couldn't. Blaine had just done something extraordinarily difficult, he was being strong and Kurt was going to let him be strong. He wasn't going to be protective, he was going to trust Blaine to be strong.

"I'll make that other omelette."

"Okay." Kurt said as Blaine went to mix up the omelette. He had wanted to talk to Blaine about college but he couldn't bring himself to after such emotion confessions.

Blaine was practically bouncing around the kitchen. Kurt was sat watching him as he sliced up a grapefruit and put it in front of Burt. He looked like an excited puppy, simply adorable and dorky.

"Thanks kid."

"What would you like Carol? I was thinking of making eggs."

"Eggs sounds good." She answered with a wide smile. "When does Cooper arrive?"

"His plane gets in at midday. Kurt and I were going to go after breakfast and then take him to lunch somewhere."

"I don't really know anywhere in the city to eat, do you Burt?"

"Tell him I did manage to beat his guitar hero score." Finn said with a mouth full of cereal.

Burt was about to say something but was interrupted when he heard a slight knock at the door. He looked up at the clock above the oven.

"Postman?"

Carol nodded.

Burt got up to answer the door.

"Kurt, Cooper was saying he doesn't think he'll leave till Tuesday and he was really interested in glee club so I was wondering if Mr. Shue would let him come in and listen to him."

"Dad has his phone number so we can ring him later today. I don't think he'll mind us calling him on a weekend, just so long as we don't make it a habit."

"Okay."

Burt came back in.

"Finn, you ordered something." He said passing him a grey post bag.

"Oh, that's the jumper I got for Rachel."

"Kurt." Burt said handing him over a large brown envelope. Blaine was watching him closely as he took it.

"It's a thick one." Blaine said with forced cheerfulness. Kurt looked at him a little surprised, he had never talked about college to Blaine but of course he had over heard all the conversations about it in those first few months when he hadn't been talking much. Sometimes he had been so quiet Kurt had forgotten that he was there.

"Yeah." He said dumbly just to be able to say something.

"Well, are you going to open it?"

"Later." Kurt said leaving the envelop on the desk as if it didn't matter, though he could feel his heart beating heavily in his chest. Blaine looked down at his plate and started pushing the food around it.

"Have I missed something?" Finn said looking up from his parcel and noting the silence.

"Kurt." Blaine said when they'd pulled onto the motorway their stomachs full of eggs and fruit and pancakes with maple syrup. "I know that you're going to college next year."

Kurt felt every muscle in his body tense.

"Do you? Because I don't even know if I am myself."

"Why not? I can't imagine you not getting accepted to where ever you want to go. You get good marks right?"

"Yeah. I just haven't decided if I want to go next year yet."

"Why not?"

"Well there's lots of things to think about." Kurt said hoping he could avoid the conversation just until Tuesday when Cooper went home. He didn't want Blaine and Coopers weekend together to be ruined.

"Like what?"

"Well, my Dad. I mean, his heart. What if he has another heart attack?"

"He has people here to look after him Kurt. I don't think he would want you putting off going to college because of him."

Kurt remained silent as he pulled off the motorway. There was no avoiding it, he'd just have to get it over with. He just hoped that being open like his Dad suggested would work.

"This isn't the way to the airport." Blaine said confused.

Kurt pulled over onto the edge of the quiet road and took the key out of the ignition.

"I don't want to leave you." He said quietly looking down.

Blaine was silent for a long moment.

"I don't want you to put off living your life the way you want to just because I can't live mine the way I want to."

Kurt looked up at him his eyes blurring with tears.

"When I think about leaving you.." He stopped and looked down the tears working there way free.

"Hey." Blaine said reaching to brush away the tears a beseeching look in his eyes. "You have done so much for me Kurt and I love you so much, but I know I'm going to need to set you free at some time. You need to live a good life."

"What! No! No! I'm not going to let that happen. I'm never saying goodbye to you Blaine. I'm not going to college if you think it means us splitting up."

Blaine looked down at his hands. Kurt reached over to enclose them in his and the next minute they were wrapped in each others arms.

Kurt remembered then his conversation with his Dad.

"What if there was a way for you to come to New York with me, would you?"

"New York?" Blaine asked.

"Yes."

"Kurt, I would follow you anywhere but I just don't see how that can happen."

"I don't either but if we believe that we can find a way then maybe we will."

"Kurt, I think we need to face the reality here."

"If that reality is leaving you then no, I don't want to face it."

Blaine sniffled.

"We'll be late for Cooper's plane."

Kurt nodded and started up the engine again.

"We'll talk about this. I promise. I'm not making any decisions without you."

Blaine nodded.

"Do you believe me?"

"Yes. I believe you. I just don't want to be responsible for ruining your life."

"My life is nothing without you."